21. Twenty-One

We are going back in time now because that was not how I wanted anyone to see me: full-blown crying by a rose bush with snot pouring down my face. Gross.

So, for context purposes, I guess you need to know about Lucios.

Hold on to your genitals because this is about to get rough.

Fifteen Years Ago

It should have been a day like any other. Except it wasn’t.

I woke up that morning with a pit in my stomach. Scrounging in the kitchen proved useless because I only found some stale bread and a squishy apple. Maybe Mom had something planned or at least had a few coins for the market.

After giving my armpit a good sniff, my eye twitched, and I made a note to hit the well on my way out.

My grandmother was slumped over on the sofa, sawing logs. Mom’s door was shut. Whenever it was, that meant another was in there too. I opened it a crack, angling a single eye over the space, and saw a bare back. Mom was buried under the blanket. Frowning, I shut the door. I guess I wouldn’t be eating this morning.

The one good thing was that Lucios’ mom usually had stuff to munch on. He and I had big plans for the day. Well—not that big, I suppose. The faire was in town. We went every year.

It was crap that I wouldn’t have any coin to spend, but I was used to this.

After I’d located my only clean shirt, I scrubbed my pits with a bucket of well water and made the ten-minute walk down the road to his house. Suddenly, an awful thought pricked at me—my hair. I forgot to whack it in place. Palming at the wild strands, I did my best to get it to lay in some style.

One day I would get out of this shitty place. Lucios and I wanted to live in the Under Cloud—the secret world within the world. We’d party, stay up as late as we wanted, and get fat eating everything we never got to have here.We also wanted to go to the infamous Diamond Den to drink and fuck. Not that we knew anything about it, but we were young men with wild dreams.

The plan for the day was to go to his house, get a bite to eat, check on my garden, and then head to the faire. I was looking forward to the flame tossers. Those men were not only talented, but most of them were pretty. With big muscles and fancy hair. Those loose pants that they wore low on their hips. Lucios liked the faire because of all the tits. He was a breast man. And me? I hadn’t entirely decided that. But when I saw someone pretty, I couldn’t look away.

“Did a rat fall asleep in there?” Lucios pointed at my head.

“At least I don’t have horns.” I shouldered him and walked to his cottage.

“Low blow!” he called, but I threw a vulgar gesture.

Lucios’s mom was the nicest lady ever, but she was a bit sad most days. We both assumed it was because his dad was rarely there. Sometimes, I’d stay the night and hear her crying softly in her bedroom.

Love was for suckers, though, and her sadness only solidified my conclusion.

Their home was set up similarly to mine—I guess all the farmhouses were, even though only a few still farmed. They weren’t my neighbors, though. Miss Aeltri was hunched over the basin, scrubbing at a pan like her life depended on it. Her face had a deep look of frustrated concentration, and her elbow worked.

“Hi, Miss Aeltri!” I said with a grin.

“Are you hungry, hun?” She wiped her forehead with her dress sleeve, and her black hair stuck up along her hairline.

“Always.”

“There’s some biscuits on the table, and I think Lucios left you some bacon.” She gestured with her chin.

“You’re the best.” Wasting no time, I slid across the wooden floor to the table.

Lucios kicked off his boots at the door and walked in. “Is your mom not going to the market again?” he asked, leaning over the back of a chair.

“She never does. Unless it”s for whiskey or contraceptives,” I said between chews. Those biscuits his mom made were to die for.

He scowled. “Just a few more years.”

He did leave me bacon. Lucios was such a thoughtful person. Those got stuffed in my face as well.

“Hun, can you go to the well and bring me a fresh bucket? This pan just won’t come clean.” Miss Aeltri grunted.

“Mom,” he whined. “We’re going to be late for the faire!”

“You’re not even dressed.” She didn’t turn to look at him, but you know what they say about mothers. They had eyes in the back of their head. At least Lucios” did.

With a guttural groan, he stomped toward the backdoor. “We need to go by the garden first anyway!” I called after him, and he replied with a vulgar gesture. Lucios’ favorite was to stroke an invisible cock. I snorted and polished off my food.

Their house always smelled so good. Miss Aeltri baked a lot, so there was a perpetual sweet and buttery aroma. It was clean there, too. All her knick-knacks were dust-free and placed in her little case by the fireplace. The sofa had a hand-sewn throw blanket over the back that I’d used many times when I slept over. The floors were always swept, and the air was breathable despite having the same number of windows. My place smelled like old socks and man ass. Part of that was probably from me, if I’m being honest. My dad started to set up a tub in our washroom, but he left before it was finished. I washed outside.

In some ways, Lucios’ house was more my home than mine. I was here damn near every day. Even though his dad was gone a lot, he didn’t seem to mind that I hovered. However, he repeatedly said Lucios needed to branch out and get new friends. He didn’t like that I experimented with clothes and wore skirts. But that’s fine, I hardly saw the man. He could keep his opinions and shove ‘em for all I cared.

Miss Aeltri never cared. She even helped me make a few.

Lucios plopped the bucket down by his mom, then darted to his room. The door slammed, and she called, “Door!”

He’d broken a few straight off the hinges because he would forget that he had unnatural strength. So whenever he slammed them because he was in a hurry, she made him come back out, take a breath, and then close it again correctly. He shot me an annoyed look. I cupped my mouth to hide the giggle.

When he emerged for the third time, he was dressed, and his shoulder-length black hair was wrapped around one of his horns. He was hopping on one foot, trying to shove a shoe on the other.

“I swear if I miss seeing all the ti—” His eyes widened.

Miss Aeltri was facing him. Her hand rested on her hip. “Lucios Aryn Aeltri!” She barked.

“Sorry.” He hung his head.

She disapproved of vulgarities. And he almost said tits. I sipped my cup of water and pretended like I was shocked. “I know you’re becoming a man, but keep that stuff outside for the sake of my sanity. The last thing I want to imagine is my teenager ogling some poor woman’s breasts.” She sighed and looked at me. “Do you say things like that too, Atreyis?”

Sliding my chair back, I gulped. “Of course not. We’re going to be late, though. Thanks for breakfast, Miss Aeltri!” Then I darted outside.

“Bye, Mom! Love you!” he called through the door and charged straight for me.

I yelped and ran. He chased me down the road, and I would have won this time had he not cheated. Lucios had wings. They weren’t fully developed but worked enough to launch him forward. And that’s how he tackled me to the ground, put me in a headlock, and furiously rammed his knuckles into my scalp.

“Traitor!” he barked and released me.

I laughed. “But I don’t say that!”

“No. You say cock. All the time.”

“That’s different. I have one.” I smirked, fisting my hips once I stood.

“So do I, and I don’t go on and on about it.” He scoffed.

“She’d blow her lid if she heard all the other stuff we talk about.”

“If my dad ever caught me.” He shuddered.

“Yeah, we just won’t think about that. Come on, I need to check my roses.”

It seemed like Lucios and I had always been friends. My earliest memories are mostly of him, and my favorite memories are of him.

When he turned eleven and hit puberty, his horns showed up. They were black bumps at first. Then, over that year, they grew and grew. Miss Aeltri and his dad weren’t sure if he’d get them. The demon stuff, I mean. You see, his dad was a demon. The real deal, too. But Lucios always said that he wasn’t going to look like him. It was a real toss-up when a demon mated to a human. After the horns came, so did the rest.

The tail came next. That was hilarious. One day, he showed up at my house, head hanging low and his arm tucked behind his back. At least with the horns, he had some time to acclimate to them. The tail just showed up and was massive. Then, when he turned fourteen last year, the wings burst from his back. They were so fucking gross at first. Weird bony things that stuck out funny, but eventually, they got the leathery bits between the bones. Now, all his shirts had huge holes in them.

“The seeds I got a few months back have finally taken off. But there’s this one plant I’ve never seen before growing right through my roses.” I pouted as we left the road and went through the woods.

My garden was a secret. Only Lucios knew about it. “Don’t roses take over everything?”

“No. That’s a weed you’re thinking of. But still, it’s destroying the entire look! I don’t want a big black vine growing through them.”

“Hopefully, it’s not black ivy.” He grimaced.

“What’s that?”

“You are obsessed with flowers and gardens but don’t know what a black ivy is? Who even are you?” He laughed, shaking his head.

“I like flowers. Not vines. Unless they have flowers. But most don’t.”

Rolling his eyes, he stepped over a tree stump. “Black ivy isn’t native to Veros. Mom says it is one of the most poisonous plants ever.”

“Do you know what it looks like?” I pushed aside some hanging branches.

“Nope.”

“Aren’t you helpful,” I teased.

“A gift.” He gave me a cheeky grin.

Lucios was beautiful. Even when I was little, I’d always thought so and didn’t really know what beautiful meant. He had the most unusual skin tone, probably because of his demon-ness. His mom had the creamiest bronze skin, but his dad had an almost purple hue to his. Lucios got a bit of both. And in the right light, his skin sparkled.

I was forever jealous of his eyes, though. One was stark black, similar to his dad”s, and the other was the most beautiful amber—gold, red, and brown all mixed into one—just like his mom’s.

Everyone else thought he was terrifying.

We stopped attending school when we were twelve. His mom pulled him out and started lessons at home because of all the bullies. My mom didn’t care if I went or not. So I chose the latter so I could keep him company. Miss Aeltri insisted I sit in on study days so I wouldn’t grow up to be ignorant. And if I was being honest? She’s the reason I knew so much about flowers. I secretly thought Miss Aeltri was a witch. She kept all those herbs and tinctures in her room.

I picked the perfect spot for my garden.

It was like the gods cleared out a section of the woods just for me. The dirt was fertile, the trees were far enough away that I didn’t worry about their roots interfering and the light hit just right. Some flowers that needed less light were covered in the shade of the canopies.

When Lucios and I found this place, I just knew the garden had to be there, especially since nothing ever grew at home. We came here so much in the beginning that half of the layout was his doing. He was very opinionated about what went where despite denying it flat out now.

“No! My petunias!” I shrieked and bolted.

They were wilting! I raked my hands through my hair and paced. Damn it. I forgot to water them yesterday. And I didn’t have any bloody time now because the faire was probably already starting! Growling, I debated tearing them out.

“I can’t believe I forgot.” I slapped my face, and Lucios grabbed my hands.

“Stop that shit!” he scolded me.

“They are dying,” I whimpered.

“It’s alright. Flowers are sturdy. We can come back later tonight and water them.”

That made me feel a bit better. Nodding, I lifted my chin and shook out my arms. “You’re right. It’s just… this place means a lot to me.”

“I know.” He swiveled his head.

“What?” My stomach dropped.

He shook his head, smiling softly. “Nothing, you loon. I’m just looking at it all. You’ve done a great job keeping them all alive.”

I punched him. “It isn’t my fault that I’m perfect.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he waved his hand, “where’s this black vine then?”

My roses were by far my pride and joy of the entire garden. There was such a simple beauty about them, danger too. Once, I tripped and landed face-first in a bush. Miss Aeltri spent an hour soaking my face because so many thorns punctured it. Surprisingly, I had no scar to show for it.

I had every color. It took some time to get my hands on the seeds, but once everyone was accounted for, they transformed the entire garden. The damned black vine was growing right through my blue roses, and I noticed they didn’t seem to like it much. They weren’t as vibrant and grew slower.

“This is the monstrosity.” I grimaced and pointed.

He crouched next to me to get a better look. “You know,” he paused, and I held my breath, “I don’t know what this is.”

A wild hair grew up my ass then. “Wanna touch it?” I nudged him with my knee, hitting one of his tucked gray wings.

He shot me a look, then stood. “Why would I want to touch it? I don’t even know what it is?”

“Well, I’m not going to touch it. If it is that black ivy thing, I’ll die. And then you will never forgive yourself.”

“Right,” he said with an eye roll.

I plopped down next to him. “Do you think Paytee will be there?” Lucios had the biggest crush on that girl but wouldn’t do anything about it.

He lowered himself, too. “She should. I mean, her dad is the one handling the food carts for the faire.” He plucked at some grass. His nails were black again.

They only turned black when he’d fed on a heart. “You have to… Eat them more often, huh?” I swallowed thickly.

There would never be a time when Lucios would scare me. But I worried about him. Even though he was half demon, he still had to consume hearts. Thankfully, animal hearts did the trick.

The first time he felt the urge, he ate Mrs. Deedly’s cat. I found him in her barn, sobbing with the animal in his lap. I told his mom that I would personally go to the butcher and make sure he had a fresh heart every week so that it wouldn’t happen again. But I hadn’t gone that week yet…

“Dad says pretty soon I’ll have to do the real thing. Or I’ll go crazy. But I don’t believe that.”

“You won’t go crazy. That’s just him projecting.”

“I mean, I’m already different. I don’t get sick. My injuries heal in seconds. My cock stays hard for hours even when I don’t want it to be.” I snorted at that.

“Shut up!” He punched me.

“Ow!” I feigned injury.

Holding his knees to his chest, he stared at the black vine. “Even if that was black ivy, I doubt it’d do anything to me. And the older I get…, the more like him I get.”

“But is that really so bad?” I looked at him.

“It will be. When I’m forty and have never had sex because every girl thinks I’m a monster.” His shoulders hitched.

“Your mom porked a demon.”

“That’s different. She says he mated with her. A load of bullshit if you ask me.” He scoffed and tossed his pile of grass.

“Look at my roses. They are themselves. Sure most flowers don’t have big fucking thorns to stab at something, but they aren’t trying to pretend they don’t hurt. They’re beautiful in their own way. Pointy edges and all.” I poked at his horn for emphasis.

“You suck at this,” he said with a light laugh.

“Being different is the new normal. I think you should embrace it.”

“Maybe.”

“Come on, let”s prove a point. Right here, touch the black vine. You have something no one has.”

He eyed me suspiciously.

“I dare you.” I narrowed my eyes.

Smirking, he stood up. Lucios could never resist a dare. Even though he was always better at everything than I was, he was usually not as reckless. If I wanted him to do something he deemed stupid, I’d have to dare him just so he could show me up and do it perfectly. But he was perfect—at least to me.

“Sometimes I wonder how you’re not dead yet.” He shook his head and wiped off his hands.

“The gods don’t want me.” I shrugged.

“So by touching this, we are proving what exactly?”

“That you’re a tough bastard who will have no trouble fucking. And then you’ll go right up to Paytee and confess your undying love.” I grinned.

Laughing, he reached out and stroked the thick black leaf of the vine. “It isn’t undying love. I want to touch her—”He yanked his hand back.

“What?” I inched closer.

He frowned and hissed, dropping to his knees.

“Don’t fuck with me. Come on, let”s go.” I didn”t believe that ridiculous act.

Starting to walk away from him, I looked over my shoulder. He fell onto his back and screamed. Fuck! Sliding beside him, I grabbed the hand that touched the leaf. It started to blister. His eyes rolled in his head, and his nostrils flared through his heavy breaths.

“Lucios! I swear if you’re fucking with me right now!” I still wasn’t entirely convinced, or maybe I was in denial.

“It’s black ivy. Black ivy.” He groaned and rolled onto his side, where he writhed around.

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit! What do I do?” I grabbed at my hair as panic truly set in now.

“Mom. There’s… a… tincture. Nullifier. It’s… her… room.”

“What does it look like?” I cupped his face.

His tiny tusks rattled against his upper teeth. “White bottle. Right side. Not left.”

I repeated it. Trying to memorize the instructions. “Does it have a label?” He bellowed out more in response. Fuck! “Just don’t move! I’ll get it. I’ll… I’ll fix it! I promise. Just fuck! Hang on, Lucios!”

My lungs burned. Never in my life had I run as fast as I did then. Peeling out of the woods like a wild animal, all I wanted was to stop and puke. But I held it together. I needed to fix this. Why did I dare him to do this? I was shit at making people feel better, but I tried anyway because I love him.

Damn it!

It would be alright. That’s what I had to keep telling myself. I’d get the nullifier, give it to him, and he’d be right as rain! We’d laugh it off, he’d punch me a few times, and then we’d go to the faire and stuff our faces with cakes. White bottle. White bottle. I’d repeated it a thousand times.

I passed my house and still had more to go. But I wouldn’t stop. Nothing could make me stop. I could take a break once he was better.

I realized his mom wasn’t there when I burst through his door. “Miss Aeltri!” I screamed, but there was no answer. She’d understand why I went to her bedroom. She’d be angry, but then we’d talk about it. Right.

In her bedroom, the woman had so many damn tinctures. So so many. But he said something about a side. Which fucking side? Right? No… left! My hands shook, and I saw spots from being unable to choke down enough air. There was only one white bottle. I grabbed it and darted out.

I’m coming, Lucios!

Why was my garden so far out? Why couldn’t I have just given up on growing things and given up on having anything beautiful for myself? It wasn’t worth this. It wasn’t worth him.

When I returned to the garden, my entire shirt was soaking wet. My hair stuck to my face, leaves and branches plastered to it. The slickness from my palms almost made me drop the bottle five separate times. But I made it. I fucking made it. He was covered in pustules now. They were green, giant bubbles that were popping in real-time.

“I’m here! I got it!” I collapsed next to him.

“It… hurts.” He winced, and some rather foul-looking sludge oozed from his lips.

“I’m so sorry. But here. Hang on. It’ll be better. This will fix it!” I cradled him in my skinny arms and pulled the lid off with my teeth.

Angling his head back, I slowly poured the contents into his mouth. He managed to slurp it down despite shaking uncontrollably. He was sheet white. Gods, I messed up so badly. But I couldn’t think about that.

“How long does it take to work?” I asked him and stroked his hair.

“Minutes,” he coughed.

“I’m so sorry. Gods, I’m an idiot.”

He closed his eyes, and we sat there in silence.

Unable to take my eyes off him for even a moment, I bit down on my lips so hard I tasted blood. I’d even resorted to counting the seconds. So that I knew how long I’d have to see him this way. But I’d done it. I’d gotten the nullifier, and he was still with me.

“Remember when I broke my leg? I wanted to jump off that barn into the haystack. But I wouldn’t do it alone, so I dared you. You were so good. Landed without even a scratch.” My leg went straight through the cart holding the hay and cracked it in two places.

He managed a soft smile. It must be working by now.

I thought anyway…

Suddenly, he started moaning really loud. So loud that it morphed into a sob. He trembled even more violently, and his eyes flung open. More pustules formed. They were everywhere. His wings swelled and popped like corn. The smell was awful, but I didn’t budge. Maybe the nullifier made it worse before it got better? I didn’t know what I was looking at.

“Lucios, what’s happening?” I cupped his face.

More of that sludge exploded out of his mouth, going everywhere, and he started clawing at me. “Atreyis, please save me, Atreyis.”

“I… I gave you the nullifier! It isn’t working?”

“Fix it! You promised! Atreyis!”

His fingers yanked at the neckline of my shirt, and it was as if he couldn’t see me. “Lucios! I’m right here. Can’t you see me?” Tears were pouring down my face.

He just kept repeating it. “Atreyis, please save me, Atreyis! Fix it! You promised! Atreyis!”

“You have to fight this! Fight!” I sobbed, and it was as if my heart had crumbled.

“Fix it! Fix it!”

“I tried! Gods, I tried!” Speaking of the gods, where the fuck were they? ”Help! Someone please help us!” I cried into the trees.

“Atreyis! Please fix it! I don’t want to die!”

Then, his hand stopped clawing. He no longer spoke, and his breathing fell to a shallow rhythm. Long pauses between twitches happened next. “No! Don’t you dare leave me, Lucios! No! I need you! You’re my only friend!” My eyes were bursting with tears to the point I could hardly see him, but I couldn’t let him go to brush them away.

It was like the world stopped then. The air didn’t blow, the grass wasn’t cool, and the light from the sun didn’t reach me. When he took his last breath, a cocoon of darkness enveloped us. His final words begged me to fix it.

“No,” I said through tight lips. ”No. You”re okay. I”ll fix it, Lucios. I”m fixing it.”

Grunting, I struggled to get him in a position where I could carry him. Pushing up on my knees, I fell over, and the remaining pockets of blisters burst when we hit the ground. Hanging my head, I tried again. I’d drag him home if I had to. Someone had to help! He couldn’t leave me. He couldn’t die like this!

I racked my brain again for what he said. Nullifier. White bottle. Right side. Not the left. I did that. I got the white bottle from the—

“The right side! The right side, right side! You fucking idiot! You moron! Worthless piece of shit!” I screamed at myself and hauled him back into my arms. ”I”m here. Don”t go. Please, Lucios. Please don”t leave me.” The sobs kept exploding out of me, a hurricane of emotion.

He was so heavy now. So gods damned heavy that every two steps I fell. The vomit came, and I heaved off to the side of his body. After I felt like an entire world ripped through me, I crawled over to him and buried my face in his chest. Atreyis, please save me! Fix it! You promised! Atreyis!

I did this. I was supposed to save him, and I killed him instead. I didn”t fix it.