21. Tammy

CHAPTER 21

TAMMY

The night Tammy found out she was pregnant…

It's impossible not to miss the angry hurt in his voice.

His simple statement speaks volumes. His shock over the fact that Hudson and I have been sleeping together makes my insides curl and writhe. He's not asking how I'm going to cope with this or how the hell I'm supposed to tell my parents. No, he's trying to deal with the fact that I—who said I wasn't ready for sex—gave myself to Hudson when I wouldn't give myself to him.

Seriously?

Part of me wants to scream at him for being a selfish prick, but he looks so wounded right now that all I can do is stare at him.

And that's when I start to realize something I never thought of before.

That afternoon by the swimming hole… maybe it meant more to him than I realized. Maybe it wasn't just the curious fascination I'd been feeling.

Holy shit, was it more?

Had he been hoping we'd become a couple or something?

Why didn't he say anything?

My emotions are so fragile and strung out right now, I don't know whether to be touched, furious, or blindsided.

"Bax, did you—" I don't get a chance to ask my question because he talks over me.

"What are you going to do?"

"Huh?" I blink.

"About the pregnancy. You're gonna have to tell people." His sharp tone snaps me back to the problem at hand, and all I can do is stupidly nod and agree with him.

"Yeah."

"Who are you going to tell first?"

"I don't know."

"You should probably talk to Hudson. You know, because he's your… boyfriend and… the father." He grits out the words like they hurt him, and I can't believe I never truly noticed this before.

"Bax." I reach for his arm, but he shifts before I can touch him.

"You know, you should probably get back. Your parents are due home any minute, and they'll wonder where you are." He's looking anywhere but at me. "You should go."

A stone lodges in my throat, and I stare at his shadowed face, so set and emotionless. He's staring at the wall ahead of him, and I'd do anything to have him glance at me, flash me his sweet, lopsided smile.

I stare at him, silently begging him to look at me. But he doesn't.

"Are you coming with me?" I finally ask.

"I'll help you down." He nods.

"But you're not coming with me."

The muscles in his jaw clench, and I'm pretty sure he's never going to look at me again, let alone talk to me.

I want to ask him why he's doing this.

I want to hear him fucking say it.

Tell me why this is hurting you so badly!

Tell me why you're being a jerk and not supporting me when I need you!

But I know he never will.

Baxter's a closed book, and since I got together with Hudson, he's a freaking locked diary.

I'm not breaching those walls anytime soon, and if I'm honest, I don't have the energy to. I've got bigger problems right now, and I don't need to add Baxter's angst to my list.

Clearing my throat, I try to lift my chin, try to nod and be brave, but my courage is flailing. My soul is gasping for air, panic working through me as I inch toward the trap door. As soon as I leave this tree fort, I'm going to be vulnerable and exposed. I'm going to have to go home and call Hudson—ruin his night as well.

Then I'll have to tell my parents and… oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me.

It takes everything in me not to throw myself at Baxter and beg him to take me away from this. But I'm not his problem anymore.

I chose Hudson, right?

The trap door creaks as it opens, and Baxter's strong hand catches my arm when I start to descend. For a second, I think he's trying to pull me back up, but he's just helping me down. When I hit the ground, I lift my lantern to spot his face, and I swear I see tears in his eyes.

My lips part in surprise, because Baxter is not a crier. He keeps those emotions in check. Always.

But not tonight.

His eyes are glassy as I gape up at him, and then that trap door snaps shut… and I know we're done for good now.

The thought is devastating, and I stagger my way home, sobs working through me until I reach my back door and slump on the grass in the yard.

Dad finds me out there when he gets home. He's mystified by my weird behavior and doesn't know what to do. Wrapping me up, he guides me inside, and I'm forced to tell my parents the truth.

They're pissed at my reckless, ungodly behavior and immediately call Hudson's parents. Then the two of us are soon sitting on the couch being yelled at by four irate adults who have obviously forgotten what it's like to be a teenager in love. They're each taking turns, and all we can do is stare at each other. He's going into shock and so am I, but then his fingers thread through mine, and I know I'm not completely alone.

His thumb rubs over my knuckles as his parents inform us that we have to get married immediately.

I'm so numb, I can't even fight them on this.

The four parents are in agreement, and we just have to go along with it, because this is Gladstone, and teenagers out of wedlock are not allowed to have sex.

"You haven't told anyone else, have you?" Mom's sharp glare makes me shrink.

I lie and shake my head.

"Good." Mrs. Clark nods. "Well, it's settled, then. We'll throw together a wedding and get you two hitched before she starts to show."

My father rolls his eyes. "People in this town aren't stupid. They're going to figure it out."

"Yes, but we're doing the right thing," Mom retorts. "So we won't be judged as harshly."

Nausea rolls through me, the weight of all this feeling like too much as our mothers go into planning mode and start picking out a date.

"They have their SATs soon. Let's get this done before that starts," Mrs. Clark murmurs, her head bent over her diary, while my mother checks the calendar on the wall like we're booking in a family dinner or something.

Shit, I'm getting married.

And by the end of this year, I'll be a mother.

Shit. Shit. Shit!

I feel like my world is crumbling around me and I'm helpless to stop it.

As I sit there on the couch, holding Hudson's hand, all I want is Baxter. I want him to walk through the door and take me away from this.

But he's never gonna do that.

Because I chose Hudson.

And without meaning to, I lost my best friend.

The thought brings on a fresh wave of tears, and I start to cry all over again. Hudson seems to snap out of his shocked reverie and pulls me close, kissing my forehead and murmuring that he loves me… and that everything's going to be okay.

But it's not.

Nothing is ever going to be the same again, and I mourn my childhood like I'm attending its funeral, weeping for what was and what I can never have again.