21. Xander

CHAPTER 21

XANDER

M aybe I should find Amy and tell her that the wedding is off.

It would save both of us a lot of heartache. She wouldn’t have to marry a man she didn’t think loved her, and I wouldn’t have to lose her at the end of two years.

I sit in my study at the other end of the castle, staring at a picture of my parents on their wedding day. They were in love with each other, and it showed. Dad looked at Mom like she was the reason the stars hung in the sky.

And then here I am.

Amy doesn’t even know that’s the way I look at her.

How can I put Katastinia above everything else when I would walk away from the crown right now if it meant I got to keep her in my life?

How can I be as devoted to Katastinia as Yorgos was when my heart is with a woman who wants to leave when our contract is done?

Am I prepared to walk away from the crown and the promise I made to my brother?

I take a deep breath as a knock at the door echoes through the room. “Come in.”

The door swings open, and Atticus steps inside, an envelope in his hand. His gaze scans over me before he nods. “Good. You’re already in your tux. I wasn’t sure that you would be.”

“Of course I am. It’s my wedding day. What’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life, allegedly.”

“If you’re having second thoughts, I can handle Jorge and Stavros.”

“Neither of them has been bothering me about the marriage or the crown recently. I think Stavros is finally ready to accept that I won’t be backing down, even if this marriage goes up in flames.”

Atticus holds out the envelope to me. “Well, as long as you’re still going through with it, I’m supposed to give this to you. Your dad wanted me to hold onto it until your wedding day just in case he wasn’t around.”

My heart stops as I take the envelope from him, my hand shaking. “Do you know what it says?”

“Not a clue. I’m going to go make sure Beatriz found the kitchen all right. You read that and then get yourself to the altar on time. You have an hour.”

He leaves the room as I stare at my name on the front of the envelope, scrawled in my dad’s familiar writing.

As I slip a finger beneath the wax seal, I hold my breath.

I don’t know what I’m going to find in the letter. I doubt that Dad ever thought that this was the way I would be getting married.

Yes, it’s to a woman I love, but there’s still a war going on in my mind about how much I’m allowed to love her.

Xander,

If you’re reading this letter, it means Atticus did his job, which is good.

On the other hand, if you’re getting the letter, it means I’m dead and not there to give it to you myself, which kind of puts a damper on the mood, don’t you think?

Now, if I know you, you’re sitting alone and panicking, wondering how to do your job — whatever that may be now — while also being a husband.

I’m not going to lie and tell you that it’s easy, because it’s not. You and your wife are going to have to work on your relationship every day, and to be honest with you, sometimes love isn’t going to be enough.

Your mom and I had our issues during the first couple years of marriage. There were days when I didn’t know if we were going to make it through, but we learned that the most important thing is to be there for each other and to reconnect every single day.

Of course, there are going to be times when you may not be able to be there for your wife, but you make time for her, and she makes time for you.

There’s a way to make room for everything in your life, but you have to know what your priorities are.

And if you haven’t figured it out for yourself, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

I would’ve put your mother before anything else in this world and the next. Including the crown.

She was the person who made me feel like I could be myself. She loved me for who I was and not what I did or what I would do as king.

I loved her, and I would’ve given it all up if I had to just to be with her.

I hope you feel the same way about your wife.

I hope you know that nothing is ever going to be greater than the love you share for each other. Not work, or the crown, or the family you had before.

If you’re marrying a woman your entire world doesn’t orbit around, then I’m going to have to tell you that you’re doing something wrong.

Marry the sun, Xander.

Life isn’t worth living if you don’t have someone to risk everything for.

Love,

Dad.

I take a deep breath and read the letter again through blurred vision.

Dad never told me about the fights between him and Mom or the days when they felt like calling it off. They were together for decades, and I never knew that things were rough for them in the beginning.

Not as rough as faking an engagement or making his sun believe that he didn’t love her.

I set the letter to one side, burying my face in my hands. I’ve done a great job at pushing Amy away. The last several weeks have been spent trying to convince her that I didn’t love her. That nothing was ever going to happen between us.

Too much time was wasted thinking about what I would do if I had to choose between the crown and her.

From the beginning, I’ve known that I would choose her.

It didn’t sit right with me — not until I read Dad’s letter.

A king is supposed to put his people before everything and everyone else, and I’ve always known that I could never be that kind of man.

Not when it comes to Amy.

Perhaps doing my best for my people means being a king who doesn’t hold himself back out of fear.

Today is going to be the last day I ever allow myself to live like that.

I stand and look out the window over the gardens where people are setting up the seating for the wedding to the right of the fountain.

Deception was never the way to handle public opinion of me.

It might have brought me to Amy, and I won’t regret the choice because of that alone, but it’s time to stop lying and hiding who I am for the sake of a few people’s opinions.

In time, they’ll learn to trust me as their king.

Daphne pokes her head into the room. “Are you almost ready? Amy is. I thought it would be good to arrange a first look between the two of you. I’ve seen it done at other weddings. It just gives you both a chance to connect before going out there and putting everything out for the world to see.”

I nod, smoothing down my tie before tucking the letter into the top drawer of my desk. “That’s a good idea, but there’s something I need to do first.”

Her eyebrows pull together as she sweeps into the room, the skirt of her dress trailing behind her. “And what’s that?”

“I have to go capture the sun.”