Chapter Eight

Shelby

Turns out, they were pretty good at suicide watch. In between bouts of lethargy came fits of rage. Gavin happened to be on duty one day when my emotions boiled over.

“How long has my mother been dead?” I demanded, voice still hoarse. When he didn’t answer, I lost my temper. “Answer me, dammit!”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he inhaled then leveled me with a glare. “I don’t remember the exact date, Shelby. It was months ago. I can ask Carter.”

“Don’t you fucking dare bring him around me again.” I swung my legs out of the bed, determined to make it to the toilet by myself. Gavin had gotten saddled with babysitting duty that morning since the others had work to do. When he got up to help me, I gave him a look that could curdle milk. “I have a walker. I don’t need you .” I shuffled across the room in the stupid grippy socks, muttering the whole way about stupid men. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t seem to get a good handle on my emotions, but with all the hidden truths, flat-out lies, and agendas everyone seemed to have for me, it was little wonder I was falling apart.

I was just their broken toy they liked to play with before the glue they used to put me back together had a chance to dry. One wrong touch, and I fell apart again.

After I did my business and came back out to find a hovering Gavin, I nearly slumped to the floor in defeat, though my snark was full bore. “Didn’t know you had a thing for watching women use the toilet.”

“Shelby, come on, now. You know I don’t want you to fall. Stop being difficult. I know I’m not your favorite person, but I’m the only one here today.” Gavin sounded as tired as he looked. I didn’t know what he did other than working for Carter, but I couldn't really be bothered to find out.

I snorted and had to let go of one of the handles to wrap an arm around my ribs before I could reply through the discomfort. “Would you like the person holding you captive and hiding everything from you?” When he made like he was going to help me rather than answer me, I continued to shuffle my way back to bed. “Of course you can’t answer that because we both know you wouldn’t.”

“It’s not that—”

“Simple,” I cut him off. “Yes, I’m aware. You’ve said it more than once.” I settled back into bed and scowled at the place my button used to be. Blake had switched me to pills and taken my lifeline away. I was feeling brave after my contraband phone call, and so far there hadn’t been any retaliation from my keepers. It lent to a boldness I hadn’t felt in a long time, but I knew better than to trust it. They’d turn on me if I waited long enough. I was just so tired of having to keep my guard up. Why can’t they be my rescuers? I knew, though, that they were my jailers no matter how reluctant they might be about it.

Impulsive, I demanded something I didn’t stand a chance in hell of getting. “I want to go outside, and I want my own room. A real one. I’m tired of being in here.”

Gavin shot a suspicious glance at me but didn’t answer. I hadn’t figured he would. But then he surprised me.

“If you promise to behave and stop making threats against yourself, I’ll see what I can do,” he said, a calculating gleam in his eyes.

While he didn’t know that I couldn’t manage to off myself on purpose, I did. I wouldn’t have prevented it, but short of falling asleep permanently from accidentally having too much medication I couldn’t even get my hands on, it was unlikely that I would be able to follow through on any attempts. If I hadn’t done it during the worst of the times with Dirk, I sure as heck couldn’t do it now.

Weighing my options, of which there were few, I nodded my agreement. I had a new plan. Sylvia and everyone else could leave me high and dry. I’d just have to get myself out of here before Rafe could come collect on whatever he’d been on about that day. Doing that from a bed wasn’t a possibility.

Time to plan your escape, Shelby. I wished I wasn’t so alone in my head, but I could talk to myself just fine. Not hearing voices was a good thing, right?

***

Carter

“What is she doing, Gavin?” I asked my right-hand man. “I thought she was too weak to leave, and here you have the cousins pushing her around on a tour of the place.”

I sounded harsher than I meant to. I ate up every small smile and curious look, but they were directed at them , not me. Shelby hated me, but I couldn’t blame her a bit for it. I hated me too most days. My long-suffering sigh got Gavin moving along. I didn’t explain the frustration wasn’t with him but myself.

“Shelby asked for a room of her own and to be allowed to move around on her own. The guards know she isn’t allowed outside without an escort, so it’s not like she can leave.” Gavin shrugged, but he didn’t meet my eyes as he tapped a button on the monitor to make the screen go to sleep. It was easy to see he was holding something back, but eventually, he spoke. “We made a deal. She doesn’t try to hurt herself, and I’ll give her what she wants. Blake planned to move her out of the infirmary soon anyway.”

His mention of self-harm drew my attention, my annoyance bleeding out to be replaced with alarm. “Shelby’s tried to hurt herself?” I shouldn’t have been surprised after all she’d gone through, but I hadn’t expected it.

Shaking his head, Gavin replied, “Not so much as she’s made remarks alluding to it, and she was downright pissed we’d worked to save her.” He paused and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, his discomfort plain to see. His lips twisted like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.

“Spit it out, Gavin. I can’t stay long, and I wanted to have time to see if she’ll talk to me.”

With a wince, he disabused me of any idea on seeing the woman I wanted. “Yeah, I wouldn’t do that. She found out Judith is dead and wants answers.”

My brows shot up with the second revelation of the day before the implications set in. Anger dripping from every word, I demanded to know how she’d found out. “Who told her? She better not know how it happened, Gavin!” I stood, impotent rage directed at a dead man I still had to clean up after. “Fuck! At this rate, she’s never going to trust me again.”

I leaned against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut to help calm myself and let Gavin get to explaining.

“After your last visit with Rafe, Shelby decided to get to the phone across her room. Unhooked herself from her IV and everything. She’s lucky she didn’t fall and break her damn head.”

Gavin scowled at the dark screen he’d been watching her on. His irritation with the headstrong woman lifted my spirits. I’d thought Dirk had all but ruined her, yet here she was, giving my men hell even though she was barely healed. Then my right-hand man dropped a bit of news he damn well should have already told me about. “She called the diner she used to work at and spoke to her old boss. I get the impression that she was trying to line up what she’s going to do once she’s a hundred percent again.”

I sighed but didn’t comment; Shelby wasn’t going to be going back to her old life, and Gavin knew it too.

“I refused to fill her in and offered to have you visit. Shelby was…less than enthusiastic at the suggestion. Once she calmed down some, we made a compromise—her limited freedom in exchange for a better attitude about her situation.”

Gavin shrugged at my questioning glance without elaboration until I prompted him. “You told a depressed, suicidal woman to change her attitude?” I could be tactless, but that seemed off for him.

“No, Carter, I paraphrased. Would you like a transcript of every conversation she has?” he asked, irritation blatant in his tone and expression.

“Don’t disrespect me, Gavin, or I just might require it.” He had leeway as family, albeit barely being enough in the tree to count, and as my second, but if he fucked up and showed disloyalty… No, I couldn’t allow it. He’d have to get in line because I wouldn’t lose more than I already had. Before I could take him to task, my phone went off in my pocket. A frown pulled at my lips as I read the notification window without opening it. “Fuck, I have to go. I’ll send the details back with one of the guys. I don’t have time to go over them now.”

“What about Shelby? It’s not going to be long before she’s demanding to leave.” I shook my head before he finished, causing his lips to thin as he pressed them together. I turned to leave but stopped when he dared to try again. “You aren’t going to see her? Explain anything ? Carter, come on.”

“You just said that was a bad idea,” I pointed out.

“She doesn't want to see you, she made that clear, but unless you're giving me free rein to share—”

I cut him off. “No, absolutely not.” I shared his exasperation, but there wasn’t anything either of us could do about it. Besides, Gavin didn't have all of the information, and if he was getting attached to Shelby… I couldn't risk what he might do. Keeping everyone alive was my end goal; there was no fixing anything if they were all dead because someone ran their mouth.

“Right, that's what I thought. I'll work on getting her to come around to the idea of having a sit-down with you, but you have to tell her, Carter. It's not right to let her go into it blind.”

I looked away, unable to stomach telling him that was how it was going to be.

“Just take care of her and keep her happy until I can speak to her,” I evaded. “I’m not sure when I’ll have a chance to get away. Winston’s plane will land within the hour, and I have to be there. Do not tell her anything to make her more suspicious than she already is. She’s not stupid, Gav. She was just naive and had a shitty, sheltered home life.”

I wanted to say more, the urge to protect her clawing at me, but I had limited options to choose from.

Turning my head to give him a direct, cold stare, I added, “And Gavin? Keep in mind, Shelby is mine . Don’t fuck up.”