Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Juliette had gone home. The thought of remaining at the ball any longer had not appealed to her, and after her conversation with Alexander, Juliette had wanted nothing other than to go home and weep. She had lost her chance of happiness – it had not even begun. She was inconsolable, and on waking up the next morning, her first thought was of Alexander, and all she had lost.

“I just feel so foolish, Emily,” she confided to her cousin after breakfast.

Her mother had been full of talk of marriages and proposals, and Juliette had not felt strong enough to dissuade her from the idea of what she believed to be the truth. But the ruse had turned out to be just that. And if anything more had been the case, it was now dashed to pieces on the rocks of ill-founded hope.

“But you shouldn’t give up hope, Juliette. He might still prove himself to be the one,” Emily said, but Juliette shook her head.

“I had my chance, and I let it go. There’s nothing else to be said about it,” she replied.

“And Nicholas?” Emily asked.

Juliette shrugged her shoulders. If Nicholas wanted to marry her, he was yet to make his feelings clear. But Juliette was certain of her own. She was not in love with Nicholas – she had never been in love with Nicholas. It was the idea of what he had represented – the happiness of a future to come. But that happiness was gone, and Juliette did not know what her future held now…

“Perhaps… but I just don’t know, Emily. Do you think he loves me?” Juliette asked.

Emily did not have an answer for that, and with her own wedding to make preparations for, she left Juliette alone in the drawing room, brooding on her thoughts. Half an hour later, the butler announced a visitor – a gentleman caller.

“Mr. Nicholas Humphrey, my lady,” he said, and Juliette’s heart skipped a beat.

This was the moment she had waited for – all those months, the years gone by. Was this the moment he proposed to her?

“I’ll meet him in the garden,” she told the butler, and hurrying outside, Juliette waited on the terrace for Nicholas to appear.

When he did so, he was carrying a bunch of roses in his hand, and he smiled at her as she blushed.

“I’m sure you’ve heard the news,” he said, and Juliette nodded.

“I know what Lavinia did, if that’s what you mean,” she said, and Nicholas shook his head and sighed.

“I was such a fool, Juliette. I allowed her to manipulate me – to blackmail me. It was extraordinary. She’s nothing but a little…” he began, but Juliette interrupted him.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? She’s gone, and I’m glad to think you’ll be happy now,” Juliette replied.

She had not known what to expect, finding herself alone with him. She had dreamed of a moment like this – imagining the very bunch of flowers he now held in his hand and picturing the moment he asked for her hand in marriage.

But now, her only thought was of comparison. Juliette liked Nicholas – he would always be her friend – but as for any romantic feelings, there were none. She was not in love with him, nor did she think she could ever fall in love with him.

“Shall we walk on the lawn? There’s something I want to talk to you about,” he said, and Juliette nodded.

They walked arm in arm down from the terrace and towards the shrubbery at the far end of the garden, out of earshot of anyone who might be listening from the upper windows of the house. She knew her mother would not approve of her doing what she was doing, and part of her wished they would be caught, hoping to find some way of extracting herself from what now felt like the most awkward of encounters.

“Nicholas…” she began, as he paused and turned to her, taking her by the hand.

“Please, Juliette. I’ve come to realize I made more than one mistake with Lavinia. I shouldn’t ever have allowed myself to get involved with her. It was foolish – I was a fool. I know you waited for me. And when I was abroad, I thought of you every day. You’re the one I always imagined marrying Juliette. Not her, not anyone else,” he said, looking imploringly at Juliette, who gasped.

She had not expected him to declare his feelings so quickly and so openly. She was quite taken aback by his boldness, even as his words served as a definite realization of her own feelings towards him. The truth was, she did not feel the same – and she never would.

“I see…” she said, not knowing quite what to say in the face of this extraordinary revelation.

He looked at her imploringly.

“Juliette, I… I mean it. If I hadn’t met Lavinia, I know I’d have asked you to marry me. I wouldn’t have held back,” he said, and to Juliette’s immense surprise, he now leaned forward and kissed her.

***

“Through here, my Lord. Her Ladyship’s in the garden at the moment. You’re welcome to go straight through,” the butler said, as he ushered Alexander from the hallway into the drawing room.

Having failed to find Juliette the previous evening at the ball, Alexander had resolved to call on her the following morning. He was nervous, but after his talk with Gregory, his resolve was clear.

There could be no holding back, not when he considered what was truly at stake. Alexander was in love with Juliette, and those feelings would not simply disappear just because a rival now presented himself. He intended to be clear with Juliette and offer himself as the alternative – whatever her true feelings towards him might be.

“Thank you, that’s very kind,” Alexander said, as the butler pointed him towards the door leading out onto the terrace.

But as Alexander stepped outside, the words he had rehearsed a hundred times since the previous evening ringing in his ears, a terrible sight greeted him. There, at the end of the garden, was Juliette.

She was standing with Nicholas – more than standing, they were kissing. For a moment, Alexander was so shocked he did not know what to do or think. It was as though he was watching a dream – a terrible dream. He staggered backwards, his eyes wide with horror, shaking his head as he struggled to catch his breath.

“My God,” he exclaimed, and turning on his heels, he fled.

***

“Nicholas, I…” Juliette began, as their lips parted.

The kiss had come as a complete surprise, and Juliette was quite horrified at the boldness with which Nicholas had acted. He smiled at her, still holding her hand in his.

“I know it’s all very soon, but it hardly matters. I should be going now. But I wanted you to know how I felt – how I’ve always felt,” he said.

There was no question of her agreeing to what had happened, only an assumption she was still waiting for him – that she was willing to pick up where Lavinia had cruelly interrupted.

“Nicholas, it’s all too soon,” she said, but he was not listening to her, and now he merely shook his head and raised her hand to his lips.

“No, you don’t need to worry – Lavinia’s gone. It’s not too soon for us,” he said, misunderstanding what she was saying, and now he took his leave of her, leaving Juliette confused and upset.

It should have been the happiest of moments, and yet all she could think of was Alexander. Even when Nicholas had kissed her – the first time he had ever kissed her – it was Alexander whose face she had seen.

Tears now welled up in her eyes, and Juliette realized what it was she wanted – who it was she wanted. When Emily returned later that morning, Juliette was sitting quietly in the drawing room. The roses Nicholas had brought her were in a vase on the lid of the pianoforte, and as Emily entered the room, Juliette looked up at her and sighed.

“He kissed me,” Juliette said, and Emily stared at her in astonishment as now she recounted what had happened in the garden that morning.

Emily listened patiently, but as Juliette’s explanation came to an end, her cousin tutted and shook her head.

“Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? You feel like this because you’re in love with Alexander. You can’t go on like this, Juliette. It’s not right. You’ve got to tell him,” Emily replied.

“But he’s the one who ended the ruse, Emily. He doesn’t feel the same. I know he doesn’t,” Juliette replied, and her cousin sighed.

“You don’t know that until you talk to him. He’s told Gregory he’s in love with you. Isn’t that enough?” Emily replied.

“But I don’t know for certain, do I? It might all have been an act,” Juliette said.

To her surprise, Emily’s next words were stern – almost harsh.

“Oh, Juliette – don’t be so foolish. If you’re in love with him, tell him. That’s all that matters, isn’t it? You don’t want to marry Nicholas, and it’s Alexander who’s made you feel like that – he’s the one you’re in love with,” Emily said, and Juliette nodded.

Emily was right. She had been a fool – and even more of a fool to allow Nicholas to kiss her and believe there was the chance of something more between them. She had waited for him, but in his succumbing so easily to Lavinia’s demands, he had proved himself far less of a man than Alexander. She thought back to the first night they had met, realizing just how alluring she had found him – the stranger in the orangery.

But he was no longer a stranger – he was the man she had fallen in love with, the man she had rolled in mud with in the pigsty in Norfolk, and danced with so happily, even as she had told herself it was all a ruse. He was the one who made her happy, and Juliette knew she had to do what her cousin said.

“I’ll write to Nicholas and tell him it’s over – that it never began. I’ll tell him I can’t marry him,” Juliette said, for she was now resolved to do whatever it took to rid herself of Nicholas’ advances, and to convince Alexander of her feelings, even as she did not believe he felt the same.

“And then you’ll tell Alexander you’re in love with him?” Emily asked.

Juliette paused, and taking a deep breath, she nodded.

“When the opportunity occurs, yes,” she replied, making up her mind that enough was enough, and the time had come for honesty, rather than hiding from the truth.