Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

CAGED

‘E melia!' My mother rushes over, curving herself around me in a hug.

‘I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' Despite my anger, guilt carves through me like a saw. Plus, I need to protect Kyle. ‘I'm sorry you couldn't find me.'

Mother pulls back, blood tears in her eyes. ‘Emelia, we've been so worried?—'

‘I will not have it!' My father's voice thunders through the room and I flinch. ‘You know what's been happening, you know what happened to me, yet you disappear like this?—'

‘I didn't disappear!'

‘We've had guards searching the entire estate for you!'

‘If you'll forgive me, my lord and lady.' This is Kyle. He's in his uniform once more, immaculate in black and silver, his beautiful face serious. I half turn to him, my mouth opening. He can't take the blame. My parents are angry, but they'll forgive me. ‘It was my fault,' he goes on. ‘We were playing a game.'

‘A game?' My father is very still, his eyes glittering. ‘What sort of game?'

‘Er, sort of an… evasion game. Which is why we were in the woods. I'm very fast, you see?—'

I jump in. ‘And I'd asked him to see, um, whether we could evade the guards, sort of, to see if he could do it. You know, to protect me, if I ever needed it.' Maybe we'll get away with this.

Or maybe not. My mother bites her lip. My father's nostrils flare and he takes a step closer to me. ‘A game ? Emelia, we have had half the estate mobilised looking for you, the guards on high alert and you tell me you were playing a game ?' His voice gets progressively louder.

‘I went for a run!' My anger rises, roaring like a furnace. I don't bank it down. ‘How about you? Did you enjoy your evening? Have fun at the Moon Harvest? Kill a lot of humans?'

There's a moment of silence, as though time has stopped. Then I notice a spot of blood on my mother's top, near the neckline. And I lose it.

‘How could you? You k-killed all those people, and for what? For what ? Has it made things any better? Or will it just make things worse?' I stop, panting. My mother's mouth is open, tears red in her eyes. My father looks as though he's been carved from granite, the lines on his face deepening. Kyle is staring straight ahead, his hands clasped behind his back.

My father recovers first. ‘Kyle, you are dismissed for the evening. Please return to quarters.'

‘My lord.' Kyle clicks his heels together and bows, then leaves the room without looking at me. I am raging .

‘ It's not his fault! ' I scream. ‘ You can't fire him?—'

‘I didn't fire him, Emelia. I sent him to quarters. Control yourself.' My father's voice is ice-cold. My mother still hasn't moved. ‘If you're going to rule here, you need to learn self-control. Perhaps your human nature?—'

‘My human nature? I can't help what I am!' I'm still yelling. It's like I'm unable to speak at a lower volume. ‘I am human! How am I any different from those you killed tonight? Maybe it's time you make another heir. It's not like anyone will take me seriously as their ruler, when all they see is food. Maybe it would have been better if you'd succeeded, when I was born.' I turn my gaze to my father, who has gone pale. ‘Maybe it would have been better for everyone.'

My father is frozen, the way vampires do when overcome with emotion. I doubt it's for me.

My mother takes in a gasping breath. ‘You… you were never meant to know…' A single tear, blood-red, slides down her cheek.

‘Please. You think I don't know what a disappointment I've been, since the moment I was born?' I don't need to scream anymore. It's strange, but it's like I'm no longer in the room with my parents. All I see now is what they are. Vampires. Hunters. Monsters. I want no part of any of it.

‘Emelia, my darling, how can you say that?' My mother's voice cracks with emotion. ‘All we've ever done is try to keep you safe. The world we live in – it's not?—'

‘Not safe for me? I know. I know it's not. So did the twenty humans you killed tonight, I guess.' The words fall, hard, into the room. ‘It's the world you created, though. So maybe it's time for the world to change. If I'm to be Raven, maybe it's time for the world to suit me.'

I can't say any more or I'll start crying. My mother sways. My father snaps out of his trance, coming to put his arm around her waist, as though he's the only thing holding her up. He doesn't look at me, his mouth a sharp line.

Weariness rolls over me. I'm so tired. Tired of pretending, of holding back, of keeping my emotions, my body, my very nature, under control. Of trying to be something I'm not, nor will ever be.

I turn away, leaving the library. Bertrand is waiting outside. He seems smaller, his blue eyes turned down. I say nothing, heading towards my room. It's taking all I have to not start weeping. I feel a hand on the small of my back.

‘You seem weary, my lady. Would you like to be carried?' Dear Bertrand. I shake my head, unable to stop my mouth twisting.

‘No, I'm fine.'

‘Of course, my lady.'

When we get there, I dismiss Bertrand. I don't care if anyone is in my room. Sitting on my bed, I take off my shoes, one by one, then flop back onto my pillow.

And I start to cry.

Huge, gasping sobs that catch and ache in my chest. My mouth stretches wide, a noiseless scream, as I give in to my sorrow. The boy on the rock, the fear in his dark eyes. The cries of the prisoners. My parents, blood on their faces. The vicious fury of the hunt. The reality of what it means to be part of the house of Raven. And the fact that I cannot take over and continue the cycle of pain.

I'm ready to go. To leave this house of blood and velvet darkness, this glittering cage. To finally put my plan in motion. Leave the weight of responsibility, of my family name, of the crown that's waiting for me. Otherwise, I think it might crush me. I want to choose my future, and the person I am. I want to live.

And I know who I want to do it with.

Kyle.