20. Twenty

Atreyis must’ve had other men stay here in the past because I located some clothes that were significantly larger than the ones I wore.

The shower tap ran cold, which I didn’t mind. The tub was far too short to bathe in like I wanted, so I stood under the stream that spurted occasionally.

It was apparent I’d done something wrong. He left without a word and yelled at Alora.

I was upset, too, though.Not only was I disappointed in the man I”d become, but I couldn”t separate my head and heart when it came to Atreyis.

It was easy to give in to my desires. When I heard his familiar heart racing, all I needed to do was witness it.

It was to be close to him I suppose. He called to the monster in me with a force that could crumble cities. And there was nothing I wanted more than to give in completely.

Alora made my skin crawl. I couldn’t quite place why or what did this, but the more that woman talked, the worse it got.

What was Atreyis doing out there? Did he really expect to find that ogre lingering in Belfor? Waiting for him?

Sighing, I turned off the tap and got out.

It was possible that I made a mistake with Alora. The decision to help her came to me in a panic, but I did it for him. The longer he was near me, the more I wanted to wash away my past. Forgetting who I was and who hunted me couldn’t be done so simply, though. This bubble I”d found myself encased in would surely burst at some point, and I needed to be prepared. I told myself this, yet I was thinking about Atreyis again.

Atreyis’ curse now weighed heavily on my mind. If he had just disclosed how it happened, I might”ve been able to help or remove it entirely. But he would not give me that. He wouldn’t give me that chance.

Dressed and dried off, I left the washroom, and Alora stood in the living room.

“You fucked up,” she said with a smirk.

“Oh?” I said casually and sank onto the sofa.

She didn’t immediately answer me. Instead, she went to the icebox in the kitchen and pulled out two beers.

Repulsive.

Deer piss probably tasted better. I wanted to decline the gesture but figured the last thing I needed was to have an omnishifter irritated with me as well. And it wasn”t ale.

Begrudgingly, I took the bottle, and its odor forced my nose to turn up.

“You didn’t kiss him.” She tossed hers back and took long sips.

And how would you know that?

“Excuse me?” I dared to sample the beverage and instantly regretted it.

“That little play session. You didn’t kiss him after, did you?”

“I also did not touch him.” Where was she going with this bizarre detail?

She sat beside me, and that skin-prickling sensation amplified. “If I know one thing about Atreyis, it’s that he gets really fucking pissy if he isn’t rewarded after sex.”

“We didn’t have sex, and a kiss is hardly a reward.” I scowled now, gripping my bottle tight.

“Well, whatever you two did. He might appear not to care—that he uses sex for carnal pleasure, but that isn’t how he is. Atreyis is deeper than that. And what’s worse is that he likes you.”

“How would you know this?” I cocked a brow.

“Because I fucked up too.” Her expression went grim.

“Noted.”

We both took a drink of our repulsive alcohol.

“He’s out there doing something fucking stupid. I know it.”

“The ogre he seeks is not likely still in the city,” I replied, setting down the bottle.

“If he is, Atreyis will find the fucker.”

“Why were you attacked then?” This information had yet to be explained to me. If I was to understand him at all, I needed it.

She slumped back, took another drink, and looked at the ceiling. “Tanner was just the messenger—so to speak. The real monster behind this is Aryn.”

“Who is he? Who is he to Atreyis?” Was the man a former lover? And what if he were?

A foreign possessiveness wormed through me at the thought.

“Atreyis says that Aryn is his arch-nemesis. The man who ruined his life.” Her hand waved through the air dramatically.

I leaned forward, interest piqued. “This is the demon then?”

She nodded. “Big fucker too.”

“It should be a shock, but I think this is on the lower end of unusual occurrences in Atreyis’ life.”

I received only a smirk. “Bottom line—Aryn will stop at nothing to make Atreyis suffer.”

“But why, though? What is the story here?” I studied the subtle shift of her eyes and squirming of her legs.

“My lips are sealed. If Atreyis wanted you to know, he’d tell you.” She leaned forward and stood.

“He told you, though…” I trailed off. Of course, he did; they were an item.

She grabbed my beer and drank it. “Look,” she paused and fluffed her blue hair. “I love Atreyis. Always will. There is nothing that I want more than for him to be happy. If you’re going to try to do that, better start fucking kissing him after playing with his cock.” Then she went to the bedroom and shut the door.

And I sat there, in silence, until sunset.

Alora and I left the apartment as soon as the sun faded behind the horizon.

When we got out on the street, I wasn’t sure where to look first. ”If he didn’t find Tanner, where would Atreyis go?” I asked her.

She seemed off for the past hour. She was itching to get out the door, and as soon as the sun set, she dragged me through it. “I have some shit I need to do. But there is a garden on the north side of the hill. He’d be there.”

“Alright,” I said suspiciously, but she was already moving.

All logic told me that he failed in his attempt to find Tanner. If I were the ogre, I”d leave before anyone could reach me.

Panning my view north, I wasn’t sure exactly where this garden was, but I’d find it… and him. He had been gone far longer than a few hours. After the conversation with Alora, I had to talk to him and get to the bottom of this attraction. If he wanted specifics, I needed to know those things because as much as he was a constant in my mind, we were strange to each other.

Asking for directions was an unfortunate necessity because I”d gotten lost after thirty minutes of wandering. Now that I was on the correct windy dirt path, blossoms were in sight. The entire dock was visible from where I was. Countless steamboats and schooners ported below, and a lighthouse rested on the south end.

What was I going to say? I”m sorry I didn’t kiss you. Do you want me to? Raking my hands through my hair, the top of the path was too close, and my strength wavered.

The garden was utterly lush. Even under the stars, everything seemed to emanate light. Colors swirled and clashed with each other. Fragrances of every kind filled my lungs, and a light breeze whirled through the area. Several stone benches were scattered throughout, and a few marble water fountains created a serene ambient song. It was instinct, really, to locate the rose bushes. And sure enough, there he was.

But something was wrong.

It was different from when he left in an angered rush earlier. He sat on a patch of grass with his knee hiked up. Leaning on to it, he violently rubbed at his face. His hair was messy, and I didn’t scent or note any blood. How long had he been there?

Approaching silently, I heard his heart fluttering in an erratic rhythm, and his shoulders quivered. Gods, he was crying. The entire scene left me in shambles because not only did I not know what was wrong, but I wasn’t sure what I needed to do to remedy it.

His head turned slightly and revealed his face. The whites of his green eyes were bloodshot, his lids swollen, and his lips puffy and pink. When he saw me standing there, he hiccuped and palmed his face.

Hiding, I realized he tried to hide this.

“Atreyis,” I whispered and knelt next to him.

He put a palm up as if to deter me. I took it instead and pulled him into my arms. I didn’t know what else to do. As soon as his face hit my shoulder, the sob that left him shattered me. Such raw pain filled the sound. Squeezing him tighter, I tried to quiet him and stroked his back.

“I couldn’t save him,” he cried into me.

“Who? Who couldn’t you save?”

“Lucios. Lucios. I didn’t fix it.”

“Tell me, love. You can let it be free.”

His arms wrapped around me. “No matter how hard I try to forget, I always see his face. Hear his voice. Just make it stop.”

Gently, I pulled him back enough, so I looked at him. He slammed his eyes shut as if the act would make him invisible. “Whatever this nightmare is, you do not have to bear it alone. I am here. I will help you carry it.”

“No one wants this. No one.” He meant himself. Not whatever trauma he was reliving.

“Look at me, Atreyis.” I tried to be as soft as I could with the command. He did, and his brows dipped. His bottom lip quivered as he sucked in ragged breaths. “You’ve only seen my lust. It is bestial. I try to fight it, but it can be so hard. And if any part of that brought you to this darkness… I am so sorry.”

“It wasn”t you, not really. Lucios was beautiful and perfect, and I couldn’t fix it. I don’t want it to happen again. I can’t fucking take it.”

“You don’t have to fix it, love. Gods, you never need to fix it with me.”

“But I ruined your plans.” He wiped his eyes.

I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to his. “You did, and I have come to find that I quite enjoy it.”

He hiccuped and smiled ever so slightly. “Twisted fuck.”

“The words that come out of your mouth,” I whispered, tilting his chin.

“You are sworn to secrecy now. No one can know what a crybaby I am.”

Hardening my stare, I pushed down the self-doubt and fear of rejection that stirred in my breast. “I want to kiss you. Right now. Is that something you still want?”

“Obviously.” Then he yanked my face onto his with such savagery I nearly fell over.

His kiss was desperate, as if he’d waited forever to do it. Pulling him into my lap, I deepened it, reveling in the taste of Atreyis. Every part of me ached to figure out who Lucios was and why he was distraught, but I’d settle for devouring his mouth until he only thought of this, even if I had no right to be so eager to hold him, to know him. He and I were cut from the same cloth—two beings running from a past that crawled from the depths with sharp claws and tendrils to pull us back under.

But somehow, that chasm seemed less scary and farther away when he was in my arms, lips against mine and moaning in response to my touch. Who’d have thought that a man like Atreyis could melt the ice that had frozen my heart?