CHAPTER 14

“H ollis?”

Hollis’s eyes snapped open when she heard her name, thinking it was a doctor or nurse trying to tell her something about her mom. Instead, she found Raleigh standing next to the chair she’d fallen asleep in. Raleigh was smiling down at her, and it was only then that Hollis noticed Raleigh’s hand was massaging the back of her neck.

“Sorry. You were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you, but I thought you should know that I’m here.”

“Hey,” Hollis said, yawning instantly and turning away from Raleigh because her breath could not be good right now. “Is everything okay? What are you doing here?”

“You sounded so tired on the phone, and you’ve been here for over thirty-six hours,” she replied, still massaging Hollis’s neck. “I brought you some magazines and a book. I don’t think people still do that for people in the hospital now that smartphones exist, but it was the only thing I could think of bringing. I also stopped at the gift shop on the way up and got you some snacks, but I really think you should eat something real. Can we go to the cafeteria and get you something? It won’t do your mom any good if you’re so hungry when you leave here, you can’t drive home.”

“I can’t drive home anyway,” Hollis replied. “I rode in the ambulance with her.”

Raleigh nodded and said, “Then, you can call me when it’s time for her to be discharged, and I’ll pick you guys up.”

“No, I can’t ask you to do that. We can just order a car,” Hollis said, rubbing her tired eyes .

“You literally stayed the night at my place because I asked you to stay until I fell asleep. Don’t think I didn’t notice you passed out at five in the morning when I woke up to go to the bathroom,” Raleigh noted, smiling at her. Then, the neck massage stopped, and Raleigh asked, “Why did you leave before I woke up?”

“Work. I needed to get home to change. You were sleeping so soundly; I didn’t want to wake you up. I figured you probably had a regular alarm set, so you’d be okay for work.”

Raleigh gave her a small nod and said, “Come on. Let’s get you out of this chair. Your back can not feel good right now.”

“It doesn’t,” she admitted. “But they were nice enough to let me stay, even though the visiting hours were over, so I didn’t want to ask for a cot or something.”

“Cafeteria,” Raleigh told her, prompting her to stand up. “She’s out like a light, Hollis. Let’s get you something to eat. Do you also want coffee to stay up? Or do you want to sleep?”

Hollis stood slowly, grumbling as she did. Every part of her body felt tight and unhappy with her decision to sleep in that chair. She stretched her arms over her head and then rubbed her face quickly to try to wake herself up more.

“You smell great, by the way,” Raleigh teased.

“Hey, cut me some slack. I bought a mini-deodorant thing from the gift shop earlier. Then again, I didn’t think to get a toothbrush, which was dumb of me, but the nurse came in and gave me an update when I got to the room, so I never went back to get one.”

“Food,” Raleigh insisted, taking Hollis’s hand. “Then, we’ll worry about everything else.”

They walked down the hallway, with Raleigh pulling her along. Hollis was having trouble keeping up with her due to exhaustion and her body not wanting to cooperate. Arriving at the elevator, she let Raleigh take the lead. She knew her mother would likely be asleep for the next several hours, so Hollis had plenty of time to eat and probably go shower at home and change her clothes, but the cafeteria already seemed so far away… She couldn’t think of going home right now and missing something. It would take at least fifteen minutes to get back to the hospital, and then she’d have to park and run into the building and back to her mom’s room.

“No,” Raleigh stated as Hollis reached for a bag of barbeque chips.

“Huh?”

“You need real food. They’re still serving dinner. Meatloaf.”

“Meatloaf from a hospital cafeteria? Are you trying to kill me?”

Raleigh laughed and said, “Fine. Don’t get the meatloaf. There are vegetables, though. They can’t be that bad. Get a sandwich and maybe a yogurt or fruit or something.”

“You realize you’re not the boss of me, right?” Hollis joked as she pulled a yogurt parfait and a fruit salad off the shelf in front of her.

“You’re barely functioning right now. Someone’s got to be.”

Hollis had to agree with that, so she asked the woman behind the stainless-steel counter if she could have some of the mixed vegetables that looked like they’d been in that pan for days and could be easily mashed with a fork. After she also grabbed a turkey sandwich and a bottle of water, she realized that Raleigh hadn’t gotten anything for herself.

“You’re not eating?”

“No, I ate at home. I’m okay.”

“Raleigh, you didn’t have to–”

“Let’s pay and sit down,” Raleigh interrupted.

“You sure are bossy when I’m tired,” Hollis joked.

“I think I’m bossy all the time. You might just now be noticing it because you’re tired.”

They paid and sat at an empty table. The cafeteria wasn’t busy, but there were several people in scrubs sitting around and a few people who were likely here to visit friends and family. Hollis stared at the food she’d picked out, and while she knew she should eat, she really wasn’t hungry.

“You don’t want to eat any of that, do you?” Raleigh asked.

“No,” Hollis replied, laughing a little. “I know I’m starving, but I’m not hungry. Does that make sense?”

“Oddly enough, yes, it does. I’ve been there myself more times than I can count this past year. I think I went three days without food before Millie force-fed me something. And I don’t even remember what it was. I have zero recollection of eating it.”

“She took care of you,” Hollis noted, picking up her fork and stabbing at an overcooked carrot.

“Yeah, she did.”

“And her wife didn’t mind?”

“Her wife is a mom, too, so she got it. Besides, she helped a little as well. She made me food that I could freeze and eat later, and she also helped in the search. I think when something this horrible happens, you put aside anything from the past and just help each other out. We aren’t the best of friends, but she was kind to me.”

“Maybe she just wanted to be around because she’s still worried about residual feelings between you and Millie or something.”

“Why would you say that?” Raleigh asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied, shrugging. “Wasn’t the only reason she left because she couldn’t get pregnant?”

“Not the only reason; just the biggest. And Millie is happy where she is. She has the family that she was meant to have. I’ll admit, I don’t exactly understand how she could be so adamant with me that she had to have our baby and nothing else would do, but then she meets someone else who already has a kid, and suddenly, she no longer needs to be pregnant, but it’s what happened. She’s happy now, so I’m happy for her, too, even when it hurts to think about sometimes. ”

“Do you still love her?” Hollis asked, forcing herself to eat the carrot that basically melted in her mouth, and not in a good way.

“Not like that, no. But a part of me always will. She was my first real love. I thought I’d be with her forever. I think, whenever that’s the case, you lose a part of yourself in that person, and you won’t ever get it back.”

“I think you give it to them; you don’t lose it,” Hollis replied, dropping the fork into the fruit salad and stabbing a piece of cantaloupe, the world-renowned fruit salad filler of choice.

“What’s the difference?”

“You didn’t lose it and have to find it later. You loved her, so you gave her that piece of you that no one can touch. You chose her, and you chose to share your heart with her.”

“I guess,” Raleigh replied.

“Have you ever noticed that cantaloupe makes up, like, eighty percent of every fruit salad?”

Raleigh laughed and said, “What?”

“There’s literally one strawberry in here and, like, two grapes. The rest is cantaloupe.”

“Are you not a fan?”

“It’s fine. It’s just like, you come for the berries, but you leave with the cantaloupe.”

“Sounds like a night in a lesbian bar.”

“You go to lesbian bars looking for berries?” Hollis teased.

“I don’t go to lesbian bars. Well, I don’t go anymore,” Raleigh replied.

“Are there even lesbian bars here?”

“There’s a couple of gay bars. Not lesbian, specifically, but they’re not bad as long as you skip guys’ night.”

“I think I’ll skip all nights.”

Raleigh laughed again and looked up at her.

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“No?”

“No,” Raleigh said.

◆◆ ◆

“Can I have your keys?” Raleigh asked when they got back to the room.

“Keys?”

“And your address. I’m going to run by and pick up stuff for you. I’ll bring it back, and you can change into something to sleep in.”

“You don’t–”

“Hollis, you’re still wearing the jeans and, my guess, also your underwear from yesterday.”

“You assume I wear underwear,” she joked.

Raleigh laughed and then covered her mouth, turning to Olivia and widening her eyes as if she could have woken her up.

“It’s okay. I’m awake,” Olivia spoke before her eyes opened. “And, really, Hollis? No underwear?”

“I was just joking,” Hollis said, moving to the side of her mother’s bed. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“I have to go to the bathroom,” her mom replied.

“Okay. I’ll get the nurse.”

“I’ve stolen your keys,” Raleigh stated.

Hollis turned to see that Raleigh was holding up the house keys.

“Hey!” she said.

“I’ll be back in thirty minutes, okay? Is there anything specific you want me to bring?”

“Underwear,” Olivia replied for her.

Hollis and Raleigh laughed this time.

“No, whatever is fine. My suitcase is–”

“I’ll figure it out,” Raleigh told her.

“Who exactly are you?”

“Oh, sorry. Mom, this is Raleigh.”

“ The Raleigh?”

“I’m the Raleigh?” Raleigh asked, moving to the other side of the bed.

“I’ve told her about you, yes,” Hollis explained. “ Raleigh stopped by to check on me.”

“I like her already.” Olivia smiled a little.

“She likes me,” Raleigh replied, smirking at Hollis.

Hollis rolled her eyes and said, “I’ll get the nurse.”

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Raleigh repeated. “Text me the address, please.”

“Yes. And thank you,” Hollis said.

“No problem.”

Raleigh left with Hollis’s keys, and Hollis hit the button to call the nurse for her mom.

“She’s nice.”

“She is, yeah,” Hollis agreed as she pulled out her phone and sent Raleigh that text. “Can I get you some water?”

“No, I’m okay. She came here for you?”

“She helped me yesterday when you arrived. Today, she just stopped by to force me to eat, and, I guess, she’s going to get me some things from the house so I can stay again.”

“That’s nice of her,” her mom noted, trying to sit up a little.

Hollis fluffed the pillow behind her so that she’d have support.

“She’s very pretty,” her mom added.

“Raleigh?”

“No, the nurse. Raleigh, of course.” Olivia chuckled, which led to a cough.

“I guess, yeah.” Hollis cleared her throat nervously.

“You guess? I saw those eyes of hers.”

Hollis smiled involuntarily and said, “Yes, she has beautiful eyes.”

“And she made you eat something?”

“Mushy carrots and cantaloupe.”

Her mom smiled wider, and Hollis thought now was probably as good a time as any.

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s something I haven’t told you yet because I don’t know how you’re going to react. ”

“Hollis, you can tell me anything.”

“I know. But this is different.”

“How so?”

“Because I’m bisexual,” Hollis replied. “And I don’t know if you have a problem with that.”

Her mom nodded and said, “It’s interesting that you chose now to tell me that, when we were talking about Raleigh being so pretty.”

“What?”

“Is she just a friend, or maybe something more?”

“Mom!”

“What? I’m the mother. I can ask that.”

“You don’t have a–”

“Problem? Hollis, I love you more than life.” Olivia took her hand. “I want you to be happy and safe. Those are the only two things I’ve ever wanted. Well, I wanted you to be safe with me, obviously. And healthy. That’s another one. I’ve wanted you to be happy, safe, and healthy. That’s what every parent should want for their children. I’ve never understood parents who don’t see that that should be their only concern. I don’t care if you’re with a man or a woman. Just be happy, honey.”

“I see someone’s awake,” the nurse said as she entered the room. “Everything okay?”

“She needs to use the bathroom.”

“I can help her with that. And I can get you a cot, too.”

“A cot?”

“Raleigh stopped by on her way out. She asked if we had a spare cot you could sleep on. I’ll have one brought in. She also asked if you could use the staff showers when she gets back with your stuff. She’s lucky we grew up together. Demanding, that girl,” the nurse told her, but was all smiles.

“I’m liking her more and more,” Olivia said to Hollis.