Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Juliette did write to Nicholas. She told him the kiss had been a mistake, and that while she had once held a torch for him, too much time had passed for it to mean anything any longer. She told him she could not play second best to Lavinia, and that she had no choice but to call off whatever it was he had assumed was between them. There was no reply, but a visit from Henrietta told Juliette everything she needed to know.

“He’s terribly disappointed, of course. And so am I. I thought we’d be sisters-in-law. Wouldn’t that have been lovely?” Henrietta had said, and while Juliette had humored her, she had known she had made the right decision, even as the question of what happened next still loomed large.

As for the answer to the question, Juliette was reticent. She did not want to make a fool of herself by bursting in on Alexander at the lodgings he shared with Gregory and declaring a love that would not be reciprocated.

But despite her reticence, Juliette felt certain of her feelings. She knew they would not just go away – nor did she want them to. In her heart, she longed only to be with Alexander, and an opportunity now presented itself, in the form of a party held to celebrate the forthcoming marriage of Gregory and Emily.

“We didn’t have an engagement party because we were still in mourning for grandmother. I know it’s not conventional, but it seems a pleasant thing to do now, don’t you think?” Emily had said, after asking Juliette to help her with the organization.

Juliette had agreed, knowing she would see Alexander again, even as she was both fearful and excited at the prospect of doing so.

“I think it’s a lovely idea,” Juliette had replied, and now she found herself in the drawing room with Emily, greeting the arriving guests and waiting for Alexander…

It had been nearly two weeks since Juliette had last seen Alexander at the banqueting house ball. She was fearful of seeing him again, not knowing how he would be with her, or if he would even talk to her at all. She had worked herself up into such a frenzy she felt quite ill, and having excused herself, she stepped out onto the terrace to take the air.

“You’ve got to tell him the truth,” she told herself, taking a deep breath, and glancing back into the room, where she spied Gregory arriving with Alexander.

The marquess was looking around him, and Juliette hid for a moment outside, peering back into the room and watching him. She was terrified of his rejection, but desperate to speak to him, too.

“You can’t avoid him. He must know about Nicholas,” she thought to herself, even as she feared she was flattering herself by thinking Alexander wanted anything more to do with her.

Taking a deep breath, Juliette stepped back into the room, catching Alexander’s eye and smiling at him.

But just as she did so, Nicholas and Henrietta entered the room. An invitation to them both had been unavoidable, and now, to Juliette’s horror, Nicholas came straight towards her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your letter, Juliette. I thought it would be better to talk face to face. The things you said… I’m sorry you felt second to Lavinia. But we’ve cleared all that up now, haven’t we? It’s not like that – she forced the matter,” he said.

Juliette had no time to protest, and she knew what the sight of her with Nicholas must suggest to Alexander, who even now had turned away to talk to Gregory.

“Shall we get some punch?” Juliette said, gesturing towards the refreshment table.

Nicholas followed her, and Juliette found herself unable to do anything more than endure his company, as now he tried to convince her of the merits of a match between them.

“It’s really all a misunderstanding, you see. I never intended for it to be like this. Believe me when I say I thought of you every single day, Juliette. I really did. I had every intention of asking you to marry me as soon as I returned from Europe,” Nicholas said, looking at her imploringly.

But Juliette could feel nothing for him – not romantically, at least. He was an attractive man, and certainly one of the richest men in England. But in comparison to Alexander, she found him wanting, and the thought of spending her whole life comparing her husband to the man she truly loved was not something she could bear.

“Nicholas, I made myself clear in the letter. You’re my friend, and you’ll always be my friend. But we can’t be anything more. I simply don’t feel the same way,” Juliette said, fixing him with what she hoped was a look of resolve.

As she spoke the words, it felt as though a burden had been lifted from her, and as his face fell, Juliette could only feel a sense of relief.

“I see. Well… I don’t know quite what to say. I’m sorry,” he said, and Juliette nodded.

“It’s all right. You don’t have to be sorry, Nicholas. I should be the one apologizing. I put so much store on your return. But now… well, I simply don’t feel the same way, and I won’t do. I don’t want to hurt you. But I’ve realized where my heart lies,” she said, and he nodded.

“I’m glad you felt able to tell me face to face, so to speak. Your letter felt so… impersonal,” he said, and Juliette blushed.

“I’m sorry. I really do mean it when I say I want us to be friends,” Juliette replied.

She had known Nicholas since they were children. He had always been there, and in her youthful naivety, Juliette had always assumed he would be the one whom she would marry. But in his absence, Juliette had grown up, and had come to realize friendship was not necessarily romance.

A woman could befriend a man without the trappings of emotion to cloud the genuine affection one might feel – not romantic, but a friendship, nonetheless. Juliette was sorry for having behaved so impersonally, and it seemed Nicholas was sorry, too, for having assumed too much.

“And I’m sorry, too. I rushed ahead where angels fear to tread – I was far too anxious for something… well, I don’t know what it was,” he said, and Juliette smiled.

“Then let’s draw a line under the matter,” she replied, and Nicholas nodded.

“And I wonder if you’d permit me… well, if you’d like to dance,” he said.

Juliette nodded. She was glad of the request, and as the music for the first dance of the evening began, the two of them joined the throng.

But as they did so, Juliette could not help noticing Alexander was watching them, and she was gripped by a sudden fear – the thought that Alexander would assume far more than was the case. As the music came to an end, and Nicholas stepped back and bowed, Juliette glanced around again, hoping to catch sight of Alexander, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Thank you for the dance. I’ll see you later,” Juliette said, as Nicholas smiled at her.

“I hope so. I’m going to find Henrietta. She’ll want to be next, I’m sure,” he said.

“Emily, have you seen Alexander?” Juliette said, having hurried over to her cousin after her search of the room revealed no sign of the marquess.

Emily had been talking to the other guests – her guests – and now she shook her head, glancing around her as Juliette looked from left to right for a sign of Alexander.

“I haven’t seen him, no. He was here before – with Gregory. But I don’t see him now. But why were you dancing with Nicholas?” Emily said, in an exasperated tone.

“I was… we were… well, I wanted us to make a fresh start. The letter I sent him was so impersonal. I felt guilty for doing so. I just want us to be friends, that’s all. He asked me to dance. There was no harm in it – was there?” Juliette said, and her cousin rolled her eyes.

“Juliette, you have to think about it from Alexander’s perspective. He’s probably terribly upset now,” Emily said, but Juliette shook her head.

“He won’t be. He’s not interested. I know he’s not,” she said, even as a sense of doubt now entered her mind.

“Then where is he? I think you’ve probably upset him, and that’s where he’s gone – to lick his wounds. He’s seen you with Nicholas and made an assumption as to what’s going on – whether for good or ill,” Emily said.

Juliette’s heart fell, and now she looked around her, fearing her cousin was right. There was no sign of Alexander, but Juliette knew she had to find him – she had to explain, even if in doing so, she was humiliated.