Chapter Thirty-four: Didn’t Know What Love Was

Ryder

DIDN’T KNOW WHAT LOVE WAS

Performed by Kane Brown

With craving beating through every moleculeof my being, I pulled myself away from Gia’s sweet lips and slid off the bed.

She was always goddamn beautiful, but she was especially stunning like this, with her dark locks curling around her breasts, lips swollen from my kisses, skin flushed from coming apart on my fingers and mouth. Her eyes were flashing with fire and brimstone. Daring me to try to walk away. Daring me to stay. My heart skipped a beat. Several beats. The painful knowledge settled home that I’d tasted something I’d never want to give back.

She’d told me to make her believe in us before she could talk about our tomorrows.

I’d give her that. I had to, because the alternative would bring me to my knees.

If she left, it would break me. Except, I wouldn’t be able to collapse like I had when Ravyn left, because now I had a daughter to look after. I wouldn’t be able to lock my heart away, because Addy deserved to have a piece of it. So, if Gia disappeared, I’d have to experience every damn slice she left in her wake in order to give my daughter what remained. But that singular thought—of Gia leaving—made something feral beat inside me. Something wild and ancient that needed to mark her and claim her so she’d never want to walk away.

I undid the button on my pants, and she bit her lower lip. As my pants dropped, and my underwear with them, her gaze slid down me, eyes heating. Lust. Desire. The same wild I was feeling.

I pulled a condom from my wallet, tearing open the wrapper with my teeth. Her eyes widened as I kneeled between her legs.

And finally, the simple truth tore out of me. “I’m not ever going to be done with you.”

She smiled at my words, sitting up and pulling the condom from my hands. Her sure touch as she slid it on me was liquid fire, searing into me. I loved the confidence with which she did this—did everything. I wanted that to be mine and mine alone.

I pushed her back down on the bed, settling between her hips. As the heat of her soaked into me again, her eyes sparked with a light I wanted to catch like I’d caught fireflies as a kid. She kissed me fiercely, hand guiding me to the one place I yearned to be.

“You wanted to drive,” she said, whispering the words in my ear. “So drive.”

I responded by sliding in with a barely controlled thrust. As I bottomed out, pleasure rippled through my body, and the world grew hazy until there was nothing but the blaze burning between us and the honeyed taste and smell that was Gia. Our pace was steady and measured at first as we learned each other’s shapes and angles—the places that made us both groan in pleasure. The delicious slide of skin against skin. The feel of our connection seeding itself, growing, and blooming until a frantic instinct took over, as if we were no longer ourselves but wild animals linked in a dance as old as time itself.

Those sweet gasps and whimpers of hers, that had almost made me lose it while I’d had my mouth at her core, returned, skimming across my skin as if they were their own touch. And as our thrusts grew harder, fiercer, I desperately held on, determined to watch her face soften and her entire being go lax again before I let go.

My hand drifted down between us, slipping through her curls, and she went off like a rocket, shaking and shivering. A beautiful cry escaped her lips that sounded like angels singing, and in that moment, I went over the edge, my body and heart and soul all landing deep inside her.

We rocked together, bodies slowing until the trembling of our limbs came to a stop. I rolled slightly, bringing her with me so we were on our sides, facing each other.

Her hand pushed at a lock of my hair that had fallen over my eyes. Her lips tilted upward. A softness surrounded her I’d never seen before. This was the real Gia. The one I was certain very few people had ever had the pleasure to see. There may have been other men in her bed, but I doubted they’d seen this. At least, my ego wanted to believe that—wanted to believe I’d shattered her world as much as she’d shattered mine.

“I hate to admit it, but you drive pretty well,” she teased.

I huffed out a half laugh. “Only pretty well? Give me a second, we’ll get back on the highway, and I’ll show you how I can take an exit ramp going eighty.”

Her smile grew wider. “That would be something to see.”

From somewhere outside, a car alarm sounded before quickly going silent. That simple sound was all it took to tear at the temporary reprieve we’d found in each other, forcing reality back at us. I wrapped my arms tighter around her, kissing her forehead, as cold facts flooded me. Ravyn was Jaime’s sister. Addy was his niece. He was hunting her as he’d hunted her mother.

“You need to find proof Jaime is involved,” I said softly. “So, let’s go get it and end this.”

She choked back a little huff. “Rory and I have a plan. I’m going to the gala while you’re at the safe house with Addy.”

The image of her being hauled across my house by a giant man filled me again and along with it, the fear, anger, and frustration that I’d felt. For those few seconds as I’d watched from outside my house, I’d been entirely helpless, so the idea of sitting around in a safe house, waiting while she went headfirst into danger, made bile crawl up my throat.

“You go, I go,” I grunted out.

“You can’t leave Addy, Ryder. After today, she’ll need all new assurances that she’s safe.”

“I can’t keep lying to her. We both know she’ll never be safe until this is over, and if it takes walking onto Jaime’s property to end this and protect her, then that’s what I’ll do.”

Gia’s eyes filled with tears she held back by slamming her lids shut. “Let me do this.” Her voice was choked, broken and raw from the deep emotions as much as what she’d gone through today. “Let me handle this on my own with my team. Let me do this so that little girl keeps the one person she really needs.”

When she’d first shown up with Addy, I’d told myself all Gia cared about was the case. That she didn’t care about the humans involved. But the truth was, she’d had to shield herself from others in order to do her job. But it was also a shield she’d learned to create when moving from place to place as a kid so she didn’t get her heart pulverized. And yet, over the last few days, I’d watched her fall for Addy and my family. Watched her fall for me. She’d said she wasn’t ready to talk about tomorrow, so I’d embedded every last emotion I had into my touch, hoping it would be the proof she needed, but I wasn’t sure she believed me yet. Wasn’t sure she truly understood how important she’d become to all of us.

“You’re wrong if you think I’m the only one she needs,” I said softly.

Gia’s lids popped open, surprise and hope mixing in those hazel depths. “What?”

“Don’t you see, darlin’? We’ve both fallen in love with you.”

She untangled herself from me, clutching at her stomach. She stared at me with fear and yearning and love in her eyes before she turned and reached for her clothes.

“That’s ridiculous.” She shook her head as if it was more at herself than at me. “All of this is nonsense. You don’t fall in love with someone in a matter of days—a handful of hours, really. You don’t… You just don’t.”

I slipped off the bed, pulled on my pants, and then went to her, dragging the flannel shirt from her hands and pulling her to me. She held herself tight, holding back, but I didn’t let go. “This is scary for me too. I thought my one shot at true love had come and gone before I was thirty. All I saw before me was a lifetime of empty one-night stands and the love of my family. Then, you tore back into town, bringing me a little girl I thought I’d lost.” I had to swallow back a lump of emotions. “Bringing me your fire, drenching me in it, and making me wonder if what I’d felt for Ravyn was all I’d imagined it to be. How could it have been when what I feel simply standing next to you is ten times more than I’d ever felt wrapped up in her?”

I felt her shudder at my words, and then finally, her shoulders relaxed, and her arms went around me. She put her chin on my chest and looked up at me, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks.

“You like everyone to believe you’re a brash, grumpy cowboy, but really, you’re a poet and an artist full of sweet words and passion you hide behind sarcasm and a wink. I feel lucky that you give me these glimpses of the real Ryder.” She took a shuddery breath and then continued, “You’re right. What’s happening between us is bigger than anything I’ve ever felt. It makes me want things I’ve never wanted before, and that does scare me, just like you said.

“But what’s even more terrifying is that having these feelings gives me tunnel vision. It put you and Addy and your family at risk today. I was waiting for you to come home to tell me about your day rather than walking the perimeter. So right now…” She breathed in and pushed herself away from me. “Right now, I have to tuck it away. Because if I don’t…people might die. You might die. Addy. Your family…” A sob escaped her.

Fuck.

I didn’t want to agree with her. I wanted to kiss her until she forgot everything again. But she was right. We needed to be thinking about more than just our feelings. We needed to consider Addy and my family—which was exactly why we had to end this.

Then, I could fight with her about what the enormity of our emotions meant.

Then, I’d find some way for us to be together without her giving up everything.

But first, we had to take care of business.

“I agree. We need to end this. But that’s not you alone. That’s us together. Jaime isn’t going to let you waltz onto his property by yourself. He’ll expect you to be on my arm. More importantly, he wants me there. That’s why he drove all the way down here to personally make sure I came. Like it or not, darlin’, I’ve got to come with you.”

“Addy.” She said my daughter’s name like a desperate plea, and it only made me love Gia more. Ravyn had taken our daughter with her, putting her in danger by keeping her close. Gia would tear herself apart limb by limb rather than drag Addy anywhere near this.

“We’ll tell her the truth. We’re trying to put a stop to the threats. If anything happens to me, she’ll have my family to take care of her. To love her.”

Gia didn’t respond, moving farther away to finish putting her clothes on. When she finally spoke, she said, “I need a dress. We’ll have to stop somewhere on the way.”

Her words sent a wave of relief through me. I thought of the piles of trunks in the attic that Granny had kept from her movie days. My siblings and I had created stories and put on performances with them for years. Fancy dress-up clothes, jewelry, plenty of things to sift through.

“I actually think I might have something that will work,” I said, grabbing her hand and dragging her toward the room Addy was sleeping in.

We both peeked into the bunk, and I was grateful to see Addy had stayed right there under the covers instead of hiding somewhere in the room. She had her jaguar clutched to her chest, the blanket pulled almost over the top of her, but her face was relaxed in sleep. I swore somehow, some way, I would finish this so she could spend the rest of her life sleeping in peace. Safe in a bed with people she loved around her.

I made my way to the attic door, glad when it didn’t squeak as I opened it. The steps were narrow, and cobwebs hit my face as I made my way up them. There were no windows up here, and I felt safe turning on the single bulb that swung from the rafters.

The attic ran the entire length of the house and was stuffed to the gills with the accumulation of McFlannigan lives. Old-fashioned cradles, broken dining room chairs, lamps and knickknacks that had gone out of style, and an abundance of boxes and trunks.

If I remembered right, there was a rolling rack of costumes at the back. I made my way through the maze of our family’s leftovers with Gia on my heels.

“No bats up here, right?”

I stopped, turning around, a smile curving my lips. “Bats?”

She shivered. “I’m just saying… I don’t do bats well.”

A huff of laughter escaped me. “Of all the things for you to be afraid of.” I shook my head. “No bats. No way in except the stairs we came up.”

I pushed aside several boxes to reveal the clothes rack. All the dresses had been carefully wrapped in garment bags with lavender-scented satchels to keep the pests away. Whenever we’d played up here, we’d been sure to put everything back as we’d found it, otherwise Mama or Granny would have skinned us alive.

I unzipped the first one and grimaced. A dress suitable for a wagon train. Another held a men’s suit. Another, a gingham dress that would have made Dorothy proud. Finally, I opened one that held a gown of champagne satin. I pulled it fully out of the bag and shook it. Simple. Elegant. Beautiful. Just like Gia.

When I turned to show it to her, her mouth dropped open a little.

The scooped neck was held up by two slender straps made from crystals. The dress curved in at the waist, and I could just imagine it molding over Gia’s hips before flaring out just above the knees and flowing to the ground in a mermaid-like way. It was longer in the back, meaning the dress would trail behind her, and the back dipped decadently low.

She’d be the belle of the ball in this dress. No one would be able to look away.

That made a wad of dread form in my chest.

“Maybe not,” I said, turning to put it back, but Gia caught my arm.

“It’s gorgeous. Let me at least try it on before you shove it away.”

I handed it to her with reluctance. She stripped off her flannel and jeans and pulled the dress on. Even with her no-nonsense bra sticking out the top, it looked beautiful on her.

“You can’t wear that,” I said, voice gruff.

She looked down at herself, smoothing a hand over it. “It’s a little big in the chest, but it’s not awful. Why doesn’t it work?”

I closed the distance between her. “You wear that, darlin’, and I’m going to be the one losing focus. I’ll want to punch every man in the room because they’ll all be staring at the shimmer of your skin and the soft swell of your curves that dress does nothing to hide.”

She flushed a little in the dim light. “Then it’s perfect. We want to make a scene, don’t we? We want Laredo to pay attention to me.”

“And why is that?” I couldn’t prevent the growl that erupted through my chest at the thought of Jaime showing any interest in her.

“So he’ll take me somewhere private.”

“Gia.” My growl turned into a possessive roar.

“He’s not going to have the box or proof that he’s part of the Lovatos hanging around the ballroom. How did you think this was going to work?”

“We’re not using you as bait.”

But she wasn’t listening to me. I could see her mind whirling as she stepped out of the dress and back into her regular clothes. “I’ve got some comms we can use in my bag back at your house. If I had some jewelry, I might be able to hide a camera in a necklace or earrings.” She looked back at the rack I’d pulled the dress from. “Got anything around here that will work?”

I wanted to say no. I wanted to tie her up and make her stay here, safe and sound, while I went and confronted Jaime directly. But I also knew that reaction did no justice to the fierce woman I’d fallen in love with.

I had to trust her.

My chest tightened uncomfortably.

I had to do it. I had to trust her because she needed me to, but also because I needed to prove that I could.