Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Lala

“Uh, Holden…hey. What are you doing here?”

Holden’s eyes moved between me and Warren. His jaw clenched. “I just came to check on how that leak in the kitchen is holding up. I put some putty around the drain earlier while you were at work, to shore up the seal.”

I hadn’t had any leak in the kitchen, but I appreciated him making up an excuse for stopping by. “Oh, it must have worked. I don’t think it’s leaking anymore. Thank you for checking.”

The three of us stood staring at each other in silence until it got awkward. Eventually, Holden lifted his chin to Warren and forced a smile, but I could see he was anything but happy. “Hey man, what’s up?”

Warren placed his hand on my back. “Not much. Just surprised my fiancée for the weekend.”

Holden glanced to me. “Cool. Well, I’ll let you guys go since the faucet is holding.”

“Actually,” Warren said. “I’m glad you stopped by. I knocked on your door earlier, on my way in, so I could speak to you about something in private…”

My eyes widened. “You did?”

Warren nodded before looking back to Holden. “Could you possibly recommend a restaurant? Something romantic, perhaps?” Warren leaned in and kissed my temple. “Tomorrow is the anniversary of our first date, and I don’t get to see my girl so often these days. I’d like to take her somewhere nice.”

Oh God. I wanted to throw up.

Holden glared at Warren. “I don’t eat out much.”

“Really? I figured you’d have an arsenal of romantic places, with all the dating Laney tells me you do…”

I shut my eyes. When I opened them, Holden’s glare had shifted from Warren to me.

“I never said Holden was a serial dater.”

Holden’s face reddened. “Just a manwhore, right?”

“Holden…”

He held up a hand. “It’s fine. I mean, the truth is the truth. Though, I guess one of the reasons I can’t think of a romantic restaurant off the top of my head is because some of my most memorable times with women aren’t at places like that. The best times I’ve ever had were just evenings sitting on my fire escape, drinking wine and talking. I don’t think you need a fancy, overpriced place when you’re with a special woman.”

Holden caught my eyes one more time. “But I’ll let you know if I think of any restaurants. Have a good night.”

Once I closed the door, I told Warren I needed to use the bathroom so I could buy myself a little time to clear my head. But I could probably have stayed in there for days and still felt like a jumbled mess. After I came out, I went straight to the wine, poured a glass to the brim, and drank. I didn’t realize how much I’d gulped back until Warren’s eyes zoned in on the nearly empty glass.

“I was really thirsty,” I said.

“I can see that. Although water quenches thirst better than alcohol. That stuff will only dehydrate you more.”

“Right…of course.” I refilled my glass. “I’ll take this one a little slower. Would you like a refill?”

Warren gestured to the glass I’d poured him a half hour ago. “I’ve barely had a sip.”

I’d been feeling awkward ever since I opened the door to find Warren on the other side a few hours ago, but suddenly I didn’t even know how to act.

Did I sit down?

What should I say?

Was he looking at me funny?

Warren rubbed his lip with his thumb. “What does that guy do for a living again?”

I immediately felt defensive. Maybe it was the use of “that guy” when I knew he knew his name. “Holden plays in a band called After Friday. He’s also the building super.”

“Pushing thirty is a little old to be holding on to the hope of becoming a rock star, isn’t it?”

“Holden’s a very talented drummer. Just because he hasn’t made it big yet doesn’t mean he doesn’t have what it takes. So much of the creative arts is about right time, right place.”

“But when do you call it quits? Thirty? Forty? Sixty? We all have to grow up sometime.”

“Are you saying Holden isn’t a grown-up because he does something he loves? Not everyone is willing to give up their happiness for a job that pays better or has a more structured schedule. I think you’re forgetting that Holden, and all of the guys who own this building, experienced something that taught them a valuable lesson: Life is short. Don’t waste it on things that aren’t worth your time.”

Warren’s face fell. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think of how Ryan’s death might’ve affected them.”

I blew out a breath and shook my head. “It’s fine. I’m sorry if I got a little snippy. I’m tired, and you know how I get when I don’t get my sleep.”

He reached out and stroked my cheek. “Why don’t we go to bed? I’m tired too. I went into the lab early this morning so I could get a jump on traffic this afternoon.”

Warren and I hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks, so I suspected we wouldn’t be going to sleep once we went to bed. And I wasn’t in the right headspace for fooling around at the moment. So I told a little white lie. Or should I say another one…

“I need to get a few things done for work by the morning. I didn’t know you were coming, so I left some of my tasks to finish at home. But why don’t you go relax and watch some TV in bed, and I’ll join you as soon as I’m done?”

Warren frowned. “Okay. Hopefully you won’t be too long?”

I attempted a smile. “I’ll try to hurry.”

Not wanting to get caught in my lie, I did work on an Excel spreadsheet I’d been avoiding. Entering data and creating graphs were my least favorite parts of running research trials, yet I picked them over fooling around with my fiancé. After forty-five minutes or so, the numbers on my laptop started to blur, so I tiptoed to the door of the bedroom to see if I could hear Warren moving around. I exhaled a huge breath when I heard his gentle snore.

It might’ve been safe to go to bed, yet I still felt wired by the evening’s turn of events—first Warren surprising me and then Holden showing up at my door. So I poured myself another glass of wine and tried to unwind, but my mind kept wandering to the man next door. I couldn’t stop replaying the hurt on his face when he’d seen Warren. Worse, he thought I’d told Warren all about what a womanizer he was. Unable to shake the thoughts from my head even with the help of more wine, I took out my phone and scrolled through TikTok. Normally when I was stressing about something, I could scroll through one of the gazillion dogs hashtags and find some adorable lab who let a pet duck ride on his head to change my mood. But tonight, in between every video, I looked up at the window that led to the fire escape.

I couldn’t…

A basset hound running around with sunglasses on.

I shouldn’t…

A goldendoodle eating dinner in a highchair like a child.

What if I just went out for five minutes…

A boxer who can play piano.

Warren would never even have to know…

A sheepdog who uses his teeth to pull the covers up for a sleeping child.

I could be quiet…

I picked up the almost empty magnum of wine and guzzled the last of it straight from the bottle. Fuck it. I’m doing it. I’m going out there.

Double checking at the bedroom door that Warren was still snoring, I quietly pried open the window and climbed onto the fire escape.

Each and every time I’d come out here, Holden was either already here or had joined me pretty soon after. So I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After about a half hour, my phone buzzed with a text.

Holden: Chez Josephine in Midtown. Enjoy your romantic dinner.

***

Just when you think it’s safe…

I hadn’t seen or heard a peep from next door over the last twenty-four hours. But the moment the elevator doors slid open, none other than my neighbor was standing inside. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

Holden’s face fell as he took in Warren and me all dressed up. “Oh, hey.”

I smiled halfheartedly. “Hi.”

Holden had drumsticks in his hand. He tucked them into the waistband of his jeans and lifted two amps from the ground, one in each hand. His eyes did a quick sweep over my little black dress as he stepped out of the elevator.

“Looks like you’re all ready for your romantic evening. Hope it’s everything you dreamed it would be.”

I just wanted to get on the damn elevator and put distance between us, but Warren didn’t immediately follow me in when Holden got off. He held one side of the elevator doorframe to keep the doors from sliding shut. “Are you playing tonight?”

Holden turned. “Yep.”

“Where? Maybe Laney and I will stop by after dinner.”

Holden’s eyes flashed to me and back to Warren. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do that. You should enjoy your romantic evening. Plus, I don’t think the place is really your vibe.”

“Maybe not, but Laney told me how talented you are, and I think it’ll be fun.”

Holden’s lips pursed, but eventually he nodded. “The Villager. It’s downtown.”

Warren nodded. “Great. Maybe we’ll see you later.”

***

“This place was really nice.” I wiped the corners of my mouth with a napkin. “Thank you for finding it and making the plans.”

I hadn’t told Warren that Holden had texted me with a recommendation for a romantic restaurant last night. The thought that he’d probably been there with someone else was too much for me to handle. But Warren had reached out to one of his colleagues, who had given him the name of this place.

“Everything was delicious, but I think the company is what made it special.” Warren tucked his credit card into the leather portfolio and reached across the table for my hand. “I think we needed this, my love. Lately I’ve felt like we’ve had a bit of a disconnect. I’m sure it’s because of the distance between us, but it’s made me realize that I need to come visit more often and put in more effort.”

It was screwed up, but my gut reaction to my fiancé saying he wanted to visit more was one of dread. Dinner had been really nice—the food was delicious, our conversation flowed naturally, and a talented piano player played softly from the other side of the room. I should’ve felt wooed and special—but instead I was…bored. Just thinking that made me feel like a horrible human being. But the thing about feelings is, while they may not be pretty, there’s usually a lot of truth in them. And the truth was, I couldn’t stop comparing what I felt like with Warren to how I felt when I was around another man. Holden made me feel alive, while I’d felt numb making dinner conversation with my fiancé. There was just no spark, no butterflies, no electricity running through my veins. Sadly, I’d had no idea any of those things were even missing before I came to New York. I’d blindly settled into a routine of nice, not really having anything to compare it to. And now I worried that what I’d felt around Holden couldn’t be unfelt. Could I tuck what I knew a relationship could feel like back into the box when I left New York and go back to being happy with nice?

That was the big question—one I didn’t have the answer to.

I smiled and nodded. “I could come home to visit more, too.”

When we were ready to go, Warren stood and held his hand out to help me up.

“Thank you.”

He pulled me close for a spontaneous hug. “Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?”

“That’s sweet of you to say.”

Outside the restaurant, Warren stepped to the curb. He raised his hand to hail a cab coming down the block. “You ready to go party now?”

“You mean Holden’s show?”

Warren nodded. “I’m looking forward to seeing his band play.”

“You are?”

The cab pulled up, and Warren opened the back door. “I feel bad for insulting his career last night. Your brother’s friends are important to you, so they’re important to me.”

“I appreciate that, but…I’m sort of tired. It’s fine if we skip it.”

“We don’t have to go for very long. Let’s just stop in for a few songs.”

I sighed and ducked into the cab. “Okay…yeah, sure.”

The Villager was packed when we walked in. I felt slightly relieved that we were stuck at the back bar, and Holden probably wouldn’t even notice we’d come. Warren talked to the bartender while I looked around the club. Most of the women were dressed very differently than I was in my demure little black dress that came to my knee and conservative pumps. They had on cropped tops with abs showing, skimpy strapless dresses, and jeans that looked painted on. It made me feel uncool and super out of place.

Warren slipped some money across the bar and finished talking to the bartender. A minute later, a woman walked over and the bartender pointed to Warren and me.

“What’s going on?”

Warren beamed. “I got us a table up front.”

“What? How?”

“Gave the bartender a hundred dollars, and one of the two round tables with the little reserved signs suddenly became available. I told him we would only be about an hour, though.”

The last thing I wanted was to be front and center. I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’m good here. We’re only going to stay a little while anyway.”

But it was too late. The woman motioned for us to follow, and Warren put his hand on my back, guiding me to walk.

Holden spotted us before we even sat down, his eyes tracking my every step as he drummed away.

Warren pulled out my chair, and we sat. He looked pleased with himself as he leaned forward and yelled over the music. “Now isn’t this better?”

No, it makes me want to throw up.Yet I had to muster a smile. “Yes, thank you.”

The next half hour was brutal. After Friday played seven songs in a row, each one going right into the next, but Holden and I couldn’t stop staring at each other. I’d force my eyes away after a few seconds, but somehow they kept finding their way back. And each and every time, I found Holden looking at me. I started to worry that my fiancé was going to notice. But when I glanced over, he seemed completely oblivious and smiled. I smiled back, and the brief interaction caused Warren to reach across the table and lace his fingers with mine. The next time I stole a peek at the drummer, Holden was no longer looking at me; he was staring at our joined hands—actually glaring was more like it. His playing also seemed to get louder and louder. We were sitting so close that I’d already been feeling the beat in my chest, but as time went on, my heart pounded so hard I started to sweat. When the band finally stopped playing, the lead singer said they were going to take a short set break, and I told Warren I needed to use the ladies’ room.

The hallway had a line of six individual bathrooms, and I was glad to get a few minutes alone in one. Once I caught my breath, I decided as soon as I got back to the table, I’d tell Warren we needed to leave. I couldn’t possibly handle another round of what had been going on out there. But when I opened the bathroom door, Holden was waiting right on the other side. He backed me up, locking the door behind him.

“What are you doing?” I said.

Holden looked crazed. He kept walking forward, making me step back, until I hit the sink. Then he put one hand on either side of me, blocking me in.

He leaned down so we were eye to eye. “Tell me, when you hold his hand, do you feel like you do right now?”

My heart raced, and I couldn’t speak.

“Answer me!” His eyes were so angry. “How do you feel right now, Lala? Does it feel the same when he touches your hand?”

I shook my head.

“How about when he was in your fucking bed last night? Did that feel like this?”

I shook my head again.

“That’s fucking sad.” Holden trailed one finger along my arm, and goose bumps broke out all over my skin. “Does he make your hair stand up like this? Give you goose bumps?”

I shook my head yet again.

Holden leaned in, bringing his mouth to my ear. “Can he make you come just by talking to you? Without ever laying a finger on you?”

This time I didn’t answer. I wasn’t even capable of moving my head anymore. Holden’s hot breath at my ear had my body trembling with need.

But he stepped back. An angry smile spread across his face.

“I didn’t think so. Enjoy the rest of your dull evening, Laney.”

He unlocked the door and walked out without looking back, leaving me standing there like a puddle of mush.

It took people banging on the bathroom door to get me to come out after that. I was an emotional wreck and needed to get the heck out of the club and away from Holden. But when I walked back to the table to tell Warren we needed to leave, I found Holden sitting in my chair. And now he wasn’t alone… A scantily clad, beautiful woman was sitting on his lap. It stopped me in my tracks. Out of the corner of his eye, Holden noticed. He flashed an evil smile and nuzzled his face into the woman’s neck. Coming out of the bathroom, I’d been a sad, emotional mess. But seeing Holden that way flipped a switch inside me. Sad and emotional became angry and jealous. I marched over to the table and spoke to Warren.

“We need to leave. I have a migraine coming on, and I just got sick in the bathroom.” I turned to face Holden and glared at him, ripping my jacket from the back of the chair as they continued to canoodle. “It must’ve been the loud music. Enjoy the rest of your night, Holden. Though it looks like you already have that covered.”