Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Holden

“Damn, to go without sex—by choice?” Owen took a bite of the apple he’d stolen from my fridge after stopping by on his way home from work the next evening.

Lala hadn’t gotten home yet, so I was killing time and entertaining my friend’s curiosity about my probably asinine decision.

“Can’t believe it was my idea.” I shook my head.

“Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.” He laughed. “I know one person who’d be happy about this, though.”

“Who?”

“Ryan. He’d be thrilled you’re keeping your hands off her.”

“You’re probably right.” I sighed. Owen had touched my sore spot. I swear, I had dreams about Ryan coming back to this life just to strangle me.

A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts.

When I opened, Brayden stood there with a goofy smile on his face.

“What’s up, man?” I waved him in.

“This is just a welfare check. Owen texted me to get down here. He said he thought you might’ve lost your mind.”

“I haven’t lost it—yet.” I rolled my eyes. “Yet being the operative word.”

Brayden leaned against the counter. “What’s going on?”

Owen took it upon himself to answer. “He wants to prove that what he and Lala have isn’t driven solely by sex, so your boy here made a decision. He’s denying her the D for two fucking weeks.”

Brayden’s eyes widened. “Since when did Catalano grow up? I guess we’ve all been too busy to notice.” He chuckled. “But seriously… Withholding sex? Isn’t that going to be a little…challenging for you?”

“Believe me, even one day has been hard—on both of us. I think Lala’s taking it worse than I am.”

“It must be tough being wanted so badly for your body, huh?” Owen chided.

“I used to be just fine with that, dickhead. But not with this girl. It sounds sappy, but…” I cringed at the words about to exit my mouth. “I want her to like me for me.”

“Who are you, and what have you done with Holden?” Brayden joked.

“Lala certainly never had a lack of brainiac shit to talk about with her last boyfriend,” I said. “I want to stimulate her mind as much as I stimulate other parts.”

“What if you unexpectedly start to feel differently now that sex is removed from the equation?” Brayden asked.

I shook my head. “No way. Even when Lala and I weren’t having sex, I wanted to be around her twenty-four-seven. I love just talking to her, spending time with her. That’s what we do best—before we got sidetracked by the mind-blowing sex.”

“Is this the part where I’m supposed to feel sorry for you?” Brayden taunted.

Then came another knock on the door. I hoped to God it wasn’t Lala walking in on this conversation. I was sure the guys’ faces would be a dead giveaway as to what we’d been talking about.

Thankfully, it was just Colby. “What’s up?”

“Hey, man,” I said.

“Brayden just texted me to come down here. Said something funny is going on with you.”

I turned to Brayden. “Are you kidding?”

Brayden shrugged. “I’m sorry. But it is funny.”

After they filled him in, Colby reached his hand to my forehead. “You sure you’re okay, dude?”

“I might’ve lost my mind,” I conceded.

“Nah.” Brayden smacked my shoulder. “I think our boy is growing up.”

Colby chuckled. “This is like if Owen woke up one day and decided there were more important things than work. I wouldn’t recognize him.”

Owen took a bite of his apple and spoke while chewing, “Hey, don’t knock me when I don’t currently have anyone worth neglecting work for—unlike you two whipped pricks. Plus, I’ve decided I’m not getting married. Most women want kids, and those two fuckwad teenage brats in 410 have made me decide I’m never having any.”

“What did they do now?” I asked.

“I saw them in the elevator this morning. They asked me if I had change for a twenty. I did, so I gave it to them. When I got to the train station, I realized my wallet was gone. And my damn watch. They laughed when I went up to their apartment pissed off. They claim they were just screwing around, but I didn’t find it too amusing.”

I chuckled. “At least we won’t be putting kids out on the street when we evict them for not paying the rent someday. They’ll get two hots and a cot in prison.”

“Getting back to our celibate boy here,” Brayden said. “What happens after this two-week period? Say you prove that you can have a great relationship without sex. Then what? Does that solve all your problems?”

I took a moment to ponder that. “I don’t know. The biggest challenge for me is what things will look like if shit starts taking off with the band.”

“Speaking of that…” Colby popped the cap off a beer he’d taken out of my fridge. “You never really told us how everything went out west. Any prospects?”

“More than one, actually. The trip was as successful as it could have been.”

“You seriously didn’t mess around with anyone out there?” Brayden asked.

“Of course not,” I said, a little insulted. “I wouldn’t do that to her.”

“Good for you,” he said.

“It wasn’t effort. I didn’t want to. It’s as simple as that.”

Colby interrupted, “So what’s the next step? Is someone getting back to you guys?”

“There were at least two interested execs. We’re waiting to hear more. That’s putting me on edge somewhat.”

“Well, I, for one, am proud of you for never giving up,” Owen said. “It seems like it might finally be paying off.”

“Be careful what you wish for…” Brayden laughed. “You might just get it all at once.”

I nodded. “That’s exactly what this feels like. Everything is going great with my personal life and my career, but the two are trying to cancel each other out.”

The guys hung around and busted my balls for about an hour before leaving me alone. Venting to them had done me good.

After they left, I took a shower and jerked off before heading over to Lala’s. The latter would be a must over these next several days, although it didn’t help the need much when she was right in front of me.

As I walked next door, I had to stop myself from getting too excited. I’d almost forgotten for a split-second that we weren’t going to be having sex. Instead, I’d be offering her another evening of “platonic fun.”

When she opened the door, my eyes immediately fell to her chest. Lala’s nipples were piercing through the thin fabric of her white T-shirt.

“Hey, handsome. I missed you today.”

I gritted my teeth as I entered. “Lala, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your nipples are staring at me like you have a second set of eyes. I want to fucking suck on them right now, and that’s not good.”

“Oh.” She looked down. “I must’ve forgotten to put on a bra.”

Her face turned red as I glared at her.

“Is that it, or are you just trying to torture me?”

She flashed an impish grin.

“That’s what I thought.”

Her blond curls were especially unruly tonight—just the way I loved them. I envisioned bunching all of her hair into a ponytail and pulling on it while I fucked her from behind. And God… I’d been so fixated on her chest, I nearly missed the fact that she’d put on that cute leather skirt that she’d worn out to a couple of my gigs.

I was practically salivating as I pulled her toward me. “Fuck. Come here.”

I threaded my fingers through her hair as our lips smashed together. When Lala moaned into my mouth, my dick stiffened. It took everything in me not to carry her over to the kitchen counter and break my “fast.” I was going to be in trouble if I didn’t put a stop to this—so I pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “I thought kissing was okay.”

“It’s never just kissing with you.” I panted. “I know I said we could kiss…but it’s making it harder for me right now.”

She looked down at my crotch. “I can see that.” Lala sighed. “This is more difficult than I thought it would be. Everything is turning me on more than usual. This afternoon, you texted me, and even your name on my phone made my body react. Who the hell gets aroused by a text they didn’t even read yet?”

“Well, that’s all the more reason to condition your brain not to associate me with sex.”

Lala’s expression turned serious. “What is this really about? Are you seriously concerned that I’m only interested in one thing from you? Because if that’s the case, I find it a little insulting after we’ve had years of history together that didn’t involve a single second of sex.”

Fuck.“Of course, I know you care about me for reasons besides sex. But I do think the sex part of our relationship could be masking some things you might be inadvertently turning a blind eye to.”

“Like what?”

Shit. What am I doing?

“Are you trying to warn me or something? I’m confused, Holden.”

Am I?

“Look… The no-sex thing is about us connecting more on another level, but it’s also about you figuring out what you’re getting into with me. When we’re constantly fucking our brains out, it’s hard for you to see everything clearly.”

Why was I trying to sabotage things? I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I tugged on my hair. “I feel like things are starting to happen with After Friday. I know my being away wasn’t easy. But that could be just the beginning, Lala. It’s gonna be tough for you with me away. What if you can’t handle it?”

“You’re putting words in my mouth, Holden. Obviously, I’ve thought about that. But all I know is, if my head starts going there—into tomorrow or some imagined future scenario—I’m losing these moments with you right now. So maybe my blocking out reality is intentional because I don’t want to lose this time with you.”

I shook my head, looking down at my shoes. “I’m sorry for ruining the mood.”

“Don’t apologize for being honest. You’re admitting what you’re worried about. And I was honest in admitting that I wasn’t ready to deal with it. Even if we don’t always love the other person’s answers, we should always talk about what’s bothering us.” She tugged on my shirt. “And by the way, opening up to each other like this is a better use of the no-sex period than you dressing up like Mr. Rogers and pretending to be someone you’re not.”

Breaking my vow to not kiss her, I leaned in and took her mouth in mine. Speaking over her lips, I muttered, “I just don’t want to lose you. That’s what all of this is about.”

“I know,” she whispered.

My damn emotions were all over the place. Lowering my mouth to her neck, I sucked on her tender skin, needing to be inside of her like I needed my next damn breath. “I want to fuck you so badly right now.”

She laughed. “Did someone flip a switch inside you, Catalano?”

“That’s how it is when you…” Love someone. Fuck. Every time I’d nearly said it, things didn’t feel right. Now wasn’t the time—I’d already fucked tonight up.

I repeated, “That’s how it is when you want someone as badly as I want you right now, sweetheart.” I forced myself back. “But I’m gonna stick to the plan.”

She spoke against my chest. “Not gonna pretend to be happy about that.”

I switched the subject before I gave in. “Here’s something that might take our minds off sex…”

“What?”

“I want to talk about your dad.”

“Yeah, okay. That might work.” She chuckled as she moved away from me. “What about him?”

“I’m not gonna pressure you about me spending time with him, but I’m secretly hoping you change your mind about that.”

“Why does it matter so much to you?”

“I think it’s two-fold.” I paused. “Part of it is that Ryan can’t be here to give me the official seal of approval. I still can’t figure out if he’d be happy about us or want to kill me, and most days I feel like it’s the latter.” I sighed. “So getting on your dad’s good side would be like the next-best thing.”

“What’s the other component?”

“I’m not gonna lie…knowing how well your father got along with Warren irks me. It’s because your dad trusts him. And he sure as fuck doesn’t trust me yet.”

“He also had a really long time to build that trust with Warren. I don’t want you to feel like you need to rush. That happens with time. There’s nothing you can say or do that’s going to make him trust you right now.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“What I mean is that if you stick around and he gets to know you naturally, that’s how he’ll end up trusting you. You can’t make that happen overnight.”

“I get it.” I exhaled. “Okay, here’s what I propose. It’s been too damn long since I’ve spent some quality time with my parents. You said you were going back home in a couple of weeks. Why don’t I drive us out there, but I’ll stay with my folks. My mother has been bugging me to come home for a long time. Then I can drive you back and maybe sneak in some time with you there, too.”

“You don’t have any gigs scheduled that weekend?”

“I’ll let the band and our manager know that those days are blocked off for me. It’s non-negotiable.” Showing her I meant business, I took my phone out. “Matter of fact, I’m gonna text them right now to let them know that time is off limits.”

After Lala took out her calendar and confirmed the three days she’d planned to go home, I sent a group text to my bandmates and manager, specifying the dates I’d be home in Pennsylvania.

Within a minute, I got a text back from my manager.

Daisy: I’m sorry. You can’t take those dates off. We just received word that Seal Records wants you guys to go back out to L.A. and record a demo. Those days overlap with the dates they booked the studio. Sorry!

A rush of adrenaline hit me as I typed a response.

Holden: There’s no flexibility on the dates?

Daisy: Nope. Studio is booked solid otherwise. We don’t want to fuck around with these guys by acting like a bunch of divas off the bat. Non-negotiable.

I stood there frozen, looking down at my phone incredulously.

“Holden, what’s wrong?”

“Sweetheart…I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t go to Pennsylvania.” My stomach ached.

“What happened?” She blinked.

“Daisy just told me one of the record companies wants us to go out to California again to record a demo. They booked the studio during the time you’re going to Pennsylvania.”

She leapt toward me and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Oh my God. That’s amazing!”

Sure, that was great news, but it wasn’t even fazing me. Grasping at straws, I asked, “I assume you can’t go any other time?”

“No. We have that Monday off—some sort of government holiday I’ve never heard of, which is the only reason I can take that long weekend. Since I’m already behind, I really can’t take any other time off.”

I gritted my teeth. “I’m so fucking pissed right now.”

“It’s okay.” She rubbed my arm. “Please don’t stress.”

I wanted so freaking badly to prove to Lala that I could be there for her. But how could I let my band down after we’d worked for years to get to this place? It was literally the opportunity of a lifetime.

My gut told me if I thought I could seriously pursue this music career and be the kind of man who’s good for Lala, I was probably kidding myself.