26. Carson

We're flying out today on the same plane to head to the first race of the season, and while I'm excited to be back to racing, my thoughts are on the fact that I want to be holding Brayden's hand right now.

How fucked up is that?

But it's true. I want to be like a normal fucking couple. I want to hold his hand. I want to kiss him, and I want everyone to shut the hell up about it. But I know he's right. We need to be careful.

This racing season is important. I have to do well. So well that other teams start vying for my attention. So I can get signed to another one. Maybe Brayden can too. I don't think he'd be against leaving this team anymore.

He hasn't so much said it, but I can feel it. Brayden is all-in, and damn, I want to be also. Stupid fucking rookie status. I've never hated it more.

I'm in a terrible mood by the time we land and then get to the hotel. We can't even cuddle or anything because we immediately have to go to a meeting with Jenny in her room.

I'm prepared for the usual speech, the no fighting, and don't say fuck on the air—that kind of thing. But when we get to her room, finding her perched on the sofa, and we take our seats across from her in separate chairs, she shocks the hell out of me. "Okay, so how long have you two been fucking?"

I look around the room, I guess looking for cameras or something, I'm not really sure. But Brayden remains stone-faced. "What the hell are you talking about?" Uh-oh. That's his don't fuck with me voice, and he really shouldn't use that on Jenny. But at the end of the day, I know he'll wreck his career for me.

Something I don't like at all.

I keep my tone soft and curious as I look at Jenny. "What he means to ask is why do you think that?"

Her eyes narrow in my direction, and I'm pretty sure if she could turn me to stone, she would. I try not to shrink back too much. "Don't. I'm not stupid." She turns to Brayden, who has his jaw locked tight and looks tense as hell. "I've had my suspicions for a while, but the plane pretty much cemented it."

"What are you talking about, Jenny?" Brayden says in a harsh tone that makes me flinch. "Nothing happened on the plane."

"You two were eye-fucking each other the entire damn flight."

"That's not true," he says, but there isn't as much bite to it. Are we really that obvious? Shit. Does anyone else know?

"Relax," Jenny says to me. "No one else knows. I've checked thoroughly, and while there are some fans who want you two together, no one actually thinks you are."

I'm surprised to hear there are people who want us together but decide that's really not the point right now.

"So how long?" she asks again, and I'm so damn tired. Of the secrets and the hiding—something I shouldn't have to feel. But I'm seriously just plain tired. I look her in the eyes and give her the answer.

"For a while."

Brayden is tense, but he doesn't look at me, keeping his eyes on Jenny. "Why the hell does it matter?"

"It doesn't," Jenny says easily, not threatened by his tone. "But you should have told me so I can get ahead of it."

"We aren't..." Panic goes through me. Panic that I'm ashamed of but can't hide, my voice cracking. "We don't want to come out." I wince because that's not the real truth. I do. I do so damn badly, but I can't.

Brayden must pick up on what I mean because he clarifies for me. "He can't."

Jenny frowns at that. "And why can't he?" Her right brow lifts as if we're totally insane. She's been a sports agent for a long time. She has to know why.

"Is that a joke?" Brayden bites out. "You know damn well why."

I cringe. I don't think he actually groups Jenny with the PR team, but at the end of the day, she kind of is. Her job is to keep our images up to par for the PR team and for the racing team we work for. "I don't actually. What's your plan exactly? Just hide as much as you can? Because soon enough, other people will pick up on it. It was just the eye-fucking, Brayden. It's obvious to anyone who's paying attention that you two truly care about each other."

"So sell it like it's the bromance," he bites out, and I swear to God my stomach hurts. I don't like this. I don't like any of this at all. I hate that he's so angry, I swear I can hear him grinding his teeth.

"You want to fuck your bro," she says just as tense.

Brayden's jaw ticks with anger. I know he won't punch her, but damn, he looks mad. "Maybe you're just super paranoid."

"I don't understand the problem here, Brayden. I'm not an idiot. You love him. So why not tell the world?"

My heart clenches tight in my chest, so hard I have to put my hand over it to try to sooth myself. It's not fair. I want to do that. "I want to," I say it out loud, and Jenny looks at me curiously. "But I can't, and you know I can't. I'm a rookie. I need my spot on the team. I need my reputation."

She purses her lips, and I think she's breathing deep and trying to calm herself down. "I'm not an idiot, and I've been doing this for a long time. I know the difficulties that come with this, but I'm also getting really sick and tired of my clients having to hide who they are."

That surprises me. I don't know why. I thought this was just another problem for her to solve. A headache. But she actually seems to really care about this. I think—holy shit—I don't think she's mad at us. I think she's mad for us.

She sighs softly, and I notice Brayden's attitude has also cooled down a little as we watch her. "It's not fair. You guys haven't done anything wrong. I'm not thrilled with teammates fucking because it can become a headache, but the fact that you're two men shouldn't matter. Not at all."

I nod my head with her because duh, but it does. "Miles is a slimy asshole. He'll fire me," I say honestly.

"I don't give a fuck if he fires me, but Carson..." Brayden starts. "He's too new to risk his career."

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

I chant it in my head over and over because I'm really thinking about just giving up. I don't quit. I never have, but for Brayden, it's worth it.

"You both have contracts until the end of this season," she says matter-of-factly. And yeah, he can't fire me this year, but it won't be enough.

Brayden voices the concerns. "But he can at the end of the season, and he can spread the word like toxic fire. He can end his career. Sabotage him. You know this. You're not stupid, and I'm sorry if I ever implied that you were, but you know he can't come out right now."

There's a flicker of a smile on her lips, and she shakes her head. "You two need to trust me. And yes, you might need to keep a lid on this for a little longer, but I'm going to get you out of this, if that's what you want." Her eyes meet mine. "Of course, I don't ever want to push anyone to come out. It's up to you, but..." She frowns. "Sometimes the media doesn't seem to care. If they can get a good story, they're going to run with it, and today on the plane..."

"I can't seem to help it," I say with a slight blush.

She grins at that. "Nor should you have to."

No. I really shouldn't.

"What's your plan?" I ask cautiously.

Brayden is listening but not saying a word. He seems intrigued too though.

"Well, since I had an inkling before today, I've been thinking on it. And I think you two have a shot with this new racing team I know about. The world doesn't know about it yet, but I'm almost positive you'll fit right in."

I look over at Brayden, trying to figure out if he'd be okay with it. I know he's said he doesn't mind leaving the team now, but I also think it's more complicated than that. He's very loyal, and it's what he knows.

I'm not sure he's ready for this.

"What racing team?" Brayden asks, and I hate that I can't get a good read on him right now.

"I can't say yet. But I think you'll like it." Jenny doesn't lie. That much I know. She's to the point, but she's always very real.

"But maybe he won't have to leave." I look over at him. "I know how important that team is to you."

"No," he says simply, and I want to smack him until he opens his mouth again. "You are important to me. The team doesn't matter."

"Aw. See, you two are just fucking adorable," Jenny says with a hint of sarcasm but also fondness. I glare at her anyway.

"So what do we do?"

"Nothing," she says simply. "You two keep doing what you've been doing. Play the bromance. At least you two aren't supposed to be enemies. Trust me, that's way more difficult to navigate. This will be an easy sell when it's time. You two are friends who fell in love. Easy peasy."

"Except for the whole racing team thing and him being new," Brayden deadpans.

Jenny just waves him off. "Please. I'm the goddamn come-out queen. I've got this. I'm not worried at all, but you two have to trust me."

I don't believe it'll be this simple though. I can't believe it. It could get very messy.

Brayden snorts a laugh, though, and he actually looks kind of relaxed now. "Just don't fuck up his career. Mine—" He waves his hand in the air. "I could retire and be happy about it. But he's young."

Jenny's pretty eyes roll. "I know. I've got this." She looks over at me. "If this is what you want. If you need time to think about it, I'll come up with another plan."

"No," I say immediately. "I don't need to think about it. I want this. I want my career too, but I want this even more."

I hear Brayden suck in a sharp breath, and I know he's going to argue. "Your career is important. I'm not going anywhere."

"A-fucking-dorable," Jenny says, and Brayden flips her off.

She just laughs. "Okay, so go win that fucking race tonight, and no eye-fucking, if you can help it. For sure, don't get caught with your pants down."

"I think we can manage," Brayden says, and she smiles.

"Good." We both stand to leave, and she stands too, joining us by the door. "You two deserve to be happy. I mean that with everything I am. I've watched people hide who they are for far too long. It's time for change."

Brayden nods, and I have the urge to hug her, but she gives off a firm no-touchy vibe, and I'm not about to lose my balls.

"Thank you, Jenny. Really."

She grins. "Don't thank me just yet, but I'm going to figure this out."

We both leave, agreeing to go to our own hotel rooms to get ready for the race. It sucks, but I think at this point it may be necessary.

We might need to start being more careful for a little while.

I just hope I can stand it while we wait for Jenny to work her magic.