Chapter 23 - Victoria

Victoria

K nock, knock, knock.

Finally.

Killian texted me almost an hour ago to let me know he and Max would be stopping by with dinner. I’ve been fantasizing about this pasta dish all evening.

“Coming,” I called out before opening the door. “It’s about damn—“

Oh fuck me .

Xavier stood holding a bottle of scotch. Glenlivet 12 to be exact. I blinked at him like an idiot. He lifted an eyebrow and grinned which made me even more flustered.

“Expecting someone else?”

No words. Nothing. I just stared at him.

“Good thing I brought this instead of a rose.” His grin widened. “May I come in?”

Manners, Chase. Manners.

“Uh, yeah. Yes. Please.” I moved aside and motioned for him to come inside.

Xavier walked through my luxurious, but cozy, multi-million dollar high-rise condo staring at his surroundings. He stopped in the living room.

Floor-to-ceiling windows framed panoramic views of the Hudson River and Manhattan skyline. The main living space was open floor plan so the living room bled into the kitchen. The bedrooms, bathrooms, and home office were down the hall.

His quizzical expression almost made me laugh. “I had a feeling you came from money but this?”

“What?” I smirked, regaining some semblance of my ability to form sentences. “Surprised to learn I have way more money than you? And Cade? Not Bennet though. His generational wealth wins out.”

He blew out a breath. “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope. My dad was a big time hedge fund manager and made loads of money. All this,” I gestured around, “is just a fraction of it.”

Xavier’s mouth hung open a bit as he looked around. This wasn’t quite the reaction I expected. It amused me more than anything.

“So impressing you with my net worth, which is twenty million pounds by the way, won’t really do it for you then.”

“Not quite.”

“Everyone’s impressed by that.”

“I’m not everyone.”

A seductive smile pulled at his lips. “We’ve established that already. What do I have to do to impress you so this date can be better than the last one?”

“We’re on a date?” I questioned, meeting his gaze.

Seeing him was like a dream even though I knew this was reality.

Chocolate brown hair still tousled to a fault. Sapphire eyes still wide and searching. Mouth still pouty and sultry and made for sins and promises. And that dimple. It dug in just below his left cheek .

The man looked like he just walked off the set of a photoshoot in his dark jeans, white t-shirt, and leather jacket. Casual, refined, and carnal all compressed in one body.

He put the bottle on the coffee table, draped his jacket on the couch and slipped his hands in his pockets before sauntering over to me.

We stood inches apart, eyes locked.

“Hi.”

“How the hell do you know where I live?”

“Nice to see you, too.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.” He reached for my hand. “I texted your friend Killian. He told me. He also says he’s not sorry.”

Little sneak.

“Why didn’t you just text me? I would have told you.”

“I liked this option better.”

“A heads up would have been nice,” I muttered.

He grinned. “And ruin the surprise?”

“How do you have Killian’s—“

“We exchanged numbers the night we all had dinner together. Your friend was quite intent on helping me expand my reach on social media.” He chuckled. “I just think he fancies me.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

He moved closer, his face tight with lust. “Will it break his heart to learn I only fancy you?”

I inhaled sharply when he lifted my hand and pressed a small kiss to my wrist. Right on my pulse point, like he’d done outside the restaurant. The measured control of his movements was betrayed by the fiery passion in his eyes and his shallow breaths.

“He’ll live,” I whispered.

Knowing what lurked beneath the mastery he had over his own body made me shudder. I wanted him untamed. Right here, right now.

Slow down .

“I didn’t want you to leave,” I blurted on a shaky breath. So much for slowing down.

He bowed his head. “I know. I’m sorry I did.”

“I’m sorry I made you think you had to.”

“I took a lot of pillows to the face for you.”

I giggled. “Did you deserve it?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell Bennet.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

“Good.” His fingers traced along my jaw and down my neck. “How was your night out on Saturday?”

I swallowed. “Interesting.”

“Bennet can be intense.”

“I think you’re underselling the experience.”

His laugh shook his body and filled the room. He genuinely enjoyed my playful response. His wide, boyish grin and the subtle etched lines that fanned from the corners of his eyes melted me. He was achingly gorgeous. The kind of man one would stop on the street to look at and wish with all their might to grab his attention. The kind of man to hold on to forever.

The shock of his skin on mine when he pressed his hand to my cheek was enough to make me shiver. His hand slid to my jaw, then my neck. He toyed with my low ponytail, reaching for the elastic keeping it in place. My entire body sighed when he pulled it free, letting my hair fall in loose waves.

“We should talk,” he said.

“About?”

“A number of things.”

“Okay. Do you want to sit and—“

“I do, but first I want,” he paused, pulling me closer. “I really want to kiss you.”

He pressed into me in a swirl of heat, need, and absolution.

“No more sitting in anyone else’s lap,” he said in his huffy way that makes me smile.

“Did it make you jealous?”

“Is that why you did it?”

“No. Have you been around American football players? They’re huge. We were trying to get a picture and—“

He silenced me with a finger to my lips. “Still fiery. That’s a relief.”

“It’s only been two weeks. I didn’t have a personality transplant.”

“Only two weeks,” he repeated quietly, leaning closer, hovering his lips over mine. “Felt longer.”

Guilt stabbed and twisted in my heart.

“Sounds like you missed me,” I whispered.

“Almost as much as you missed me.”

“Glad to see your arrogance is still intact.”

“You know you like it,” he said, scratching his fingers up into my hair.

“Maybe.”

“I fucking hate maybes,” he growled, sealing our mouths together on a searing slash of want and need. The feel of him was like gasoline in my blood. His hands on me. His possessive kisses.

I missed this. Craved this. Needed this.

I buried my hands in his hair. His deep groan vibrated in my mouth, throwing more fuel on the bonfire burning within me. He murmured something unintelligible against my lips when he pulled away.

I shivered when he kissed down my neck. I felt him smile before he kissed it again. “I love that you have no control over how you react to me. Lets me know exactly what you’re feeling.”

“Is that important to you?” I asked, staring into his eyes. “To know what I’m feeling?”

A slight restlessness moved through him. “Yes.”

“I always assumed I was hard to read.”

He shook his head. “Only because the wrong people were looking.” His piercing blue eyes focused solely on me as his hand softly collared the base of my throat, his fingers caressing my skin. “Thank you for letting me intrude on your night unannounced. I was afraid you’d have a date or something.”

I couldn’t stop the smile from commandeering my lips if I wanted. His flirtatious arrogance charmed me.

“I love it when you smile.”

“I love it when you touch me like this,” I said, resting my hand over his. “Makes me feel like I’m yours.”

The hungry glint I enjoyed seeing so much returned to his eyes. Something animalistic and possessive burned bright underneath all the control he’d been displaying.

“You are.” His fingers pressed into my skin. “You have been since I saw you on the side of the road.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.” A low, deep rumble vibrated through his chest. “No more sitting in random laps.”

“You said that already.”

“And I’ll keep saying it. No more sitting in random laps.”

“It was just a picture. Nothing more.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” His voice was low, silky.

“Alright, that’s enough,” I pulled away and put my hands on my hips. “I like your little bossy side but stop being ridiculous.”

Something snapped awake in him. His eyes darkened. “Little bossy side, huh?” He felt around to the back of my skirt and unzipped it. “Take this off.”

I didn’t move. I just folded my arms and stared at him.

“Now, Victoria.” His tone had the same dark, imminent edge as the night he introduced me to patio sex. I liked this tone. And gauging by the look on his face, so did he. I let the skirt drop to the floor and waited.

“What’s his name?”

“Who? ”

One eyebrow arched up. I stared at him for a beat. Oh, I see. He wants to play this game.

“Noah.”

A flash of recognition registered on his face.

“Noah? The one who asked about your sister’s charity?”

“Yes.”

“I see.” Xavier walked over to the couch and sat down. He motioned for me to come to him.

The way he sat on the cushion so regal and powerful and sexy made my heart race. I went to him without hesitation.

He hooked a finger in my panties and pulled me so I stood between his legs. “Did you like sitting in Noah’s lap?” He caressed the back of my legs with whisper light touches.

“Will I be in trouble if I did?”

The caressing turned into kneading. His fingers dug into the skin just below the curve of my backside. “I haven’t decided yet.”

His smug smile tipped me off. He knew what I was up to. Just like the last time. Getting him to do what I wanted required subtlety on my part. I wasn’t generally described as subtle so this whole thing would probably end up being a wash.

“You’re not going start pacing are you?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” I mimicked him, accent and all.

Oh boy. The carnal look on Xavier’s face was priceless. He rubbed his thumb along his lip and stopped, biting down on it with a grin. I think I just inadvertently got what I wanted.

“Take a step back.”

I did because, well, yeah, this is happening now and I, for one, cannot wait. He stood up and glanced around.

“Kitchen.”

That’s all he said. I shivered and walked. The few times I dabbled with spanking, and I do mean few, were mostly drunken dares. Nobody knew what they were doing. Nobody was experienced .

I stood by the counter, waiting for whatever came next. Xavier advanced on me and God help me he looked ferocious. Not scary. No, no. He looked like he wanted to devour me.

“Turn around,” he ordered.

I did without any qualms and braced my hands on the counter’s edge. I felt him stand behind me. Then I felt his finger run up my arm to the back of my neck.

“There will be three,” he told me. “Normally I would make you count but since there are so few and it’s your first time, I won’t. Would you like to know what they’re for?”

I nodded.

“I can’t hear you, Victoria.”

“Yes, please.”

“The first is for the night you unbuckled my pants when I told you to only unbutton my shirt.”

I laughed softly. He leaned close and kissed my neck.

“The second,” he continued, “is for your cheeky comeback just now about pacing. And the third,” he lowered his hand to caress my backside, “is for sitting in Noah’s lap. If at any time you want me to stop, say red and I will. When I ask if you are okay to continue, say green . Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure you want to continue?”

“Yes, Xavier. I’m sure.”

He sighed.

Oh shoot. “Green.”

Inhaling slowly, I turned to glance at him over my shoulder. He looked as intense as he’d been the night on his patio. If not for the impending spanking experience, I’d kiss him until we both couldn’t breathe.

My stare lingered a beat too long. When his eyes met mine he let out a low, satisfied groan. The sound pierced right through me .

“Look at you,” he said in a low, forbidden tone. “My fiery, sexy girl. I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful in my life.”

My eyelids fluttered as a tsunami of emotions ravaged me. He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Victoria, would you like to rephrase how you answered me over by the couch?” he asked softly. “Or are you satisfied with your cheeky comeback?”

I bit down on my lip and grinned. “I haven’t decided yet.”

A wicked smile curled his mouth. He flattened his palm in the space between my shoulder blades and pushed me down so I bent over the surface until the side of my face touched cold granite. I’d taken off my heels when I got home from work, so I stood on the balls of my feet. He pulled my hips back so I could stand with my feet flat to the floor.

After he made sure I was comfortable and steady, he took his time feeling his way from my shoulders to my hips and down over my thighs. Petting me and stroking me. He kept repeating those motions over and over. The anticipation might kill me. I wondered how—

Crack.

The first one came without warning. He made contact right where my upper thighs meet my ass. I gasped in surprise, clutching the counter tighter. The sensation sparked and crackled across my skin, more pleasant than painful.

“That was the first,” he said. “How do you feel?”

“I’m good.”

“Are you alright to continue?”

“Green.”

“Okay.” He caressed my skin and murmured, “Please tell me if it’s too much.”

The second one landed harder in the same spot. Still pleasant but the crackling on my skin was more intense. I shifted on my feet to get more leverage.

“Still okay to continue, love? ”

“Yes.”

“Victoria.”

“Sorry.” My voice sounded more breathless than normal. “Green.”

I realized this was light and not really anything to write home about for people who lived this lifestyle but for me it was—

CRACK.

I cried out. The third one hurt. A lot. It was harder than the previous two and unrelenting. The sound echoed through the kitchen. Clearly, I’m not used these sensations. Stinging. Crackling. Even burning a little. But then came the parts I’d only read about. The aftershocks of pleasure rushing straight to my clit.

“Dirty princess,” he whispered. “You did so well.”

Xavier’s light caresses on my skin enhanced the feeling. I remained bent over the counter while he soothed me with his hands and then, much to my enjoyment, his mouth. Soft kisses. So soft and so sweet.

“Don’t stop,” I whimpered.

His body cloaked mine, pressing me into the counter. “Do you want to come?”

My legs trembled. “Yes.”

He reached down and slid his fingers into my panties. “You’re so wet,” he murmured, his warm breath tickling my ear. “Yes what?”

How am I supposed to answer him? Not one coherent thought formed in my mind. Words tumbled out in rapid succession, “Yes, please. Sir. Thank you.”

He laughed softly, sliding a finger along my slick skin to my waiting clit and circled it with firm pressure. “You don’t have call me sir. I’m not a Dominant. Though I like how it sounds coming out of your mouth.” More pressure. The intensity added the small bite of pain I relished.

“Do you like when I call you dirty princess?” he continued. “It seems fitting. A dirty princess in her ivory tower who likes to be spanked and finger fucked while pinned against her kitchen counter.”

The world around me blurred and faded away. I felt myself slip down, only to be secured by the firm grasp of Xavier’s arm. One more firm press and my whole body undulated. He coaxed me through each wave of pleasure with his finger until I stopped quivering.

Then he turned me so I could watch him suck my climax off his fingers.

“I love the way you taste,” he moaned, then kissed me slow and deep. I clutched onto his shirt, pulling him as close as possible. We broke the kiss in a haze of damp breaths and languid stares.

“I really liked number three,” I whispered, kissing him again. “I liked how it felt.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, resting his forehead to mine. I couldn’t tell if I upset him or pleased him with my comment.

“I liked it, too,” he finally said, opening his eyes and stroking my jaw. “Are you okay to walk?”

I nodded and let him lead me to the couch. When I felt him sit next to me, I curled up in a cozy, kitten-like position with my head in his lap. He resumed his soothing caresses, running his palm over the curve of my backside and down to my upper thighs. This feeling almost made me dizzy. I felt intoxicated by comfort, by him, by his touch. There wasn’t room for my usual guilt or anxiety. There was only room to be present.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m not sure I can pick just one word.”

“Pick as many as you need.”

I thought for a second before answering, “Relaxed for sure. Comfortable.” I looked up at him. “Closer to you.”

His shy smile and the way he bit down on his lip imprinted on my heart. “That might be the endorphins talking. The first time, even with something as light as what we did, can be powerful.”

“And if it’s not the endorphins?”

“Then it’s pretty obvious there is more than something casual between us. ”

My heart twisted. “Is it?”

“Yes.” His hand settled over my heart. “I don’t feel casual about you at all.”

I sat up, tucking my legs under me to face him. His adoring expression made me think of long-term things. Serious relationship things. Forever things.

“I’m not prepared for more than casual.”

“Do you need to be?”

“You…I…if there’s anyone I should prepare for when it comes to this, it’s you.”

The remark winded him. He winced, not in pain but in shock. After a few seconds, he admitted, “Guess we’re both unprepared.”

He motioned for me to sit closer, so I curled up against him, nestling into his side. He draped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“This is mild compared to some of the stuff we’ve done.”

Chuckling, he gave me a little squeeze which excited me and made me nervous simultaneously. I’m approaching a line I vowed never to cross. Giving my body to someone was easy. I could detach and enjoy the physical pleasure.

Giving my heart? I already felt like my chest cracked open enough for him to see my heart beating out in the open air. Exposed and messy.

But it’s him…

“Xavier?”

“Yes, love.”

“I don’t feel casual about you either.”

A slow breath gently filled his lungs. His hold around me tightened. The duality of never wanting this moment to end and knowing I’d probably be the one to screw it up tore me up inside. The little nagging voice in my head kept screaming I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve him .

“You have no idea how happy that makes me,” he whispered. “How happy you make me.”

All the different versions of a once impossible reality collided, silencing my destructive inner monologue. They blended and fused into something singular. Something complete.

If this is what falling in love felt like, I can’t possibly imagine how anyone could bear the weight of not surrendering to it.

I climbed onto his lap and straddled him.

“I’m sorry I fucked it up before I left.” I trembled. “Being with you at your townhouse and…I loved every minute. I wish I’d told you that instead of…I wish I could take back what I said to you.”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?”

I nodded.

“So, we start with a clean slate.” He caressed my thighs. “You and me.”

“You and me,” I repeated. And then I kissed him.

I kissed him until static blurred my vision and I couldn’t picture a time when we weren’t kissing or holding one another. I kissed him in the slowest, deepest way possible.

As rough as I like it, this moment of quiet softness felt just as powerful. The giving and taking. Delighting in the silkiness of his mouth and tongue. Savoring him.

I pulled back, admiring his drunk-with-lust expression. Hooded eyes. Parted lips. Raspy breathing. Hair untamed.

“That was incredible,” he said, sounding dazed.

“You’re incredible.”

He smiled. “Now I know it’s the endorphins talking.”

“Stop it,” I half-scolded.

He opened his mouth to say something and stopped. His brows knit together in thought when he looked at me. Then he cast his eyes down.

I twined my fingers through his hair and pulled it so his eyes met mine again.

When I pressed my lips to his again I felt his hunger and need. He took control, fisting his hand in my hair and tilting my head where he wanted, taking my mouth how he pleased. I could tell from his sighs and moans that he was just as far gone for me as I was for him.

“Tell me what you’re feeling,” he demanded quietly.

I didn’t know what to say. Well, that’s not true. I knew what I wanted to say but I wasn’t ready. Neither of us were ready to say it or hear it.

“If you can’t say it, I want you to show me. I want you now. Like this.” His clipped, intense timbre returned. “Undress.”

I stood up and removed the rest of my clothes, watching him watch me.

“I think you should keep yours on,” I said when he started lifting his shirt. Shooting me a curious glance, he stopped.

“Do you?” He unzipped his jeans. “Any particular reason?”

“I think it’s hot and I haven’t stopped fantasizing about having sex with you again while you’re fully clothed.”

“As a gentleman, who am I to deny you that request.” A devilish grin curled his lips as he lowered his pants just enough to free his fully erect cock. “Come here.”

He yanked me onto his lap, guided himself inside slowly and groaned into my neck.

“Too good,” he rasped. “You feel too fucking good.”

I couldn’t get enough of the intense pressure and fullness when he filled and stretched me. Feeling the fabric of his clothes beneath my thighs and ass set off a delicious wave of pleasure as I rocked my hips.

“What do you want to happen next, Victoria?” he asked, thrusting into me.

“I want us to be so much more than casual,” I admitted, digging my fingers into his shoulders. My innermost thoughts tumbled out of my mouth, uninhibited. “I don’t want this to ever stop. I want to let you in. I want to know everything about you. Everything. I…I want to be with you every day. Laughing and talking and fucking and living. Really living.”

Tears streamed down my face. I stopped talking because if I continued I’d say something much too real. Even with him like this, kissing me and caressing me and thrusting into me, I couldn’t say it. It was much too soon, not to mention foolish.

“I’ll give you all of it,” he told me, repositioning us so I was on my back. He pushed into me with hard, deep, determined thrusts. “All of it and more.”

His fingers found my clit and it only took several rough strokes before I fell apart beneath him. Writhing and coming and falling, falling, falling so hard.