51. Baxter

CHAPTER 51

BAXTER

After my phone call with Grace, I didn't know what to do with myself. We both mumbled our goodbyes, hung up, and then I sat there, drenched in disquiet and wondering what the hell I was supposed to do with myself.

On autopilot, I headed back to the house, then felt compelled to stop and grab some groceries for dinner. Dad has been waiting on my mopey ass, and I need to start showing a little appreciation. Mom's butter chicken recipe was always a winner, so I quickly shoot into the grocery store and get the ingredients. Hopefully I haven't forgotten anything. As I wander back to the truck, I glance up and spot two faces I haven't seen in a long while. Two faces I actively avoid every time I come into town. And opposite them sits Mrs. Clark.

I'm not sure she recognizes me as I stride by the coffee shop, but the other lady sure does.

Mrs. Tan's mouth drops open, her eyes flashing at me when I come to a stop by the table.

Why the hell are you stopping? The question pulses through my brain, but not loud enough to make me move along.

Mr. Tan sits up a little straighter, frowning at me until a light bulb clicks and he whispers, "Baxter Brown? What are you doing here?"

"I'm visiting my dad."

"Haven't seen you around."

My smile is hard and unfriendly as I stare down at him. "We're not exactly the friendliest neighbors, now are we? Since my mom passed, I'm guessing you have nothing to do with my dad, amiright?"

He grunts and focuses back on his coffee while I study Mrs. Tan's face. She looks older, streaks of gray in her black hair, her eyes tired like she'd been up at night worrying. I can only imagine who she's obsessing over.

Probably the same person I can't stop thinking about.

But maybe in a different way.

Definitely in a different way.

Grace's comments about controlling, manipulative parents got my back up. Did they really force her to marry Hudson? Did Tammy put up a fight or just go along with them?

Shit, why'd I tell her to leave the night she told me she was pregnant? I should have offered to be there for her, but I was too hurt and jealous to do anything but act like a total douchebag. And then I did the same fucking thing last week when Hudson showed up.

What the hell is wrong with me!

"Well, if you'll excuse us." Mrs. Clark gives me a polite smile. "We're just in the middle of something important."

"Of course," I mumble, stepping off the curb and turning my back.

Until I hear…

"Now, I don't know what she told you, but it only happened once, and Hudson wouldn't have even behaved like that in the first place unless something was already broken. I raised my son right and?—"

"You hold on just a minute there, Lydia," Mrs. Tan interrupts her. "My girl wouldn't do anything to provoke that kind of behavior. Now, you should be thanking me that I insisted she go back to him. Marriage is a sacred vow, and she will not be walking away from it under any circumstances. But you need to bring your boy into line."

I spin in time to see Mrs. Clark's cheeks flare red. "Well, you need to tell your daughter not to run away with his son again, taking off to God knows where and not telling him a thing. She damn near kidnapped that child, and poor Hudson was beside himself."

"Poor Hudson." Mr. Tan scoffs and shakes his head.

"Stay out of this, Jon," Mrs. Clark snaps, and I fucking lose it.

"You stay out of it!" I shout, striding up to the table. My loud voice makes them all start, and Mrs. Clark actually leans back as I tower over them. "Who the hell do you think you are discussing your adult children this way? You don't control them anymore. They're old enough to make their own decisions."

"Young man—" Mrs. Tan tries to warn me off, but I barrel right over top of her.

"How dare you force your daughter to marry Hudson in the first place?"

Mrs. Clark blusters. "Excuse me! There was no forcing anyone."

"You tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night," I spit, then shake my head at them all. "Do you have any idea how much you've held them back?" My voice breaks. "Tammy deserves love and loyalty and a man who is going to listen to her and make her laugh and smile and feel good about herself. She deserves to live free from any kind of pressure and judgment, but she can't do that with you guys breathing down her neck and scheming behind her back. Don't sit there telling me you didn't order those two to get married when you found out she was pregnant. And don't sit there telling me that you're not still pulling their strings!"

Mr. Tan darts a look at his wife, whose black curls are jiggling as she shakes with obvious rage. I no longer give a fuck. If she wants to hate me, she can go right ahead. I don't need to try and impress her anymore, because Tammy's an adult who can do whatever the fuck she wants, dammit!

"If she wants to leave Hudson, then she has every right. If she wants to stay, then that's her prerogative too. But whatever she decides, it's her choice to make, and she does not need some bullshit custody battle threats." I throw my glare on Mrs. Clark while Tammy's mother lets out a horrified gasp.

"Lydia, you didn't."

"Kai is his son! Of course he's going to fight for custody."

"That's why they must stay together," Mrs. Tan clips at her husband. "Tamara's not strong enough to handle something like that."

Slapping my hands on the table, I get right in that woman's face and tell it to her straight. "Tammy is strong enough to handle anything. And I am going to support whatever she decides."

"You stay out of it," Mr. Tan barks. "You don't go near my daughter. You've only ever been trouble for her."

I pop up straight, frowning down at him. "I'm not the one who got her pregnant and forced her into a life that doesn't make her happy, Mr. Tan."

"Like you could ever offer her half of what Hudson has given her."

The comment stings, but I hold my ground, gripping those grocery bags like my life depends on it.

"I know you've always been after my girl, but you're not good enough for her."

"I'm plenty good enough," I argue, surprised the words are popping out of my mouth so easily. "And if she wants me, I'd have her in a heartbeat, and I would love her with everything I've got. And it would be her choice to be with me, not something imposed on her by overbearing parents who only care about appearances and the judgment of everyone else in this narrow-minded town!" I'm bellowing now and getting looks from across the street and out storefront windows.

I don't give a rat's ass.

Let all of them look.

Let all of them fucking know.

"I love Tamara Tan! I always will! And she deserves better than an unfaithful husband and a marriage that is broken because it was forced on her when she was a terrified kid!"

With their faces flushed and mouths agape, I walk away from the stunned table and slam into my truck.

The engine feels a million times louder than normal as I rev it and squeal away from the curb.

I've gone and done it now.

The gossip tree is going to be shaking something fierce.

I give it less than an hour before everyone in Gladstone knows about my outburst.

It won't take long for Tammy to find out either, and I can only imagine the reports she's going to get.

Fuck!

I don't want her finding out that way.

Speeding home, I pull into the driveway and park around the back of the house. Dad's still at work, so I stay in the truck, huffing and grunting as I pull up Tammy's email address on my phone. I could text or call her, but I don't want Hudson spotting something on the screen and making things more difficult for her. If he's home when this comes through…

An email notification could pop up, too, dumbass.

My brain starts muttering at me, but I ignore its warning and type with my big, clumsy thumbs…

Hey TT,

You're probably going to hear about this soon enough, but I just went off on your parents right in the middle of town. Maybe not my finest moment, but fuck me, it feels awesome too. I'm sorry if it makes your life harder, but I just wanted them to know that it wasn't their place to manipulate your life the way they have been.

You're a grown woman. A mother. You're strong and tenacious, and you deserve every good thing.

If you want to stay with Hudson because you love him, then do it. Fight for him. Fight for your marriage. Make it work.

But if this relationship is killing your soul… then do something about it.

You're strong enough to leave him, Tammy.

You're strong enough to face all the ugliness that might come in the aftermath. I know it won't be easy, but you can do it.

And if you want me to, I'll stand by your side all the way.

Even if it's just as a friend.

Whatever.

I'm here for you.

And I love you.

Even if you never love me back in the same way, I'm gonna keep loving you until the day I die.

I want you to be happy.

I want you to be free to make your own choices without worrying what everyone's going to think of you.

Screw them.

Follow your heart.

Live your dreams.

You deserve it.

You are worthy of every good thing, and I want that for you.

I feel like I'm rambling now, but I hope you can hear my heart.

Find what makes you happiest and go after that thing.

I should have done that. After the swimming hole, I should have gotten over my damn self and told you how I felt. But I chickened out, and then Hudson caught your attention. Even then, I should have kept myself in your life. And I never should have pushed you out the door when you told me you were pregnant.

I'm sorry for being a jealous jerk. I'm sorry for not being the friend you needed.

But I'm here now, and I'll never push you away from me again.

I promise.

I'm yours forever, TT.

B x

Do I add more x 's and some o 's? I don't know.

With my thumb hovering over the Send button, I hold my breath, close my eyes, and push that little dart icon before I change my mind.

The rain starts pattering on my windshield as the email whooshes to her inbox. I stare at those droplets, running down the glass like tears, and wonder if I'll ever get a reply.