Chapter 17

SEVENTEEN

Auden

The drive home feels longer than usual, the road stretching out in front of me like a never-ending ribbon of asphalt. I can't seem to focus, my mind replaying the events of the last few days over and over, like a broken record that won't stop skipping.

Wade's been on my mind constantly, even more than usual. The distance between us has been unbearable. It's like there's this invisible wall that's grown taller and thicker with every passing day, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to break through it.

I know he's been dealing with something, something that he hasn't wanted to share with me. And it hurts. It hurts because I want to be there for him, to help him through whatever it is he's going through, but instead, I've been left feeling like I'm on the outside looking in. Like I'm just waiting for him to decide if I'm worth letting in.

And the worst part? I can't shake the feeling that maybe he's already made up his mind. Maybe he's decided that I'm not worth it, that this thing between us isn't worth the effort. The thought twists my stomach into knots, and I have to blink back the tears that threaten to spill over.

I pull into my driveway, my hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly as I stare at the familiar sight of my house. Home has always been my sanctuary, my safe place, but right now, it feels like a reminder of everything that's uncertain in my life.

As I turn off the engine and step out of the car, I catch a glimpse of someone sitting on my front porch. My heart skips a beat when I realize who it is.

Wade.

He's sitting on the top step, his elbows resting on his knees, staring off into the distance with a look of deep concentration on his face. I freeze, my breath catching in my throat as a wave of emotions crashes over me, relief, hope, fear. What is he doing here? Has he finally decided to talk?

For a moment, I consider turning around, getting back in my car, and driving away. But I know that's not an option. I can't keep running from this, from him. I need to know where we stand, even if the answer is one I don't want to hear.

Taking a deep breath, I force myself to walk up the path to the porch. Wade doesn't move, doesn't look at me as I approach, and it takes everything in me not to reach out and touch him, to ask him if everything's okay. But I hold back, unsure of what to say or how to begin.

When I reach the top of the steps, I stop, hovering there for a moment before finally sitting down beside him. The silence between us is heavy, charged with all the things that have been left unsaid. I can feel the tension radiating off him, and it only makes my heart ache more.

For a long moment, neither of us says anything. I don't know if he's waiting for me to speak first or if he's trying to gather his thoughts. Either way, the silence stretches on, and I feel like I might burst from the pressure of it all.

Finally, Wade turns to me, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since I sat down. There's something raw and vulnerable in his gaze, something that makes my heart stutter in my chest.

"Auden," he begins, his voice low and filled with emotion. "I'm sorry."

Two simple words, but they carry so much weight. I can see how much it costs him to say them, how hard it is for him to admit that he's been wrong. But it's not the apology I need. It's the reason behind it.

"Why?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair as he looks away, staring out at the street. "Because I was scared," he admits, his voice rough. "Scared of messing things up, of losing you. I didn't know how to deal with everything I was feeling, so I did the one thing I'm good at. I pulled away."

His honesty takes me by surprise, and for a moment, I don't know how to respond. Part of me wants to be angry, to tell him how much he's hurt me by shutting me out. But the other part of me, the part that loves him, just wants to make things right.

"I get scared too, Wade," I say softly, reaching out to take his hand in mine. His fingers are warm and familiar, and I hold on to them like they're a lifeline. "But I don't want to face those fears alone. I want to face them with you."

He looks at me then, really looks at me, and I can see the conflict in his eyes, the way he's battling with himself. But then something shifts, and his expression softens, the tension in his shoulders easing just a little.

"I don't want to lose you, Auden," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "I've been such an idiot, and I've hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I just… I didn't know how to handle everything I was feeling."

My heart breaks a little at the pain in his voice, but at the same time, there's a glimmer of hope. Because he's here, and he's talking to me, and that has to mean something.

"You don't have to handle it alone," I tell him, squeezing his hand gently. "We're in this together. But I need to know where we stand. I need to know what you want."

Wade takes a deep breath, and I can see the determination in his eyes as he prepares to answer. "I want you, Auden. I want us. I've been so scared of screwing this up, but the truth is, I love you. I've loved you for a long time, and I've been too much of a coward to admit it. But I can't keep running from it. I don't want to run from it."

His words hit me like a tidal wave, washing over me and filling me with a warmth I haven't felt in days. It's what I've been waiting to hear, what I've been hoping for, but there's still that tiny, nagging voice in the back of my mind that wonders if it's too good to be true.

"I love you too," I say, the words spilling out before I can stop them. "I've been so afraid that this was just a fling for you, that you didn't feel the same way. But I love you, Wade, and I want this to work. I want us to work."

The relief in his eyes is palpable, and before I can say anything else, he pulls me into his arms, holding me tight against his chest. I close my eyes, savoring the feel of his warmth, the steady beat of his heart beneath my ear. This is where I belong, in his arms, with him.

"I'm sorry," he whispers again, his lips brushing against the top of my head. "I'm so sorry for everything."

"It's okay," I murmur, holding him just as tightly. "We're okay."

We stay like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other, the world around us fading away. All that matters is that we're here, together, and that we're finally being honest about our feelings. The distance that had grown between us over the past few days seems to melt away, replaced by a sense of closeness that feels more real and solid than ever before.

Eventually, Wade pulls back just enough to look at me, his hand cupping my cheek as he searches my eyes. "So, what now?" he asks, his voice soft.

I smile, feeling lighter than I have in days. "Now, we go inside, and we start figuring this out. Together."

He nods, his thumb brushing gently across my cheek. "Together," he echoes, and the word feels like a promise.

Hand in hand, we stand up and walk inside, the warmth of the house enveloping us as we step through the door. The tension that had been hanging over us all week seems to dissipate, replaced by a sense of peace and understanding.

We don't talk much as we move through the house, turning on lights and settling into the living room. There's no need for words right now. Everything that needed to be said has already been spoken, and now it's just about being together, about finally letting ourselves relax into this thing that's been growing between us for so long.

Wade pulls me onto the couch beside him, his arm wrapping around my shoulders as I lean against him. We sit there in comfortable silence, the only sound the faint hum of the heater kicking on as the evening chill sets in.

It feels good, being like this—no more walls, no more doubts, just us. And as I sit there, wrapped up in Wade's arms, I realize that this is what I've been waiting for. Not just the words, but the feeling of being loved, of being wanted, of being part of something bigger than myself.

Eventually, Wade turns on the TV, flipping through channels until we settle on some old movie that neither of us really cares about. It's just background noise, something to fill the quiet while we cuddle together, content just to be in each other's presence.

As the night wears on, I feel my eyes growing heavy, the warmth of Wade's embrace lulling me into a state of complete relaxation. I'm safe here, with him, and for the first time in a long time, I don't feel the need to question it or analyze it. I just let myself be.

"I love you," Wade murmurs, his voice a soft rumble against my ear.

"I love you too," I reply, my heart swelling with happiness as I close my eyes and let sleep take me, knowing that when I wake up, he'll still be here, and we'll still be us.

Together.