Chapter 27

There was a silence between us after Noah said that. I longed to go with him to New York. For him to take me on a tour like I was doing today, but that felt like a dream I didn't dare even think about.

I swallowed hard and looked away. ‘Maybe you shouldn't make promises like that, based on our past. Come on, next stop.'

I pulled Noah's coat sleeve and he followed me but by the frown on his face, I knew what I said had perturbed him. So, of course, I kept talking to diffuse the tension.

‘So, about two years after you left, they opened this bookshop café a couple of miles away and I won't lie, I've become a permanent fixture there. It's so cute. When I met Liv, I took her there one weekend and it became our spot for when we wanted to hang out without drinking. We don't go as often now she's loved up with Aiden but I don't mind being there alone. I mean, you're not actually ever really alone in a bookshop, are you? Books are friends.'

Noah nodded. ‘I've always thought so too. So, I should picture you in this place on weekends with a pile of new books and an iced latte?'

‘I'm a cliché but I accept it.'

‘If you're a cliché, so am I. Weekends in New York were spent pretty much the exact same way.'

I was curious about whether he had always been alone or not when doing those activities. I knew he'd been tagged as an ‘eligible bachelor' but I still wondered about the women he met in New York and his dating life after me. We had tentatively ventured into dissecting our past relationship but neither of us had talked about other exes. I couldn't help hoping I had been the only woman he had loved but I couldn't ask him that. I couldn't admit I hadn't loved another man since him either.

We reached the bookshop café then.

‘Oh, I can see you here.' Noah smiled as I took his arm and pulled him across the road. ‘Let me guess, they do good cupcakes?'

‘The best,' I confirmed as I opened the door. The smell of freshly baked cakes floated around the café area and in the back was the bookshop, complete with comfy beanbags on the floor and acoustic covers of pop classics playing softly in the background. If my personality was a place, it would likely be very close to this. We wandered through to the books and looked around.

‘Not quite as good as our bookshop,' Noah whispered to me, leaning in close as I reached for a book to look at. I wondered if the hairs on his arm stood up like mine did.

‘No,' I conceded. ‘But you don't have cakes. Shall we get one to take to our next spot? I'm going to buy this book. It looks cute.'

Noah took it from me. ‘I'll get it with the cakes.' He saw me about to protest. ‘I have to as a thank you for the tour,' he said, darting away before I could stop him.

I smiled. He hadn't changed his generous nature or love of buying people presents. After the night we met, I quickly learnt Noah loved buying me things that made me smile or taking me to places I would love. It felt nice to repay those times with this little tour today.

Noah glanced back from the café queue and smiled. I gave him a little wave and then I slipped outside for some air. It was hard not to get a bit carried away when a handsome man bought you books and cake and smiled at you like that. I was only human.

‘Okay. I got you the pinkest one they had,' Noah said, reappearing with a paper bag. ‘And a chocolate one for me. Where shall we eat them?'

‘Up there.' I pointed up to a building on the corner.

Noah raised an eyebrow and I took his hand and we hurried down the road to it. It was an office building but at weekends, they let the public up to their rooftop. Not many people knew about it so for London, it was like a hidden gem.

We got into the lift and went up. It was a small courtyard with tables and chairs. Before we sat down, we walked to the edge to lean against the barrier. We looked down at the city beneath us, which stretched out like a painting.

‘Wow. What a view,' Noah said. ‘How did you find this place?'

I pushed back my hair, which was billowing out in the breeze. It was cold but exhilarating. ‘Actually, I had a date who brought me up here. It was the best thing he gave me.' I smiled. ‘The best free viewpoint in London. Shall we sit?'

We sat down at a table and a server came over to take our orders so we both asked for another coffee. After the server brought them over and we were alone again, I turned to Noah. ‘So, can I have my cupcake now?'

Noah passed me my cake and took his out of the bag. He watched me for a moment. ‘I thought I'd come back and find you married.'

I choked a little bit on my cupcake. Attractive.

I took a sip of coffee. ‘Why?'

‘Who wouldn't want to be married to a woman like you?'

I studied him as he ate his cupcake. ‘I'd take that more seriously from a man who hadn't dumped me.'

It was Noah's turn to choke then. ‘I forgot how you speak your mind. It was always the thing I admired, and was scared of the most. I thought we'd already agreed I was a dick?'

I nodded. ‘We did.' I bit into the cupcake. Sweet sugary goodness. ‘Mmm.'

‘The truth is,' Noah said, wrapping his hands around his coffee cup, ‘you scared me when we met. Because I thought maybe I had found the woman I wanted to marry. And I knew I had this big secret stopping me from giving you all of me. I should have told you about my family. From the start.'

‘Why didn't you? Your father wouldn't have liked me?'

I doubted Mr Matthews would like any woman Noah brought home, to be honest. But it did hurt to think that Noah hadn't thought I was good enough to introduce to his parents.

‘I thought it would put you off me. That you'd think I was like him.' Noah sighed. ‘I also knew how much you wanted to work in publishing and I was embarrassed that my dad was one of the leaders of the industry. I suppose I've been trying to prove myself since I left university.'

‘I know how hard you work,' I said. ‘I wish you'd been honest with me.'

Noah sighed. ‘It was all my fault things didn't work out between us. I've been kicking myself ever since.'

I half-smiled. I tried to lighten our tone. ‘So, what did you think when you realised I wasn't married?'

‘I was incredibly relieved,' he replied.

‘I saw an article about you being an eligible bachelor so I knew you weren't either,' I admitted. ‘There wasn't anyone that made you consider it?' My heart sped up as I waited for his answer.

‘I won't lie and say I've been a monk since I left,' Noah said. He reached across the table and brushed my hand so lightly it was like the breeze had touched me but still, I felt it everywhere. ‘But there was never anything serious, no.' He took his hand off mine. ‘Anyway, I'm jealous as hell about the man who brought you up here; it's pretty romantic.'

‘It was,' I conceded. ‘I dated him for a few months but… I don't know. It got to a point when it was either serious or not and I realised I wasn't one hundred per cent in. Like he was. Since then, it's been bad date after bad date and so I decided to give it a rest. Although seeing Liv loved up with Aiden has given me some hope it can work out.'

I looked out at the view and felt that wistful pinch I often felt when I thought about happy ever afters. I wished one day I would have one, I couldn't deny it.

There was a short silence. I could feel Noah watching me. Maybe he wasn't sure what to say. It wasn't like he could promise to be my happy ever after, was it? Even if there were these feelings, this pull, attraction, whatever you wanted to say, between us. He had still hurt me and there was a big mountain to climb for either of us to forget that.

‘My mum, when she was really sick, told me that my father was her soulmate.' I looked at him and he nodded. ‘Hard to believe, isn't it? But that's why I haven't rocked the boat. He really loved her. He's broken without her even if he won't admit it to anyone, even himself. I know Mum would be upset with how he's been treating people though.'

‘Especially you,' I pointed out. ‘Making you feel guilty about your mother wasn't fair of him, Noah.'

‘Maybe not but he's right. I tried so hard to make it on my own, I pushed them away. I wasn't there when my mum needed me.'

‘Yes, you were!' My forceful words startled him. ‘You left to be with her as soon as you knew. You did all you could. And he's wrong to make you think otherwise.'

‘Thank you, Stevie. I don't deserve that praise but I appreciate it.'

‘Can I ask one thing?' I said tentatively. He gestured for me to go ahead. ‘If things are that difficult between you and your father, why do you keep working for him? Why come over here to run the new business?'

‘My mum made me promise before she died that I'd look after him. That I'd keep our family together. I had to say yes.'

I looked away, worried I might cry. ‘Of course you did,' I whispered. I finally looked back at him. He was watching me carefully. ‘She'd be proud of you.'

I reached out to brush back my hair, which was still blowing in the breeze.

Noah caught my hand in his when I moved. My breath hitched but the wind took it away so he didn't hear. ‘I wish you could have met. I told her all about you and she told me I was a fool to walk away. She was never wrong.'

I stared at him. ‘Noah, you're making me feel like…'

He pulled my hand, tugging me closer to him, stopping my sentence in its tracks. He leaned close to me and my heart picked up speed.

‘I have to tell you these things, Stevie. I can't stop. I wasn't planning to. That first day, I told myself to act like your manager and that's it, that's all I'd ever be now. But as soon as you told me off, I knew I was in trouble.'

He reached out and tucked my hair off my face for me. He then brushed his fingertip over my lips.

I trembled. ‘I was in trouble when you told me you'd bought our bookshop.'

‘I pretended to myself I was just supporting a small business but I couldn't let it go. Not when it brought us together. I hoped one day, you'd walk right back in there and I'd see you again.' He smiled. ‘I didn't know we'd meet again at work.'

‘Talk about a plot twist – you becoming my boss.'

I kept the inches between us, knowing that if one of us leaned even a centimetre closer, we'd kiss.

‘Do you hate it?' Noah asked then.

‘It's growing on me,' I admitted.

He leaned even closer but turned and spoke his next words into my ear. ‘If I remember correctly, you quite enjoyed me bossing you around sometimes.'

I let out a puff of air and squeezed my thighs together under the table, my mind instantly flashing to nights with Noah, him telling me exactly what to do in his bedroom, and me melting under his touch…

‘Any more coffees?'

We sprang apart as a member of staff appeared to take away our empty cups. I flushed deep red as Noah chuckled under his breath before telling the waiter that we were fine.

‘We should go.' I jumped up from the table, knowing a minute longer and I'd be in his arms again. In fact, my whole body ached with wanting to press itself against him. But I knew this time, we wouldn't stop at kissing and that was a giant leap to take. One I wasn't ready for even if my body was screaming at me to do it. My body was not the boss of me though. ‘One more stop on the tour.'

‘Lead the way,' Noah replied, standing up, still smiling, that dimple looking like it was never going away now.