Chapter Nineteen

"Oh, God," Ash said, practically jumping up off the couch. "That was horrifically inappropriate."

It took Pen a second to recover her senses. Ash's lips had seemed so sure, the touch of her had been like coming home in a way that Pen hadn't known she'd needed. "Inappropriate?" she said when she found her voice. "Inappropriate?" She couldn't think of a word that was more, well, inappropriate.

"You're upset and vulnerable and I'm in your flat and… and…"

"And there was nothing inappropriate in the slightest about what you did," Pen said calmly standing up. "You have my full consent, if that's what's worrying you."

Ash paused, looking uncomfortable. "I, uh, I didn't mean…" She took a breath. "Actually, I don't know what I meant, if I'm being honest. Is that terrible?"

Pen bit her lip. She'd rather like another kiss, but she could see that Ash was honestly having trouble with this. "Out of curiosity, when did this conversation with George happen that resulted in your lesbian revelation?"

"This morning," Ash said. "Why?"

"Because most of us have a lot longer than that to get used to the idea," Pen grinned. "And whilst I very much agree with kissing, and admire your go-getter attitude in that regard, perhaps you need to take a step back and think about things?"

Ash sat back down again. "Yeah, yeah, that makes sense," she said, rubbing her face. "Um, sorry if I came on too strong."

"You didn't at all," Pen said, sitting back down too and taking her hand. "I like you, Ash, I've liked you since you moved in, I'm not going to hide that. But I'm equally not interested in taking advantage of someone vulnerable."

"You like me?" Ash said. "But… why? All I do is shout at you and throw you out of the book shop."

"True," Pen said. Squeezing Ash's hand. "But I'm of the opinion that your bark is worse than your bite." Ash's hand felt nice in her own, perfect and smooth. "Listen, you're going to help me get my problems sorted out, so why don't I help you with this?"

"With… this?" Ash said doubtfully. "You mean the gay stuff? Is there a lot to learn? Because, you know, I could just be celibate."

"Which would be a great loss to the world," Pen said solemnly. "But we could, I don't know, hold hands and things, go really slowly, and you could figure out if it's something you really want."

"Would there be more kissing?" asked Ash, her eyes twinkling.

"There might be," Pen said, hoping very much that there would be.

"And in return you'll accept my help and stop burying your head in the sand like some kind of demented ostrich?"

"I will," promised Pen. "And your first lesson is that calling women demented ostriches is not the way to their hearts."

"Got it," Ash said. "And your first lesson is that there's no way you can afford an employee or a non-paying lodger."

"Oh god. Lucy." Pen's heart sank. "I can't just throw her out."

"You can't," agreed Ash. "But we do need to make other arrangements. So while I take all these bills back to the bookshop and figure out what's what, you need to make some phone calls and see who might have a job for Lucy, got it?"

"Got it," Pen said, feeling sad and small until Ash wrapped her up in another hug that made the world seem better again.

"SHE'S ALSO VERY tall," said Mr. Gupta approvingly.

"Which is important because?" asked Pen.

Mr. Gupta took his coffee and croissant. "Because she will be able to reach the top shelves that I myself cannot reach."

"I am right here," Lucy said, sliding Mr. Gupta a napkin. "Although I suppose I am quite tall. I've never had that listed on my CV though."

"What I meant was that I think you would be perfect for the job," said Mr. Gupta. "If you're interested, that is? My wife has been complaining for months now that she wants to spend more time with the grandchildren. It would be a perfect solution for us all, I think. You could start on Monday, I offer a fair wage and half days on Wednesdays."

"It sounds wonderful," Lucy said. "As long as you don't mind, Pen?"

"It sounds like a great opportunity," said Pen, relieved that Lucy was taking leaving so well.

"There is only one caveat," Mr. Gupta said sternly. "You may eat only a maximum of fifty pence a day in pick-and-mix sweets, no more!"

Lucy laughed. "That sounds very fair," she said. "I'll look forward to it."

Mr. Gupta nodded in satisfaction. "In that case, I'm about to make my wife a very happy woman, so my thanks to you, Penelope."

"You're sure you don't mind?" Pen asked when the newsagent had left. "I'm not throwing you out or anything."

"Pen, you've been my guardian angel, my miracle, I don't know how to thank you enough." Lucy blushed. "But, um, I did see that most of those letters that Billy gave you were bills. It looks like it's best for us all if I stand on my own two feet as quickly as possible."

Pen's mouth turned sour. She hated that other people knew, she couldn't help but find it shameful. But it wasn't like she'd spent the money on wine, women, and song. She'd just… She sighed. It had just got out of her control. The giving to charity, the lending money, the money that had to go into the bakery. One minute she'd been on top of it, the next she'd been ignoring letters so hard she'd practically turned cross-eyed from it.

"Pen, Pen!"

Both women turned as George rushed into the shop.

Pen's heart sank again. Oh god, now George must know as well. Which was not only embarrassing, but he'd be angry that she hadn't told him. He was supposed to be her best friend.

"Pen, Billy," George said.

"Billy… what?" Pen asked.

George leaned on the counter getting his breath back.

"You know, the bookshop is only just next door," Lucy said. "You might want to work on your cardio."

"I. Do. Yoga," panted George. He took a deep breath, then another. "I just had a brainwave and I rushed up the stairs from the cellar and then right over." He glared at Lucy. "And my cardiac health is excellent, thank you."

"Mmm," said Lucy disbelievingly.

"So what's this brainwave?" Pen asked.

"Billy," said George. "He's got a spare room and was talking about renting it out except he didn't want to run it like an AirBnB or anything just for the summer tourists. He wanted someone long term and no one bit, so he gave up on the idea. But it's a nice place, close to the beach, light and nicely furnished."

"How would you know about that?" Pen asked, squinting at George who was rapidly beginning to flush.

"Um, well, it's…" He gulped. "It's all a bit new and I didn't want to say anything too soon and it's only been a couple of dates really."

"George! Have you got a boyfriend?" Pen screeched.

"And what a boyfriend," said Lucy. "Those broad shoulders and big muscles from carrying sacks of letters. He's gorgeous, Billy is."

"Yeah, well," George said, still blushing. "He's also got a spare room if you're interested?"

"Does that mean I'll get to make you coffee every morning?" asked Lucy innocently.

"Get on with you," said George. "Go and get your coat and I'll take you over to have a look at it, if you want? I've already told Billy someone might be interested."

Lucy bounced off grinning, leaving George and Pen alone.

"I can't believe that I didn't know you had a crush on Billy," Pen said. "I was so immersed in my own thing that I was blind to it. Oh, I'm sorry, George. I've been a crappy friend."

"No, you've been a worried friend," George said. He came closer, took Pen's hands. "Why didn't you tell me, Pen?"

"Because I was ashamed," she said.

"Not that," said George, scowling. "I get that. I mean, it's terrible but Ash says we can help work things out and I can totally see how getting into debt happens. I meant about you and Her Royal Highness making out in the middle of the day."

"We didn't make out, it was one kiss," Pen said. "And it literally just happened, I haven't had a chance to tell you about it yet."

George grinned at her. "I'm happy for you, Pen."

"Nothing big has happened yet. It's just… it's just a little tingle right now. We'll see if anything comes of it."

"Maybe she's not that bad," George said grudgingly. He sniffed. "Listen, Pen, I want to talk business for a minute. I've got a bit saved up and—"

"And no charity," Pen said, pulling away from him.

"I wasn't offering it," said George. "I would, on the other hand, be willing to make an investment in the bakery if you needed one. Think it over. We'd do it properly, with contracts and things. No pressure, but the offer is there if you need it."

Pen blinked away a fresh tear. "I don't know what I've done to deserve all this," she said. "People like you and Ash just helping me without getting anything back."

"Well, Ash got a smacker of a kiss, apparently. Not that that's what I'm looking for," he added hurriedly. He took her hands again. "You deserve this because you're always the one giving, Pen. You deserve a little help in return."

"I don't know about that."

"But you do need to learn a lesson from this," he said. "You can't feed people from an empty pantry, Pen."

She rolled her eyes and pretended like she didn't know what he meant, and they had no time to finish the conversation as Lucy came barreling in with her coat on.

Pen watched them walk down the street together and marveled at how her world had changed in just a few minutes. And then she wondered if Ash was her guardian angel, like she was Lucy's. And then she remembered the kiss and warmth flooded her skin and suddenly debt was the least important thing she could think of.