Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Holden

Owen stopped in the following day after he returned from his Boston trip. He was still wearing his work clothes; I swear, that guy lived in suits. He gave me a scrutinizing look as he headed for my couch, and I knew what was coming. But after the way I’d left things with Lala last night, I was in a crap mood and had no tolerance for his usual bullshit.

“How did everything go with bringing Lala back from New Jersey? Once again, you manipulated your way into spending time with her, huh?”

I fisted my hands. “Shut the fuck up, Owen.”

“Is that not the truth?”

“You want the truth? The truth is…I’m gonna kick your ass if you don’t cut the shit and stop sticking your damn nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“Jesus. Chill out.” His brows furrowed. “Are you okay?”

“You act like this whole Lala thing is a fucking game to me. It’s not. It’s been eating at me. And walking away is hard.”

He blinked. “Wait—walking away?”

“Yes. You don’t need to police me anymore.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I got a little drunk last night. Told her I was done. Also told her I didn’t want to be her biggest regret. Then I stormed off. And I meant it. I’m done.”

Owen narrowed his eyes. “You don’t look done, my friend.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “You don’t look done in the least. You look…like shit.”

“Suck a dick.” I chuckled.

Owen stared at me for a few seconds. “You know… I think this might be the first time I’ve realized how tormented you are over this.” He sighed. “I know you care about her. That was never in doubt, nor the problem.”

“I haven’t been with anyone since Lala came to town, Owen.” I pointed to my chest. “Me! What does that tell you? It’s fucking weird. I’ve never had this happen. It’s like I have tunnel vision. The more I feel like I can’t have her, the more I want her.”

Owen got up, went for my fridge, and grabbed a beer. He popped off the cap and tossed it aside. “You need to force yourself to move on somehow. Not only because she’s engaged, but for your own good.”

“I’m gonna try.” I let out a breath. “Starting tonight. I really am.”

“It’ll be easier when she goes back to Pennsylvania,” he said.

“Yeah,” I muttered, even though the thought of that—or worse, her going to California—gutted me.

“You know I’m just looking out for her like Ryan would’ve.” He took a sip. “But I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time. I can see now that you’ve probably been the hardest on yourself, more than anyone.”

“Are you apologizing to me? That’s so unlike you.”

“Don’t get used to it.” He grinned. “And for the record, I’m proud of you for not pushing things any further and for trying to do the right thing.”

While Owen knew about the hotel night, he didn’t know about the phone sex. I didn’t want to betray Lala’s trust by spilling those details, so I kept that to myself. I wasn’t sure he’d be so forgiving right now if he knew exactly how far I’d pushed things.

“In a weird way, I envy you,” Owen said.

I blinked in confusion. “Which part do you envy—my blue balls or my inability to get it up for anyone else?”

“Neither.” He laughed. “I guess I envy the passion you have for her, even though you may not be right for each other. At least you know you have the ability to feel this way about someone.”

“Believe me, you don’t want this, brother. Wanting someone and not being able to have them is the ultimate torture.”

Owen stared down into his bottle. “I would love to feel something for someone…to not feel so damn dead inside. Sometimes, I doubt whether I’m capable of it. It just hasn’t happened for me.”

It hit me that I’d had my head up my ass with this Lala thing for so long that I might have been missing that my boy Owen was pretty down. He was a workaholic, and I’d always just assumed he was too busy for anything else or that he was too damn picky. Never thought he felt like he was missing out. But maybe there was something more to him not having a love life.

I lifted a brow. “You think you’re broken or something?”

“I honestly don’t know, man. The last couple of women I slept with, it was like I couldn’t get out of their apartments fast enough. I’d have given anything to want to stay—to stay up all night and talk, to not be able to get enough of a person. I feel like I might be ready for that with the right person, but I haven’t come across anyone who makes me feel that way.” He paused. “You know, the way you seem to feel about Lala.”

I shook my head. “I’d rather be in your predicament than feel this way and not be able to do anything about it. I miss the days where I felt nothing. I truly do.” I groaned. “I can’t wait to feel nothing again.”

“We’re on two different ends of the spectrum at the moment.” Owen looked at his watch. “Shit. We’d better get to Colby’s. We’re late.”

I’d nearly forgotten about our dinner plans. “Speaking of which, any clue what the hell this is all about?” I asked.

Colby and Billie had invited us over and specifically requested that we try not to bail—because for some unknown reason, it was important that we all be together tonight. That made me wonder if something was up. I had my suspicions.

“No clue,” Owen said. “I guess we’re about to find out.”

When we arrived at our friends’ apartment, the smell of garlic bread wafted in the air. There were five large pizza boxes stacked on the dining room table and some wine set out. Colby and Billie’s place was definitely lived-in. Between Saylor’s toys strewn about and Billie’s art everywhere, it was hard to believe Colby had once been the most quintessential bachelor among us.

Little Saylor came running toward me. “Holden! You need to come see Guinevere. She’s getting so fat!”

I smiled at the mention of the guinea pig I’d given her.

Colby chided, “Yeah, Holden, why don’t you clean up the cage while you’re at it? Thanks again for that gift, by the way.”

“The gift that keeps on giving.” I winked. “Anytime, my dude.”

After a quick jaunt to Saylor’s room to say hello to Guinevere, I returned to the living room. Owen had taken off his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his collared shirt as he made himself comfortable, noshing on the chips and salsa laid out on the coffee table.

Brayden made his entrance a few seconds later. “Okay, so what’s this all about?” he asked. “Random Friday-night dinners are a rarity. Something you want to tell us, Colby?”

“Wait. Is everyone here?” Colby asked, turning to Billie. “Didn’t you say Lala might come?”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention at the mention of her name. For some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me that she might show up.

“Actually, Lala can’t make it. So we’re going to have to go ahead without her. But she already knows.”

Knows what?

“Alright, guys.” Colby clapped his hands together and took a deep breath. “We told Saylor right before you got here, and we’re gonna let her do the honors because she’s been so excited to share.” He turned to his daughter. “Saylor, what do we have to tell your uncles?”

She hopped up and down and squealed. “I’m gonna be a big sister!”

I beamed. That’s what I’d suspected. I was relieved that it wasn’t some kind of bad news.

Brayden’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. “No freaking way!”

Owen grinned. “Congratulations, guys!”

“I knew it.” I hugged Billie.

“You did, huh?”

“I suspected, yeah. Congratulations, Mama.”

“Thank you, Holden.”

I opened my arms to hug Colby next. “And you, sir…well done.”

He patted me on the back. “Thanks, man. We’re over the moon.”

I couldn’t have been happier for my friends. Colby and Billie were perfect for each other, despite appearing to be total opposites. When they’d met, even I was surprised that my spunky tattoo artist had gone for my straight-laced, single-dad friend as opposed to, well, me. I always said they were like yin and yang. And even though Billie had truly become a mother to Saylor, whose birth mom had bailed, it was cool that she and Colby would have a biological child of their own. Speaking of yin and yang, I used to always associate that term with Colby and Billie. But it now also reminded me of Lala and me. She and I were true opposites, and that might have been part of the intense attraction between us. Still didn’t mean I was right for her. But there’s no doubt that opposites attract. Basically, I wanted to yin her with my yang—and that was precisely the problem.

With the big announcement out of the way, we all sat down to eat. The mood was jovial, with everyone speculating about the gender and tossing around name options. I couldn’t help wondering why Lala had chosen not to be here.

After the meal, I found myself alone in the kitchen with Billie as I brought my dirty plate in.

“So…you said Lala already knew about your news?”

Billie cleared her throat. “She and I went to dinner recently, and I told her in secret. I had to tell someone. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

“Well, she didn’t let on that she knew.”

“Yeah. I told her not to tell you guys because we wanted to tell you all together.”

Billie had given me a couple of odd looks tonight that told me she knew something about what was going on between Lala and me. I couldn’t help digging for info.

I rubbed my hands together. “Can I ask you something, Billie?”

She tilted her head. “Sure.”

“Am I the reason Lala decided not to come tonight?”

She bit her bottom lip. “I don’t know, Holden. That’s the truth. She told me she was working late. Whether that’s legit or not, I couldn’t say. She didn’t say anything about not coming because of you. And I have no reason not to believe the excuse she gave me.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “Fair enough.”

“Is there a reason she would be avoiding you?” She smirked.

“Be straight with me, Billie. How much do you know about what’s gone down between Lala and me lately?”

Billie looked out toward the entrance to the kitchen and lowered her voice. “Enough to know you might have a second career as a phone-sex operator.”

Well, alright, then.“I guess she didn’t hold back.”

She sighed. “Lala needed someone to talk to. She trusts that I won’t tell anyone, and I haven’t told Colby. I don’t want him to give you shit. The way I see it, this is between you and Lala. And you can trust me not to say anything. But part of the reason I’m telling you I know is that I want to talk to you. I’m curious about where your head is, Holden. Because this situation can’t be easy on you, either.”

“Does it matter where my head is?”

“Of course, it does. I care about both of you. And despite your reputation, I believe that deep down, you’re as soft as they come. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You mean really deep down I’m soft, right? Because there ain’t nothing on this surface that’s soft. Just to be clear.” I chuckled.

“Yes.” She laughed. “Of course. On the inside only.”

I let out a long, frustrated breath. “It’s been rough, honestly. I’ve crossed the line with her, put her in some tough spots because of my weakness—more than once.”

“You don’t put anyone anywhere they don’t want to be, Holden. She’s obviously smitten with you and struggling with her feelings, too.”

“My crush for her goes way back, and old habits die hard, I guess.” I paused. “But she’s engaged. I have to respect that.”

“What’s with the whispering?” Colby’s voice registered from behind me. “You’re not trying to hit on my wife like the old days, are ya?”

I crossed my arms. “We were just chatting about…life.”

“Life.” He glared. “Lala, you mean?”

Billie looked at me and mouthed, “I didn’t say anything.”

“What makes you think we’re talking about Lala?” I asked.

“Because I’m not dumb. I saw your face earlier when Billie said she wasn’t coming. And you’ve been avoiding me lately, which, when it comes to you, means there’s something you don’t wanna tell me. I know you, Holden.”

“Nothing is going on with Lala,” I insisted. “She’s still engaged. I’m still…me. And I’m moving on from any fucked-up feelings I might have for her. End of story.”

“Wow. Sounds so simple,” he taunted. “Which makes me suspicious. Sort of like the time I snuck over to Ryan’s house in the middle of the night to steal his bike as a prank. I happened to notice you and Lala on the roof. You made up some elaborate story when I called you out on it and expected me to believe it. Then you proceeded to avoid me for a week.” He laughed. “Just like back then, I think you’re full of shit now.”

I’d most definitely been avoiding Colby lately. Out of all of the guys, he’d always seemed able to see through me, even if I was putting on a front.

“Anyway…” I attempted to change the subject. “I’m really happy for you guys. I can’t wait to be an uncle again.”

“No more animal gifts, though, please,” Billie said.

“As long as Colby doesn’t piss me off, you won’t get any more surprises.” I winked. “Although, I hear capybaras make great household pets.”

“What am I missing in here?” Brayden said as he burst into the kitchen.

“Nothing,” I said.

“Damn, I was hoping you were whispering about Holden’s thing for Lala.”

Colby and Billie laughed, while I remained stone-faced.

“We were talking about the baby and future family pets,” I said.

“I can’t wait to see what he or she looks like. Hopefully the baby gets lucky and looks like Billie.” Brayden chuckled. “No offense, Colby.”

Owen entered the kitchen. “Why is everyone hiding in here?”

Brayden turned to him. “They’re pretending they weren’t talking about Lala.”

“Ah.” Owen turned to me. “You told them about the hotel night?”

Colby’s eyes widened as his head whipped toward me. “Hotel what?”

I pulled on my hair. “Nothing happened! It’s a long story. Her car broke down and I—”

“Seriously!” Billie intervened. “You don’t owe us an explanation, Holden.” She turned to her husband. “Even if anything were happening with Lala, it’s none of our business.”

“Lala will always be our business,” Colby corrected.

Billie placed her hands on her hips. “Lala’s a grown-ass woman. She doesn’t need any of you big goons looking out for her. And as for Holden, leave him alone, too. He’s done nothing wrong. And if there’s anyone here who would kick his ass if he did, it would be me. Got it?”

“Ass?” a little voice asked.

Saylor had joined us.

Billie sighed. “Nothing, honey. Forget you heard that.”

Saylor giggled. “Are you talking about Lala?”

Not her, too.

“Why would you think that?” I asked.

“I was listening. I heard her name. I like Lala. She has pretty hair.”

Fuck yeah, she does. I dream about pulling it while I—

“Uncle Holden! You have to say goodbye to Guinevere before you leave.”

Colby’s eyes darted to me. “You can take Guinevere back home with you, while you’re at it, Holden.”

“Saylor…” I flashed a mischievous grin. “Have you ever seen a capybara?”

After saying a proper goodbye to the guinea pig I’d nearly murdered via Hot Cheeto, I went back to my apartment, unable to shake the uneasy feeling I’d had all night. Knowing that Lala couldn’t stand to be around me long enough to show up for her friends’ big announcement felt like a punch to the gut. It was proof that I’d gone and done what I’d feared: I’d pushed her away and was losing her as a friend. That was unacceptable to me.

Before going into my place, I stopped in the hallway, debating whether to knock on her door. There was always a chance that I’d blown things out of proportion. Maybe she did have to work late. I needed to know whether that was a lie.

I continued to stand in the hallway and debated texting her, but I had to figure out a new normal, and the sooner I faced her again, the sooner I could practice being around her without screwing up.

I finally knocked and stood there waiting as my pulse raced.

When Lala opened, she looked as beautiful and flustered as ever with her wild hair and wide eyes. Then I looked down. Her neck had broken out in a rash, which only happened when something was really bothering her. It took me all of two seconds to figure it out. Because when I looked to my right, I realized she wasn’t alone.

Warren was standing there.