Chapter 21 - Charlotte’s Diary

Charlotte’s Diary

I lied.

I probably shouldn’t even be writing this down but if I don’t get it out of my head it’ll haunt me for days and days and days. I can’t even talk to my sister about it. She’ll get worried and say something to mom and then I’ll be backed into a corner. Again. And the questions will start and never end.

So yeah. I lied. I didn’t spend the night at Millie’s on Saturday.

We went to a party at some huge estate near London. Millie’s friend invited us. I really wanted to go because Adam was also going to the party. Millie made me promise not to tell you Tori (sorry). I did have your voice in the back of my mind all night though. You’re always telling me to be adventurous and take risks. Fine. I did it. So much for being the responsible twin.

I’m tearing these pages out as soon as I finish writing this.

The party was fine. Great, actually. It felt like one of those teen parties you always see in the movies when the parents are away and everyone goes to the popular kid’s house. Only in this case it was the popular kid’s CASTLE. Dancing, drinking, couples making out on couches, in hallways, in secluded corners. Everyone looked and acted so grown up.

Oh Tori, you would have loved this place.

Being there made me feel like I’d been offered a glimpse into another life.

No. That’s not right.

There’s this part of me that doesn’t fit in anywhere. Not a whole part. Just a layer. But it’s there and it eats away at me. I hide it well. I have to. I’m the student body president, the youngest one ever at school. Captain of the debate team. Straight A student. I have a certain persona and I have to make sure nobody sees what lies beneath.

It’s a lot of stress for one person but keeping up appearances is mandatory.

None of these kids here know me. I don’t have to pretend around them. I don’t have to do as I’m told or strive to be better than the best.

I could just be. It was freeing.

I shouldn’t write this part out.

Millie wanted to go outside to smoke. I told her I’d keep her company. She needed a few minutes to vent about the boy she likes who likes someone else, but he also likes her. Does this ever get easier? Or will we always be running in some hamster cage of I like you, do you like me, why do you like them?

After a while, we saw a guy walking to his car. I could only see him from the back so I don’t know who it was. A few minutes later some other guys came out of nowhere and beat him up. It looked bad. They slammed his head into a car door, kicked him, punched him. I think someone slashed at his face with a key or something. I heard yelling and clearly heard someone shout “If you try something like that again, I’ll take your fucking eye out.”

One of the guys saw us. Millie panicked because she knew who it was so we ran inside. She told me not to say anything. I guess I didn’t have to because a couple minutes later some other boys ran outside.

I really have to remember to tear out these pages…

We got cornered in the room by some other guy. He was big for a teenager. Handsome but his smile looked more like a threat. It made me super uncomfortable.

He told us he saw us outside when they beat up that kid. He wanted to know how much we saw. Millie refused to say anything but I did. I told him we saw the whole thing.

He stared at me. His eyes were really dark and brown and mean. I didn’t care though. What they did was wrong. That guy didn’t deserve to be beaten up so bad, no matter what they think he did. I told this piece of shit as much.

I didn’t even flinch when he grabbed my throat and pushed me against the wall. He called me a fucking American tart and said he knew all about my family and where we lived. He said he knew I had a twin and said some really vulgar things about getting us both in a room alone. I can’t write those out. What he said was too awful. I’m so sorry, Tori.

I did tell him to go fuck himself though. That didn’t go over well at all.

He told me he knew how much money we had and said he’d make sure to ruin our reputation if I ever told anyone about what I saw tonight.

Then he said if I ever went to one of these parties again, he’d teach me a lesson I’d never forget.