Sage

Sage

Ijust arrived at Candy Land. I know I’m impressive as fuck. Did I make a couple of little girls cry in the process? Yes, yes I did. But that’s life.

No, seriously. Sebastian and I tried to cheat so one of the girls could win, but every card I drew was a dessert, and I guess fate just had other plans. After Daphne threw her cards and ran upstairs, and Rosalie pouted until tears built up in her little round eyes, Sebastian decided it was time to call it a night. He took them upstairs to start their bedtime routine while I started cleaning up.

As Sebastian was carrying Rosalie upstairs, I noticed out of the corner of my eye Erica and Trevor walking arm and arm out of the kitchen to the backyard. I tried not to let the jealous pang run through my chest at the sight, but it was no use. I’m an extremely jealous person, and when it comes to Trevor and Erica, I’m practically on edge with every word exchanged.

I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t my main concern when Trevor and I were contemplating starting this thing, but I’ve tried to push it to the side, focusing on the time we spend together. What it feels like when he holds me, when he whispers to me all the assurances and praise in the world. Well, apart from last night. I can’t lie that I was more than a little disappointed at his lack of words when I asked him what would happen if Erica and Seb split. Maybe it was stupid to ask. It’s not like in my gut I don’t know the answer.

I don’t know how Sebastian has dealt with this turmoil for almost ten years. I’m a few months in and feel like I’m ready to go crazy. I grab the board game, taking it to the kitchen instead of the closet I saw it grabbed from because I can’t resist looking out the glass back doors.

A sinking feeling suddenly fills me as I stand, my intuition is screaming not to go over there, that I don’t want to see whatever is going on. But I can’t help it. I have to know, once and for all. Taking slow breaths, I take my time setting the board game on the kitchen island before I slowly turn to face the backyard, my heart stalling out at what I see.

Erica is leaning against Trevor’s shoulder, her head resting on him as she looks up at him. They are sitting at the edge of the pool, their feet just barely touching the water as he smiles down at her like she hung the moon. I knew it was going to hurt, but fuck, I didn’t know it was going to hurt this bad. Trevor lifts a hand to brush a piece of Erica’s curly hair out of her face as he speaks, and she blinks up at him like she’s never loved another.

Like a knife has been sunk into my chest, I can’t breathe. I knew better. I knew from the first time I saw them together that there was something there. I had the facts, maybe not the full ones until last night, but I knew there was history there, chemistry. No matter how badly he fucked up and how much she loves Sebastian, they will always love each other. I’ll always be the second choice, and I hate to admit I’m insecure enough to say I can’t handle that.

I stumble backward several steps, not having it in me to watch them love each other from afar anymore. I grab my jacket and phone, and I run. I throw the door open, slamming it shut before running down their long driveway. More tears fall down my face as I shakily pull my phone out and order a ride to pick me up down the road.

I’m being dramatic, I know that. It’s not like he cheated on me, at least not that I saw. But how long will we be together before he does? He can only subdue his feelings for so long before he breaks, before she breaks. Before they fuck right there on the kitchen island, kids and Sebastian upstairs be damned. I can’t stick around for that. I can’t settle to be someone’s backup plan. I won’t.

My ride arrives in record time, and I hop in quickly, avoiding the awkward small talk he attempts to make before he drops me off at Trevor’s house. I quickly enter the gate code before running up to the front door. I scan my finger and step inside before slamming the door shut behind me. Who knows how long they will be out there making eyes at each other? If Trevor doesn’t want to end up drowning in the shallow end of a pool, he should probably stop before Sebastian gets done putting the girls down. Regardless, it won’t be long before he figures out I’m gone and even less time before he comes looking for me here first.

I grab the duffle bag that I brought here and quickly begin packing it with my things, leaving behind anything Trevor has bought me in the last few months. I don’t give a shit what I leave honestly. I just need to get the fuck out of here.

I can feel myself slowly shutting down, compartmentalizing the weaker broken pieces of me and shielding them with the bad bitch exterior I’ve wielded so well over the last few years. You will not cry. You will not break over a womanizing pro baller. How cliché could you possibly get? You’re better than that, better than this.

At least I still have my apartment to fall back on. Who knows if Dad has called to cancel the lease early or not, but it’s a good place to start for the night. I’m just finishing zipping my bag, slinging it over my shoulder when the front door bursts open.

“Sage! Sage, are you here?!” Trevor’s panicked voice calls out.

A lead ball sinks in my stomach at the sound of his voice before I let out a heavy exhale.

Don’t feel. Don’t feel. Don’t feel.

His footsteps thunder up the stairs, panic splashed across his face before relief washes it away when he sees me.

“Jesus, you scared the hell out of me. What happened? Are you okay? Why didn’t you come get me?” he asks, pausing when his eyes zero in on my bag.

His entire body language changes from one of panicked relief to caution, like I’m an animal he’s trying not to spook.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I say with a shake of my head remarkably smoothly if I do say so myself. “Thanks for letting me stay here. You didn’t have to, but it was really nice. It’s more than time to get back to my real life, though.”

“Your real life?” he reiterates stoically.

“Yeah, I mean, I can’t crash with you forever. Cramping that bachelor lifestyle, you know?” I attempt to joke, though it falls flat.

I try to move past him, but he stops in front of me, tilting his head to the side slightly as he leans in.

“What are you talking about, Sage? Where are you going?”

“My home, you know, the one you spent gobs of money redecorating for me. I’ll pay you back for all that as soon as I can. I just need to—”

“I don’t give a fuck. I don’t want a single dime from you. Where the fuck are you going when your home is here?” he asks, emotion cracking through when he says here.

I watch as a million emotions flash through his blue eyes as he shakes his head at me. I try to keep my emotions buried as I shrug my shoulders.

“C’mon, Trevor. We had a good run, and it was a great way to kill some time, but let’s be real. You and me? We could never be more than just fuck buddies.”

“Fuck buddies,” he deadpans.

“Yeah, no hard feelings or anything. Trust me, I won’t be one of those girls who calls you day and night,” I laugh, though it sounds hollow even to my own ears.

My words must have shocked him because when I go to move around him, he doesn’t stop me this time. I take each step carefully while also trying to hurry as fast as I can. The farther I get away from him, the better.

I almost make it to the front door before I’m being spun around, my duffel bag dropping to the ground, and my back bumping against the wall. Trevor is caging me against the wall, his hands on either side of my head and his leg wedged between my thighs to pin me in place.

“Okay, we need to start from the beginning because I don’t know what the fuck is going on right now. You act like we’ve been messing around and barely tolerating each other when we’ve been in a full-blown relationship for weeks now.”

“Trevor. We were just—”

“No, cut the shit. What the fuck happened between me and my girlfriend having a nice dinner at our friends’ house, to you acting like you can hardly look at me?”

Hearing the word girlfriend on his lips chips at my armor and has my face wincing as I look away. He doesn’t allow it though, his hand gripping my face and forcing me to look at him as his eyes drill into me in search of the truth.

“What happened, Sage?”

This time I’m not able to keep my tone even or cool. It’s wobbly and weak as my throat tightens with each word.

“I saw you, out back, with h-her.”

His hardened look softens, and he drops his hold on my face before lowering his forehead to mine. He blows out a heavy breath before his eyes come to me, not moving his head as he speaks.

“That’s what this is about?”

“No, it’s just time for us to go separate ways. I can’t get any more involved with someone who is still clearly in love with another woman. It just spells disaster for all parties, so I’m taking myself out of the game. You and Erica and Sebastian can figure your own shit out. Maybe even have a little throuple. You all deserve to be happy, and so do I.”

He shakes his head vehemently as he speaks.

“No, that’s not what I want. Not even fucking close. We were talking tonight because we needed to. I—”

“I’m not her. I’m never gonna be her, Trevor. There is only one Erica.”

I feel another tear slide down my cheek, and I fucking hate myself for allowing it to slip by. Trevor’s thumb reaches out and catches it instantly, brushing it away like he could brush away my pain if he tried hard enough.

“Baby girl, it’s not about you not being her. It’s that she’s not you.”

His words suck all the air from my lungs as his face crumples with sadness.

“I’m so fucking sorry. I’m trying to do the right thing, and I fucked things up even more,” he says with a shake of his head as he pulls back slightly.

“Erica and I were talking tonight, about heavy shit.”

“Everything with you two is heavy,” I attempt to tease, but it just breaks off into a half sob.

Trevor nods as he continues.

“I was telling her how I love her, I’ve loved her my whole life, and that will never stop.”

If you could feel the way my heart shatters in this moment, I doubt a weaker woman would be able to stand. Miraculously, I do, though. I brace for impact as everything I thought I was building with Trevor comes to a fiery death.

“I was also telling her,” he continues, “how I’m not in love with her anymore.”

My brows furrow at that.

“I was telling her how every time I saw her for the last ten years, I got butterflies. How any time she’d hug me, I’d hold on a little bit longer than I knew I should because I was desperate for every second with her. I told her that I never imagined caring for anyone half as much as I did about her. Until I met you.”

I swallow heavily, doing my best to stay silent as he continues.

“I knew from the moment that I met you, there was something strong between us. At first, I thought it was lust because you were so goddamn beautiful. Then you opened your mouth, and I thought for sure it was hate, and god did I hate you so much. But then things shifted, and I realized that I loved you so much better.”

Another tear drips down my face from his words because I want to believe him so badly. All I want to do is fall into his arms and beg him to never hurt me, but I know I can’t. Loving him is too reckless, too risky.

“This isn’t a romance novel, baby. There is no third-act breakup for us. You are mine, and I am yours. Period.”

He blows out a breath as he closes his eyes before opening them again, a newfound flare in them as he speaks.

“I love you, Sage. More than I know what to do with, more than I know how to express. I’m a fuck-up by nature. I’m gonna continue to fuck up, and I’m sorry for that. I’m about the least perfect man in the world, but I can promise I’ll do everything in my power to make up for every single fuck up. I can promise that I’ll do anything and everything to always make you feel like the queen you are. You are the only woman I want to wake up to every morning and the only one I want in my arms at night. Words aren’t shit when it comes to things like this, so I’m going to prove it. Just give me the chance, babygirl. Give us the chance. I fuck up a lot of things, but I won’t fuck this up—not when it’s this important.”

I feel each layer I’ve attempted to shield myself with, every ounce of armor and bravery fall apart at that. Not because of his words, but because of the earnest desperation on his face. The sincerity pouring out of him. Call me stupid, call me easily manipulated, but I’ve never felt more safe, more cared for, or protected than I do in this man’s arms. Sometimes, you have to go out on a limb and take a risk. I know I’m risking everything for Trevor Michaels, but at the same time, I’m not sure it’s even my choice at this point.

Because I love him too.

Slowly I nod my head, not having it in me to speak. Trevor doesn’t seem to need my words either. He cups my face with his, gripping me in a firm hold as he presses his lips against mine.

“I love you, Raven. So fucking much,” he says in between kisses.

I nod again in response, causing him to let out a relieved laugh as his hands wander down my body, lifting me up by my thighs. I wrap my legs around his torso as he begins carrying me up the stairs and straight to his bedroom, our bedroom.

He lays me down on the bed before pulling off his clothes.

“I need to feel you, baby. Can I get close to you?” he asks softly.

I nod again, spurring him on to pull my pants down before laying on top of me. He slips into me instantly, letting out a shuddered breath when he is fully seated inside me.

“Trev,” I gasp softly, causing his eyes to come to me.

“Shit, I almost lost you, didn’t I, baby?”

I swallow but don’t respond before he shakes his head and curses as he begins thrusting.

“I know I did, and I’m so sorry. I knew I needed to close that chapter of my life for good before we could start our own. But I’m sorry, I should have talked to you first,” he says as he rubs his head against my G-spot. “Reassured you…” He thrusts again. “Told you how I can’t fucking breathe when you’re not near me.”

“Trevor,” I moan as my eyes water.

“No more tears, baby. Just let me love you.”

“Please,” I say softly.

“Always,” he promises.