12. River

River

I can’t stop sneaking glances at Maddy as we watch the movie. Every so often, she laughs, and it’s so damn beautiful to watch. Her dark hair is falling in waves down her shoulders, she has no makeup on, she smells like mint and sugar, and don’t even get me started on her legs that are fully visible in those short shorts. I want to trace the lines of her tattoos that carve across her legs and neck. I want to slip the hem of her T-shirt up and see how far those lines go up her side.

I want to fucking kiss her so damn badly.

I’m so fucked. It’s that simple.

I can’t fall for her, and yet I can feel myself standing on the edge of a cliff, about to tumble off. And part of me wants to fall until I crash.

We make it through the movie, and Finn still isn’t there, so I pick another. Maddy is half out of it at this point, and about five minutes later, she dozes off, her head ending up on my shoulder.

I shut my eyes and breathe in and out, trying to stay calm. I need to relax, but having her touch me like this is maddening. All damn night I’ve been sneaking touches, and I’ve almost kissed her at least a half dozen times.

“No,” she starts to whimper in her sleep, her eyelids twitching, as if she’s trying to wake up.

“Maddy,” I whisper, placing my hand on her cheek.

She rolls into me so her chest is pressed against my arm and her leg is hitched over my lap. I’d be more focused on how turned on I am by her body heat, but she also seems to be stuck in a nightmare.

“Hey, open your eyes,” I tell her, brushing the back of my hand along her cheekbone, trying to gently coax her out of the nightmare.

She gasps, her eyelids snapping open, and her chest heaves as she struggles to get oxygen into her lungs.

“Breathe,” I tell her, shifting my body to face her. “You’re fine. Nothing’s happening.”

It takes her a beat to get her bearings. Then the haziness eventually dissolves from her eyes.

“I was having a nightmare,” she mutters, her eyelids fluttering as she blinks. “That Drew found me. And the society. They tied me up and dragged me into the woods and …” She stares at me. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not too long.” My hand is on her cheek. I should move it—she’s awake now.

But I don’t.

“Oh.” Her gaze is locked on mine.

I wish I could read her mind so I know what she’s thinking.

The longer she stares at me, the fiercer my heart slams against my ribcage.

“Are you okay?” I utter softly.

She bobs her head up and down, her gaze never straying from mine. “I have nightmares, but it’s much better waking up from one when you’re here.”

I can tell the moment those words fall from her pretty lips that she didn’t mean to say them, that her sleep exhaustion probably played a part in it.

She looks so vulnerable, and my pulse is pounding so swiftly that my brain is clouded with adrenaline. I blame that on what I do next. The reality, though, is that I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I laid eyes on her. I attempted to once, but the moment got shattered, thanks to Finn interrupting.

This time, no one is around to interrupt me as I lean in and press my lips to hers. I’ve only kissed one other girl in my lifetime, besides the kiss I shared with Maddy in the rain. That was barely a kiss, though, and so was the first one I ever had. I was twelve, and a girl came up to me while I was standing out in front of the school, waiting for my driver to show up. Finn was at practice, and Lily was still in elementary school, so it was just me.

This girl, who I barely knew, waltzed up and pressed her lips to mine, startling me so badly that I tripped back.

“Just wanted to see what royalty tasted like.” She giggled and ran away, joining her friends who were watching the scene unfold.

Later, I learned she did it on a dare because rumors were spreading around the school that I was a virgin kiss, which I was. I was pissed that she stole it from me, but it was the theme of my life at that point.

For a horrifying moment, Maddy remains frozen. I’m about to pull back—she already told me she doesn’t date—but then she wraps an arm around the back of my neck, combs her fingers through my hair, and parts my lips with her tongue.

I moan, letting her deepen the kiss as she pulls me closer. I feel so out of my element as she bites my bottom lip, dragging another groan out of me. But I kiss her back, tangling my tongue with hers as I slowly lay her down on the sofa. The way she easily lets me causes every part of my body to pulsate, but nothing can prepare me for when she wraps her legs around my waist so that my hips are cradled between her legs.

“River,” she moans my name as she rocks her hips against mine.

Oh my fucking God, just kill me now.

I mimic her movements, grinding against her while gripping her hip. In the back of my mind, I’m well aware I’m falling off that cliff, about to slam against the dirt below, where I’ll shatter.

I just don’t care.

She gasps, tugging on my hair as I rock my hips against hers. She keeps moaning, and all I want to do is make her moan more. So, I keep going until she gives a desperate gasp while clutching my shoulder, her fingernails digging through the fabric of my shirt, but I think I might like it.

As she starts to relax, I kiss her again, slowly this time. I may have continued the entire night if the front door didn’t slam open.

Tension ripples through our bodies, and then we’re scrambling to get up. By the time we’re both on our feet, Finn is walking into the room. It’s evident by the surprise in his eyes that he got the gist of what was just going on.

“Well, shit,” he mumbles as he tosses his phone and keys onto the kitchen table. “I didn’t expect to walk in on this, like ever.” He glances at me and smiles, but it looks a tad bit forced.

“Don’t,” I warn firmly. The last thing I want is for him to make Maddy more uncomfortable—more than I already made her.

Oh my God, what the hell did I do?

It’s not that I regret it—watching her like that was a fantasy. But that’s the thing. It has to go back to being a fantasy because I don’t live in a fairytale world.

I live in the brutal reality.