CHAPTER 15

“W e’re planning a graduation party for a kid who won’t graduate,” John shared. “Well, at least not with us. JJ would be graduating in the spring. My wife has missed three birthdays already. Another one’s coming up. She said she didn’t want to do a birthday party for him this year, like we’ve done in the past, but she’s still buying the gifts. I was good with that. I thought that she might be in that next stage of grieving or whatever, that she was finally starting to move on. Then, she said she wanted to have an open house for JJ like all the other kids do when they graduate. I don’t see the point. He’s not graduating. It’s either he’ll never graduate at all, or he’ll graduate wherever he is now. So, why celebrate something that’s not actually happening?”

“What’s the harm, though?” Molly asked.

“I don’t want to sit around and have people walk through my house all day, leaving gifts for JJ when he’ll never be around to get them. We don’t need money for his college. He’s not going to college. It will be horrible and awkward, and I’m just tired.”

“I understand,” Molly said.

And she continued to talk, but Raleigh wasn’t listening anymore. It was already halfway through the group session, and Hollis’s chair next to her own was empty, which wasn’t like her. Ever since that first night, Hollis hadn’t missed a meeting. Raleigh wanted to text her to find out what was going on, but it would be rude to John, who was sharing, and the rest of the group, who was trying to help him get through this. She wondered if it was the same for all of them. Whenever someone spoke of something they were going through, Raleigh always related it to herself and to Eden. It was selfish, she knew that, but she also couldn’t stop it. When John talked about his son graduating from high school, she thought of Eden at eighteen. Her cheeks wouldn’t be as round. Her hair might be darker. Would she play sports in high school? Would she be a valedictorian? Would she have her first crush or first love by then? Would she have had her heart broken yet?

After John finished sharing, Shelly started talking about her best friend, who’d gone missing five years prior. People were pretty sure the woman had been killed by her ex-boyfriend, but no one knew that for a fact; they’d never found a body. The ex-boyfriend remained a suspect, but the cops couldn’t arrest him on suspicion only, so the case was still open, and Shelly was without a woman she’d known since first grade, who was more sister than friend to her.

When the meeting wrapped, Raleigh said her usual goodbyes to be polite, but she was concerned about Hollis, so she rushed through them to get outside and pulled out her phone. She thought of texting, but then she’d have to wait for a reply. She called instead, and it went straight to voicemail, which it had never done before.

“Hey, it’s me. Raleigh. You weren’t at group tonight, so I wanted to check and make sure everything’s okay. Can you call me when you get a chance?”

She hung up, but something still felt off to her. In the time she’d known the woman, Hollis had always answered when Raleigh called. She’d responded to texts almost right away every time, too. The last time they’d talked, Hollis had mentioned she was going to call in sick at work in order to stay at the hospital with her mom longer. She’d thanked Raleigh for the cot and the use of the hospital shower when Raleigh brought Hollis her stuff from the house, and that had been it. Raleigh had stayed there for another hour or so, but then she needed to get home to get some sleep. She hated leaving Hollis there, though. Something in her told her to stay, to take the chair so that Hollis could sleep in the cot, but it wasn’t her place. So, she’d left and asked Hollis to keep her posted on her mom’s progress.

Raleigh was sitting in the car in Hollis’s driveway. This was too much, right? She was basically stalking the woman right now. But she knew Hollis’s address now, and she still felt like she needed to know that Hollis was okay. Another call had gone to voicemail, so she’d driven here on impulse, and now she was sitting, staring at Hollis’s rental car in the driveway, which meant Hollis was either home or still at the hospital. Raleigh got out of the car and decided to ring the bell. If no one answered, she’d just go home and wait for Hollis to call her back.

“Raleigh?” Hollis asked when she opened the front door.

“Hey. I promise, I’m not a crazy person. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You weren’t at group tonight.”

“Oh. They finally released my mom, so I had to get her home and settled. Come in,” she said, moving aside so that Raleigh could enter.

“I thought I was picking you up.”

“They let her go right before group. I didn’t want you to miss a meeting because of me,” Hollis replied.

“I called before I came over, by the way. I don’t want you to think I just came over here.”

“My phone was dead. It’s charging in my bedroom. The cheap gift-shop charger stopped working.”

“Well, now that I know you’re okay, I can go,” Raleigh told her. “I just got worried.”

Hollis smiled softly, which made Raleigh smile, too.

“Raleigh?”

She glanced behind Hollis to see Olivia coming into the living room from the kitchen.

“Hello, Mrs. Richardson,” she greeted.

“Olivia,” the woman replied.

“Mom, Raleigh came over to check on me since I didn’t go to the meeting tonight.”

“Isn’t that nice?” Olivia noted and exchanged some kind of glance with her daughter. “Hollis was making me a late dinner now that I no longer have to deal with hospital food. Are you staying?”

“No, I just came by to make sure she was okay. I’m going home to make something for myself, actually. ”

“Have dinner with us,” Hollis offered.

“You said you couldn’t cook,” Raleigh reminded.

“I can’t.” Hollis pointed to her mom. “She has recipes and gives me pointers.”

“I don’t want to intrude, Hollis. I–”

“You’re not. Come on,” Hollis interrupted. “You can drop your purse and coat on the sofa. We’re not formal around here.”

“Take the woman’s coat, Hollis,” Olivia said.

Raleigh looked down at the floor, trying to control her laughter.

“Yes, she’s right. I will take your coat.”

“It’s okay,” Raleigh replied, looking back up at her. “I’ve got it.”

She removed her coat and handed it to Hollis.

“Thanks,” Hollis said. “Sorry, Mom.”

“Raleigh, you can be my eyes at the stove. I’m not allowed to stand for too long yet, so I’m sitting at the table, trying to teach her how to season properly.”

“Got it,” Raleigh replied.

Hollis hung her coat in the closet, and Raleigh dropped her purse on the floor by the sofa. Then, she followed Olivia into the kitchen, which looked like a mess.

“You really don’t cook, do you?” she teased Hollis.

“My dad’s idea of cooking was putting a Hungry Man dinner in the microwave and hitting start,” Hollis said. “Be patient with me.”

“You’re supposed to clean as you go so that you have space to cut those vegetables.”

“I’ve tried to tell her that,” Olivia noted.

“Okay… I don’t need both of you ganging up on me. Teach me.”

Raleigh looked around, trying to figure out what Hollis was making.

“Some kind of soup?” she guessed.

“Soup? No, it’s a chicken dish with mushrooms,” Hollis told her .

“And celery and carrots?”

“Those are out from the other day. I haven’t put them away yet.”

“Well, maybe start by throwing those out. They look awful. Have you ever sliced mushrooms before?” Raleigh asked.

“No, I don’t eat mushrooms,” Hollis shared.

“She’s making it extra difficult on herself by making this for me and making herself the chicken without the mushrooms,” Olivia explained. “Do you eat mushrooms, Raleigh?”

“Yeah. Usually, just on pizza, but I don’t mind them.”

“Do I make yours with or without them, then?” Hollis asked, holding up a very sharp knife.

“Let’s actually start with you pointing that toward the mushrooms and not at me,” Raleigh suggested, moving to lightly grip Hollis’s forearm and lowering it so that the knife was pointed down. This put her behind Hollis a little and gave her a chance to breathe her in for the first time since that night Hollis had held her. “You washed these, right?”

“They come pre-washed.”

“Hollis!”

Raleigh laughed at Olivia’s admonishment.

“What? They don’t?”

“It’s kind of adorable that you have no idea what you’re doing,” Raleigh said softly, just for Hollis to hear. “They do not come washed, no,” she added in her normal indoor voice. “Even if they did, you should always wash your vegetables.”

“I don’t really like vegetables,” Hollis told her.

“I know. I watched you stab carrots and peas for, like, an hour at the hospital, and you only ate a bite.”

“The recipe is on the card there,” Olivia said. “Maybe you should walk her through it while I go lie down for a bit.”

“Are you okay?” Hollis turned in place immediately and probably hadn’t realized Raleigh was that close.

Raleigh stared at her for a second. Hollis stared back. Her blue eyes were perfect. The worry in them for her mother was not, however, so Raleigh stepped to the side .

“I’m fine. But now that Raleigh’s here, she can make sure you don’t burn anything and that I don’t have dirt in my mushrooms.” Olivia stood slowly.

“Give me a minute. I want to walk her to bed,” Hollis said to Raleigh.

“I’m just going to the sofa,” Olivia stated.

“I still want to walk you there.”

An hour later, they’d finished eating their dinner. Raleigh and Olivia had the mushroom chicken, while Hollis had a plain piece of chicken that looked pathetic on the plate, along with some mashed potatoes that Raleigh had helped her with. Raleigh thought the dish turned out pretty good, and Olivia seemed to like having something other than hospital food. It was getting late, though, and Raleigh could tell Olivia was getting tired.

“I can do the dishes if you want to get her to bed,” she offered as she stood next to Hollis at the counter, having brought some dishes over.

“No, you don’t do dishes; you’re a guest,” Hollis told her. Then, she leaned in conspiratorially and added, “And I already got in trouble for not helping you with your coat.”

Raleigh smiled at her and said, “You loved it, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Hollis smiled back. “Is it weird that I liked getting in trouble with my mom because it means I have her back?”

Raleigh shook her head and replied, “No.”

Hollis then helped her mother to the living room, but Raleigh couldn’t resist helping out with the dishes, and by the time Hollis returned, most of them were already in the dishwasher.

“If I get in trouble, it’s on you,” Hollis noted.

“I’m almost done. Want to help me dry?” she asked, tossing a rag in Hollis’s direction.

“Thank you,” she said, moving to stand beside her.

“For what?”

“Checking on me. I’ve never had anyone do that before. ”

“You don’t have to thank me for worrying about you.” Raleigh passed Hollis a pan.

“And thanks for helping me cook. I’ve been surviving on grilled cheese and TV dinners.”

“How are you so skinny?” Raleigh asked, laughing.

“I’m not skinny.”

“Yes, you are,” Raleigh pointed out, looking at Hollis’s baggy sweater and jeans. “You’re covering it up now, but I don’t know how you eat how you do, and you don’t gain weight. Do you work out or something?”

“No. I think what you’re seeing is that I’ve lost weight since this whole thing started,” Hollis shared. “I think I’ve lost about ten pounds since I found out. Combine that with eating healthier since moving in here, and I look thinner.”

Raleigh handed her the lid from the pan to dry and asked, “How is she?”

“She’s okay. I mean, she still has cancer, but her head is fine. Having run all the tests, the doctor confirmed what I thought had happened: she lost her balance while getting up from the bed and fell, hitting herself on the nightstand. I’ve now wrapped a few socks around the corners just in case until I can buy something more permanent.

“That’s good news,” Raleigh said, wiping her hands on a dry rag. “And I should probably leave you two alone now. I really didn’t mean to stay.”

“Raleigh, you don’t have to keep saying that. You’re welcome here anytime you want.”

“Girls, would you like to watch some TV with me?” Olivia asked from the living room.

“She means watch something until she falls asleep in, like, five minutes,” Hollis said to Raleigh. “Sure, Mom.”

“I should–”

“She will literally be out in five minutes. If you want to leave then, you can.”

It was true: five minutes after they all sat down, Olivia was asleep. Hollis had to wake the woman to get her to her bed. Raleigh didn’t know if she should leave without saying goodbye or wait, so she decided to just wait. When Hollis emerged minutes later, she looked so exhausted.

“She has meds to take that help her sleep, and I also wanted to make sure she was comfortable. Sorry if it took a while.”

“No, it’s fine,” Raleigh said. “You look beat.”

Hollis flopped down onto the sofa next to her.

“I am. The cot helped, but it was still hard to sleep through the night.”

“Go to bed, Hollis. I can head home.”

“It’s not like sleep comes all that easily in my bed, either,” Hollis told her, turning her head to Raleigh. “I end up thinking about all the times we moved or the times he lied to me about her, and I get so angry. My heart starts to pound, and I can’t fall asleep.”

Raleigh stared into Hollis’s tired eyes and asked, “Do you want me to stay?”

“No, I’ll be okay,” Hollis said, turning away from her.

“Can I at least make sure you get to bed?”

“I still have some work to do. I took the day off, but I have things another researcher wanted me to vet, and–”

“Bed, Hollis.” She patted Hollis’s knee. “All that will still be waiting for you when you wake up tomorrow.”

“Fine,” Hollis agreed with little fight.

Raleigh helped her up by the hands and grabbed her hips to turn her in the direction of the hallway. She kept her hands there as they walked into the bedroom.

“I’m just going to brush my teeth and pee. I’ll be right out,” Hollis said.

“Okay,” she replied, looking around the room she’d been in once before.

That time, Raleigh had been quick, wanting to get back to Hollis with clothes and toiletries as fast as possible. Now, she was really looking at the room, but as she tried to find pieces of Hollis in it, she remembered this wasn’t Hollis’s room; this was a guest room she was sleeping in while she took care of her mother .

“I promise, I’ll go to sleep, okay?” Hollis told her, emerging from the bathroom.

Raleigh turned to see that she’d changed into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt while in the bathroom.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll leave you to it, then.”

“It’s late. Do you want to just stay?” Hollis asked her.

“No. It’s not that far of a drive.”

Hollis nodded, yawned, and then asked, “Will you stay if I ask you to?”

“I will,” Raleigh replied, nodding.

“I have some stuff put away in the drawers that you can sleep in,” Hollis said.

“I’ll be okay on the couch in this,” she replied.

“Yeah, right…” Hollis pulled back the comforter on her side, climbed in, and then pulled the other side back as well. “My mom wakes up and finds you on the sofa in your clothes – I’m a dead woman. Come on.”