22. Baxter

CHAPTER 22

BAXTER

Present day…

"Fezz, c'mere, boy." I click my fingers and beckon him back to me.

His little ears perk up and he trots back through the grass, having to jump over longer patches. It's going to be snowing in the next month or so. That's gonna be fun to see. The little guy hasn't really been around too much snow yet. He was only a puppy at the end of last winter, and I can just picture him jumping into the backyard and disappearing in a mound of white powder.

It makes me laugh. We'll have to keep a close eye on the little guy.

I crouch low, petting his body while his tail wags. His little paws land on my knee, and he gives me a doggy smile. I really do love the guy. I know he's not mine, but I'm stoked to be one of his faves.

And I think Kai is fast becoming one too.

It's been a week since he smashed his face on the ice, and I was so relieved that I managed to get him back onto it. They came last Saturday and watched my Mini Mite game. It was pretty cool having them there, cheering on my team and watching me coach the chaos. My team lost, but the way Tammy and Kai cheered, you'd think we'd won a major final. I stared across the rink, loving her dimples and the way the pom-pom on her beanie danced when she pumped her arm and clapped. Kai got into it, too, his little legs swinging, and for just a second, I imagined they were mine.

I let myself pretend that we'd gone all the way that summer. That Tammy had become my girl and married me instead. Kai was ours, and Hudson didn't exist. We were the Browns. Baxter, Tammy, and Kai Brown.

Damn, I wanted that to be true in ways I could never express.

But it never will be.

Kai is Hudson's son, and nothing will ever change that.

Reality slaps me upside the head, and I focus back on Fezzik, picking up a small stick and hurling it through the air. With a happy bark, he chases after it, and my mind takes me back to Sunday, when Casey got Kai back on the ice. Seriously, the guy's a miracle worker. For someone who thought he couldn't be a dad, he's pretty fucking awesome with kids.

Kai whined and worried as Tammy laced his boots.

"It's going to be fine. There are four of us here to catch you, and even if you do fall again, you're not going land on your face this time, because you're gonna put your hands out like this." She showed him once more, and he scowled at her.

But then Casey cajoled him, and then Caroline fell over, landing on her butt and laughing her head off. Casey helped her back to her feet, holding her and rubbing her ass with a playful grin.

Kai watched them having fun on the ice, saw the way she got back up and didn't cry.

He inched to the edge of the rink.

I jumped onto the ice and skated circles around Casey and Caroline while Tammy held Kai's hand and tried to encourage him.

"Come on, kid. You can do it." Casey skated across, held out his hands, and Kai took them.

We then spent the next hour building up his confidence, and by the time Tammy's teeth were chattering, Kai was skating between us, launching himself from one set of arms until he fell into the next.

It was pretty triumphant, and I bought us all ice cream to celebrate. Tammy seemed really grateful but only picked at her sundae. Casey ended up finishing it for her, and I sat there worrying that she was looking pale.

She'd seemed a bit off, and I was desperate to talk to her about it, but once we got back to Ponderosa, she lightened up and has been relatively happy since.

Rachel's been keeping her busy, and she even met Vanessa yesterday. The uptight woman gave her the once-over. Tammy handled it like a pro and even responded politely when Vanessa told her that she would be moving out of that room before November first and needed to arrange other accommodations.

Tammy got super quiet after that, but I told her I'd help with it.

She gave me a tight smile and nodded. "I know you will."

Then she walked out of the room. I shared a glance with Rachel, who looked kind of pained. "I think she's starting to realize that she needs to earn some money, and she's really not sure how."

"We'll look after her."

"I know you want to, Bax." Rachel's eyes shone with understanding. She knows what Tammy means to me. I told her and Lani about it months ago. Of course, I didn't expect Tammy and Kai to show up when I was sharing that shit, but here they are and… I still haven't done anything about it.

What am I waiting for?

I guess I wanted to know for sure that Tammy had left Hudson.

Well, it's been two weeks, and she still hasn't said one word about returning to him. Plus, I noticed she's not wearing her rings anymore. That means it must be over, right? Which means I could probably tell her how I feel and that I'd do anything to keep her and Kai safe. I want to provide for them, give them a home.

But would that just freak her out?

I shake my head with a huff, wishing I could be more decisive over this, have more courage. But there's so much at stake. If I bear my soul and she's not interested, that will be so awkward, and I don't want her to feel like she's gotta leave… and I don't want to be in this house trying to avoid her either.

It's better that I just keep things as they are.

Kai's doing great. He seems to love it here.

Tammy's settled… most of the time.

"Hey, Baxter!" I turn at the sound of her voice. "Sorry to bother you, but do you know where Kai's panda is? We're about to start story time, and he can't find Mr. Beans."

"Yeah, I think I saw him in the den. He was watching TV this afternoon."

"Okay, thanks."

She disappears back through the door, and I wrap up the stick-throwing with Fezzik. We get back inside, and the little pup shakes off before trotting toward the entrance. He's no doubt wanting in on story time, and I grin as he fires up the stairs.

The house is so quiet this evening.

It will be all weekend.

The guys have an away game, and the girls decided to join them for a change. They left after classes yesterday and won't be back until Sunday evening. Since they've gone to the effort of flying to Arizona for the game, they figure they might as well enjoy Sunday there as well.

I was invited to join them but didn't want to leave Tammy and Kai alone. And even though Mick suggested they come, too, I knew Tammy would feel the pressure of paying for flights. She might have access to money, but I get the sense that she doesn't really want to use it. Because it's not her money… it's Hudson's.

I really should ask her how things are going there and if she's made any official moves to end it with him. But I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. She'll talk to me when she's ready, right? No point forcing the words out of someone.

Although I'm dying to know what's going on.

Surely Hudson will be missing his wife and son.

Surely he's tried to reach out and contact them.

Is Tammy keeping their location a secret?

Could she get in trouble for doing that?

Worry eats away at my insides while I clean up the dishes from dinner and make sure the kitchen is spotless. Rachel's not back until tomorrow night, but still. I feel compelled to keep her space as clean as she likes it… even when she's not here.

By the time I'm done, Tammy is padding into the kitchen. She's in bare feet and a little cotton nightdress that makes my heart hitch. It comes to her knees, and she's wearing a flimsy sweater over the top of it. The house is nice and toasty thanks to the underfloor heating Mr. Hyde insisted we install, and I'm grateful for it as I watch Tammy's smooth legs approach me.

My gaze trails up her body, but then I flinch when I see that she's watching me check her out.

"Uh…" I clear my throat. "Kai all settled?"

"Yeah, he was asleep before I even finished the book." She grins, reaching for a mug and filling it with water. "Thanks to you, that kid is sleeping like a log most nights. You sure know how to tire him out."

"It's the puppy." I shrug.

She laughs. "You mean the puppy that is currently curled up at his feet?" She winces. "I'm not going to get in trouble for that, am I? I doubt the dog will be allowed in the rooms once guests start arriving."

"Yeah, Vanessa would have a fit. We're going to have to train the little guy, that's for sure."

"Well, you're running out of time."

"Yeah, I know." I cringe, gripping the edge of the counter and watching her heat the water in the microwave and pull out a teabag.

"You want one?"

"Nah, I'm good." I brush my hand through the air, my heart starting to thrum when her dimples pop into place.

She turns to me, her brown eyes lighting with a smile that calls to me like a siren's song.

"Thanks for being so great with him. You're so kind and patient."

I shrug, brushing off the compliment. "He's an easy kid to like."

"Because he never says anything?" She smirks and shakes her head.

I let out a soft laugh. "Has he always been that quiet?"

"I guess. He speaks when he has to." She quirks her eyebrow. "Sound familiar?"

I'm sure I'm blushing as I tip my head and cross my arms. "I always think it's best to wait until you have something of value to say. The world's already full of enough bullshit."

The microwave beeps and she takes out her mug, cradling it in her hands and gazing up at me. "I always loved that about you." Her eyes start to glass over, and she gives me a watery smile. "I've really missed you, you know? I've missed us ."