Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Zach

I t had been a shit day. If anything could possibly go wrong, it had, starting with a call from the cops before the sun started to rise. Some kids had decided it would be fun to hotbox their car while cruising down some back roads around the ranch and ended up taking out a section of fence. A number of our cattle had gotten out and were blocking traffic.

That had been fun.

After getting the cows wrangled back where they belonged and fixing the section of fence, I got a call from Hal that one of our balers was busted. I'd spent the better part of the day trying to get the damn thing running, but it had been no use. It was the start of haying season, and being one baler short put us behind before we really had a chance to start .

I had to drive nearly an hour out of town to get a new one in Hidalgo, which cost precious time I didn't have. But none of that compared to the damage done from some kind of stomach bug that had run through the bunkhouse like headlice through a kindergarten class. We'd been short on manpower for a week and a half now. As soon as one man returned another two would get knocked on their asses.

The shitty mood I'd been in the past several days could have easily been attributed to the string of bad luck I'd been having, but the truth of my short fuse and surly attitude had started even before my crew began shitting and puking their guts out.

I'd been a miserable pain in the ass since the day after I ran out of Rae's cabin. Since then, she'd gone out of her way to avoid me like the plague. Even on the days she worked with my crew, she'd managed to keep her distance, refusing to look at me, and if I tried talking to her she'd either find a reason to get the hell away from me as quickly as possible, or give me short, clipped answers that left no opening to further the conversation.

At first I worried it was because I'd crossed a line with that kiss and made her uncomfortable, but the more time that passed, I had the feeling it wasn't about discomfort. She seemed mad... at me personally. One moment she'd be smiling and laughing with the other guys like there wasn't a thing wrong, but the minute I walked up, all that humor disappeared. Her face grew hard and her eyes narrowed. She'd even stopped using my name and had started calling me boss like all the other hands. Only, the few times she said it, I could have sworn it almost sounded snide. I fucking hated when she called me boss. I much preferred to hear the sound of my name coming from her lips.

The moment I walked away, she reverted to the light, breezy, smiling woman she'd been before my arrival, and if I were being honest with myself—something I was struggling with a lot lately—the lack of attention I was getting from her was pushing my buttons in a way I had never experienced before.

I wanted her to look at me . To smile at me . I wanted her to laugh at whatever lame joke I told her. But she wasn't giving me any of that, causing me to lash out at my guys as jealousy twisted in my gut like a rusty nail drilling down deeper with each turn.

The sun was dipping by the time I got back to the ranch, hauling the new baler behind me. Twilight had turned the clouds from white to peach, the color against the green trees that lined the mountains creating a stunning sky. It was my favorite time of day. Whenever I had the chance, I liked to sit on my back deck with a cold beer, or a bourbon in the colder months, and watch the sunset. It always managed to calm me down.

I pulled up to the barn and parked, climbing out of the truck and heading inside in hopes of finding someone to help me unload the machinery. This time of day things should have been winding down. Dinner was less than an hour away, and most of the crew would have headed back to the bunkhouse to wash up beforehand. But as soon as I stepped foot inside the barn, I heard the sound of voices coming from the other side. More voice than I'd been expecting.

I followed them through the length of the barn and out the other side where the corrals were, finding a decent sized group hanging along the rungs.

Spotting Hal among the crowd, I headed in his direction and stopped alongside him. "What's goin' on?"

"Oh, hey, Boss," he greeted jovially enough. "Get everything taken care of with the baler?"

"Yeah. It's all sorted. Why's everyone standin' arou—" The question died on my tongue the moment I spotted Rae sitting on Sassy's back in the middle of the corral. "What the fuck is she doing?" I barked, panic reaching in and wringing the air from my lungs before grasping me by the throat and squeezing.

"Relax. Everything's goin' just fine."

"Have you lost your goddamn mind?" I bellowed, a sense of rage and fear unlike anything I'd ever experienced before crashing into me like a tidal wave, making my skin turn cold at the same time my vision turned red. "What the fuck, Hal? You let her up there? She's gonna get herself killed!"

I grabbed hold of the top rung of the corral, ready to vault over, only to have my foreman put a staying hand on my shoulder. Never in all the years I'd known the man had I wanted to cause him physical pain, but in that moment I wanted to punch him in the face. Lay him the fuck out for endangering Rae. Then I wanted to fire his ass for good measure.

"Boss, just take a breath. She's got this. See?" He pointed back to Rae, and I followed his gaze as my heart threatened to burst right out of my chest. Despite the panic, I couldn't help but notice how steady she looked. She didn't appear to be nervous or jittery like she'd been the first time I put her on the back of Roam. There was a confidence in her frame as she leaned over in the saddle, stroking a soothing hand down Sassy's mane. I could see her lips move, most likely soft and soothing, offering words of encouragement, using that same tone I'd heard her take with the horse before.

My heart lodged in my throat as she gave the reins a gentle tug to turn Sassy to the left, and to my surprise, the horse obeyed the command without an inkling of attitude. Where she'd thrown off every hand who'd tried to ride her before, she let Rae guide her back toward the fence where everyone was gathered. Rae didn't take her beyond a slow, steady walk, but I could see in the way she held herself there was an ease I hadn't seen during the one and only lesson I'd given her.

Something cold and bitter tied my insides into knots. "How long has she been doin' this?"

Hal shrugged, oblivious to the storm brewing inside of me. "A little over a week, I suppose."

A week and a half. I reached up to rub at the ache that had suddenly formed in the center of my chest.

"We've been workin' on Sassy every day after quittin' time, mainly ground work to get her used to Rae. Then gettin' Rae comfortable on a horse. I've been puttin' her on Huckleberry. He's got the right temperament for her, and she's pickin' it up really fast."

That was a good call. The gelding had a gentle nature similar to Roam's. I would have picked him for her myself, but I'd liked the idea of seeing her up on my horse. Not that it mattered now. Because she clearly wanted nothing to do with me. I was the one who was supposed to teach her to ride. I was the one who was supposed to help her work on Sassy. But instead, she'd gone to Hal, cutting me out completely.

A fire started to burn inside my gut. Anger at myself for screwing up lit the embers, but it was jealousy that acted as gasoline, spreading the flames. Jealous of Hal for being the one she went to. Jealous of my crew for getting to work beside her day after day, getting those goddamn smiles and laughs. Hell, I was even jealous of Sassy for getting her affection.

Christ, I was a fucking mess.

"Didn't realize I was payin' everyone to stand around doin' nothin'," I barked, finally getting the attention of the rest of the ranch hands. "If you're on the clock, get back to work. If you're not, stop distracting everyone else and get your asses outta here."

I could feel Hal's bewildered stare drilling into the side of my face, but I didn't bother looking at him. I kept my focus trained on Rae, taking in the way her cheeks and ears flushed the moment she spotted me before ripping her gaze away. Damn it .

Everyone cleared off, leaving Rae and me alone for the first time in a week and a half. I stood at the fence, silently watching as she dismounted and began guiding Sassy toward the opened gate without a single glance in my direction.

"I don't recall givin' you permission to get up on that horse." I hadn't meant for my tone to come out as hard as it did, but I was having trouble keeping my emotions in check. This woman had me twisted up like a goddamn pretzel, and I didn't know how on earth to act when it came to her.

Her back shot straight, her shoulders squared, but she didn't stop or turn to face me as she said, "Hal said it would be okay."

I followed after her and that damn horse as she led her into the barn. I was like a damn puppy starved for attention. "I seem to recall tellin' you that I would help you work Sassy."

She stopped Sassy and got to work removing the saddle. I might as well have been a ghost for all the attention she was paying me. "Yeah, well, you're a busy guy. I didn't think it mattered who helped me."

"Goddamn it," I clipped, my harsh voice bouncing off the walls like the crack of a whip. "Will you just fuckin' look at me already?"

Her nostrils flared on a harsh exhale as she finally stopped and turned to face me. She slammed her hands down on her waist and cocked a hip. Those sweet caramel eyes of hers flashed with an anger I'd only seen from her once before. That first day when she thought I'd been shaming her. I'd found that fire attractive then, but now... Jesus, I might as well have been a teenager for all the control I had over my dick going hard. It sure as hell wasn't a good time for the damn thing to try and bust its way through my zipper .

"What can I do for you, Boss?"

Oh, she was throwing attitude. It pissed me off as much as it turned me on. My mind fell straight into the gutter, wondering what she'd do if I were to punish her by putting her over my knee and spanking her ripe peach of an ass bright red.

"You can start by losing the attitude."

She looked like she was seconds away from breathing fire, and I had to admit, it was a hell of a lot better than the cold shoulder I'd been getting the past week and a half. At this point anything would have been better than her silence, but I loved seeing that fire in her. Most days she seemed so unsure of herself. I saw how she worked her fingers to the bone, never once complaining. It was almost as if she was scared to mess up or make it known she was tired or in pain.

My jaw ticked, my back molars grinding together. I hated that she thought she couldn't speak up for herself, so if it took me pushing her buttons to breathe that life back into her, I'd damn well do it.

I arched a brow, almost in a challenge. "I thought you were a grownup. My mistake."

Her chest expanded on a massive inhale. I knew the signs of a woman about to explode. I'd seen them enough with Rory and Lennix, and a breath that big meant danger ahead. " Excuse me? "

"You heard me." I braced my hands on my hips, opening myself up to the tidal wave of emotions that had been consuming me the past several days, allowing myself to feel the anger and frustration at having the woman I hadn't been able to think about since that goddamn kiss act like I didn't exist. I knew I was the one who said it couldn't happen again, but I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. It was the first thing on my mind in the morning when I woke up, the memory of her lush mouth making my cock ache until I had no other choice but to wrap my fist around it and beat off until I came on my stomach. It was the very last thing I thought about at night when I tried to sleep. Every... damn... day I thought about that fucking kiss, wishing things were different so I could kiss her again. I'd jerked my own dick more than I had since I was a teenage boy, for Christ's sake. And there was Rae, going about her business like nothing ever happened. Ignoring me like I was inconsequential.

A man's pride could only take so many hits.

"You've clearly got a chip on your shoulder about something, but instead of acting like an adult and talking to me about it, you've decided to ignore me." I kept jabbing at those buttons of hers, in desperate need of a reaction. Now that she was finally looking at me, I knew I wouldn't be able to stand it if she stopped again. I needed to draw that fire out, damn it.

Her mouth fell open. "Are you kidding me ?" She dragged those four words out slowly, voice rising several octaves with each one, until she finished on a screech that had Sassy twitching and the other horses whinnying in their stalls. "Are you seriously accusing me of not being an adult?" She shook her head in disgust. "Wow, you really have a lot of nerve. I'm not the one who kissed you then bailed out the very next morning."

"You know why I left," I defended harshly.

"Oh yeah, you made it perfectly clear when you ran out the door like I was an embarrassing little secret you couldn't get away from fast enough." She let out a bitter, caustic laugh. "Shame and regret." She spit the words out like they were poison. "I know those feelings very well."

I rocked back on a foot, the impact of what she said slamming into me like a punch to the chest, knocking the wind right out of my lungs.

"You . . . you think I'm ashamed?" I croaked.

She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself protectively. "It's not what I think. It's what you said," she spit back. "You regret what happened. You said it yourself."

"Rae, I?— "

"Just go." She turned away from me, but not before I saw the sadness in her eyes. "I have work to finish up and I'm on dinner duty tonight. I don't have time for this."

She turned her back on me, making it crystal clear she was finished with the conversation, whether I was or not. I hated the idea of walking away from her, especially now that I knew what she'd been feeling since I walked out her door a week and a half ago. I felt like the biggest piece of shit in the whole world.

I had to make this right, but something in my gut told me this wasn't the time. I needed to give her some space. Just for a little while. Then I was going to fix this, because the very last thing I felt for her was shame and regret.