Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

Lala

“And our next subject evaluation will occur in sixty days. If you look at the last page of your presentation, you’ll find a schedule of all of the various checkpoints, including hormone-level testing, cognitive assessment, and overall health evaluations.” I paused and looked at the five members of the National Institute of Health grant-compliance team. All of the faces were new except for Dr. Reston, who had been part of the team that had approved the funding for my research grant. “Does anyone have any questions?”

They all shook their heads and looked at each other. Dr. Reston smiled. “Not surprising. Normally when I listen to a proposal, I have a laundry list of questions when the presenter is done. I didn’t have a single one when Laney pitched her study to us. She’s incredibly thorough.” Dr. Reston closed the binder on the table in front of her. “I’m going to make it a challenge to myself to think of a few questions you haven’t already answered next time we meet.”

I smiled. “I’m always available by email or phone if you think of any after the fact.”

Everyone got up. It was already after four o’clock, so one by one, each of the members of the team said their goodbyes, except for Dr. Reston. She helped me clean up the coffee cups and papers scattered around the conference room. After, she extended a hand back toward the chairs where we’d been sitting. “Do you have a minute, Laney?”

“Sure, of course.”

We took seats across from each other.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

And here I’d thought things had gone well. “Yes. I’m sorry. Was my presentation not good?” I shook my head. “I knew I should’ve included a better introduction and spoken about the norepinephrine research that recently concluded in Germany.”

Dr. Reston raised her hands. “Your presentation was more than sufficient. In fact, I wish every grantee put as much effort into their summaries as you do. Many researchers get the science, but PowerPoint is scarier to them than quantum physics.”

My shoulders relaxed a little. “Oh, okay.”

She tilted her head. “Perhaps I should’ve clarified that I wasn’t referring to your work. I was asking more on a personal level. You seem… I’m not sure what it is exactly, but you seem different than the last few times we’ve met. I thought maybe there was something going on, perhaps here at the facility or something personal bothering you? You’re a little less peppy than usual, and it looks like you might be getting less sleep. I’m not asking in an official capacity; I just wanted to check in woman to woman. We STEM ladies need to be there for each other as more than just coworkers, and I know you took some personal days a few weeks ago.”

“Oh.” I shook my head. “That’s very kind of you, Dr. Reston.”

“It’s Barbara, please.”

I nodded. “That’s very kind of you, Barbara. I didn’t realize I was so easy to read. But you’re right, I haven’t been sleeping that great. I took some time off because my mom had some health issues. She had a heart blockage and needed to have open-heart surgery, which was pretty scary. My mom and I are particularly close. We lost my only brother eight years ago, and we were each other’s support system.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that. I would imagine that left you two with a special bond. Does she live here in the City?”

“No, she’s back in Philly with my dad. That’s why I took some days off, to be at the hospital.”

Barbara nodded. “That’s hard. My parents lived on the west coast when my dad got sick. We lost him to cancer a few years back. It was difficult not to be there all the time while he was going through his treatments. But I hope I didn’t insult you by saying I could tell you weren’t sleeping. You look just as beautiful as ever; your eyes just don’t have the sparkle they normally do.”

She didn’t know the half of it, since I hadn’t mentioned to anyone here that I’d broken off my engagement and started sleeping with a guy I’d had a crush on for twenty years, who was probably all wrong for me. Not to mention, who could sleep when Holden left me hot and bothered every night because of his current no-sex policy.

“I really appreciate you taking the time to check on me,” I said. “But I promise, nothing that’s going on with me personally will distract me from getting my research done.”

Barbara smiled. “I really have no worries about that, Laney. But you have my number. Call me anytime if you need to talk, about work or personal stuff. We scientists look at things differently than a lot of people, so it’s nice to have a friend who doesn’t think you’ve lost it when you break out a Venn diagram to overanalyze every little thing.”

I laughed. “I appreciate that. It’s very kind of you.”

“You know, you could probably finish the remainder of your initial research back in Philadelphia. At least all of the data-gathering and analysis is able to be done offsite. Perhaps you could just come back for the next round of interviews and medical assessments with the participants. If you want, I’ll ask the grant committee to approve a change in your primary site location so you don’t need to come to this building every day and can go back home early. You’re supposed to be here for another few months, right?”

Oh. Wow.I wasn’t sure what to say. Of course, I would love to be closer to my mother and be able to help out with her recovery. It would take some of the pressure off my dad, who still worked full time and had taken weeks off already. But that would also mean leaving Holden. Even thinking of that made my heart squeeze inside my chest. “Can I think about it and get back to you?”

“Of course. You figure out what will make things easier for you.”

***

Later that night, Holden and I were out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. He looked so damn sexy in a shirt and tie. But something else about his outfit was distracting the heck out of me. I held up the menu, but didn’t really read any of the words.

“What are you going to get?” I asked.

Holden looked up at me. “Whatever you get. To be honest, I can’t think straight sitting across from you wearing that dress.”

I’d worn the sexiest thing I owned, hoping we’d have a few drinks with dinner and maybe Holden would let his guard down a little. We were twelve days into our fourteen-day sex sabbatical, and I was ready to explode. I set my menu on the table.

“You can’t think straight? You know what you’re wearing, right?”

Holden looked down. “A clown outfit?”

I laughed. “No. And I do love you in that shirt and tie. But that’s not what I was referring to.” I leaned in and lowered my voice. “That belt you’re wearing is the belt you used to bind my hands a few weeks ago.”

Holden groaned. “Fuck, don’t even mention that. My dick hasn’t gotten over your dress yet.”

I bit my bottom lip. “Don’t mention how you tied me up and made me watch as you licked me?”

His eyes darkened. I was definitely poking the bear. “Laney…”

“Laney? Oh boy. You sound pretty serious. You know what I’m serious about? Taking that tie from around your neck and begging you to tie me up with it. Would you like that, Holden? If I begged. I can do it from my knees, if you want…”

There was so much heat in his eyes, it looked like my taunting might actually pay off this time. So I leaned in closer to try to close the deal, intent on describing what I could do to him on my knees inside the ladies’ room at this fancy restaurant, but my cell buzzing on the table stopped me. Ever since Mom’s health scare, I couldn’t ignore my phone.

My eyes shifted to read the name flashing. It wasn’t a name I expected. Dr. Reston. Barbara.

Holden noticed the change in my face, and his eyes dropped to my cell, too. “Shit. Is it your mom?”

I shook my head. “No. Dr. Reston is one of the members of the grant-oversight committee for my research, one of the people I presented to today.”

“Do you need to get it?”

I nodded and lifted my cell. “I probably should. It’s not like her to call me after hours.”

“Go ahead.”

I swiped to answer. “Hello?”

“Hi, Laney. It’s Barbara Reston.”

“Hi, Barbara. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry to call you so late. But I was just going through my emails and wanted to give you the good news.”

“Good news?”

“I know you said you wanted to think about relocating and finishing your initial research back home, but I shot off a note to the committee anyway. I didn’t expect to get a response so quickly, but the team was unanimous in their decision. Everyone agrees you’re doing a great job, and a change in your official site would be fine.”

“Oh…wow.”

“It’s still up to you, of course. But I thought it might make your decision easier if you knew it was possible to go back. Anyway, I don’t want to bother you after hours. Just wanted to let you know we’re good with whatever you decide.”

“That’s really generous of you.”

“Like I said, we STEM ladies need to stick together. If there’s anything else I can do to make things easier for you, just let me know.”

“Thank you very much, Barbara.”

When I hung up, Holden was waiting with a smile. “From where I’m sitting, that sounded awesome.”

“Uh. Yeah. It was good news. The committee was really happy with my presentation today,” I said. It wasn’t a lie, though it also wasn’t the reason for the call. But I wasn’t ready to discuss what had just been offered to me with Holden. I first needed to figure out what I wanted. “Dr. Reston just wanted to let me know that. She knows I get worried about having to make presentations.”

“Of course you killed it. My girl is like Lois Lane and Superman balled into one. Smart, strong, and hot.”

I smiled, though inside I felt terrible for not sharing the truth. The news from Barbara also left me a bit distracted during dinner. My brain wanted to start analyzing the pros and cons of what had just been offered. I might’ve even needed to work up a Venn diagram. But by the end of the night, after a few glasses of wine, I’d managed to put it out of my head and focus on my handsome date.

It was a beautiful, clear evening, so Holden and I walked from the restaurant back to our building. We took the elevator up to the third floor, and I opened my apartment door. But Holden didn’t follow me inside.

He stayed in the doorway and motioned toward his place. “I’m going to go next door…call it a night.”

“What? Why?”

His eyes raked down my body and did a slow sweep on their way back up. “Because I’m struggling with you in that dress…those heels.”

I put my purse down and returned to the door, bunching his shirt into my fists. “It’s been twelve days. Don’t you think that’s close enough to two weeks?” Pushing up on my tippy toes, I pressed my lips to his and whispered, “I don’t have any underwear on.”

Holden groaned. “Fuck, Lala. I want more than anything to end it. But we’re doing so good, and the last thing I want is to show you I can’t even commit to something for two weeks and stick to it.”

“I know you could make two more days. You don’t need to prove it.”

“Yes, I do. I think I need to prove it to both of us.”

I pouted. “But we’re leaving soon. Will I even get to see you before I leave for Philadelphia to visit my parents and you go back to California to record? Your flight is early on Friday, and you don’t even know how long you’re going to be gone.”

Holden ran his thumb over my bottom lip. “Trust me, sweetheart. You’re going to see me and you’re going to feel me. I plan to send you home sore so you have no choice but to think about me every time you sit down.”

I sighed. “Okay.”

“Now give me that mouth and then help me out a little by locking the door and holding on to my master key for the evening.”

***

Holden: Take a nap. I’ll be over at midnight, and you won’t be getting much sleep.

It was the third time I’d read the text since it had come in this afternoon. Each time, it made me giddy. Since we were both leaving tomorrow morning, I spent the evening at home packing, running errands, and finishing some last-minute work things that needed to be done. I didn’t want to waste a second of the time Holden and I had together before we left by doing anything but ravaging him.

It was now 11:55 PM, and I only had one thing left to do—reply to Barbara’s email. This morning she’d sent a follow-up message, telling me she’d reached out to a contact at UPenn in Philly, and I could use their administrative offices for whatever I needed, if I decided to go home early—printing, copying, even office space. That really gave me no reason to turn her down. Well, no work-related reason anyway. Yet I still wasn’t ready to make a decision. So I responded to her email, letting her know I’d get back to her by Monday, hoping that maybe my trip home would help me figure out what I should do. Immediately after I pressed send, I looked up at the time on my laptop, and the clock changed from 11:59 to 12:00. Seconds later, there was a knock at my front door. Holden must’ve been waiting out there. I smiled and tossed my laptop on the couch, running to answer and practically ripping the door off the hinges as I swung it open.

Holden leaned casually against the doorframe. He looked insanely hot in that beanie I loved so much. He held a set of fur-lined handcuffs in one hand and some bunched-up rope in the other.

“Time to play…” he crooned.

I leapt into his arms, causing him to stumble back a few steps with a laugh. “Hello to you, too, beautiful.”

My arms wrapped around his neck and my lips glued to his as he carried me inside my apartment. I vaguely registered him kicking the door shut behind us.

Holden took me straight to the bedroom. Neither one of us seemed to be able to get our clothes off fast enough, though things slowed as I positioned myself in the middle of the bed and Holden climbed over me. He laced our fingers together, kissed the top of both my hands, and brought them up over my head. Then he stared into my eyes for the longest time.

“I missed you so much,” he whispered.

“I missed you, too.”

“I don’t know what the last two weeks proved to you, but it proved to me that I don’t want to be away from you that long ever again.”

I forced away the thought that crept into my head about Barbara’s offer and cupped his cheek. “As much as I missed the sex, I still enjoyed every minute of our time together over the last two weeks, Holden.”

He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, they were watery and filled with emotion. He nodded and swallowed before taking my mouth in a kiss and easing inside of me. “Fuck.” Holden moved in and out of me slowly. “This is…everything. You feel so fucking good.”

He kissed me until I was breathless and then pulled back to look at me. His pupils were dark and huge, filled with so much emotion. Everything else in the world faded away as we moved in unison.

I never wanted the moment to end, but before long I was already heading over the edge, and Holden’s jaw went rigid as he tried to hold back. His thrusts became faster and harder, and our bodies grew slick with sweat.

“Holden…”

“That’s it. Come with me. At the same time…”

His command was all it took for my muscles to start to pulsate. Holden felt it.

“Fuck. Take all my cum. Feel it deep inside you…”

I moaned through the best orgasm of my life. Holden kept pumping and grinding until every last tremor worked its way through my body.

After, we were both spent. It felt like I’d turned to jelly.

“Wow. That was…”

Holden’s lip twitched. “Very long overdue.”

A few minutes went by, and Holden moved to get up. I grabbed his arm. “Where are you going?”

“To get you a towel.”

I shook my head. “Not yet. I want to keep you inside of me.”

He smiled and kissed my lips. “That’s good. Because you’re already deep inside of me.”

***

I woke in a panic, pushing up onto my elbows in the dark. “Oh my God. We fell asleep. Holden, wake up. What time is it? Your flight…”

But Holden was already awake next to me. He was fully dressed, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s five thirty. I have a few minutes still.”

I covered my heart with my hand. “Oh, thank God. We didn’t set the alarm last night. I thought we’d overslept.”

“I set the alarm. I got up to go to the bathroom a few hours ago, and I realized I left my phone next door. I couldn’t find yours, so I grabbed your laptop from the living room and set the alarm on that. It went off a little while ago, but I hadn’t ever fallen back asleep.”

I settled back into the bed and turned to face him. “Oh. Good thinking. But I’m sorry you didn’t fall back asleep.”

“It’s fine.” Holden’s voice was somber.

“You must be tired?”

“Not really.”

“Is something bothering you?”

He shrugged, but then shook his head. “Just a lot on my mind.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m going to go next door to make a cup of coffee and grab my phone and suitcase.”

“Okay.”

While Holden was gone, I slipped into the T-shirt he’d had on last night. Lifting it to my nose, I took a big inhale. I really hoped he didn’t need to take it with him because it smelled so good, and I planned to keep it for a while. He came back a few minutes later with his luggage and two mugs. His was half empty already.

“Uber will be here in a minute,” he said.

“Oh. Okay. I was hoping to get a few minutes to kiss you.”

Holden guzzled back the rest of the coffee, set his mug in the sink, and walked over to me. He cupped my cheek and pressed his lips to mine. “I’ll see you soon.”

Something seemed off. “Are you sure everything is okay? Did I say or do something to upset you?”

“I’m fine. I’ll call you when I can, okay?”

Talk about depressing goodbyes. I nodded and tried to force a smile, but I failed miserably. “Okay. Have a good flight.”

Shutting the door, my shoulders slumped. I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but after the intensity we’d shared last night, I thought we’d have some sort of a big farewell moment filled with emotions. Instead, that was more like the way Warren and I would’ve said goodbye. Anticlimactic. Which was fine. It really was. It just seemed very anti-Holden.

But whatever. He was probably just feeling as down as I was about going our separate ways. I briefly considered going back to bed, but since I was up early, I thought I might as well hit the road for Philly and get a jump on traffic. So I took a quick shower, dried my hair, and finished putting my toiletries into my weekend bag. I grabbed my laptop from the bedroom nightstand and started to pack it into its case, but when I remembered I needed to send an email to my admin, I pulled it back out.

The power saver screen was on when I opened. But after it woke up, I went to type and froze.

Oh no.

Holden said he’d set the alarm on my laptop, so he must’ve opened to the same screen I just did—front and center with the email from Barbara Reston, the email with a first line that read:

Great news! Not only can we get you back to Philly as soon as next week, but we can get you a place to work in a local government building.

Holden’s mood when he left made a lot more sense now…