Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

A dam had made a mistake, and he knew that.

It had always been easy to talk to his wife, even when they hardly knew one another. She was easy to understand, and easy to explain things to. It was something that made knowing her enjoyable, even if he had tried so hard to have their marriage be legal and nothing more.

She hadn’t asked for much. She had only wanted to feel as though their home was hers as much as his, and he couldn’t begrudge her that. In truth, all she had wanted aside from that was the chance to have brothers and sisters of her own, and he had refused. It was no wonder that she was furious with him.

He wanted to speak to her, but she was avoiding him and he did not want to intrude. It was easier to let her think about everything while he did the same, so that they wouldn’t lose their temper a second time. Until then, he would keep his distance so that she could have a clearer mind. Fortunately, there was a place he was welcome.

“I must say, this is quite the surprise,” Grounton smirked, pouring him a drink, “You know, letters are possible.”

Adam grimaced.

“I have received quite enough of those. I needed to come and speak with you.”

“If it is about the errors you found in my previous calculations, I can explain them.”

“Some other time. It was not even myself that found them. It was my wife.”

“Your wife? Do you mean to say that you married that girl?”

“I did, indeed, as I told you I planned to do. I have done the right thing. Now I have a wife, an English one at that, and we shall ensure my standing improves.”

“And she is equipped to look through your financial matters?”

“It appears so. She certainly was capable of finding errors that you did not notice.”

“Yes, well… Did you wish to discuss that or not?”

“No, but if it will make you not question my wife any further then you may do so.”

“Of course, My Lord. Well, those twenty pounds per month, for example, were sent by your father years ago.”

“I do not recall receiving them.”

“Perhaps your mother kept hold of them, or sent them elsewhere.”

“She would not have done that, not with how much we would have needed the money.”

“Then it is also possible that the address was incorrect and so you never received it, or it was always intercepted. Regardless, it is good that it has been stopped now.”

“Grounton, I do not care about any of this. What I want is to take some time away from all of the difficulty.”

“Ah, so your marriage isn’t as simple as you thought?”

“It was, but any marriage faces difficulty. Your own, for example.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Come, now. We all know that you have a son that your wife pretends to know nothing about. It is noble of you to care for him, but you cannot pretend to have a better marriage than I do simply because you had a lengthy courtship.”

“You are one to speak of illegitimacy,” Grounton scoffed.

“I am, for I am completely legitimate. My parents were married, if you recall correctly.”

“My apologies. I do not mean to speak unkindly, but it has been a difficult time. It always is as it grows colder.”

“I understand, but you must remember that you are not a perfect man.”

“How is your wife?” He asked suddenly, “She seems intelligent.”

“She is, just like my sister. If I had the power of my brother-in-law, I would send her to university the way my sister was, but it isn’t possible for me. It is a shame, because when it comes to numbers she is quite formidable.”

“Yes, quite. And how is she as a person?”

“Kind. She is very kind, and practical, just as I like to think I am. It is no wonder that she saw my advertisement and decided to come to see me. It was a business deal, and a good one at that.”

“Then why are you here? If it is not for marital woes, nor to discuss your finances, then why did you require an audience?”

“It isn’t marital woes, as such. It is my sisters. I have come to realize that I have pushed them aside for too long, and now I need to fix it all. I do not know how.”

“Have you considered writing to them?”

“What would I say? How on Earth do I start a conversation with them after so many years? An apology would mean nothing when written in ink rather than spoken aloud, but unless they stumble into my home that would be impossible.”

“You will find a way, I am sure of it. The three of you were good for one another. I know that it wasn’t what you expected when you came to England, but you cannot pretend that you aren’t pleased to have met them.”

Adam sat back. It was true; he hadn’t expected to have the sisters that he did, but he was pleased that they were the way they were, and no matter what had happened since then, he loved them both very much. They made living in England bearable, until it no longer was of course.

“What do you suggest that I do, then?” He asked.

“Well, it is as you say, my marriage is imperfect, but the best thing to do is clear to me. Go to your wife, and tell her that you want to find a way through. If she is good, and you tell me that she is, then she will know what to do. No matter what she says, listen to her.”

Adam nodded, leaving soon after that.

His comment about Grounton’s son and wife had not been something he was proud of, but it was the truth. His wife had to know of the child’s existence, but it was not as though she had any option but to remain married to him. In some way, Adam disliked Grounton for that; his parents were married, as he said, but on a fundamental level he was that son.

It didn’t matter that his mother had sent him away. It was to see his daughters, and it left Adam without a father. It was that same selfishness in Grounton that led to another boy being without a father, and it infuriated him. He would be different as a father, if he were ever blessed with a child. He would be pleased whether the child was a son or daughter, and would adore them completely.

If his wife ever dared speak to him again, that was. He returned home, entering the hallway in the darkness as they had not been expecting him.

“Eliza,” he said loudly, noticing Beth’s maid, “Where is she?”

“She is asleep, My Lord. I can wake her if necessary.”

“No, there is no need for that. I shall speak with her in the morning.”

“Very well, My Lord. Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes, I simply needed to see my solicitor.”

Eliza accepted that, leaving him standing in the hallway. It was apparent that everyone else had gone to bed, save for the butler. He was grateful for that; had he been sleeping, he would have been outside for the night, and it had been years since he had to do that.

He struggled to sleep that night, unsure of what to say to his wife. When he had disappeared previously, she had been angry with him, and he had promised her that he would not do it a second time only to do just that. Then again, she had been avoiding him so well that it was entirely possible that she did not notice his absence at all. He hoped that was the case.

Except that that thought of not crossing her mind for days paralyzed him. It had come so suddenly that he hadn’t noticed it coming at all, but he was falling for her, and no amount of avoiding her was able to negate that. She was this beautiful and wonderful thing to find him, and in return for what she had done for him, he had denied her the one wish that she had expressed. She wanted a family, and he had made it impossible.

He would fix it. He would find her the following morning and promise to be different, and this time he would mean it. Things would change, beginning with finding his sisters again, though he still did not know quite how he would accomplish that.

The following morning, however, she came to him first.

“Welcome home,” she said tentatively, “Did you enjoy your trip?”

“Beth, I apologize for disappearing again. I know that I promised not to, and–”

“I have not come seeking an apology. I have come to offer one, if anything.”

“Then allow me to give you mine first.”

She looked at him for a moment before nodding. He did not know what she was thinking, because he couldn’t tell what look was in her eyes. He had always understood her well, but the only thing that he could see in her was fear, and if that was true he did not know if he would be able to forgive himself.

“Beth,” he began, clearing his throat, “I have made you promises and then not kept them. I thought that doing so would protect you, and that I could keep them if I tried, but evidently I have not tried enough.”

“You have kept them well,” she assured him, but he gently held up his hand to tell her to allow him to continue.

“One of those promises was that I would keep you at arm’s length, thinking that it would keep everything from becoming complicated, but I was not successful in that. I have come to enjoy being around you, and that frightens me. I do not want to be someone that you know well enough to dislike. I do not want to be vulnerable, and perhaps that is why I thought this arrangement would be for the best.”

“Are you… Are you saying that you would like this marriage to be annulled?”

“Why would I want that?”

“Because you are afraid, or because I have made a terrible mistake and it will make you hate me.”

“Unless that mistake is having a child that I am unaware of, I am sure I can move past it.”

Adam had meant that because of what had transpired for his solicitor, of course, but the look of hurt in her eyes scalded him. To him, it had been a joke and nothing more, but she couldn’t have understood it, and it was far more likely that she had considered it an accusation.

“Beth, what is it? You look as though you think I will become violent.”

“Not violent,” she sighed, “For that is not the sort of man you are. I know that much. Even so, you will be furious. I have also broken a promise to you. In my vows, I promised to obey you, and twice now I have not.”

“I love the household, don’t think back to that-”

“I sent a letter to your sisters.”

He froze, looking at her carefully. That was precisely what he had wanted her to do eventually, or at least what he wanted her to tell him to do, but she was not to know that as yet. He felt the corners of his lips twitch, and he soon had to let the smile form. It seemed to frighten her even more.

“Please just tell me I have done something wrong,” she huffed, “I do not want all of this, it is hurting me too much.”

“Beth, that is precisely what I wanted to tell you,” he laughed, “I have been talking to a friend, and he has told me to do precisely what you wanted. You were right, it is time for me to make amends with my sisters, and I am so happy that you are willing to force my hand when I am acting like a petulant child.”

He watched as her shoulders relaxed and she took a step towards him.

“Do you mean it?”

“Of course I do. You and I bring out the good in one another, and even if I do not always notice it in the moment, I know it is the case. This is the right thing to do, and in spite of how nervous the prospect of this makes me feel, I am excited to see what happens. Did they send their response?”

“They did. They shall be here on the 20th of October.”

“Splendid. That gives us plenty of time.”

“Time for what? Surely it will not take that long to have the household ready.”

“Oh, no, of course not, but I have ten years of apologizing to prepare for, and that will not come easily. I shall need my incredibly wise wife to guide me through it.”

At last, she smiled.

He had missed her more than he dared admit, and though he was afraid of that he had to admit that it was a good feeling now that he was with her once more.

“I suppose it would be best to allow them time to tell you how it made them feel,” she explained, “As they may not wish to talk about that first. They may simply wish to spend time with their brother before you all sit down and talk about it.”

“That sounds wonderful. Have you considered what we might serve them?”

“I was hoping that you might remember their favorites. If all else fails, Mrs Henshaw should be of assistance in that respect.”

“I cannot say that I know anything for certain. God, I have been a useless brother.”

“That isn’t true! You have done so much for them, even living somewhere you hate and marrying a stranger for their sake. You are a good brother, and they will see that soon enough, if they do not think so as it stands.”

Adam nodded and thanked her before leaving to speak with his housekeeper, his only hope of serving the perfect meal.

He loved his sisters, no matter what his actions might have shown, and whether he was prepared for it or not, it was time to make amends. They had accepted their invitations, and that was a start. They were open to allowing him to make things right, and that was as good a sign as any.

That was what he hoped, at least.