20. Amy

CHAPTER 20

AMY

T wo mornings in a row, I’ve woken up to an empty bed, the sheets cold and the door between the bedroom and the sitting room shut.

The door was open last night when we went to sleep. Xander’s arm was around my waist, and everything felt like it was going to be all right. I was sure that this time when I woke up in the morning, he was going to be there.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt keeps biting me. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to admit to myself that this is who he is and this is who he’s always going to be.

I was an idiot for thinking that Xander would stay with me the night before our wedding.

Sighing, I toss back the sheets and get out of bed, stepping out on the balcony to look down at the cliff below.

Tears prick the corners of my eyes. Even though I knew two days wouldn’t change the way he feels about me, it still hurts to know that even if there is something there, he’s not going to let himself feel it.

Xander is holding something back from me, and the romantic in me wants to believe that maybe he does have feelings for me. They may not be love, but they could be adjacent to it. Something that we could build on in the coming months.

Maybe I should’ve told him that we need to call the whole thing off.

“Knock, knock,” Daphne says, the hinges on the door squeaking. “I thought you might like a little surprise since you’re getting married in a couple hours.”

“Thanks, but I think I just need a little bit of time alone, please.”

“Not going to happen,” a familiar voice says.

Turning, I squeal when I see Gabby standing there with her. “How did you get past security?”

“Daphne snuck me up.” Gabby grins and pulls me into a tight hug. “The other girls are getting ready in our suite.”

“I’m so glad you’re here.” I look over her shoulder to Daphne. “Thank you for doing this for me.”

Daphne nods. “I’m going to grab a few more things, and then we’re going to get you ready to walk down the aisle, okay?”

I nod, my stomach twisting.

I don’t know if I can do this. Especially not the part where I have to walk down the aisle in front of the people I care the most about and lie to them all.

Gabby pulls back as the door shuts behind Daphne. “All right, so you’re going to tell me why you’re crying, and you’re going to tell me right now.”

The familiar rush of guilt consumes me as I sit down on a lounger, looking at the pattern of the stone tiles. “What if I told you that all of this was fake and I’ve been lying to you for weeks because I didn’t know how to tell you the truth?”

She sits down beside me, taking my hand and holding it tight. “Then I would tell you that it’s okay. And whatever is going on here, we’re going to get through it together.”

“I never should’ve lied to you,” I say, voice shaking as I look over at her. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I didn’t know what else to do. It finally felt like things were working out for me for once and I was catching up to everyone else.”

“Why would you have to catch up to us?” Gabby leans closer to me, her shoulder butting against mine. “You’ve never needed to be in the same place as anyone.”

“I know, but it feels like you and the other girls are moving on with your lives and I’m stuck being the same failure that I’ve always been.”

She squeezes my hand tight. “Nobody has ever thought you’re a failure, Amy.”

“You might not have, but I felt like I was.” Laughing, I tilt my head back and look up at the sky. “Xander and I didn’t know each other before he found me on the beach when I couldn’t make it to your party.”

“Yeah, I kind of had a feeling that everything wasn’t quite like you said it was.”

“Not even a little bit. He and I got along well, and we’re attracted to each other, but there’s no love there. He needed a wife to make him look good to the public since he’s newly crowned with a bad reputation, and I wanted a bakery. It seemed like a no-brainer at the time.”

“Oh honey, was this about making your parents and your grandma proud?” Gabby wraps her arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to her. “I know you thought you had to do this for her, but she would’ve been happy just to know that you’re happy.”

“I don’t think I am.”

“Why not?”

I wipe some of my tears, sniffling and shaking my head to try and clear it. “I thought this was going to be a walk in the park. I was going to get married to a man I barely know, get everything I wanted, and at the end of two and a half years, it would all be over.”

“You’re a smart woman, Ames. There’s no way you thought it was going to be that easy.”

I sigh and shrug. “I guess I hoped that it would be.”

“You already sounded infatuated with Xander that morning you called me.”

“I know. I really do know, and I chalked that up to lust. I thought there was something good between us in bed, but I didn’t think we were going to develop feelings for each other. And then I didn’t try to. Back when we started this, I was sure I wouldn’t.”

“And now?”

“Now I love him, and I know he’s never going to love me, and I feel like an idiot for getting in this deep.”

“I can go tell him right now that this isn’t going to work and that I’m taking you home.”

“No, but thank you. I told him that I would see this through. He needs me. I can’t abandon him like that.” I stand up and take a slow inhale, the salt air doing little to ease my nerves. “He’s offered me outs a couple times, and I’ve never taken them.”

“So you still want to get married, then?”

I bite the inside of my cheek, holding back more tears. “I just want a family and a bakery. I could have both if I marry him.”

“You could have both if you don’t. You’re one of the most capable people I’ve ever met. You held on when you lost your family. Twice. Sure, you may have struggled, but you’ve always come out on the other side. You’ll come out on the other side of this too.”

“And what if I don’t?”

Gabby pulls me into a tight hug. “Then I’m going to be waiting for you on the other side, the same way I always have been.”

“Even if I decide halfway down the aisle to turn and run?”

“Ames, I’m here for you through everything. If you want to run seconds before you say ‘I do’, I’ll race you to the getaway car.”

Laughing, I wipe my eyes and hug her back, holding on until I hear Daphne shuffling around in the bedroom. “I think it’s time to go and get me married.”

“Are you sure that this is what you want?”

“No, but I want Xander.”