27. Brayden

I want to go to his hotel room. I want to so fucking badly, I can taste it. But I know I shouldn't, and I also know he agrees with me. I got one stolen moment with him after the race when we were riding back to the hotel. The driver probably wasn't paying any attention to us.

But we couldn't touch.

We agreed we shouldn't sneak into each other's hotel rooms. Someone could see. And if Jenny is working on an actual plan for us to come out as a couple, I don't want to mess that up.

But goddamn, do I miss him.

This is getting kind of pathetic. I should be able to go a night without needing him in my arms, but I don't like it at all. I want him.

I need him.

And maybe Jenny had a point about us being obvious on the plane because it's getting harder and harder to hide the fact that I'm in love with Carson.

I smile when I see my phone light up with his name and answer it embarrassingly fast, but I can't be bothered to care. "Hey," I say with a smile.

"Hey."

"Why didn't you video call me? I want to see your face."

He snorts a laugh. "So needy." But I don't think his heart is actually in it to tease me. "I don't know if I can handle seeing your face right now."

"Gee, thanks," I try to joke, but I don't feel it either. I hate this so damn much, and I don't know how to fix it. "It's going to be okay," I offer lamely.

"Do you really think Jenny has a way out of this for us? I mean, the woman is fierce, but it seems kind of hopeless, and I don't know how many nights I can go not in your bed."

My heart squeezes tight at his honesty. "You're spending the night in my bed tomorrow. We'll figure everything else out, but yeah, this sucks."

I swear I can hear him smile. "Well, you'll never believe this, but I am exceptionally horny."

I snort. "Shocking."

"Right?" he jokes. "But I have this really hot boyfriend I can't seem to stop thinking about."

"That hot boyfriend can't stop thinking about you either," I answer honestly, but my cock starts to stir in my loose sweatpants. I can't help it. The guy turns me the hell on, and it's not just the sex I miss, but hey... the sex is definitely one of the good parts of our relationship.

"Are you fucking your hand?"

I grin at his question, since his voice is husky as hell. I know, without a doubt, what he's doing right now. "Not yet. Patience, remember?"

He groans low and deep, and I can hear the wet squelching sound of him working his cock over. "Fuck patience. I miss you so damn much. I want you here with me. I want your hands..." He pants. "Your mouth. Your fucking tongue." He sounds downright wrecked. My cock is rock-hard now, so hard it hurts. I pull my sweats down, grasping my cock and giving it a slow stroke. "Goddamn, your tongue drives me wild. There should be statues erected of your tongue."

"You're fucking ridiculous," I say, but my neck pulls tight with tension as I stroke myself, using my own precum as lube because I'm leaking like crazy.

"Fuck. I'm close," he pants, his voice almost a whisper of pleasure. "Yesssss."

I go over at the same time. I swear my body is hard-wired to come when he does. After cleaning up and hearing rustling on his end of the phone—I assume he's doing the same—we sit there in silence for far too long.

"Do you think anyone knows about us besides Jenny?" he asks quietly.

"I'm not sure we've actually been as subtle as we thought, but I don't know..."

"Do you hate me for having to hide who you are?" I can actually hear the nerves in his question. Like I could ever actually hate him.

"I didn't even hate you when I wanted to hate you. Now that I love you, I could never hate you."

"But you want to come out, right? I mean..." Again with the nerves, and I hate what this situation has done to him. My cocky asshole of a racer knocked down. I always thought I wanted to see him knocked down a peg or two. Turns out, I fucking hate it. I want him to have his confidence back.

That cocky attitude is what made me fall in love with him.

"I want you. Period. However we can make that work, that's what I want. We're going to figure this out," I promise him, and we say our goodnights before hanging up the phone.

My heart aches as I stare up at the ceiling and try my best to keep myself under control. To stop myself from going to his room and spooning him.

It's too damn hard to have to wait to openly love the person you love.

We shouldn't have to.

"Brayden, thank you for meeting me today," Miles starts, and I swear I already want to punch him in the face. This isn't going to go well. I woke up to a message from Miles, asking me to meet him downstairs at the hotel's restaurant for breakfast.

I tried to tell him I have a plane to catch, but he already knew it doesn't take off until this afternoon and insisted.

I can only assume he knows. How, I don't know. Maybe he picked up on it just like Jenny did, but my only instinct is to protect Carson. Fuck my career. I'll be fine. I have plenty of money saved. No debt and likely some endorsement deals I can procure.

But Carson deserves his career, goddammit. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I don't mess it up.

"No problem, but I really don't have a lot of time. I don't want to miss my flight."

He just waves off my worries with a flick of his hand, ordering breakfast for both of us before his eyes narrow in my direction. "Listen, I know what's going on and have for quite a while. It's fine." I stay completely still. "Well, I wouldn't say fine," he sneers. "But I was willing to look the other way as long as the world just sees a bromance they love."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He knows. How the hell does he know?

I stay quiet though. "But it's been brought to my attention that you and your..."—he waves his hand again, like he can't find the word and he's disgusted by the thought—"your boy are thinking about making it public."

I swallow hard, the word boy pissing me off, but how the hell would he know that? "Did Jenny say something to you?" It doesn't seem like her style, but what the hell do I know? Miles is rich as hell, and I suppose he could pay her well to alert him.

"Jenny." His nose wrinkles. "Hell no, that bitch barely ever says two words to me. But you admit it's true?"

I feel slightly relieved that Jenny didn't betray us, but what the hell? I don't say a word.

"Now is not the time to stay silent," he scolds. "Listen, I knew you and my son had..." Again he looks almost green. He's that disgusted by two men together? Jesus, fuck. I can't believe I was ever loyal to this man. "Whatever you had. I was willing to look the other way, but you wanted him to make a spectacle out of himself, and now you're doing it to this kid."

"You knew?" My voice is calm, but my nerves are on high alert.

He snorts. "I have a lot of money, and I know how to protect it. Plenty of people you'd never expect are in my pocket. Yes, I knew you wanted my son to come out to me. For him to be loud about his..."—he clears his throat, and my fists clench, wanting to punch him—"being..."

"Gay," I say for him, rolling my eyes. "Jesus fucking Christ, your son was gay. Not a murderer. Not a fucking narcissistic prick, like his father. Not a bad person at all. He was gay."

He looks horrified, his eyes wide, looking around before he looks at me. "Keep your voice down."

"Were you glad when he died?" I ask coldly. "So you didn't have to deal with all this?"

He scoffs loudly, looking flushed. "Of course not. I loved him, but it would have ruined his career. It would have been his choice though."

"You wouldn't have backed him, would you?"

"No," he says simply. "And if you and your little friend decide to come out, I won't stand for it either. I'll ruin you." His voice is cold, and his eyes are dead as he stares at me.

"You don't own me."

"You, maybe not..." His eyes narrow. "But Carson's career will never recover, and you know it. Keep your mouth shut." I swallow hard, hating this man with everything I have. "Give him ten good years, and then you can slink off and do whatever the hell you two want to do together. It was the advice I was planning to give Jeff, and it's the advice I'm giving you now."

"To just put our lives on hold?" I ask angrily. Who would be okay with that? Who would want that for their own child?

"Yes. It's the smarter move. You two come out, and America believes you lied to them. That this adorable little bromance was actually some sort of gay love affair... They'll never forgive you."

"Fuck off." It's not a great response. I know that, but right now it's all I have. I'm shaking from rage. "Jeff may have taken your advice, but I won't."

"Then you're a fool."

"A fool who still has a season left with you on your team." I stand up from the table. "But after that, we're done. I want nothing to do with you."

"If you two get caught or decide to come out on your own, I'll wreck his career." His cold, dead eyes meet mine. "That I can promise you."

Whether I like it or not, he has me. And we both know it.

I've never hated another human being more, but my hands are tied. I have no idea how the hell Jenny could ever get us out of this.

I'm losing hope fast, and I don't know how to fix it.