Chapter 16

Sweat drips down my back as I stop to catch my breath.

After a restless night’s sleep, I eventually gave up at five a.m. and crawled out of bed. I got dressed in a pair of shorts and decided to outrun my demons instead.

I wipe my face with the bottom of my T-shirt and head home to take a shower. It’s still quiet when I enter, but then Wilder never gets up early unless he’s on perimeter duty.

I strip out of my clothes as I walk to the shower, climbing in before the water even has a chance to get hot. I wash myself and stand under the water for a minute, my mind flashing back to Lara.

She kissed us. Both of us. Sure, it was nothing more than a peck, but Lara doesn’t strike me as someone who takes the initiative very often. It might have been barely a brush—the most innocent kiss—but that didn’t stop my dick from standing up and paying attention. Before I could make the blood flow back to my brain and remind us both of all the reasons things couldn’t happen between us yet, she closed the door between us.

Neither Wilder nor I were up for movie night after that. Instead, we opted for cold showers and an early night.

I reach down and grab my cock, giving it a firm stroke. Lara’s pouty lips flash in my head, and goddammit, I stroke my cock faster as I think of slipping it between her lips and having her suck me hard and deep.

I try to change the image of Lara to someone more generic, but my brain refuses, and my dick is a slave to its urges. I give in, knowing I’ll hate myself afterward, but not giving a fuck right now. I keep stroking, tightening my grip as I thrust into my fist and imagine Lara’s tight, wet pussy wrapped around me.

It’s more than I can bear. I come with a growl, spraying the tiles as I swallow Lara’s name.

Angry and still frustrated, I rinse off and climb out of the shower. I wrap a towel around my waist before stomping into the bedroom for clean clothes. Something’s gotta give. The run should have helped, but it didn’t. I need some kind of release, or I’m going to end up throwing my morals out the fucking window.

By the time I’m dressed and have semi-calmed down, I head to the main house to see if anyone else is up. I need something to do before I lose my damn mind.

When I walk in, I find Salem passed out on the sofa with Aries asleep in his little bounce chair on the floor beside her. I tug the blanket off the back of the sofa and lay it over her before making my way into the kitchen. I avoid the coffee machine, not wanting to wake either of them, and instead pour myself a glass of orange juice from the fridge.

With nobody else around, I head outside, stopping when I spot Alfie sitting in the crow’s nest. I take a sip of my juice and place it on the top step of the deck before walking over to the playground. I climb up to him. When I reach the top, I wait for him to acknowledge me. He’s not wearing his headphones, so I know he heard me coming as he stares down at his iPad.

Eventually, he lifts his head, his red-rimmed eyes colliding with mine.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer, his eyes dropping back down to his iPad, so I edge closer. “I’m going to sit down next to you, okay? And whenever you’re ready, you can tell me what’s wrong. There’s no rush. I have no other place to be than here with you.”

He doesn’t say anything to let me know if I’m welcome, but he also doesn’t scream at me to leave, so I’m counting that as a win. I sit next to him, both our legs hanging over the edge, close but not touching.

Even though he’s not speaking, I know whatever’s troubling him is bad. He’s gripping the iPad hard enough to crack it.

“Do you want me to get Lara?”

He sniffs and looks up at me. There is so much sorrow in his gaze it breaks my fucking heart.

“Jesus, kid, you’re killing me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

He leans his head against my arm, and I have to suck in a sharp breath to stop myself from squeezing him tightly. He’s not the kid for that. He tolerates the women here who ruffle his hair or nudge him playfully, but even they know not to push too much. The only person he is one hundred percent comfortable with is Lara. Yet here he is, seeking comfort from an asshole like me.

With a shaky hand, he passes me his iPad, the Notes app open.

“You want me to read what you wrote?”

“I didn’t write it. I remember everything. I don’t need to write notes.”

“Well, if you didn’t write it, who did?”

He looks at me again, and I know what he’s going to say before he opens his mouth.

“Lara did.”

I swallow the sudden urge to puke. I know it could be an innocent thing, something sweet for Alfie to find that would make his day, but my gut tells me it’s not. Whatever she wrote is bad. And as much as I want to know what the fuck is going on; I can’t help but hesitate.

I close my eyes for a moment and will my fucking heart to calm down before I keel over and have a heart attack, scaring the boy beside me more than he already is. Releasing a deep breath, I open my eyes and start to read.

Alfie,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. I never thought I’d ever say those words, least of all to you, but it’s the only way I know to keep you safe. I know you won’t understand, and you have every right to be upset and angry with me, but please don’t hate me. I think I could survive just about anything but that.

I can’t tell you the reason I have to go, just know I would have stayed if I could. If I was given the choice, I’d spend a thousand lifetimes with you and the rest of The Lost Ones. All my favorite memories are filled with you, Noah, Bella, and Delaney. You are what gets me up in the morning and what makes me smile when I lay my head down at night. I know none of this makes sense, and I’m sorry for that, but I promise I’ll explain one day when I know it’s okay for me to come back.

Know I love you to the moon and back, and if it ever becomes too much, look for me in the stars. I guarantee I’ll be looking up thinking of you all, and there’s comfort in knowing it’s the same sky above us both.

Love always,

Lara

I read the note a second time, numbness settling inside me before everything comes rushing back into focus.

“Can I borrow this?”

He nods.

I reach out and, oh so slowly, cup his jaw and tilt his head back. “I’ll find her, Alfie. I swear on my life, I won’t stop until she’s back home.”

He’s so tense he looks like he is moments away from breaking. I let go of him and jump off the playset, running to Greg’s place first.

I pound on his door and don’t stop until a pissed-off, half-asleep Greg answers it.

“What the fuck is your problem?” he bellows.

I ignore him, shoving past and heading for Lara’s room. I push the door open and find the room empty and the bed made.

“I swear to God, Crew, I’m going to kick your— Where’s Lara?”

I turn to look at Greg, who’s staring into Lara’s empty room over my shoulder.

“She’s gone.” I leave him standing there and head for the door.

“What do you mean, she’s gone?” he roars.

I’m out the door before I can answer and running to Ev’s place. I pound on the door the same way I did at Greg’s. Hawk must have already been up because he answers almost immediately.

He takes in the expression on my face and gestures for me to come in. “What’s wrong?”

“I need Ev.”

“Alright, I’ll get him. But you need to tell me what’s happening first.”

“Lara’s gone. I need him to find her for me.”

“Oh, fuck. Alright, I’ll wake him up and gather everyone else. We’ll meet you at the main house in five.”

I nod before walking out and heading home, knowing I need to be the one to tell Wilder.

Nothing makes sense. I’m trained to deal with situations like this, but none of them have ever involved my heart before. And I’m finding it harder to separate my emotions from the cold, hard facts than I should.

I make it home and walk straight into Wilder’s room without knocking to find him pulling a T-shirt on over his head.

“No, please do come in,” he jokes until he gets a good look at me. “What’s happened?”

“Lara’s gone. Family meeting at the main house in five.”

“Gone? What do you mean, she’s gone?”

I stare at him before rubbing my hands over my face, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I mean, she left a goodbye note for Alfie and disappeared without a fucking word to anyone.”