Chapter 16

SIXTEEN

Wade

I know I've been avoiding her. It's not something I'm proud of, but I can't seem to help it. Every time I think about Auden, about us, my mind spirals into a tangled mess of what-ifs and maybes, and I end up retreating into myself, lost in thought. It's easier that way. Or at least, it feels like it should be easier.

But in reality, it's not.

Avoiding her is tearing me apart. I see the hurt in her eyes when I'm distant, and it kills me because I know I'm the reason she's feeling that way. I know I need to talk to her, to be honest about everything, but every time I try to summon the courage, the fear creeps in. What if I say the wrong thing? What if this conversation is the one that ends it all?

I've never been good at talking about my feelings, especially when it comes to someone I care about as much as I care about Auden. I'm scared. Scared of messing things up, scared of losing her, scared of admitting just how much she means to me because once I do, there's no going back.

But I can't keep avoiding her forever. I know that. I need to face this, to face her, and figure out what we're doing. What the future holds for us… if there even is a future.

I'm heading over to see Ray, my foster dad, hoping that maybe he can help me sort through this mess in my head. He's always been good at that, listening without judgment, offering advice when I need it, and giving me a swift kick in the ass when I'm being an idiot. Right now, I'm pretty sure I need all three.

I'm just about to step off my porch when I see her. Auden. She's walking up the path to my house, her expression determined, but I can see the worry in her eyes. My stomach twists with guilt. I've been so caught up in my own head that I haven't considered how my actions might be affecting her. I should have reached out sooner. I should have done a lot of things.

"Wade," she calls out, her voice laced with a mixture of relief and frustration as she approaches. "We need to talk."

There it is. The moment I've been dreading. But I can't avoid it any longer. I nod, forcing myself to stay calm, even though my heart is pounding in my chest.

"Yeah, we do," I say quietly, meeting her gaze.

She stops in front of me, crossing her arms over her chest. "Why have you been so distant these last few days? Did I do something wrong?"

Her question cuts through me like a knife. She thinks this is her fault, and that's the last thing I want her to believe.

"No, Auden, you didn't do anything wrong," I say quickly, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "It's me. I've just… I've been lost in my own head, trying to figure things out."

"Figure what out? Is it about what Mitch said? Cause he's an idiot, and you shouldn't listen to a word he says," she says, her voice softer now, but still tinged with hurt.

I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "Us. The future. What it all means. I care about you so much, and that scares the hell out of me because I don't want to mess this up. I don't want to lose you."

She blinks, clearly taken aback by my honesty. "Wade, I'm scared too. But avoiding me isn't going to make it any easier. If anything, it's just making it worse."

"I know," I say, my voice heavy with regret. "I know I've been an idiot. I just… I didn't know how to handle all of this. I've never felt this way before, and it's overwhelming."

Auden takes a step closer, her gaze softening as she reaches out to touch my arm. "You don't have to handle it alone, Wade. We're in this together. But I need you to talk to me, to let me in. I can't do this if you keep shutting me out."

Her words hit me hard because she's right. I've been shutting her out, and it's not fair to either of us. But even as I recognize that, the fear is still there, gnawing at the edges of my resolve.

"I'm sorry, Auden," I say, my voice cracking slightly. "I'm sorry for everything."

She looks up at me, her eyes full of emotion, and I can see that she's trying to understand, trying to be patient, but there's a sadness there too, a sadness that I've put there.

"I don't want to lose you, Wade," she whispers, and the vulnerability in her voice nearly breaks me.

"You won't," I say, stepping closer and taking her hands in mine. "I promise, you won't. But… I need some time to sort through all of this. I need to figure out how to get my head straight so that I can be the man you deserve."

She pulls her hands away, a flash of hurt crossing her face, and my heart sinks.

"I'm not asking for perfectionperfect, Wade," she says, her voice trembling. "I'm just asking for you. All of you."

Her words hang in the air between us, and for a moment, neither of us says anything. I can feel the weight of the conversation pressing down on me, suffocating me. I want to give her what she's asking for, but I'm terrified of failing her, of failing us.

"I'm sorry," I repeat, feeling like a broken record. "I just… I need some time."

Auden nods, but I can see the resignation in her eyes, the acceptance that maybe this isn't going to work out the way she hoped. It's like a punch to the gut, knowing that I'm the reason she's feeling this way.

"Take your time, Wade," she says quietly. "But don't take too long."

With that, she turns and walks away, leaving me standing there on the porch, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. I watch her go, wanting to call her back, to tell her that I'll figure it out, that everything will be okay. But the words stick in my throat, and all I can do is watch as she disappears from sight.

I'm still reeling from the conversation with Auden when I pull up to Ray's house. My mind is a jumbled mess of emotions—guilt, fear, frustration—and I know I need to talk to him, to try and make sense of everything that's going on in my head.

Ray's outside, working on an old truck that's been parked in the driveway for as long as I can remember. He looks up when he hears me pull in, wiping his hands on a rag as he comes over to greet me.

"Wade," he says, his tone warm but tinged with concern. "You look like you've been through the wringer. What's going on?"

I sigh, running a hand through my hair as I lean against the side of the truck. "I'm an idiot, Ray. A complete and total idiot."

Ray raises an eyebrow, clearly waiting for me to elaborate. So, I do. I tell him everything, about how I've been avoiding Auden, about the conversation we just had, about the fear that's been eating away at me. I spill it all, not holding anything back, because if there's one person who can help me make sense of this, it's Ray.

When I'm done, Ray just stands there for a moment, looking at me with a mixture of pity and exasperation. Then he shakes his head and lets out a low chuckle.

"You are an idiot," he says, but there's no malice in his tone. "But you're not a lost cause. You just need to get your head out of your ass and stop overthinking everything."

I blink, taken aback by his bluntness. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're so wrapped up in your own fears that you're pushing away the best thing that's ever happened to you," Ray says, his voice firm. "You've got a good woman who loves you, and you're letting your own insecurities ruin it."

"I don't want to ruin it," I say, my voice strained. "But I'm scared, Ray. What if I mess this up? What if I'm not good enough for her?"

Ray gives me a hard look, his eyes narrowing. "Wade, you've been through more crap in your life than most people could handle, and you've come out the other side stronger for it. You're more than good enough for her. But if you keep letting your fear control you, you're going to lose her. And trust me, you'll regret it."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, the truth of them sinking in deep. He's right. I'm letting my fear dictate my actions, and in doing so, I'm sabotaging the very thing I want to protect.

"What do I do?" I ask, my voice small.

Ray claps a hand on my shoulder, giving me a reassuring squeeze. "You go get your girl. You tell her everything you just told me—about your fears, your insecurities, all of it. Be honest with her, and then let her decide what she wants. But don't keep her in the dark. She deserves better than that."

I nod, the weight of his words settling on my shoulders. I know what I have to do, but the thought of it still terrifies me. Still, I can't let that stop me. I've already hurt Auden enough, and I need to make things right.

"Thanks, Ray," I say, my voice thick with emotion. "I needed to hear that."

Ray smiles, a small, proud smile that makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, I'm not as lost as I thought. "You're a good man, Wade. Don't ever forget that."

I take a deep breath, feeling a renewed sense of determination. I'm going to fix this. I'm going to talk to Auden, lay it all out on the line, and pray that she's willing to give me another chance.

It's time to stop running. It's time to face this head-on, no matter how scared I am. Because if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that I can't lose her. Not without a fight.

With a newfound resolve, I head back to my truck, ready to do what I should have done days ago.

It's time to go get my girl.