33. Gold & Glitter

33

GOLD I’m surprised it took me this long to do it. I’ve never punched anyone before though so I don’t know if my hand will be okay.” He pouts at me with his big puppy eyes.

“Oh my God, you’re so dramatic. You’ll be fine,” I say and we both laugh softly. We stay silent for a moment or two. Feeling the warm breeze on our faces while listening to the crickets singing and the distant horns of the cars keeping the city alive.

“I’m proud of you,” he finally says.

“Proud of me? For what?” I bring my hand up and tuck one of his soft locks behind his ear.

“Are you kidding me, Cara? You telling that jackass to fuck off was incredible. Needed, but overall I bet it was shocking for him to hear how you don’t care anymore. How you wish him a long and happy life and to leave you alone. You know what’s worse than being upset at someone?”

I shake my head and wait for him to finish his thought.

“Indifference. You showed him today that he doesn’t have a hold on you anymore and that probably hurt worse than anything else you could’ve done.” I think about what he says and I truly think I meant it. I was so anxious to see them today I didn’t stop to think about how I truly felt. Sometime in the past year and these last three weeks, I must have put him behind me. I’m sure his words will have an effect on me for longer but I truly felt nothing when I saw them. Other than anger because he keeps trying to fuck with my brain.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone though, at least not on purpose,” I reply and that’s honestly the truth. I really just wish them well. I hope he changes and grows and that she kicks him out if he doesn’t. Overall, I just want them out of my life so I can move on. So we can all move on.

“Because you’re made of gold and glitter and not hate like most of us.”

“Gold and glitter, huh?” I ask, lifting my eyebrows and with tears in my eyes.

He gets closer to me and whispers against my lips, “And flowers galore.”

Manny kisses my lips softly. His lips are a tender caress against mine, reminding me that there’s still good in this world, even if it’s for a little while. We kiss slowly, like we’re frozen in time and nothing else matters but his lips on mine. He doesn’t speed the pace and neither do I. Life is always rushing toward something but with Manny, that’s not the case. He makes me feel like nothing else matters but the right here and right now. He reminds me of the me I love. The me I’ve lost through the years of trying to comply. Oh, how I wish I could bottle this feeling because this is how I want to feel for the rest of my life.

I’ve missed so many moments that I could’ve enjoyed being wrapped in hurt and feeling lost when I could have been treasuring them all. Taking my own bracelets into consideration instead of letting a crappy man dictate my feelings. One thing’s for sure, I will remember every single day of this trip, even when it ends.

The kiss slows to a stop and he rests his forehead against mine. His eyes still closed when I ask, “How’s your hand?” I bring my hand over it, feeling the bracelet he hasn’t removed since I gave it to him.

“It’s been better but I’d do it again.” He smiles against my lips.

“You’d punch Cole again for me?”

“Him and everyone else who would ever speak to you like that again.” He kisses my lips again and then lets go, pulling my head to his chest. I keep my fingers over the bracelet, tracing it with my fingertips.

I bring my face up, kissing his cheeks and then his soft lips. “Thank you,” I whisper against his lips.

“My absolute pleasure.” We settle into a quiet moment, the soft rustle of leaves whispering above us, the gentle breeze teasing the edges of my hair. I close my eyes, leaning into him, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath my ear, each thump a reassuring anchor. Grounding me. It’s incredible how his earthy scent, and his strong arms have done to my brain. They have rewired me to find the most comfort in him and I’m about to lose that. I do get comfort in the fact that I’ll have all these memories to look back on.

His hands move slowly, tracing the curves of my neck as his fingertips brush against my scalp in a way that sends a pleasant shiver down my spine. I can’t help but smile against him, the warmth of his body wrapping around me and keeping me at peace.

For a moment, everything outside fades—just us, the breeze, and the soft thud of his heart against my ear, a quiet reminder that we’re here, together, suspended in this fragile peace.

Until we hear everything shutting down and we walk back to our hotel room, where he makes love to me all night long. It’s not just sex and I can feel it in every moment that his lips are on mine. I can feel it in every touch of his fingertips on my skin or the way that he whispers onto my body what his words are not saying. He isn’t just having sex with me, he’s saying goodbye.