Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

S ophia regretted her words almost as soon as she said them. She wished the ground beneath her feet would open up and bury her in the dirt.

"Is that all?" Kendrick asked, his voice as cold as the wind in the winter.

Sophia gave a silent nod. She was ashamed. A traitorous blush was painting her cheeks and bosom.

"May I remind ye, future wife," Kendrick said, "Tis nae yer responsibility to give me orders."

Before Sophia could bring herself to speak further, Kendrick stormed into his chamber and shut the door with so much strength she was worried it would split in two.

She could feel her blood freeze.

She rushed to the stables, breathing in the cold air as she tried not to cry. She saddled Sunshine like a warrior off to battle. She had never been able to mount a horse without help, which she believed was because of her small stature. Yet she was able to get on the animal now without a problem. She yanked Sunshine's reins and they immediately galloped away from the stable, as fast as the beating of Sophia's heart.

Kendrick despises me. How could he nae? It is probably because his betrothal with Lorena fell apart. He chose her, and like the silly lass I am, I crossed his path. Now, at the end, we are forced to be together after he made it clear I'm nae his first choice. I am to be blamed for everything that has gone wrong. I should have pushed him away.

She cried against the whipping of the wind.

Sophia had smothered her nerves by the time Sunshine came to a halt. They had strayed far from the castle, and Sunshine appeared to be tired. She jumped down to inspect their surroundings. She could see the valleys where she picked herbs from. She considered letting the mare graze for a while before returning to the stables so shegripped thereins and led her to the valley of the mountain.

The air filled her ears with whispers. She felt a sigh of relief as she watched Sunshine enjoy the lush greenery of the mountain. The oak tree she was resting under provided her with adequate comfort, but the thought of Kendrick and his coldness tortured her deeply.

She remembered the healer's words. She knew there was something in them.

Lady MacNeil passed when they were children, but Kendrick had become cold just a few years ago. If his mother's death was the reason for his coldness, why had he changed so long after it? So suddenly?

She knew she had to connect the dots somehow.

All of a sudden, there were hands before her.

Sophia opened her eyes to the feeling of a strong, cold grip finding its way up her legs. The sun had almost set, and its light was low behind the valley's edge. It took a second yawn for her to realize where she was. She had dozed off under the oak tree, and there was a hand on her knee.

The calloused hand of a man.

She flew up alarmed. "Who are ye?!"

He smelled of sour beer, but she could not make out his face in the dusk.

"Relax, lass." He moved his hand to her skirts. "I only want companionship."

He laughed, and she shivered. She tried to remain calm. Kendrick had once taught her to remain still in the face of danger. She would put his lesson to use.

"I'm sorry, sir." She forced a quivering smile. "Ye have to find another companion. I must return to my family, now." That was when it became obvious to her—Sunshine was not around. "Where is my horse?" she yelled, slapping his hands away from her gown.

The man resisted, pulling her close and fixing his lips to her ear. The stench from him made her want to vomit. "I ken where yer horse is, lass." His fingers were now trailing down her arm. "Let me have ye tonight, and I will return yer horse in the morning and ye can go home. What do ye say?"

Sophia's soul drifted from her body. All her bones felt like they were dissolving, leaving only her flesh behind. She wanted to run, to scream , but she could not.

The man pushed her against the tree, turning her around so that her back was facing him.

" Please , sir! No, you mustn't!" Those were the only words she was able to stammer out. He pulled her hair, and she heard a cry.

A screeching, deafening shout.

It was not hers.

Next came the sound of cracking bones. The shouting grew louder, and the man writhed behind her. She heard, "If ye ever touch a lass like that again, especially one that is mine, I will break every bone in ye, rip apart yer flesh, and feed it to the boars. Do ye understand me?"

It was Kendrick's voice.

"Do ye understand me?!" Kendrick yelled again.

"A-Aye, milaird," the man stammered. Sophia turned in time to see Kendrick push the man to the ground before he could crawl away.

He then reached her. "Did he hurt ye?" he asked, anxiously inspecting every part of her body, his eyes wide with fear. She looped her arms around his neck, unable to reply, whimpering.

Kendrick did not rush her. He wrapped a section of his plaid around her and waited for her to regain her composure. A rush of relief ran through her. He was really not a brute; he was kind and gentle. There was hope she could help him get through whatever it was that made him cold. "How did ye find me?"

"Some o' the clansmen saw ye ride away from the keep," he said slowly. "Some saw ye ride into the valley."

"Oh! I'm sorry. I did nae mean to scare anyone—"

"Are ye able to walk, now?" he asked gently.

"Sunshine," she remembered. "I cannae find Sunshine!"

"Sunshine?"

"My mare! She was here with me. I dozed off, and when I awoke, she was nae here."

"Awoke?" Kendrick was no longer gentle in his speech. "Do ye have no sense o' safety Sophia?"

"I dinnae understand what ye mean."

"How can ye fall asleep under a tree so far from the keep?" Kendrick howled. "Yer mother, sisters and father have been searching for ye for hours. We all have. I left everything important I was doing to come find ye."

"Am I nae important to ye then?" She pierced his gaze with her own, but his eyes were running away. "Why cannae ye look me in the eye? Tell me I am o' lesser importance."

"Ye are nae… ach, dinnae provoke me, Sophia. I cannae give ye the answer ye desire and we will have yet another meaningless conversation."

A shattering feeling of anguish bore into her. The need to bawl her eyes out was close to overpowering her desire to not show weakness. A certain soreness developed in her throat and lungs. She knew he may never give her the answer she wanted to hear, but she asked anyway.

"Is it so difficult?" Tears warmed her cheeks. "The thought of being with me—is it so hard?"

He looked away. "I'm sorry."

She sniffed and suddenly felt exhausted. "I… I need to find my horse."

"I will set my men upon it; we should go meet them."

Sophia heard him whisper something else under her breath before darkness overwhelmed her.

The gleaming of the candles blinded Sophia, and she shut her eyes almost as soon as she opened them. Then, slowly, she tried again, allowing them to adjust to the light. Her eyes landed on the rose-colored drapes, which matched the bed's quilt. Just across from her bed was a desk that was crammed with books.

She realized she was in Kendrick's keep.

A slender, fair-skinned woman with long auburn hair, pulled back in a low ponytail, sat on a chair beside her bed. Leaning forward, her hands were held together, and her head rested on them. Her gown was made of blue silk… she was not a maid.

"Mama?"

Am I dreaming? Father said Ma had chosen to attend the wedding arrangements at home. How is she here? Unless…

Sophia rubbed her eyes to regard the woman who was napping in the chair beside her. It was not her imagination. " Mama ?"

The woman shrugged awake; she must have heard her the second time.

"Sophia?" Her mother took her in her hold, inspecting her head and cheeks. "The Laird brought ye back—ye were nae in yer senses. What happened?"

Sophia could feel her chest swelling with emotion. Suddenly, she burst into hot, stinging tears. She fixed her gaze on the hearth in her room, but her mother cupped her head against her shoulder and held tightly, patting her back. Sophia could not stop crying. She had held it in for far too long. Only her mother could understand and comfort her.

"Tis fine, bairn." Her mother continued to stroke her back. "Let it all out."

When Sophia felt her tears dry, she was more relaxed. Her mother held her hand, squeezing it. It was what she had done since Sophia was a child, when she climbed in her parents' bed during storms.

"Now tell me, bairn—tell me everything." Her mother's bright eyes were colored with tenderness. "What troubles ye so?"

"Mama…" Sophia began, explaining everything to her mother. She did not leave a single detail out. When she was done, she said, "I hurt Lorena. ‘Tis all my fault, Mama."

The corner of her mother's eyes stretched in a smile. "Is that all?"

"Dinnae smile, Mama." Sophia felt the frown on her brows. "I am confused and scared."

"Of what, bairn?" her mother asked. She had the most soothing voice, one that her father referred to as an angel's voice. "That yer sister… or the Laird… dinnae care for ye?"

"Both, Mama." Sophia drew in a breath. "The Laird stares at me with hatred. And Lorena, I fear that she may despise me."

"Yer sister does nae despise ye, bairn."

"How would ye ken, Mama?" Sophia sighed. "I am too ashamed to even see her."

"Yer sister does nae hate ye—she was here with ye till I arrived."

"She was?"

"Aye, bairn." Her mother nodded while caressing her cheek and her arm. "As for the Laird… he will be yer husband. Ye must both find a way."

"What if he does nae want to, Mama?" Sophia's eyes were beginning to feel heavy again with tears. "What if he never accepts me?"

"He will, bairn. Ye must never lose faith." Her mother caressed her face once more, wiping away her tears. "If he cannae find the path himself, then ye must help him."

"What if I cannae?"

"Ye can, and ye must."

Sophia hugged her. She thought her mother had always been her own special guardian from the heavens. Somehow, she held all the magic words that could make her worries disappear. She would never want for anything else if she had her mama with her all the time.

"Mama…" She pulled herself back from their embrace. "I have missed ye so much."

"Ye cannae imagine how much I missed ye and yer sister, bairn," her mother confessed. "Twas so lonely for Emilea and I."

"Papa said ye did nae want to come to the castle. I am surprised ye are here."

"What did ye expect?" Her mother tightened her grip on her hands. "The moment I heard ye had fainted, I had to rush down here to see ye."

Sophia scanned the room. "Mama, where is Emilea? Did she nae come with ye?"

"She went for a stroll with—" Her mother had barely finished talking when Emilea opened the door, running to Sophia and embracing her.

"I have missed ye so terribly, sister!" Emilea held Sophia so tightly she was sure her ribcage would snap. "Ye've nae idea how scared I was when Mama and I arrived to see ye fainted."

"I've missed ye more." Sophia giggled squishing her little sister's cheeks. "Ye should've visited."

"Oh, I wanted to. Of course, Mama wouldn't let me," Emilea complained. "If she'd refused any longer, I definitely would've run away."

Sophia laughed. "Papa would've locked ye up in yer rooms if ye had!"

"Aye, he would have," Emilea agreed. "But if I got to see my sisters, it would've been worth it—don't ye agree?"

"I would have come and freed ye myself," Sophia teased her sister. "Ye must tell me all that has happened at home."

"Oh, sister," she began. "Ye would be so surprised if I told ye!"

"Tell me—I want to hear all."

"Well, Mama wouldn't stop nagging at all. I had to escape by going to assist Father Douglas in the church."

Sophia saw her mother roll her eyes.

"Ye dinnae like Father Douglas though," Sophia said.

"I don't, sister, and it's even worse now."

"What happened?"

"He made me scrub the church on my hands and knees!" Emilea recounted. "That I still walk is a miracle, I must say."

Emilea teased in the same way as Reed. They both loved to chatter and lighten the mood. "I suppose ‘tis a good thing ye can still walk."

"Pay her nae mind, sister." Lorena joined them in the chamber. "Emilea will tell the same tale through the night and morning."

"Lorena!" Sophia was unsure of what to say. She thought she was going to behave oddly or at least cold. However, there was not even a slight hint of anger on her face.

"Emilea, dear," their mother called. "Yer sisters need time alone to talk. We should give them some privacy."

"Aye, Mama," the youngest daughter agreed. Then, she whispered into Sophia's ear, "I will tell ye more later."

"I cannae wait," Sophia tried to stifle a chuckle. Her eyes followed her mother and sister until they left the room. When it was just her and Lorena, she wondered for a while how to start the conversation.

Then, she took courage and spoke.

"Lorena, I'm sure ye hate me." She said a silent prayer before continuing. "I'm so dearly sorry. I did nae mean for that to happen."

Lorena looked confused. "What are ye sorry for, sister?"

"For shattering yer betrothal. Surely, ye must be upset."

"Aren't ye silly, sister?" A wide, crescent moon smile took shape on Lorena's face. "What reason do I have to be upset?"

"Ye're nae?"

"Nae!" Lorena's smile now turned into a giggle. "I was upset when I was forced to marry him. I dinnae love the Laird. Ye loved him. He should've been yers from the start."

"Are ye sure, Lorena?" Sophia asked. "Ye don't have to lie so I can feel better."

"I never lie, sister," Lorena answered. "Besides…" A shy blush took over her face. "I think another lad might have my heart."

Sophia clapped her hand over her mouth. "Who's the lad that has stolen my sister's heart?" she gasped.

"Believe me, sister, ye've met him. Aye, ye have," Lorena confirmed. "I'll tell ye when I am sure he feels the same way. Now, we should focus on ye and the Laird."

Sophia cast her gaze down to Kendrick's plaid, still wrapped around her. "The Laird… he does nae want a marriage."

"How can ye be sure?"

"I saw him with Catherine on the night of the feast," she continued. "They were kissing."

Lorena settled near Sophia. "Is that why ye warned me about her?"

"Aye, I did nae want ye to get hurt."

"Oh, dear sister," Lorena voiced low. "How sad ye must've been… yet, ye were still watching out for me. I'm sorry."

"I should be the one who is sorry."

"I'll tell ye this, sister." Lorena sat straight with a boost of confidence. "Dinnae let that scare ye. I'm sure the Laird does nae care for her."

"I doubt it. He was kissing her, but he is never kind to me."

"Well, he carried ye back home. And he looked scared—he was scared ye'd never wake up. He refused to leave yer side till Mama arrived. Even after she did, he stayed a while longer before Sir Logan came to call him out."

"He did?"

"Ay,.' Lorena lowered her voice. "Also, Reed told me something when we were alone last night."

"Ye were with Reed alone at night?!"