Chapter 25

Chapter 25

“He’s so relieved, though it wasn’t a pretty sight, or so he told me,” Henrietta said, shaking her head and sighing.

She had come to call on Juliette and Emily the following morning, but Emily was out for a dress fitting, and thus Juliette had received Nicholas’ sister on her own. She had the look of a person for whom a great weight had been lifted, and it seemed she could not be happier at knowing her brother was set free.

“Was Lavinia very angry? When she came here, she was in a terrible state,” Juliette said, and Henrietta nodded.

“She shouted at him – like a mad woman. She told he’d lied to her, that she was breaking off the engagement because of his dishonesty. Can you believe the audacity?” Henrietta replied, shaking her head.

Juliette sighed. It was an unhappy conclusion to an unhappy trail of events, but it was Lavinia who was in the wrong, and Juliette knew she should be pleased to think Nicholas was no longer to be forced into a marriage he neither courted nor desired.

“But what did Nicholas say when he discovered the rumor about him?” Juliette asked, for the whole thing had hinged on the face of Nicholas playing along with his own apparent demise.

Henrietta laughed.

“I don’t think she gave him much chance to reply. But it doesn’t matter, does it? He’s free to choose – I wonder who it’ll be,” Henrietta said, raising her eyebrows and fixing Juliette with a searching gaze.

Juliette blushed.

“Well… I… yes, I wonder,” she said.

In truth, she did not know what Nicholas would do – would he hold back because of her courtship with Alexander, or would he see it as a challenge? On Nicholas’ return from Europe, Juliette had dismissed the idea of their ever having the chance of a courtship, but now, the thing she had desired the most was open to them, even as her own choice was now confused.

“He might want… some time to think,” Juliette said, but Henrietta only laughed.

“What man wants that? I’m sure he’s already done enough thinking. Anyway, we’ll see, won’t we?” she said, rising to her feet.

Juliette nodded, rising to see her out, and having said goodbye to Nicholas’ sister, she returned to the drawing room in a thoughtful mood. It was all so complicated – did she feel anything for Nicholas? And if he was to ask her to marry him, what would she say?

“No. That’s what I’d say,” she told herself, but Juliette knew it was more complicated than that.

To refuse Nicholas would be to assume something she was not yet certain of – that Alexander would be the one to ask her to marry him. The signs were there, as was the possibility, but despite all they had shared, the question remained.

Juliette knew what Alexander had confided in Gregory, but now there was every possibility he had changed his mind, and if she was to refuse Nicholas – who may or may not even desire what she was assuming – would she be left with anything at all?

When Emily returned from the modiste, Juliette was still brooding, and she tried her best to appear enthusiastic as to her cousin’s choice of a new dress for the day following her wedding, when she and Gregory were to go to Bath. But despite outward appearances, Juliette was in turmoil, and arriving at the dance the following evening, her mind was still not made up.

***

“I’m sorry,” Juliette said, as she stepped on Alexander’s foot for a third time during the first dance of the evening.

The ball was a grand affair, held at the banqueting house and hosted by the Lord Mayor. It should have been a happy occasion, and looking around her, Juliette was surrounded by dancing couples in the first throes of a seasonal romance.

Gregory and Emily were there, and to look at them was to look at Juliette’s own hopes and dreams. But the truth was somewhat different, and while appearances could be deceptive, Juliette felt certain no one else’s situation was as complicated as hers.

“It’s all right – you usually dance so well, though. Are you feeling… distracted?” Alexander asked, and Juliette nodded.

“I am, yes. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be. It’s supposed to be a lovely evening, it’s just…” she began, but he nodded and interrupted her.

“You’re thinking about Nicholas, aren’t you? It’s all right. Let’s step out. We should talk about it,” he said, and before the dance had ended, they stepped out of the throng and stood by the wall at the far end of the ballroom where no one would overhear them.

Juliette had been dreading this moment, but she knew she had no choice but to agree, fearing what Alexander was about to say to her.

“I wasn’t really thinking about Nicholas – more about Lavinia,” Juliette said, but Alexander shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. They’ve parted ways – that’s what we hoped for, and Lavinia’s been exposed for what she’s done – it serves her right. But that means this… is over. Doesn’t it?” Alexander said.

Juliette nodded. She felt tears welling up in her eyes as now she realized she had narrowly avoided making a terrible fool of herself. It had all been an act – even telling Gregory of his feelings for her. This was the moment of their parting. There was nothing more to be achieved by their ruse, and it seemed as though Alexander was keen to draw a line under the matter.

“Well… yes, I suppose that’s for the best,” Juliette said, and Alexander nodded.

“Yes,” he replied, and Juliette could not tell what he was thinking, or how he felt – had there really been nothing more between them but a matter of convenience?

She thought back to their time in Norfolk – how close they had grown to one another – but all that seemed like a dream, and now they had returned to London, the practicalities of their arrangement had once more been exposed.

“It’s for the best,” she said, and he nodded.

“Yes… before our mothers marry us off to one another. Then we’d really be in trouble, wouldn’t we?” he said, and Juliette nodded.

“Yes… I suppose we would. But… we can still be friends, of course. I hope we can,” she said, and he nodded.

“Certainly, we can – if Nicholas obliges, of course. I wouldn’t want him to…” Alexander said, his words trailing off as Juliette shook her head.

“No, certainly not. It’s not like that. Not with him. I mean… well. I just don’t know,” she said.

Her heart was breaking, and it felt to Juliette as though happiness was slipping away from her.

“But he’s free to choose again. And you waited so long for him,” Alexander replied.

It was true, but the circumstances were now so different, and Juliette knew it was not Nicholas she wanted but Alexander, even as he now seemed to treat the whole thing as it had been from the start – a business transaction and nothing more.

“Yes. I suppose… perhaps it’s best if we don’t… continue like this anymore,” Juliette said, for it would only be difficult – and painful – to think of what she had lost.

Alexander nodded.

“Yes… I agree,” he said, and now he gave a curt bow and walked away.

A tear rolled down Juliette’s cheek, and it was as much as she could do not to burst into tears as she watched him walk away. It had felt as though she was clasping at sand, running through her fingers – everything she had hoped for, longed for, dreamed of, was gone. She was left with nothing – neither Nicholas nor Alexander – and hurrying off to the powder room, Juliette hid herself away for the rest of the evening.

***

Alexander had decided on a practical approach to the matter. He had not wanted to hurt Juliette, but the confusion in which they now found themselves in could not continue. He had hoped she would protest against the idea of their going their separate ways and putting an end to their arrangement, and to hear her agree to it had upset him terribly.

Now, he felt lost – uncertain of himself and what he wanted. He had hoped this would be the moment when their true feelings were revealed. But instead, Alexander now felt only a sense of sorrow at what had passed.

He had retreated to the far side of the ballroom, watching as other couples, arm in arm, hurried to join the throng for the next dance. Juliette had disappeared, and now Alexander, too, thought he would leave quietly. But as he was about to do so, Gregory came hurrying over to him.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” he said, catching Alexander by the arm.

“Yes,” Alexander replied, glaring at Gregory, who looked at him curiously.

“But why? What’s happened?” he asked, and Alexander sighed.

“It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter,” he said, but Gregory was insistent.

“Alexander, please – what about Juliette? Weren’t you going to talk to her this evening?” he asked.

Alexander sighed again and shook his head. He was not in the mood to explain what had happened, even as he knew his friend was only trying to help.

“We’ve… had a discussion about… our intentions,” Alexander said, and Gregory looked at him curiously.

“What do you mean?” he asked, and Alexander now explained what had passed between him and Juliette earlier in the evening.

Gregory listened, nodding his head with a sympathetic look on his face.

“And so, you see the problem, I’m sure,” Alexander said.

“But… you could still take the risk, Alexander. If you’re in love with her, tell her. How do you know she’s not holding back, too? You know what I told you – what she told Emily,” Gregory said, but Alexander was beginning to believe it had all been an act.

There were still so many unanswered questions – not least how Juliette really felt about Nicholas. Now the possibility of a courtship between them was open once again.

“I don’t know… I know I’m in love with her, Gregory. I’ve never felt like this before, not about anyone. I love her. I really do. But… is she in love with me?” Alexander replied.

It was a question on Juliette could answer, and Alexander could not help but feel despairing at the thought of ever knowing the truth. In Norfolk, it had felt to Alexander as though anything was possible. But back in London, with the shadow of Nicholas hanging over them, Alexander could only feel despair.

“Alexander – from what I’ve seen, Juliette only has eyes for you. There’s no question of her being in love with anyone else,” Gregory said.

Alexander had explained something of the complexities of the past few weeks, but now it seemed there was little point in holding back, and he explained to Gregory the full extent of the ruse, and how it had all been designed with one end in mind – Juliette’s desire to marry Nicholas, and Alexander’s desire to have his mother stop trying to marry him off. Gregory listened in astonishment, but he did not condemn Alexander for his actions – quite the opposite.

“And so, the ruse has turned into something far more – and I feel ashamed of it,” Alexander said, shaking his head sadly.

Gregory patted him on the arm and smiled.

“You did a good thing for her, Alexander – a very good thing. But wasn’t it obvious you’d fall in love with her? She’s perfect – just like her cousin. Don’t let this slip away from you, Alexander. You’ve got a chance of true happiness – lasting happiness. Isn’t it worth the risk?” he asked.

The next dance was now called, and Emily hurried over from where she had been talking to Juliette’s mother to seize Gregory by the hand.

“Come along, let’s dance this one – I love the tune. I don’t know where Juliette’s gone,” she said, shaking her head as she glanced at Alexander, who smiled.

“I think she went to take the air. I’ll go and find her,” he said, and Gregory nodded.

“I’m glad to hear you say that,” he said, as he and Emily went off together arm in arm.

Alexander was grateful to Gregory for his words – he had wallowed in self-pity, and he had been cowardly in not seizing the chance for his own happiness. He was in love with Juliette, and nothing else mattered but telling her so. If he did not, he would be forever wondering how she felt, and if she rejected him, so be it – at least he would know the truth.

“How could I have been so foolish?” he asked himself, as now he went in search of Juliette, determined to tell her how he felt – to tell her he loved her.