Trevor

Trevor

After practice the next day, I came home to find Sage working on her laptop. We decided to order in. We are currently lying in bed eating takeout and watching one of Sage’s baking shows when she speaks.

“What’s the story between you and Erica?”

The question catches me off guard and has me turning to face her.

“What do you mean?”

She sets her food to the side as she turns her head to face me.

“What’s the story? The full one. I know you said you used to date, and then she started dating Sebastian, but it feels like there is more to it. Caldwell wouldn’t hate you so viscerally if he stole your girl, you know?”

“What does it matter?” I say with a half shrug, hoping she will let it go. It’s not my proudest moment, and it’s something I try to forget about constantly.

“It matters to me,” she says seriously, causing me to exhale a heavy breath and run a hand through my hair as I nod.

“We broke up when I went to Brighton U, right? Well, we were good after that, better than ever really. It wasn’t until the summer before she started at Brighton that I realized how bad I fucked up. We had been split up for two years then, and at the time I was convinced we were meant to find our way back to each other.

“So, when she came to school, I tried to repair what I had broken. Tried to take my time but make my intentions clear. Little did I know she and Sebastian had met at a party her first night on campus and hooked up, in the laundry room of all places,” I laugh dryly as I shake my head.

“Seb knew all about Erica, but he didn’t know what she looked like until I brought her to the house the next day. I guess from there they decided to stay away from each other. Seb knew I was in love with her, and he was my best friend, and Erica thought he was an asshole for how he treated her after.”

“Sebastian? The man that practically worships the ground she walks on?” Sage asks with a dubious look.

I nod. “He was trying to be a good friend, push her away so I could have my chance with her. It was already too late, though.

“Somewhere along the way, they decided to stop fighting it, and they started seeing each other, on the down low.”

Sage winces. “And I’m guessing you found out.”

“In a shit way,” I fill in.

“I was mad, so fucking mad,” I say as I shake my head, the memories of the past practically dragging me under as I recall that night with perfect clarity.

“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My closest friend and the girl I was in love with since I was a kid kissing, touching…I saw red. Seb and I got into it, I stormed off, got into my car and lost control.”

“Trev,” Sage says softly as she reaches out to me. Her soft hand covering my own as sympathy covers her face.

“I wrapped my car around a telephone pole, broke my arm, and was taken to the hospital. It took me a bit to wake up, and when I did, I heard them talking in my room. I heard them telling each other how much they loved each other and would be by each other’s side through anything. I-I don’t know what I was thinking, in the moment I was still so fucking hurt. I felt so betrayed and like he had fucked me over. I didn’t feel like I even had a proper chance with Erica before he tried to steal her. In my mind he played dirty, so I guess I figured it was my turn to do the same.”

Tilting my head up to the ceiling I shake my head as I continue speaking.

“I just wanted some time with her, to get her away from him, to show her how good we were together. I’m not proud of it, but at the moment, I felt desperate, like it was my last chance.”

The air is heavy between us as we sit in silence. Sage waits patiently for several seconds before she finally asks.

“What did you do?”

Slowly, I turn to face her, hoping to God she won’t judge me too harshly for what I say next.

“I lied. I faked amnesia, acted like I thought it was two years prior, right before we had broken up. I acted like I thought Erica and I were still together to push them apart, to bring her to me.”

I pause, watching for her reaction. Sage’s eyes are wide, her brows knitted, and her mouth slightly parted.

“That’s…really fucked up,” she says bluntly.

“I know,” I wince. “I was young and dumb and fucking desperate. Seb and Erica ended up breaking up for a bit, I felt guilty as shit for lying to everyone, but it was working. Erica and I were practically inseparable, we even had a few moments. I thought she was going to be mine…until the truth came out.”

“What happened after that?” she asks.

I shrug. “What do you think? They both basically told me to go fuck myself. Seb was too stubborn to go after Erica, though. He thought he wasn’t good enough for her, but I knew the truth then. I was the one who wasn’t good enough. I told him I’d give him this chance to go get her, but he’d only get one. He hasn’t fucked up to this day. They got married, had the twins, and have been living happily ever after since.”

A heaviness settles on my tongue at those words, but ironically, a lightness lifts off my shoulders at having the whole truth out there. Sage deserved to know. It was long overdue.

“And you’ve just been not so secretly in love with her ever since? Doomed to watch them fall deeper in love while you’re ostracized for what you did?” Sage asks, the raw truth to her words scraping against me.

I nod and shrug.

“Pretty much, I guess.”

“Wow.”

She doesn’t say anything else for a minute or so before she continues.

“Well fuck, let it be known, when Trevor Michaels wants something he goes after it at all costs.” She laughs hollowly.

I don’t laugh, though. I know she’s trying to mask her disappointment in me with humor. There is no point in masking it, though. She could never look down on me as much as I look down on myself. It was easily the lowest point in my life, that one thing I did and wish more than anything I could take back. But I can’t. Sometimes we have to live with our decisions, and we don’t get a do-over. You just have to keep moving.

“And now?” Sage asks, shaking me out of my thoughts.

“Now what?”

“How do you feel about her now? Do you still want her back? If she came to you tomorrow and told you she was leaving Sebastian, what would you do?”

I hear the hesitation in her voice, like she’s terrified to hear the answer. I hate that it’s there. I hate that there is even an ounce of doubt in her about us, but I don’t blame her for having it. I’ve been a fucking wild card for years when it comes to Erica, but things have changed.

I settle back into the bed, reaching over to her before dragging her into me. She comes easily, but I can practically feel the wall she’s trying to build. I can see the vaults she’s locking her heart away in as she looks up at me.

Cupping the side of her face I shake my head.

“I honestly don’t know what I’d do, probably try to talk her out of it because I’ve never seen anyone love someone as wholly as Sebastian does to Erica. If the question you’re really asking is if I’d leave this for another chance with her?” I say as I gesture between us.

“No,” I say simply with a shake of my head.

She watches me with trepidation, but slowly she nods, accepting my answer before sinking into my touch. Less than two minutes later I hear the soft sounds of her sleeping. I’m wide awake, though. I hate that I didn’t say more, reassure her more. She deserves more, and I want to give it all to her. She doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship where she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Words are meaningless, though. I have to prove how committed I am to her, to us.

The next morning, things are a little tense, but as our morning routine goes on, things fall back into ease. She wasn’t supposed to come to practice today, but she made up some bullshit excuse of why she was riding with me. I knew it was because she was trying to feel closer to me after last night, and I sure as hell was not about to turn down an opportunity for more time with her.

Instead of holding her knee in the car, I wrapped my arm around the back of her shoulders, pulling her as close to me as the center console would allow. I kissed her like I was about to lose her before we walked into practice and did the same when we got back to my car after.

This shit has to end—today. It’s time, long overdue. And I won’t let my past ruin the bright future I have just within reach. I need to let go, fully, so I can hold on to Sage with both fucking hands.

Sage and I are walking up to Erica and Seb’s house hand in hand when I knock on the door. Little Rosie answers the door almost immediately, bouncing up and down before jumping into my arms.

“Uncle Trev! Uncle Trev!” she exclaims.

I can’t help but smile as I hold her.

“Hey, sweet girl. Where is your sissy?”

Daphne comes out of nowhere, practically tackling me to the ground and giggling in the process. I let out a laugh as I scoop her into my arms too, hiking them both up over my shoulders as I step inside. They are both giggling and squealing as I haul them through the house, and I turn to see Sage following us with a soft smile. I shoot her a wink before dumping the kids onto the couch. They quickly scramble to their feet before taking off down the hallway.

Erica comes out of the kitchen with a smile on her face as she greets us. She pulls me into a quick hug before doing the same to Sage.

“Hey, guys! Dinner is almost done.”

“We brought booze,” Sage says as she lifts up the two wine bottles in her hands.

“Ah, I knew you were my favorite for a reason,” Erica says as she takes one of the bottles from Sage before placing her hand into Sage’s and leading her into the kitchen.

I smile at them as I turn to see Seb standing in the doorway with his arms folded watching me. A small bit of the lightness I was feeling dims as I look at him.

“Hey, man,” I say.

He dips his head in acknowledgment, and surprising the hell out of me, he crosses the hallway to me before clapping his hand against mine.

“Hey,” he says simply.

I’ll take it.

Seb and I talk about work a bit while Erica and Sage talk during dinner. Things are actually comfortable for the first time in literally a decade. I look around to see the twins playing with their chicken more than eating it while Seb attempts to gently parent them. Sage and Erica are just finishing the first bottle of wine and laughing to each other as they whisper about god knows what. Sage looks up to see me watching her and gives me a saucy wink that has my heart tripping up in my chest.

God, what is it about her that sends me racing? Things with her are just so natural, so perfect, and at this moment I’m more sure than ever that Sage is something special, someone that I need to protect at all costs.

Once dinner is over I volunteer to do dishes while Seb and Sage get drug into a game of Candy Land with the girls. I’m just finishing up the last dish when Erica comes into the kitchen, hip checking me a little harder than I’m sure she meant to as her wine glass almost sloshes onto the floor.

“Oh shit!” She giggles.

“Easy there, you lush,” I tease as I take the glass out of her hand and rinse it out.

“Your girlfriend is the instigator. These young ’uns can drink better than me. I had to at least attempt to hold my own.”

“Yeah, she’s trouble,” I smile as I set the glass down to dry.

Erica is watching me with a dopey grin that causes me to laugh.

“What?”

“So it’s true?”

I raise an eyebrow for her to elaborate, causing her to shove my shoulder.

“You and her. You’re together. You’re in a relationship, Trevvvv. After how many years? I can hardly believe it.”

I smile and nod as I look out into the living room where Sage is whooping in celebration as she begins moving her yellow character across the board.

“I’m happy.”

“I can tell. I’m so happy for both of you.” Erica smiles up to me.

Looking down into her turquoise eyes, I can’t help but feel the gentle stir of past feelings. They aren’t necessarily coming to the surface but more like stirring in a reminder of what once was, what will possibly always be there, but not in the same capacity.

“Can we talk…in private?” I ask seriously.

Her smile falls as she nods and loops her arm through mine, leading us out of the kitchen and through the back doors to the pool.