CHAPTER 16

“H ey, I’m grabbing something for lunch. Interested?” Kenna asked.

“I was just finishing something up,” Hollis replied.

“Cool. Five minutes?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Hollis now considered Kenna to be more of a friend than a boss, which was strange to her because she’d never really had many friends. The people she’d worked with had always been just colleagues, and she’d done the occasional drinks-after-work thing, but nothing more than what was called optional but was really required . Hanging out with someone outside of work was new to Hollis, but she found that she liked Kenna as a person beyond her being a great boss. Maybe part of it was because Kenna had, essentially, been responsible for Hollis reuniting with her mother, but it was a small part. Kenna was funny and smart. She had a lot of stories and cared about people. So, when Kenna had asked her to lunch the previous week, Hollis had gone and had been surprised by how much fun she’d had.

“Aaliyah asked Ripley if she could go to this summer camp for three weeks. I thought it was a good idea. My wife asked about a million different questions and got a whole lot of I-don’t-knows back from her. The girl heard summer camp with her friends, and the rest of it wasn’t important. We asked one of the people in charge, and the camp turned out to be a science camp for kids who excel in science. Aaliyah hates science and is currently getting a C. When we told her that and the fact that she’d have to apply and write a short essay, she told us it would be better for her if we skipped it this year. I’m not sure Ripley and I have laughed so hard in a long time when we went to bed that night.”

“She sounds like a character,” Hollis said, biting into her club sandwich .

“She is. I love the crap out of that little girl. Speaking of little girls… How’s it going with Dylan on Eden’s case?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Hollis replied.

“You haven’t talked to Raleigh about it?”

“Not since the first meeting. I think she’s talked to Dylan a few times since then.”

“That surprises me a little,” Kenna said.

“Why?”

“You two seem to have gotten really close,” Kenna noted, taking a bite of her salad.

“Oh. I guess, yeah.”

“You guess?”

“Not you, too…” Hollis rolled her eyes and looked out the window of the restaurant.

“What does that mean?” Kenna laughed a little.

“My mom is on my case about Raleigh, too.”

“On your case?”

“She thinks I like her,” Hollis replied.

“And do you?”

“She’s a friend. I don’t have many of those. I never have.”

“You have me,” Kenna told her. “And Ripley, too, if you spend time with her. She used to be kind of like you, actually.”

“You’ll have to explain that one to me,” Hollis said.

Kenna sighed and put down her fork.

“Ripley was really young when her house caught on fire, and she lost her whole family,” she shared.

“What?”

“Yeah. It was bad. She lost her parents, her two brothers, and her grandmother all at the same time when she was so little.” Kenna looked off into space as if it was still hard to talk about. “She ended up in the system and isolated herself from pretty much everyone. My girl busted her ass, though, and she ended up putting herself through school and becoming a kick-ass social worker who helps kids like Aaliyah. When she and I met, it was for a story, like I told you, but then I dove deeper and couldn’t leave the thing alone until I found out what happened to her. I was totally into her, too. You’ve seen my wife: she’s gorgeous. She’s also a little sassy when she wants to be, and, apparently, she really wanted to be the day she met me.” Kenna shrugged a shoulder and added, “I was hooked. I wanted to be with her. While we were figuring things out between us, though, I discovered some stuff about her case because I have a hard time letting things go. Anyway, we found out that a friend of her brother’s, actually, set the house on fire.”

“What?”

“Yeah. No one looked at him because he was a kid at the time.”

“Why the hell would he–”

“We don’t know,” Kenna said. “He’s locked up now, but he’s never said why. I think that still bugs Rip, but no explanation could ever make any difference to the fact that her family is still gone.”

“I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t do anything, but that’s awful,” Hollis said.

“She was on her own for the longest time,” Kenna added. “When we met, she was going through trying to put up with this overeager reporter and, at the same time, finding out what happened with her family, but I didn’t let her go. I loved her. She’s the one for me. And now, we’re married, and we have a daughter. She’s got my family now, and they love her. She has friends at work and outside of it, and she actually put herself out there to find them. She’s this amazing person whom no one really ever knew, and that makes me sad because they missed out. She’s happy now, though, and I think I’m a little less annoying to her.” Kenna laughed lightly. “She gets me in this way that no one else ever can, and I do the same for her. Ripley hates conflict. She avoids it at all costs. I lean into it. We balance each other. I know I’m no relationship expert, but I think you need that, you know? The person who gets you or balances you; that person who makes you want to be better.”

“Yeah,” Hollis let out.

“So? ”

Hollis grunted and replied, “Yeah, I like her. Okay?”

“I knew it!” Kenna said and winked at her. “Have you told her?”

“God, no!”

“Why, ‘God no?’ It’s just telling a woman you like her. What’s the big deal? Ask her out.”

“Not everyone is you, Kenna.” Hollis laughed.

“I did ask Ripley out within, like, three minutes of meeting her,” Kenna shared, looking off to the side as if recalling the event.

Hollis laughed again.

“What? It worked. We’re married.”

“Kenna, she’s great, and I do like her, but neither of us is in a place to date.”

“I get it. But you could say that about a lot of people.”

“Like whom?”

“I don’t know; Dylan and Ada, for one. Well, two , technically.”

“That’s not the same.”

“It’s never the same,” Kenna replied. “Every person and every couple is different. But Ada, for example, was going through stuff when she met Dylan. Well, re-met her. She still blamed Dylan for not finding her brother and had a lot of anger built up over the years. Dylan broke through that, though, and they’re happily married. I never thought Ada Cramer would get married. I met her for the show – that girl was crazy angry most of the time. Still, she and Dylan made it work. Now, she’s an attorney married to a cop, and they both help people.”

“Raleigh lost her daughter. It’s not the same.”

“And you were taken by your father. I’d argue that there’s probably no other couple in the world that could say the same.”

“We’re not a couple.”

“Not yet.”

“Kenna, I don’t imagine she’s even remotely thinking about being with anyone. Her focus is on finding Eden, which is where it should be.”

“And your focus is on Raleigh?”

“No. Well, sometimes,” she admitted. “But it’s on my mom and work, too, which is where it should be.”

“She’s not given you any signals that she might feel the same?” Kenna asked.

Hollis took a drink of her water and said, “Not signals, exactly, but she touches me sometimes.”

Kenna lifted an eyebrow.

“Not like that,” Hollis added. “Just like the night she stopped by the hospital – well, the second night she stopped by – anyway, she woke me up by massaging the back of my neck.”

“She stopped by the hospital? When your mom fell?”

“Yes. And she was great. She helped me out.” Hollis shrugged as if it hadn’t been a big deal, but to her, it had been the biggest of deals.

“So, she massaged your neck?”

“And she does other stuff like that, too, but it’s not romantic or anything. It’s just part of who she is, I think.”

“You’ve seen her massage someone else’s neck?”

“No, but the only people I’ve seen her with are the support group, my mother, and Dylan. Ada joined us, too, for about five minutes, but I’m pretty sure if Raleigh tried to massage Dylan’s neck, Ada would snap her arm off and beat her with it.”

Kenna laughed and said, “You’re probably right.”

“Raleigh’s great,” Hollis added. “She’s beautiful, and I like spending time with her.”

“But you’re not going to do anything about it?”

“Kenna, I live with my mother, who is sick and needs me whenever I’m not at work. I have next to no money, an apartment in another country that’s gathering dust, a father who’s in jail pending trial for taking me away from my mom, and about thirty years of baggage that I should probably be going to therapy to deal with. What the hell could I possibly offer someone like Raleigh? ”

“Yourself,” Kenna replied as if it was the easiest thing in the world to see. “No one ever has it put-together, no matter what lies they tell on social media or to themselves. Ripley and I fight all the time. Sometimes, it’s about real things. Other times, it’s stupid stuff that we get over almost right away. Neither of us has our shit together, and we’re raising a person, Hollis. Every day, we try our best to set good examples for her, but sometimes, just waking up and putting on matching shoes is too much to ask. Being with someone isn’t about an apartment or therapy. It’s about going all-in with them, warts and all. It’s showing up every day, being grateful that the person you love most loves you back, and making sure they know that you love them back. You wake up with them and think that getting through the day will be hard, but it’s also easier just because they’re right there. It’s never perfect, but that’s the best part. When I open my eyes and look at my wife in the morning, sometimes, she’s snoring and has that little nose strip on.” Kenna mimed where the strip would go on her own nose. “It’s really cute.” She laughed a little. “Other times, she’s got a little drool on her chin. I wake her up, and she rolls away and kind of smacks me accidentally when she does because life is not a romantic comedy, but it’s my life, and I wouldn’t change any of it for anything ever.”

“Ripley is your wife. I’m not even in love with Raleigh.”

“Maybe not. All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t stop yourself from going after something you want – or, in this case, some one you want – because you’re worried you’re not enough. The key is finding the person who sees you as enough for them .”

Hollis thought about that as she finished her lunch. Then, they drove back to the office, and Kenna went into a meeting, leaving Hollis to continue thinking about Raleigh and how nice it had been, having someone next to her in bed, even though they’d only slept. That had been the best part: Hollis had actually slept. And when they’d woken up the next morning, she’d asked Raleigh how she’d slept, and Raleigh had said better than it had been in a long time. That meant something, right?

◆◆◆

“Hey,” she said into her phone, which was on speaker, as she drove home after work.

“Hi. What are you up to?” Raleigh asked, sounding chipper.

“Driving home. I was going to pick up some food for dinner on my way there, and I thought that since you and my mother seem to love picking on me together, I’d invite you to join us.” Hollis closed her eyes for a second, which was a bad idea because she was driving, but she was nervous.

“Oh, I’d love to, but I can’t. I’m actually heading out right now.”

“No problem,” she replied, opening her eyes at the rejection.

“Maybe another night this week?” Raleigh suggested.

“Up to you. I just thought I’d ask.”

“I’m going to Dylan’s, Hollis. She asked if I could go to her place this time to talk about the case.”

“Oh,” Hollis let out. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. She just has a lot of questions, and I struggle answering them all at once.”

“Do you need me to go with you?”

“No, I’ll be okay. You need to be with your mom.”

Hollis knew she was right, but she wished she could be there with Raleigh all the same.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“When I get home tonight, can I call you to talk about it, though?” Raleigh asked.

“Of course,” she said.

“Okay. I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.”

“Later, Raleigh,” Hollis said and hung up the phone. “ Later ?! What the hell is wrong with you?” She said that to herself.