Chapter 15

Ispend the rest of the evening chasing the kids around the playground, plastering a grin on my face even though my heart breaks with each fake smile.

“Alright, kids, I think it’s time for a bath and then bed,” Salem calls out.

Bella complains loudly, but the others stop playing right away, still too used to harsh consequences for rule-breaking.

“You can play out here again tomorrow, I promise,” Salem vows, and Bella reluctantly agrees and climbs down.

I look at my watch and see that it’s past their bedtime. With all the excitement of the day, I’m sure they’ll be out cold the second their heads hit the pillow.

“Well, I’m going to go to bed myself. I’m exhausted, so come hug me first.” I crouch down as my voice cracks, but thankfully nobody seems to notice.

Delaney’s first. She throws herself into my arms and plants a kiss on my cheek before pulling back.

“Night, Lara.”

“Night,” I whisper as she runs into the house. Bella’s next to hug me. I squeeze her tightly before pulling back, willing myself to keep it the fuck together until I’m alone.

“Love you, Lara.”

“I love you too, pretty girl.”

She gives me a quick kiss and a huge grin before she skips off after Delaney. Noah walks over to me slowly, waiting for me to open my arms before he steps into them. I breathe him in, but I don’t say anything. I can’t speak around the lump in my throat.

We stay like that for a few moments, with him drawing comfort from me as I etch this memory into my brain so I never lose it. Once he’s done, he lets go of me and walks over to Slade, of all people, and stands beside him, looking up.

I watch as Slade holds out his hand to him. When Noah slips his tiny hand into Slade’s, I have to bite my lip to hold back my sob. I get to my feet and look at Alfie, who has waited for everyone else to have their turn.

There are so many things I want to say, but I swallow them down and close the distance between us. I wrap him in my arms and hold him to me as he rests his head against my chest.

It’s true what they say about never knowing how strong you are until being strong is all you have left. I might be running as far as I can from this place tonight, but my heart will stay in the hands of this boy until I can come back and get it.

I pull back and cup his jaw, my thumb sliding over the apple of his cheek. “Thank you for being you. You show me every day what it means to be strong. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you back.”

He swallows hard, too choked up to say anything, but that’s okay. I don’t need to hear his words. Everything he wants to say is right there in his eyes.

I kiss his forehead, my lips lingering for a second against his skin. “Keep an eye on the girls. You know what kind of trouble they can get into.”

He huffs out an exasperated laugh, making me grin. “Night, Lara,” he says quietly before slipping his headphones on and walking away.

“Bye, Alfie,” I whisper.

“Are you okay?” I jump and turn at the sound of Astrid’s voice.

She’s standing next to Jagger, who watches me in that quiet way of his.

“Yeah, just tired.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” I nod.

“We’re all going to watch a movie. You want to come?”

“No. I’m going to head back to Greg’s and get some sleep. But thanks,” I tack on. She offers me an unsure smile before Jagger wraps his arm around her shoulders and leads her inside.

“We’ll walk you back.” I spin around and find Crew and Wilder behind me.

“Oh no, that’s okay, but thank you.”

“We insist.” Crew smiles, linking our fingers.

Wilder takes my free hand, and before I can object further, they start leading me toward Greg’s. On our way, we run into the man himself. He looks from me to the guys, his eyebrow cocked in question. There is no teasing or innuendo. He’s genuinely asking me if I’m okay. I give him a slight nod and what I hope is a reassuring smile.

“Well, I’m heading in to watch a movie with the rest of the gang, but I won’t be too late. You know where I am if you need me,” he says the last part with his gaze locked on the guys, his warning clear.

Suddenly, I know I can’t leave without hugging him, so that’s what I do. I pull free from Crew and Wilder and walk right up to Greg before wrapping my arms around him. There is no hesitation as he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me.

“Thank you” is all I can get out, but I know, for now, at least, it has to be enough.

“I was never blessed enough to have children, but I always dreamed of one day living on a ranch with a bunch of daughters to hover over me with their overbearing ways and need to look after me.”

I suck in a sharp breath as he smiles at me. “Now I’ve got four. The man upstairs really does work in mysterious ways.”

This time, I have no chance of holding back my tears.

All my life, I’ve been a disappointment, the daughter of a neglectful tyrant who ruled over our little kingdom with an iron fist. All I ever dreamed about was being free. To be loved like a daughter should be.

And now here’s Greg. A man I don’t share blood with. We have no history binding us together. He’s just a good man who could love me like a daughter should be loved. As long as he can find it in his heart one day to forgive me for what I’m about to do.

“Now, off you go. Get some sleep, and tomorrow, I’ll take you down and show you the orchards and Oz said he’d give you your first driving lesson.”

“Okay,” I choke out, wanting more than anything to do just that.

I watch him leave before continuing on to the cabin with Crew and Wilder on either side of me. They must know I’m not in the mood to talk right now because they don’t ask me any questions. They walk quietly beside me like guards keeping watch.

Part of me wants to scream at them to go away. To tell them they’re just making everything so much more complicated.

The other part, though, needs these last few moments to tide me over. I might be nothing more than just a girl to them, but they are the first men ever to make me feel anything. Maybe I am just a kid, and this is nothing more than a crush, but if what we have right now is all it will ever be, it’s still something I’ll cherish. Because for a few fleeting moments, they made me feel like a normal girl and not like Frankenstein’s first attempt at a monster.

I unlock the door and open it, turning in the doorway so they don’t follow me inside. I stare at them both, having so much to say. But not a single word passes my lips because nothing feels adequate.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Crew questions, his frown deepening as his eyes rove over my face for the truth.

“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just still a lot for me to get used to. I spent a lot of time being invisible to everyone but the kids, and now it feels like all eyes are on me.”

“You’re the new kid,” Wilder says, making me wince at the term kid. “The novelty will wear off eventually.”

“I guess. After last night…” I bite my lip, trying to find the right words without sounding like a bitch.

“When we acted like assholes?” Crew offers, making me smile.

“Yeah. After that, everyone’s been super nice. I didn’t expect that. I half expected to wake up and find myself being kicked out. But when Oz apologized… It was like everyone acknowledged that they had overreacted. I’m not sure what to do with that. I’m so used to waiting for the other shoe to drop that I feel a little off balance. And then the incident with Bella?—”

“We knew you were telekinetic,” Wilder tells me gently.

“How?” I ask, confused.

“It was in your file.”

I swallow and cross my arms over my chest protectively. “What else did this file say?”

Wilder shrugs. “Ev won’t let anyone read the files except him. Said it’s an invasion of privacy. So we don’t know, and he won’t tell any of us unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

I drop my arms and nod, relaxing a bit.

We all stand there, quiet, looking at each other for a few minutes. Wilder looks like he wants to say something, but it”s Crew that breaks the silence.

“You sure you don’t want to come watch the movie with us? We can make some popcorn, raid Slade’s not-so-secret stash of snacks.”

I shake my head, knowing I need to end this thing between us here and now. A clean break, and then a prayer that the edges are smooth and not jagged because my insides already feel like they are being torn apart.

“I think I’m going to take a nice long soak in the tub and read for a little while. I have all those new books Oz bought me.” I force a grin and hope they buy it.

I can see that they don’t want to leave. I’m not sure why. Maybe they can feel the angry static around us that’s pulsing with a warning.

Knowing they want to push harder, I step forward and wrap an arm around each of them, drawing just the smallest amount of their energy from them and replacing it with something much calmer and more soothing. I don’t press my suggestions on them. That’s something I just won’t do, but I can gloss over their crazy need to stay with me enough to make them leave.

When I pull back, and they’re both leaning down over me, I summon all my courage and kiss Wilder. Nothing more than a brief press of my lips on his before doing the same with Crew.

They’ll never know they were my first kiss. And if my father wins, they might just be my last.

They both look stunned for a minute. Before they can tell me they regret it or that nothing can happen because of my age, I simply whisper goodbye and close the door in their faces.

I rest my head against the cool wood, my fingertips pressing into the door as if I could reach through and touch them. But I can’t. I stand firm, holding my ground, until I hear them mumble something and walk away. Only when I’m sure I’m alone do I allow the dam to break. Collapsing to the floor, I wrap my arms around my legs and sob my fucking heart out.

I was so close to having it all, and now, thanks to my father, it’s once again just beyond my reach. I wipe my tears, anger flooding my system, drowning out the sorrow.

If I can’t have Apex, then neither can my father, even if that means I have to make him chase me all over the world. I harden my heart as I pull myself up to my feet and make a promise to myself. He will never cage me again. I would rather rip off my own wings and throw myself from the highest of heights than be trapped in a life I hate.

Knowing I can’t leave just yet, I head to the bathroom and run a bath. It might have initially been a lie, part of the cover story I told Crew and Wilder, but it makes sense. I have no idea when I might be able to soak in a tub again.

I don’t bother with one of the books, knowing I won’t be able to concentrate. Instead, I slip under the water and go over the plan in my head once more. Not that it’s much of a plan. Get out, get far away, and don’t get caught are as detailed as my plans get.

Still, as luck would have it, I overheard Ev telling Zig that he’s taking the night off. That means that the cameras might catch me, but nobody will be monitoring them.

I lie in the tub for a while, but it does nothing to relax me. My mind is too busy turning everything over in my head.

Draining the water, I climb out and get dressed. I pull on a pair of black leggings and a long-sleeved black T-shirt, then pull my hair into a braid. Once I’m dressed, I lay a black hoodie and jacket on the chair for later, with my sneakers sitting on the floor beside them, ready for me to step into.

I check to make sure I’m still alone and grab the sleeping bag. I add it to my backpack with a couple more changes of clothes before it’s full. I look longingly at the books, but I know I can’t take them with me.

I run my fingers over the cover of the top one and close my eyes before bringing it to my nose and breathing it in. There is something magical about the smell of a book. It’s both calming and enticing. My only hope is that someone else here will find some joy in them.

I stack the books neatly on the table beside the bed and put away the rest of my things. A voice I try to ignore whispers that it’s so I might be able to come back home at some point. But the cynic in me hopes it will buy me some time. Hopefully, when they find my room empty, they’ll assume I’ve gone for a walk.

With nothing else to do, I lie down on the bed and pull the soft throw blanket over my body. I close my eyes and let my tears fall once more. I might as well get it out of my system. There won’t be time for tears once I’m gone.

I must cry myself to sleep because when I open my eyes, it’s eerily quiet and pitch-black. It never gets this dark in the city, even on the outskirts. There are too many lights for it ever to be truly dark. But here, it’s like a veil has been placed over everything, snuffing out the light completely.

I sit up and look at the clock on the bedside table. The time shows that it’s two a.m. I get to my feet and creep out of my room. I head down the hall toward Greg’s room and pause halfway when I hear him snoring. Turning back, I walk to the chair and sit down, slipping on my sneakers and lacing them up. I tug the hoodie over my head before pulling on the waterproof coat. I slowly drag the backpack out from under the bed and heave it onto my back.

Blowing out a deep breath, I quietly head to the front door. The panel on the wall is lit up, showing me the alarm is on. I type in the code and freeze when a low beep sounds. I wait, listening for Greg. When I don’t hear anything, I carefully twist the handle and open the door.

The cool night air hits me in the face, wiping away any trace of my sleepiness that remained. With one final look behind me, I close the door and head around the back of the building, keeping to the shadows. I take it slow, avoiding the buildings so that I stay undetected. When I reach the driveway, I look over at the garage, wishing I could drive so I could take one of the cars. I’m sure they would find it if I left it somewhere they could pick it up later. I’d be shocked as heck if they didn’t have some kind of tracking device on the cars. But alas, a car is out of the question.

I keep walking with light steps and a heavy heart, pausing only when I reach the Apex sign. I look back at the main house and picture all the kids inside fast asleep after tiring themselves out from playing outside all evening. I smile, bittersweet as it is. I might not be their actual mother, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give up everything to make sure they’re safe and happy.

Well, they’ll be safe here without me, safer than anywhere else in the world. Happiness will be a more gradual thing. But for the first time in forever, they all have a shot at a bright future, and I’ll be damned if I let my father take that away from them.

And with that thought, my sense of purpose becomes my shield. I hurry away, knowing I’ll take as many hits as necessary if it means they remain free.