Chapter 22 - Victoria

Victoria

“ W hat happened?” Killian’s face dropped from happiness to concern. “Are you okay?”

I stood in his doorway holding Winston’s leash. Max came over and took the dog since I was incapable of moving.

“Baby girl, you’re scaring me,” Killian pulled me into hug.

My arms stayed frozen at my side. My feet remained rooted to the floor. I eventually let him guide me to the couch. Killian sat next to me so I could rest my head in his lap. We’d sit like this so often it’s a wonder there wasn’t a head shaped indentation on his leg. The weight of everything I’d read in Charlotte’s diary last night consumed me again and I sobbed.

After a few minutes I heard footsteps. Then voices.

“What could have happened?” Max asked.

“I don’t know.” Killian responded, stroking my hair. “But when I find out who did this to her I’m gonna strangle them.”

“You think it was Xavier? ”

“No. He’s not even here. And from what she’s told me, they barely spoke all week.”

“Maybe that’s it then. The lack of contact.”

“Max.” Air from Killian’s aggravated sigh tickled my neck. “You’ve met Victoria, yes? Have you ever known her to bawl her eyes out over some asshole guy?”

“Point taken.”

“Xavier isn’t an asshole.” My muffled voice elicited a giggle from both of them.

“I’ve never been happier to hear your sassy voice.” Killian cocooned his body over mine in a hug. “Feeling better?”

“I was until you started suffocating me.” I sat up and stared into two sets of concerned eyes. Their suitcases sat untouched in the middle of the room. The minute they’d arrived home I bolted over here.

Winston trotted around oblivious with a toy in his mouth. Killian tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear. “We’re listening.”

I knotted my fingers together and sighed. “I started to read Charlotte’s diary.”

Max rushed over and sat on the other side of me. Both of them placed their hands on my legs. I wet my lips and continued.

“The stuff I’ve read so far isn’t from our last summer in England. It’s from the one before.”

Killian’s quizzical expression matched the one on Maxim’s face.

“She obviously didn’t tell me everything.” I slouched. “I think she witnessed the night Xavier was beaten and scarred.”

“What?” Max and Killian exclaimed in unison.

“She wrote about going to some party near London.” I lifted a hand to stop Killian from interrupting. “I know, I know. It sounds out of character but…anyway. She went with this girl she’d become friendly with. Millie. I didn’t know her very well. And there was a boy Charlotte had been spending time with named Adam. Apparently she had her first kiss that summer. ”

“Okay, okay, wait.” Killian jumped in. “Boys, parties, kissing, fights. This is so not the Charlotte I knew sophomore year.” He glanced at me. “Sounds more like you.”

“Hey.” My tone sharpened. “Yes, I went to parties but I never witnessed any violence. And I wasn’t kissing random boys until junior year.”

Killian cradled my face before leaving a soft kiss on my cheek. “I’m sorry. I was only teasing.”

“I know.” Tears welled in my eyes. “The worst part is she got threatened by someone. Some guy threatened her because she witnessed the fight. He put his hands on her, Killian. I don’t know why she didn’t talk to me about it.”

“Oh sweetie.” He pulled me into a hug. “Maybe she didn’t know how to tell you.”

I exhaled harshly. “He said he knew our family and knew we had money. He told her if he ever saw her at a party again he’d teach her a lesson she wouldn’t forget.” My throat burned. “What if he did something to her at the bonfire? She didn’t want to go. I made her. What if I led her right to this guy without realizing it?”

My body shuddered into quiet sobs. I let Killian keep me in his embrace while Max caressed my back in gentle strokes. The guilt is overwhelming. All the fears I’ve tried to dismiss over the years paled in comparison to what I learned. Maybe my mother was right all along. I did this. I ruined everything.

The boys let me grieve for quite a while. When I finally lifted my head, I noticed the giant wet spot on Killian’s shirt.

“Sorry.”

“Please. If I were to allow any girl to leave a wet spot on me, it’s you.”

I snort-laughed. “Thanks.”

“Can I ask you something, Victoria?” Maxim sounded unsure of himself .

“Of course.”

“How do you know it was a fight involving Xavier?”

I wiped my eyes. “He has a scar over his eye. I asked him how he got it and he told me he was jumped when he was a teenager.” I shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s him but the stories sound similar.”

“Let me get this straight.” Killian shoved a hand through his hair. “Your sister spent time with Xavier when she was fifteen?”

“No. But I think she spent time with his brother.”

“What the motherfu— what? What?” Killian yelled, standing up. “I can’t wrap my head around this, Tori.”

“Does Xavier have a brother?” Maxim draped his arm over my shoulders.

“I have no idea. He told me his mother died shortly after he was born. He mentioned having a step-mother but never said anything about a brother or any siblings for that matter.” I stood up and started pacing. “I don’t know anything anymore.” I threw my arms up. “All we did was have sex. A lot of really great sex. We shared some stuff about one another but…” I paused. “I told him about Charlotte. I told him she was my twin. I told him how she died. He was so…so comforting and kind about it. But he never gave off any inkling he knew her.”

“Are you sure?” Killian’s skeptical tone irked me.

“Yes.”

“Have you talked to him at all this weekend?”

Oh boy. I fidgeted with my hair. “Sorta.”

His massive eye roll resulted in a faint laugh from Max. “So what did you talk about?”

“Nothing.”

“Tori.”

“I’m being honest. We didn’t actually talk. We, uh, well I sent him a photo and he—“

“You sent dirty messages back and forth,” Killian cut me off. “Got it. ”

“Do not shame me for having fun with this guy.”

“Nobody’s shaming anyone, baby girl. You like him. He likes you. You’re consenting adults. You can show him your lady parts all day if you want. But maybe you should cool it until some questions get answered.”

I raked my hands through my hair and paced the floor. He’s right. I should put the brakes on my extracurricular activities with Xavier. Then again, I should have done it weeks ago.

“Kinda hard to cool it when he’ll be here in a few days.”

“Ex-fucking-cuse me?” he shouted.

“Re-fucking-lax,” I snapped.

“Guys. Knock it off.” Max positioned himself between us. “Babe, you need to reel it in.” He turned to me. “Victoria, I know you’re going through a lot of shit right now. Take a breath, both of you.”

Maxim’s stern but caring way of telling us to shut the fuck up worked. He and Killian have been together for almost six years so he’s quite used to our high-strung battles. Actually, he preferred to call them electric bitch fests. Max has always been the calming force when Killian and I get this way.

Except right now I didn’t feel as though I deserved anyone’s kindness. I just wanted to curl up on my couch and fade into nothing.

My pity party ended fast when Killian banded his arms around me. I leaned into the embrace, allowing myself to be comforted.

“I love you,” I muttered into his shirt.

“Love you more,” he whispered.

“If you bitches think I’m not getting in on this hug, you have another thing coming.” Max declared, wrapping his arms around both of us. We all looked down when Winston barked and ran circles at our feet. What a crazy little family we are.

Sleep decided to be an elusive beast. After tossing and turning for the better part of an hour, I got up, went out on my balcony, grabbed a blanket and curled up on the lounge chair. From up here, the city simply twinkled in the night. No sirens, no horns blaring, no people laughing or talking or shouting. Just lights, glass, and steel.

I had all kinds of relaxation tools I could use to quiet my mind and get a good night’s rest. Mediation apps, soundscape music, breathing exercises. They usually helped.

Despite spending most of the evening with two incredible, supportive friends, I bolstered my hearty self-loathing once I returned home by reading Charlotte’s diary entry again. I wondered why she never tore those pages out. Nothing else was written about the party. In fact, nothing else was written at all. Just blank pages.

After all the back and forth I put myself through over whether or not to read it, I still didn’t have any answers.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate. I had a starting point.

Most of our belongings from the main house sat in storage. I know for a fact Charlotte kept several diaries here as well. Maybe I’ll go after work one night this week and sift through some boxes.

Killian and Max urged me to check in with my therapist this week, too. I’d go to her sporadically over the years if I needed to talk something through about Charlotte. Last time I spoke to her was probably two months ago. So much has happened since then. Seems like now would be a good time for a chat. I grabbed my phone and sent her an email asking if she was available to see me this week.

A strange kind of numbness settled over me. I’m not used to numb. I’d rather deal with the persistent nervous energy that swirled around all things related to my sister. I could pace it off and be done with it.

Or bump into attractive soccer players on the side of the road.

My eyes closed as I wrapped the blanket around me. Xavier’s face appeared clear as day, his smile with the fatal charm simmering just beneath.

I finally fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

The next two days passed by without incident. Monday did its Monday thing at the office with unread emails and meetings and putting out small fires. Sophie, Glen, and I handed out media training guides to the rookies. A couple of them looked slightly terrified.

The league officially announced the teams traveling to London in the fall and where they’d be holding the games. Ethan called a staff meeting to introduce everyone to Bennet. Remnants of my night out with him and Hannah colored and shaped the way I viewed him now in his impeccable suit. He already gave off an air of power and control. I’d been given a small look at what lies beneath.

I stole a glance at Hannah during the meeting. She’d be an amazing poker player. Her expression gave nothing away.

Tuesday coasted by with minimal obstruction. I turned down a dinner invitation from Hannah. Politely, of course. I wasn’t quite ready for part two of the Logan Interrogation Show. Especially since the team was scheduled to arrive soon.

So I opted to stay home and watch reality TV.

Lame, I know.

By the time Wednesday morning dawned, I was an assortment of nerves and excitement topped off with a dash of friskiness. Ironically, it was surprisingly easy to stay focused at work. I spent most of the morning with the community relations manager. We finalized several charity appearances for Noah and a few other players in the upcoming weeks, being mindful of the off-season workouts that started mid-month.

In fact, I was so busy when I returned to my office, I answered my phone without checking the caller ID.

“Hey honey. I’m not interrupting, am I?”

My heart almost stopped. “Dad.”

“You sound surprised to hear from me.”

“I am.”

He laughed softly. “I won’t keep you long. I’m in New York for the next few days and would love to see you. Are you free for lunch or dinner at all?”

He’d love to see me? I haven’t laid eyes on this man in, what, three years? My palm flattened on the desk. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, love,” he answered in his faint English accent. “Everything is fine. Your mom is fine. I’m fine. I just wanted to see you is all.”

I grimaced at the mention of my mother. Thankfully I haven’t heard from her since the day she called at the cottage. I shook myself free from the unpleasantness. “Okay. Let’s plan for dinner on Thursday. Does that work for you?”

“I’m free as a bird, Tori. Thursday is perfect.”

“Great. I’ll make reservations and text you the information.”

A brief, somewhat uncomfortable silence passed between us.

“See you soon, sweetheart.”

Thank God I have an appointment with my therapist in an hour.

“I’ll ask the obvious question first,” Dr. Whitehall looked at me. “How do you feel about seeing your dad?”

I’d spent the first twenty minutes of our session unloading as much as I could about everything that’s happened in the last few weeks.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Fine, I guess. I have a lot of questions for him.”

She nodded. “Try not to go in guns blazing.”

“You know me too well.” I laughed .

“I know you sometimes let your emotions rule your behavior. Maybe lean back and let your dad take the lead for a little bit. See how that develops.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I could try.” I laced my fingers together. “I’m more nervous about seeing Xavier.”

“Has the team arrived yet?”

“No. They’re scheduled to land at four-thirty.”

“Have you spoken to him since dinner with his friend the other night?”

I shook my head. “Any talking we do should be in person from now on.”

“Agreed.” She paused, regarding me closely. “Are you open to seeing where a relationship with him might go?”

“That’s a loaded question,” I grumbled, toying with my hair.

“It’s a valid question,” she asserted. “We’ve already talked at length about you not wanting to bed hop anymore. Is Xavier someone you could see yourself forming a meaningful relationship with?”

A frantic, squeezing feeling coursed through me. I’d felt something similar at his townhouse our final night together. I wasn’t lying when I’d told him he made me weak.

“He is,” I answered so quiet I could barely hear myself. “But there’s always the feelings of being inadequate and undeserving.”

“Purging yourself of those feelings will only start to happen if you allow someone to love you. And I don’t mean the platonic love you have with Killian and Max. They are wonderful friends and bring you great joy.” She leaned forward. “Pushing Xavier away won’t solve anything. Unless you want to push him away.”

Dr. Whitehall’s words echoed in my head on the drive back to stadium. My initial reason for going to see her was to talk things through about my sister. Instead, we focused on Xavier. The digital numbers on my dashboard blared the time. Only twenty minutes until the team lands.