25. Brayden

Goddammit, I hate charity events. And no, I don't hate charity, but I hate dressing all fancy and being surrounded by a bunch of other people dressed all fancy too. I'd much rather write a check and be at home.

Not the most endearing quality, I realize, but it's true. I hate having to be on. I also hate the fact that my boyfriend looks damn good in his tux, but he's all the way across the room from me.

Because even though we're supposed to be best friends, we can't let on that we're lovers. Because we have to play the game.

I'm so damn tired of the game.

We just got back from our long-ass vacation two days ago, and already, we had to go to an event. It's a good cause. Cash Phillips, former racer turned sports agent, throws this event to honor his young daughter he lost. But my heart isn't in it.

Especially when there's a camera and microphone in my damn face. The local news is here trying to cover the event. "So how was your vacation, Brayden? We saw you took your buddy along."

I want to punch this reporter. My hands tense at my sides. I want to scream that he isn't my buddy—he's my fucking everything—but I can't. I put the polite, fake-as-hell smile on my face and answer, "Yeah it was nice. Warm and sunny. Can't beat that, especially when you look outside in KC." He jokes about the dreary weather, but goddamn, he means it. "But there's nothing like being back home." I offer the soundbite because that's what they need.

And I'm really damn good at playing this game after all these years.

I do love it here. I love the community, but I'm bitter and pissed off because my fame—and Carson's fame—are like a double-edged sword. It's why we have the nice things we have. It's why we have solid careers. But it's also why we can't be out and free. It's goddamn tragic.

"Well, I also couldn't help but notice you two didn't bring along anyone else. There's no one special in your life?"

I grimace, again wanting to punch this motherfucker. I notice almost too late that Jenny's eyes are on me. She's always watching. Always ready to swoop in, and I don't really want to make her job any harder, so I set my jaw and try to play it off. "Not at the moment. I'm just living my life, you know?" It makes me sound like a player douche, but it works, getting the guy to move onto racing season and the event before I finally sneak away.

I hope my nod is subtle when I make it in Carson's direction, but a slow smile teases his lips as he returns it. I take off for the elevator, knowing he's on board with my plan.

I go to the room I secured before we got here, and it's only moments later before he joins me, already undoing his tie and tossing it as he makes his way to the bed. "This is fucking torture."

I stand and meet him just in time for his lips to meet mine. He removes his jacket, and I do the same, kissing him hard, needing to feel him. I hate when we're out in public and can't touch.

I hate every fucking thing about it.

But I won't ask him to jeopardize his career for me. I won't do that.

We quickly remove our shirts, the buttons taking forever, before we land on the bed, both on our sides and kissing. My soul feels a little more settled now that it's just us in our own little world.

"Maybe I could come out," he says softly against my lips.

"No," I say simply because he can't. Racing season is about to start. He needs to do well here. Maybe he can leverage this season and get on a new team. One with an owner who isn't a prick.

"I can't keep doing this," he whines as my fingers move to his pants, and I undo the button, lowering the zipper.

"We're going to make it through this. I promise you. We'll look back on this someday, but we won't laugh because it sucks." I push his pants and boxers down, and he helps me by kicking off his shoes and pushing them down all the way. "But we'll know we made it."

He smiles softly, but I know he doesn't feel any better. Neither do I, for the record. None of this is fair, and it's really starting to piss me off.

"We'll make it," he says firmly, kissing me and undoing my pants.

"We will." At least that part I do know. He's it for me.

How the hell did that happen?

He does drive me insane. He challenges me every single chance he gets, but I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

Carson is mine.

And as soon as possible, I'm going to make sure the world knows it.