Chapter 17

Asher

My arms are still wrapped tightly around Sawyer long after the tremors have left our bodies. My cock, soft now, remains inside him. My cum oozes out of him and drips down my balls with every periodic flex of his ass.

There is no decorum between us, but where do we go from here?

I never saw this coming, yet, I'm not surprised. Of course, Sawyer would see only the best of who Reece is. He sees the best in everyone. But . . . no one has ever made it this far into our private lives.

Sawyer has no hard and fast rules by which he lives his life. He's very simple in that way. He trusts himself and what feels right to him. He doesn't overthink things or overcomplicate them. He doesn't ask for much, so when he does ask, it's a big deal.

But this?

He wants to move but I can't let him go. I press my lips to his neck. "I love you," I whisper, trying to give him some safety and silently asking him to do the same for me.

"I love you," he whispers back.

Only then do I slowly withdraw from his body, moving to his side and pulling him into my arms. He keeps his face hidden from me.

I leave it at that because I don't know how to face him either.

When we made the rule about no decorum between us, I never imagined that it would include something like this.

Eventually, when it's obvious Sawyer's shame is greater than mine, I press a kiss to his forehead. "You're tired," I tell him. "Go to sleep. We can talk in the morning."

***

Sawyer isn't in bed when I wake up on Saturday morning. The sun is pouring into the bedroom and the sounds coming from downstairs tell me he's in the kitchen.

I turn onto my back, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

What happened last night? Where did that come from?

It's true that Reece's arrival hasn't left me completely unbothered but I've been honest with Sawyer about it. Haven't I?

What door has Sawyer opened for us? And why am I not truly appalled by it?

Would you fuck him for me?

Yes.

Throwing the bed covers off, I head for the shower. No. It was just a moment in time. We got carried away. We've never fantasized about having someone else in our bed, and even if we had, it wouldn't have been something out of the ordinary. A lot of couples have those fantasies, surely. It's hardly anything to raise an eyebrow over. But . . .

But . . . Reece ?

That's the ultimate invisible line. Blurred by Sawyer last night. A decision upheld by me. He asked a question and I answered it.

Now what? Let it go as an inappropriate fantasy? The spray of the showerhead does nothing to calm my state of mind. The thoughts tumbling inside my head bring no order or solutions to what I should be feeling or thinking.

Stepping out of the shower, I reach for a towel and while I dry off, I take a few deep breaths. There's a logical explanation for this. There is always a logical explanation for everything.

Despite my hesitance to face this new situation Sawyer and I find ourselves in, I take the stairs down two at a time in my eagerness to see him.

He has his back to me, scrambling eggs at the stove. I take a moment to appreciate him. All the parts of him he allows me to see. All the pieces of him I've gathered over the last several years. There is nothing about Sawyer you could ever not like.

He pauses his scrambling for a fraction of a second, sensing my presence, but he doesn't turn around. I wrap my arms around him from behind, pulling him into my chest. He stiffens for a second before relaxing into my embrace. I reach over to switch off the gas. The eggs are done.

"I love you," I whisper against his hair.

He turns in my arms, settling his hands on my waist. "You're supposed to hate me."

"Impossible," I say, pressing a kiss to his mouth.

He sighs heavily. Drops his eyes to my chest. I lift his chin, forcing him to look at me. "Will you tell me what's going on?"

Another sigh. "Thank you, you know. For not leaving me over – over last night."

I kiss his forehead. "When we said there is no decorum between us, we never said there would be conditions or restrictions. If we meant what we said, then it applies here too."

Sawyer rests his forehead on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Asher. I don't know what got into me."

"Let's get breakfast and we can talk about it."

"I don't think I have the appetite for breakfast."

"It's not the food that's the problem. It's this difficult conversation. Come, I'll feed you while we talk."

Sawyer gets our coffee ready and I load up a plate of eggs, bacon, sliced avocado and two slices of brown toast. I follow him into the living room. He sets the coffee down on the coffee table in front of the sectional and takes a seat on the couch, tucking one leg under the other. I sit facing him with the food on my lap.

"We've never talked about kink in our relationship," I say. "I just never thought about it, but why have you never said anything, Sawyer?"

His cheeks light up. I place a forkful of bacon, egg and toast to his mouth. He opens and I slide the food inside. I take a sip of my coffee while he chews. "It's not like that, Ash," he says around his food. "I've never felt the need to . . ." He stares at his hands. "Like I said, I don't know what came over me."

"Let's just remove Reece from the equation for a moment. Is a threesome something you'd want to try?"

"I'd never thought about it until – until . . ."

I put a piece of avocado into his mouth and a piece of toast into mine. "Sawyer, sweetheart. It's just me. And we need to talk about this. So, talk to me, baby." I keep my voice gentle, because we need to get to the bottom of this.

He inhales and, thankfully, he's making better eye contact now. I hand him his coffee. With both his hands wrapped around the cup, he takes a sip, and then talks. "Our relationship has always been amazing. In all ways. I've never felt the need to explore these – these kinks."

"So, what happened last night? I mean, I have some explaining to do too because I was a willing participant, but we've got to start from the beginning, right?"

Sawyer remains silent for a long time, choosing to eat instead. I follow his lead until the food is finished and our coffee is halfway done.

He shifts closer to me and lays his head on my chest. I wrap my arm around his shoulder, keeping him there. "I can't look at you while I talk," he says.

I lay my chin on his head. "Okay, we can talk like this, then."

"I've never considered having someone else in our bed with us before. Not in real life. Not even fantasies. But there's something about Reece that – that—"

I stroke his hair.

"There's something about Reece that turns me on. I'm sorry, Ash. This is fucking grounds for a divorce."

"Stop that," I say with a stern softness. "And go on." But the truth is I don't know how to feel about this. The only thing that's clear about my feelings is how I find none of it reprehensible.

"And it's not just him as an individual. I mean, I like him as a person. He just seems like a good human being. He brought an extra burrito to work for me yesterday. And a couple of weeks ago, he saved me a box of mini apple pies. I know it's nothing, but I don't know. It touched me."

"You always found kindness attractive," I say. "Could it be that you're romanticizing his kindness?"

"Maybe. Yeah. That's probably it. It must be that." He looks up at me, resting his chin on my chest. "But I catch myself thinking about him in the context of – of us . How is that sensible? He's your ex."

"Is it just a fantasy? Between us?" I ask, kissing the tip of his nose. At least he's looking at me now.

"I don't know. It must be. Right? I've lost my mind, haven't I?"

"Maybe it's just that stage of our lives where we're looking for something new? Something different?" And then, because I'm just as confused as Sawyer is, I add, "It's not the most shocking thing to want in a marriage, I guess. I'd even say it's pretty common? A lot of people like to try it. At least once, right?"

Sawyer sighs. "I guess so?"

I push some runaway strands of hair away from his face. "But, baby. Reece? " I say with a straight face, even though this conversation is blowing my mind the more we talk.

But if this is a turning point in my and Sawyer's sexual relationship then we have to understand what Reece has to do with it, if anything at all.

Sawyer's eyes shift away from me, but I grab his chin gently and bring his eyes back to mine.

"I might just be a little fascinated that I finally got to meet this guy who broke your heart," he says. "Or maybe I'm secretly sizing him up and comparing myself to him. And because I can't find anything wrong with him, I'm trying to find ways to like him, get along with him, without it getting weird."

"Without it getting weird, baby? We fucked last night and got off to fantasies of him in our bed with us . I'd say we're past the weird stage."

Sawyer searches my face, then, with his palms cupping my cheeks, he says, "Ash, I'm turned on by the thought of you fucking him. Of you fucking us ."

I wish my body would have gotten some prior notice for Sawyer's words. He climbs into my lap, straddling me. He drops his head onto my shoulder, turning his face so his mouth brushes my ear. He grinds his cock – hard and heavy – against mine and my body's response is no different than his. "I think about holding your dick to his mouth."

Fuck . Sawyer moans into my neck, moving so my cock is rubbing against his ass. I reach between us to grab his concealed erection.

"Why, baby?" I groan into his hair.

"I just don't know, Ash. But it's between us, so maybe it's okay. Is it okay? Tell me it's okay." He already knows it's okay. He's riding my cock like we're naked and I'm inside him.

"It's okay," I whisper.

"Let's do it. Just one more time. It's between us. Let's see what happens." Sawyer kisses my neck, sucking and moaning against my skin.

"Sawyer," I rasp.

"Please, Ash."

How can I deny him when I want this too? I'm so ashamed of how much I want it. "Come here, baby." I pull him closer to me, bringing my forehead to rest against his.

He releases his cock from his sweats and then releases mine. Then, wrapping his big, rough hands around both our dicks, he tilts my face upward and kisses me hard and deep. Then, he whispers against my lips, "I want to watch you fuck his pretty mouth, Ash."

Fucking Christ . I bruise Sawyer's lips in another kiss.

"I want to suck your cock until you come and then I want to spit your cum into his mouth."

"Sawyer, baby. Fuck."

"I want you to fuck me while I suck his cock. I want to taste his cum and share it with you."

For the second time in less than twenty four hours, Sawyer and I have crossed the line. This time, I'm not being railroaded. This time, I don't just want it. I'm desperate for it. "What about you, Sawyer? Do you want to fuck him too?"

I close my hands around Sawyer's, helping him jerk us off.

"Fuck, Ash. Yes . I want to fuck him while you fuck me. I want to feel him underneath me and you on top of me. I want us to take turns with him. And I want you to take turns with us."

"What else do you want, baby?" I groan into his mouth. I'm so close. We're so fucked.

"I want to suck your cum right out of his ass – oh, fuck. Ash ."

"Fuck. I'm so close, baby."

"Does it turn you on, sweetheart? The thought of having Reece between us. Does it make you want to come?"

"Fuck, Sawyer. Yes ."

Sawyer's hand moves furiously, jerking us off at maximum speed. "I don't care that he's your ex-lover, Ash. I need you to fuck Reece for me. I need you to fuck Reece, baby. Please—"

I explode between us. Sawyer is right there with me.

Yes.

We are now truly fucked.