Chapter 28

We arrived at my favourite Sunday lunch spot just as the rain started. The beautiful autumn morning changed in a minute, it seemed, as the sky grew black and we hurried into the pub, eager to get out of the drizzle. I loved this place. I'd first come here when I moved to Islington one day when I was desperate for a roast dinner. I'd never eaten anywhere but Maccy D's on my own, but I brought a book and ordered wine and a roast and I decided that if I was going to be single, there was no point in not doing the things I wanted to even if it meant having to do them alone.

I waved to the landlord and dived into my favourite booth close to the window, which offered a view of the city in the rain. They had lit the open fire so the pub felt perfectly cosy.

‘I missed places like this in New York,' Noah said as he sat down. I draped my coat on the back of the chair and sat down, Noah doing the same across the table from me.

‘Stevie!' Mel, one of the wait staff, came over with two menus. ‘You just made it before the rain.' It was pouring down outside now.

‘We were lucky. This is Noah,' I said as Mel handed him a menu.

‘You want one?' Mel asked me, but I shook my head and she smiled. I always had the same thing. ‘A bottle instead of a glass?'

‘Go for it,' I said.

‘I'll have whatever Stevie has,' Noah said, handing the menu back.

‘Got it.' Mel dropped me a wink before walking away and I shook my head. I knew she'd grill me about this the next time I came in.

‘You come here a lot?' Noah asked.

‘I come here most Sundays in autumn and winter,' I said, looking around. ‘It's so close to my flat and the roast dinners are amazing.'

‘It's been a long time since I had a roast dinner,' Noah said.

‘You couldn't find one in New York?' I asked.

‘I hated to eat by myself; I always ordered deliveries. So, I can't wait to try the food here.'

I propped my hand under my chin. ‘I know what you mean about not wanting to eat alone; I had to force myself to do it but now, I quite like it. I always bring my Kindle. And have a glass of wine.'

Noah smiled. ‘Sounds enjoyable that way.' He glanced around the pub. ‘I can see why you like it in here. It feels like a home from home. Thank you for showing me your favourite places today. I feel like I know the now you much better.'

‘As opposed to the me from five years ago?' I asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘You are different,' Noah said.

‘In a good or a bad way?'

Mel returned with a bottle of red wine and poured us a glass each and said the roasts would be ready soon.

When we were alone again, Noah took a sip before answering. ‘You're fearless now.'

I shook my head. ‘No one is fearless. We're all scared of something. Of more than something. But I suppose I decided to do what I wanted to, what I had to, anyway. It all took time though. I've only just got my dream job.'

‘Be honest – was it ruined when you realised I was there?' Noah pushed his shirt sleeves up to his elbows.

‘I did wonder what I'd done for the universe to punish me,' I joked. Then I saw his anxious expression. I sighed and answered honestly. ‘Noah, you broke my heart but I'm okay. I will be okay whatever happens. It's taken time to feel that way but here I am. If you are serious about…' I took a moment to get my words out because it was hard. I didn't want to get hurt again. Even if I knew I could get through it. Who would? But I also knew that some things were worth the risk. I wasn't sure yet if Noah was, and I think he knew that. ‘…missing me, I would need to be sure that this time, it would be different.'

‘It would be forever?' Noah asked.

‘Forever is a long time.' But I nodded. ‘Something like that, I guess.'

I wanted to tell him I'd need a sign, but that sounded too cheesy for real life. I sometimes recited dialogue from romance books without realising it. I had probably read that idea somewhere.

Noah was thoughtful as he looked out at the rain, swirling the wine in his glass. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but who ever wanted to tell someone their actual thoughts?

Our beef roast dinners with all the trimmings arrived then and we tucked in, hungry from our walking around the city and the chill in the air. Noah declared it the best he'd ever eaten apart from his mother's and I said it was far better than my mother's, and we laughed so much, other diners glanced over curiously. I saw Mel and the landlord, John, look over at us several times and I knew they were wondering who Noah was. I'd never told them about him. Noah had been in the past when I walked in here. But somehow, he was sitting across from me here in the present. Whether he'd be here in the future though, I really wasn't sure.

After our roasts, we shared the sticky toffee pudding and had two coffees. We talked about Bitten, and New York, and my library job and meeting Liv, and of course we talked about books. I told Noah what I was currently reading and he said he was reading an enemies-to-lovers romance that I had on my list to read next.

‘So, you're reading that and I saw you have a lot of love stories on your bookshelf in your flat. Did I turn you into an avid romance fan then?' I teased him.

He held his hands up. ‘I admit it, you were always so enthusiastic that I read a couple of the ones you love and then I was hooked. My father was completely wrong. Books that make people happy are the best kind.'

‘I agree.' We smiled at one another and I got the warm feeling you get when you connect with someone else. ‘I'm so nervous for Monday,' I admitted then.

‘Don't be. I have a feeling it's going to be awesome.'

‘Did you just say awesome? Are you American now?'

Noah laughed. ‘It rubs off on you, you can't help it.'

‘You do have a slight New York twang to your accent. It's cute.'

‘Cute? Can't it be sexy?'

I shook my head. ‘Nope, sorry, that's reserved for only a few accents. I don't make the rules.'

‘Actually, I think you always have.'

The day drew on and the afternoon soon turned dark outside the pub where it felt like time stood still. Finally, we looked at one another, knowing we couldn't delay leaving any longer. Noah walked me back to my flat, holding a large umbrella over us to block out the rain. It wasn't far from the pub and all too soon, we were back outside my building.

‘Honestly, thank you for today. I guess I've been kind of isolated for a while now. You've reminded me…' Noah trailed off, looking down at me.

‘I know what you mean,' I said when he looked confused as to how to finish his sentence. ‘I'm glad we did this.' I reached up on tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. ‘See you at work, boss.'

I dropped him a wink then dashed out from under his umbrella and inside my building.

I glanced back before the door closed and Noah gave me a wave before turning and walking away through the rain.

Sighing, I leaned against the door for a second. I had wanted to kiss him goodbye properly. So badly. As I went up to my flat and let myself in, I told myself it was for the best that I hadn't. I pulled my phone out of my bag and opened up Google.

Is it ever a good idea to get back with your ex?

I scrolled through article after article, most of which were on the side that it was not a good idea; they were your ex for a reason.

Sighing, I went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea, deciding I'd get into my pjs and curl up with a book and relax ahead of the working week, which was going to be a huge one for Turn the Pages. And me. And Noah. This week wasn't the week to be lusting after him or stressing about his feelings for me.