Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

K endrick was alone in his chamber, mulling over the brooch. He could not stop thinking of Sophia. The way she had fallen feebly into his arms… he could still feel the fear it conjured. He could not imagine living if anything were to happen to her. His rage when he saw her with Reed had possessed him even more strongly.

He would not let it come to blows. He didn't have to argue with her. He just had to avoid seeing her completely. That way, he could guarantee she would be safe from him. From the madness his father may have passed down to him.

Someone knocked gently on the door and entered quietly. When Kendrick saw Catherine's familiar face, he felt exhaustion sweep over him. He did not have the strength to deal with her.

"Milaird, I have something to tell ye."

Kendrick cast only the slightest glance at her then moved his focus to the candle that was burning out. He pondered why it had burned out so quickly when it was lit the same moment as the others. "Can ye tell me later?" he requested. "I am nae in a mood for talking now."

A beat passed without her talking.

"I am with bairn, milaird," she confessed. " Yer bairn."

Kendrick turned his head towards her.

He noticed her eyes were lifeless, red, as if she had been sobbing for hours—for days. He immediately became alarmed. It was impossible for Catherine to be carrying his child.

"My… bairn?"

"Aye, milaird," Catherine said, and she lowered her head as if she was ashamed. However, Kendrick was certain of one thing: that lass was not capable of even the slightest shame or embarrassment.

Of course, they had spent several nights together, but he had never spilled his seed inside her. It made no sense. Unless… unless they had known each other when he had been drinking; unless it had been a mistake.

"Do ye doubt me, milaird?" Catherine interjected. "I've only ever laid with ye—if ye doubt me, then I'll be met with reproach."

"Nae, Catherine." He tried to comfort her while questioning her story. "I dinnae doubt ye, ‘tis just…"

"Tis just what?" Catherine started to cry. "If ye dinnae want the child, milaird, if ye cannae accept us… I'll take poison and end us both!"

"It has nae come to that, Catherine."

"What would ye rather have me do?" Catherine sat on the edge of his bed with her head still dipped. Her sobs grew louder. "I cannae bear such disgrace, milaird! Our bairn and I will have no one!"

"Ye won't be alone, Catherine." He forced her to look at him. "I won't leave ye to carry this burden alone."

Catherine ceased her crying. "Ye'll take care of us?"

"Aye, Catherine," Kendrick said with a nod. "For now, I need time to think of how."

"There is nae time, milaird," Catherine said. "I've nae bled in two months. It will nae take long before I start showing."

"Catherine, ‘tis just a few days until I get married."

"I mean nae offense, milaird," Catherine uttered, "but don't ye understand? My predicament is more serious for both of us, more than yer betrothal."

"Catherine!" Kendrick groaned. "Surely, ye can wait a few days. I will nae call off my wedding if that is what ye aim for."

"I apologize." She gazed at the floor, toying with the hem of her apron.

"And one more thing, Catherine. Look at me as I say, no one must hear of this," Kendrick ordered. "I will decide what to do after I've had enough thinking. ‘Tis a command from yer laird. I will nae leave ye without my help. Dinnae worry about it, but give me time to think before aught else."

"I shall do as ye've commanded, milaird," Catherine said lowly. "I will nae say a word about it." She bowed and walked out.

Kendrick wondered about telling Sophia. He imagined how furious she would be as she hated him enough already. He did not want her to hate him more.

Besides, he had his doubts. He knew how sneaky Catherine could be; her forced tears always gave her away. He had to confirm it himself. For that, he would take her to the midwives and hear it from them before talking to Sophia.

Kendrick was still trying to sort the problem in his head when a manservant knocked on the door.

"Milaird, Sir Gibson and Lady Blair have requested to see ye."

"Tell them to wait in the great hall. I will meet them soon."

Kendrick found the couple shortly in the great hall.

As he walked in, he observed Angus and Blair's hands held together. For the first time, he noticed that Sophia's black hair and dark eyes were the same as her father's. But for every feature Angus had, his wife had the exact opposite… Sophia was the exact opposite. Mayhap, that was why her beauty was rare.

They both bowed to him as he settled in his seat in the almost empty hall. Wild rays of sunshine found their way through the open windows. "Ye asked to see me."

"We're sorry to interrupt yer rest, milaird." Angus bowed again. "We had to ask yer permission first."

"I was barely resting, Angus," Kendrick assured him, working his jaw. "What permission is this that ye need?"

"The wedding arrangements are almost finished. We would like to return to our home this evening." Angus faced his wife with a smile then wrapped his hand around her shoulder.

Kendrick's heart beat frantically. He did not even have the ability to hold himself back as he asked, "Are ye taking Sophia along?"

Angus and his wife grinned. "Nae, she would like to see that the rest o' the preparations are handled well," Angus said. "The rest o' my family will leave without her."

Of course, a laird's bride has to be in his keep in the days before their wedding .

"Ye've my permission to leave," he pronounced. "Thank ye for helping us prepare."

"Ye honor us, milaird," Angus said. "We are simply grateful that ye have chosen to marry our daughter."

"Please… take care of her, milaird," Blair requested. "Our Sophia has never lived outside our home alone."

"I will do my duties as her groom," Kendrick said. "Yer daughter will be cared for."

He told himself he would never let Sophia worry or lack for anything. He would keep her safe by staying away from her… that was how strongly he cared for her.

No one would be able to hurt her—not even him.

"We shall trust yer word, milaird," Angus and his wife chorused before walking out of the hall.

The castle was busier than usual in the following days.

Kendrick had worked hard to avoid Sophia, but he was disappointed when he didn't see her for a day. He grew even more irritated after three days in a row of not enjoying her company. She seemed to be avoiding him, too.

He didn't have much time to spare because of the problems with Laird Munro and his threat against the Mackenzie clan. Nonetheless, he would pace the castle whenever he caught a glimpse of her face.

He did not have to show his feelings; looking at her was gift enough.

Surely, a woman cannae be so busy preparing a wedding.

However, Kendrick was pacing the fields one faithful afternoon when he, by chance, heard three maidservants talking about their mistress' need for help in the courtyard.

He walked into the courtyard, nearly running.

Just a glimpse of her will do.

"Milaird!" Sophia called as she hurried over to him, holding her skirts. Her hair was high in a chignon, a few strands wrapping around her face.

She spoke with childlike glee, dazzling them all with that breathtakingly beautiful face, and Kendrick thought she must have been delighted to see him —that her smile was a reflection of his own emotions. He felt his face slowly settle into a grin.

The small lass was indeed contagiously charming.

His happiness was snuffed out instantly. He could not let himself fall for her. He was not supposed to be smiling back at her, waiting eagerly for her to reach out to him. How could he protect her if he could not resist her? He had been a fool to try speaking with her.

"Milaird…" Sophia was still smiling, teasingly. "Yer sweating."

Kendrick's heart froze over in his chest. He turned away at once and walked to the other side of the keep, waving off her words like he hadn't heard what she had said. He did not stop walking until he reached the entrance to the castle.

"Milaird!"

"Reed…? Did I pass ye just now?"

"Nae, I followed ye from the courtyard."

Kendrick saw that Reed was giving him a hard, cool stare when he managed to look in his friend's direction. "Is there a problem? Are ye alright?"

"I supposed there is, milaird." Reed furrowed his brow. It was not difficult for Kendrick to read the emotions on his friend's face, and it was more than obvious to him that he was either upset or that he had something serious to say.

"What is it?" Kendrick asked. "Ye dinnae look so well."

"Aye, I dinnae," Reed interjected, and he bowed his head as if he didn't want to look Kendrick in the eyes. "Why did ye wave Sophia off so harshly?"

Kendrick did not have to acknowledge Reed's question; he believed his relationship with Sophia did not have to concern his friend in any way. Worse, he did not appreciate the glare his friend was giving him. "Why does that concern ye?"

"God in Heaven—just say it, Kendrick! Ye love her! Accept yer feelings and treat her well."

Kendrick felt guilt crawling its way into his already confused mind, and his palms were sweating even more. If he had not cared about his friend so much, he may have considered punishing him for provoking such weakness in him. "What is it to ye how I treat her? Surely, she did nae complain to ye… did she?"

"She need nae have to. The night in the valley, while yer men and I were looking for that horse…" Reed walked nearer to Kendrick. "What made Sophia faint?"

"Am I to answer that? Yer asking as if I should ken!"

"Aye, milaird, I am. I ken Sophia is nae a weak lass—if she fainted so easily ye must've done or said something to her."

"I will nae honor ye with a reply, Reed. Yer crossing the line of yer post."

"I am yer friend. I'm worried about ye! And I cannae watch ye hurt yerself and Sophia, too."

"Worry about yerself. Leave Sophia alone… we'll handle our marriage however we see fit."

"Do ye nae want Sophia? Should I take her away from here?"

"What do ye mean, take her away ?" Kendrick could not make sense of it.

"Ye'll only hurt her because ye're too afraid to love her. Why should Sophia suffer for sins she did nae commit? I will take her away from yer castle and treat her with as much love and care as she deserves if ye cannae bring yerself to do so."

"I will do my duties to her—she will nae lack a thing."

"What about loving her? Will ye let yerself love her?" Reed asked. "Ye ignored her in front of yer servants. Do ye nae care how embarrassed she must feel?"

"Aye, I did ignore her," Kendrick admitted. "Though I dinnae see how it concerns ye, as I said."

"Sophia is my friend. I care for her, and I will nae let ye treat her however ye want."

"She will be my wife soon," Kendrick retorted. "I would appreciate ye mind yer own business."

"If she will be yer wife, then ye must learn to treat her properly—this is yer last chance to do so."

"Is that a threat?"

"Nae, but I won't sit back and watch ye hurt her any longer."

"What would ye do?" Kendrick's pulse was starting to get faster. He had to calm himself. He walked away from Reed and said over his shoulder, "Stay away from Sophia and never speak of this again."

"I am sorry, milaird, but I will have to disagree with that order. I simply cannae stay away anymore."

Kendrick turned around, and in a flash, he felt his fist plant into Reed's jaw. "What did ye just say, ye fool?!"

Reed smirked, a furious smirk, then he pushed Kendrick away and came back with a blow of his own. "I will take her away from ye! I will love her and marry her in a way ye never can!"

They were both launching a second brutal attack towards each other when a commanding, loud voice shouted, "Reed! Milaird! Stop this madness. Now!"

Kendrick watched the reluctance in Reed to stand down. He held out his own fists in preparation to defend himself from another attack.

"Do ye lads nae hear me?" Logan yelled again. "Get yer fists away from each other's face."

Kendrick and Reed retreated.

"What is this about?" Logan continued. "Are ye wee lads to throw punches at each other? Do ye both have nae sense, or shame?"

Reed wiped his bloodied lips with his palm, and he shot one last fiery look at Kendrick then walked away.

It dawned on him; he had done something disgustingly stupid.

"Tell me lad—what happened?" Logan asked seriously.

Kendrick remained silent.

"I'm listening," Logan pressed further. "What's gotten ye so angry? Ye're even fighting with Reed!"

"My mother…" Kendrick growled. He was uncertain why he was telling Logan; he just wanted the weight off his shoulders. "I saw her… the night she died."

"Aye, lad. We all ken ye saw her the night she died," Logan interjected. "Tis been years, and I ken that's not what troubles ye."

"I saw who killed her,"

Logan withdrew from Kendrick. "We should talk... but nae here."

"Won't ye ask who it was?"

"Ye should rest, milaird. I think yer harried from Munro, for the sudden betrothal and all else. Clear yer head, milaird, and don't give into yer emotions so much."

"Uncle?"

"I will return to my own room now."

Logan walked away without saying anything else, renderingKendrick worried about his hesitation. Perhaps he also knew the truth. He must also have known who killed his mother... But why hadn't he said anything?

"Laird MacNeil."

Kendrick tried to hide his face when he saw Sophia approach. He looked everywhere but in her eyes. He did not want her to see him in such an embarrassing state, and her piercing gaze always uncovered more than it should have.

"What happened with ye and Reed?

"I'd rather nae speak, Sophia."

"Ye will have to," she countered and came one step closer. "Ye've been acting strange for so long and I can no longer bear it."

"Then ye should leave, Sophia."

"What?"

"We will call off the wedding if ye dinnae feel safe here. Return home and find yer real happiness. ‘Tis nae here."

"Milaird, ye cannae…"

"I mean it," Kendrick shouted. "I never wanted this in the first place. I never wanted to marry and be bound to a woman, and I never imagined I would end up with you . I'm nae sure I will be a good husband, Sophia, especially to ye."

"Milaird…" Sophia's voice cracked—a heart-wrenching crack—and Kendrick could hear it. He could see the fear in her glittering eyes. The way her shoulders wilted. He had been too consumed by his rage to stop himself.

"Leave me alone, now. I dinnae want to speak with ye."

Without a word, Sophia walked away from him.

When she was no longer in sight, he collapsed against the wall, and the cold stones gave him much needed relief. His hands were balled into fists, his head was spinning, and the guilt he harbored in his stomach made him sick. His anguish fragmented his breath.

He had ruined it all.

His friendship with Reed was tarnished. He had hurt Sophia too much. He was slowly becoming like his father.

He thought how badly they must all have hated him. Even he despised himself.

Things would never be the same again.

And it was all his fault.