CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Antoni's heart fluttered as they left the wedding chambers with a cheerful, "Go, Fisher Cats!" from the officiant.

Antoni thought he'd been prepared to marry Matty and for it to be an agreement between friends. Transactional.

But saying those words hadn't felt transactional. That kiss hadn't felt transactional.

It had all been warm and real and filled with so much more than friendship.

They'd only been married for fifteen minutes and Antoni already knew he was in over his head.

He tried to listen as Eli chattered on about the ceremony.

Eli had appointed themself the official wedding photographer. Now they were talking about doing some more in front of city hall and God, it was too much.

Then again, going home would be strange too.

Antoni didn't know if after the kids went to bed, he wanted to be alone with Matty so they could talk or hope that they'd never be alone again because he wasn't sure he could look him in the eye right now.

Not after that kiss.

Not after sealing their fates together.

They were married now. And the feeling was bigger and weightier than Antoni had expected.

"Does this mean I can call you Uncle Matty, now?" Eli asked as they waited for the elevator. Those words penetrated the thick fog in Antoni's head and he turned to look at Eli, who was holding hands with Matty.

Matty glanced at Antoni, eyebrow lifted, and Antoni nodded.

"Yeah, if that's something you want?" Matty said.

Eli nodded vigorously. "Yeah, I think so. We call Antoni our uncle so it makes sense, you know?"

"Sure," Matty said with a smile.

Still dazed, Antoni followed his parents onto the elevator, squeezing in beside Matty. While the car descended, he looked down at his ring, staring blankly at the way it encircled his finger.

He'd never really been a jewelry guy other than occasionally wearing a thin gold chain and he wasn't used to the warm weight of the ring. He wondered too why his mom had bought them for him and Matty.

For appearances? Or was it something more?

"You coming?" Matty asked, sounding amused, and Antoni looked up to see him holding the elevator doors while everyone else was already in the lobby.

"Yeah," Antoni said, stepping forward. "Sorry."

Outside, it was a beautiful September day, the air crisp and cool, the evening sunshine bright as it glinted off the nearby buildings. As they walked down the steps, a gust of wind made Antoni shiver.

Matty shifted closer, his shoulder brushing Antoni's.

Eli called out for them to stop for pictures and Antoni obediently did so. He was okay at posing but Matty was better and Antoni finally let him move him this way and that, his head buzzing with the contact.

He guiltily enjoyed being able to run his palms along Matty's broad shoulders or feel his chest pressed against his back.

"You're good at this," Antoni murmured at one point and Matty laughed, his breath warm as it tickled the side of his cheek.

"I've had practice."

At first, Antoni thought he just meant posing for photoshoots with the team or for his endorsement deals. Matty had talked about having to do headshots and media day and all sorts of commercials and stuff. But then Antoni remembered that he wasn't the first person Matty had married.

Not that Courtney had been anything but a gold-digging grade-A bitch from what Antoni could tell. And maybe that wasn't nice but he didn't feel nice when he thought about the things she'd said to Matty. The way she'd made him feel.

This might not be a real marriage but it probably would last longer than Matty's previous one and Antoni vowed to himself that he'd be better to Matty than she'd been.

Real or not, he could be kind and caring and supportive. He could make Matty feel appreciated and respected, at the very least.

"Kiss!" Alexis shouted.

Eli cheered too, then River hollered—because her siblings were, probably—and Matty turned Antoni so they faced each other.

"You want to?" he said and Antoni nodded, throat going dry.

Because yes, he wanted to. He wanted Matty. And well, it seemed stupid to deny himself this thing he'd wanted so desperately when it was offered to him.

Antoni sighed with relief when their lips touched and Matty tangled his fingers in the back of Antoni's hair.

The kiss was chaste enough, only a tiny hint of tongue, but it still made Antoni's toes curl and when Matty pulled away, Antoni buried his face against the curve of Matty's neck and breathed him in.

He smelled so good. His cologne was rich and warm, comforting but a little spicy too. It did nothing to calm Antoni at all but he still breathed it in, sucking in lungfuls of the scent, clutching at the front of Matty's suit jacket while the wind fluttered the hem of his own.

"C'mon, lovebirds!" his mom shouted. "We need to get a few more shots."

So Antoni reluctantly pulled away.

There were more photos. Some with the kids. Some with his parents. Some with everyone that a stranger took. Antoni didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed when they were finally done and Matty was no longer touching him.

Despite Antoni's protests, his parents insisted on taking them to dinner. They had made reservations at a restaurant downtown already and had planned the celebration well. It was upscale enough to feel appropriate for a post-wedding meal but the booth was secluded so the kids wouldn't drive the rest of the patrons nuts if they got a little squirrely.

With Matty pressed close to him on one side, Antoni didn't focus much on what he ate. Although the food was delicious, Matty's proximity and the glass of wine he drank went straight to his head.

He belatedly realized he hadn't had lunch earlier, too nervous to choke anything down.

There was cake too, which Eli insisted they feed each other, and it was dark out when they finally left the restaurant.

They walked back to city hall, pausing for a few more photos in front of the brightly lit Toronto sign out front.

After, his mom corralled him, pulling him aside.

"I know that you and Matty don't have time for a honeymoon," she said quietly. "But we'll take the kids for the weekend. You can have them back Monday after school. This morning, I had them pack their overnight bags and I took them with me when I went home to dress for the wedding so there's no point in arguing."

"What? Are you sure?" Antoni asked, confused. "This isn't … we're not …"

"I saw the way you kissed," she said drily. "Even if you aren't in love, there's plenty of attraction."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we should act on it!" he hissed.

She snorted. "Why do you sound so scandalized? You're a twenty-eight-year-old man. I know you've had sex before."

"Yeah, but not with Matty!"

"Yes, well, you two did something very brave and very stupid today," she said.

He opened his mouth to argue and she held up a hand. "I'm not saying it was the wrong thing. Not at all. But if you really think you can go years without sex when the two of you are living together and raising children together, then I'm going to tell you, you haven't thought this through. You may not love Matty now but can you swear you won't in six months or a year? In two or three or five?"

Antoni shook his head.

"You might have married for reasons that aren't love but that doesn't mean you can't fall in love as you go. If you don't feel right about having sex with him at this point, then don't. Spend the weekend watching TV together! Read, go for a run. But enjoy having two full days off. Relax."

"The kids …" Antoni said weakly.

"Will be fine with your father and me. And if for any reason they need you or we do, we will call, and you can jog over in five minutes. It's not like we're going to abscond with them and take them to Australia. I love my grandchildren but I'm not spending twenty-some hours on a flight with them."

Antoni grinned, touched that she'd called them her grandchildren. "True."

Even if the kids didn't think of his parents as their grandparents yet, he hoped that maybe someday they would. But either way, he was glad that his parents loved the kids so much and vice versa.

Not that he'd ever doubted it but this felt special. Meaningful.

His mom's gaze was warm as she squeezed his upper arm. "So I mean it. Take the weekend off. Enjoy your time with Matty. Whatever that entails."

"Thanks," he whispered.

Eliza smiled and turned away.

All that was left for Antoni to do was hug the kids goodbye, tell them he loved them, and promise that they could call any time they needed.

He got an eye roll from his mom, though it was fond, and she said, "You're like your father. He practically had a heart attack the first weekend we left you with your grandparents."

And Antoni smiled, remembering Nonna Bianchi's fresh pasta, the smell of sauce simmering on the stove, and the window nook with soft, plush curtains where he'd curled up and read.

He'd loved staying at her house and he hoped his kids would have the same kind of fond memories of his parents when they were grown. Of course, there was no reason to think they wouldn't. The kids had spent plenty of time there long before Antoni had gained custody, babysitting for Bethany and Corey when they needed it.

"I wasn't that bad," Enzo grumbled.

Eli laughed and Antoni allowed himself to relax and hug the kids goodbye one more time before he left them with his parents after a final wave.

"It's hard to leave them, huh?" Matty said as they walked toward the parking garage.

"Yeah," Antoni agreed. "It's the first time I've been apart from them overnight since …"

"Since they came to live with you?" Matty supplied when he couldn't finish.

"Yeah," Antoni said quietly. "Since then."

Matty reached out to briefly squeeze his hand.

"I'm going to hate going on road trips," Matty said with a sigh as they climbed the stairs to the floor where they were parked. "I'll probably be begging you to Skype me."

"You'll have to," Antoni teased. "I bet Reese won't go to sleep without his bedtime story from you."

In the end, that was why Antoni had decided to agree to this wedding and everything that might come with it. The kids were already attached. And how could they not be?

Matty was the most incredible man Antoni had ever met.

Matty held the door for Antoni as he got into the SUV and Antoni wet his lips, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say to Matty. How to discuss this arrangement of theirs and what it meant for them in the bedroom.

But he couldn't find the words and Matty was quiet too. So Antoni watched the lights of downtown Toronto flash by and grow farther apart as they headed north toward home.

Antoni still hadn't worked up the courage to say anything by the time Matty parked in the garage.

"Man, it's going to feel weird to have the house to ourselves all weekend," Matty said with a smile as he let them into the mudroom a few minutes later.

"Yeah, it is," Antoni said hoarsely, taking off his shoes and tucking them in his cubby.

As they walked into the kitchen, it hit Antoni then that they were alone.

Alonealone.

No kids sleeping down the hall. No parents dropping in. No one to disturb them.

Antoni swallowed hard, looking at Matty. Two full days to do whatever they wanted.

Antoni cleared his throat. "So, uh, do you think maybe we should—"

"I think I should move my stuff into the bedroom—"

They stared at each other awkwardly.

"Uh, sorry, go on. What were you saying?" Antoni asked.

"Um, I was thinking maybe we should get used to sleeping together. Uh, you know, sharing a room," Matty said, rubbing the back of his neck. "No worries if you don't want to, I thought this weekend could be an, um, practice run for us, you know?"

"Sure, yeah that makes sense," Antoni said, his heart rate spiking at the thought of what it would be like to share a bed with Matty.

Big, warm, cuddly, sexy Matty.

Oh fuck.

"Tonight?" Matty asked and Antoni nodded, his mouth too dry to even speak.

"Cool." Matty shot him a little smile and Antoni wondered if he was imagining that it looked as nervous as he felt. "So I'll go … get some stuff and get changed."

"Sounds good. Meet you in there, roomie," Antoni joked as he turned away, grimacing as he mentally facepalmed.

Meet you in there, roomie?He mouthed silently as he walked down the hall to the primary bedroom. What was wrong with him? He hadn't been this awkward since high school.

Antoni's body jangled with nerves as he looked around the room. It was pretty clean other than a few discarded ties and the clothes he'd worn earlier today.

He'd dumped the clothes in the hamper when it hit him that he had sex toys and lube in the nightstand that he hadn't dealt with yet. Not that Matty would go digging around in the drawer to be nosy or anything but what if he wanted to sleep on that side of the bed and they had to switch stuff around and …

Antoni hurried into the bedroom and pulled out the drawer, staring down at its contents as he debated where to put them. His suitcase, maybe? He couldn't see any reason Matty would look for anything in there.

"Hey, roomie!" Matty said from the doorway and Antoni slammed the drawer shut, nearly sending the stack of books on top of the nightstand toppling to the ground.

"Thought you were getting changed," Matty said in a teasing voice. He carried a duffel bag and still wore his suit.

"Umm. Wow. You got here faster than I expected," Antoni admitted, face growing warm. "Just uh, wanted to clean up and make sure there was room for you. Which, uh, side of the bed do you like to sleep on?"

Matty shrugged. "I'm not fussy. Usually the right—uh, the right when you're looking at it, that is."

"Okay, cool." Antoni sighed with relief. "I like the left."

"Perfect." Matty dropped the bag on the bed with a smile, then unknotted his tie with a soft rasp of silk. He tossed it on the dresser next to Antoni's discarded ties and there was an odd little flutter in Antoni's chest at the sight of them all tangled up together.

"Is that all you have?" Antoni said doubtfully. "That one bag?"

"Ha. No. I figured it was enough for tonight though. Tomorrow we can move the rest of the stuff over, if that's okay."

Matty shrugged out of the suit jacket, tossing it on the bed. When he worked loose the buttons of his shirt, Antoni couldn't tear his gaze away as he watched each inch of skin being revealed. When Matty reached mid-chest, Antoni licked his lips. He could see a hint of tattoos and chest hair peeping out from his undershirt.

So fucking hot.

Matty chuckled. "I know you didn't get a bachelor party or anything but are you really that hard up for a striptease that you're watching me get undressed?"

Mortified, Antoni turned away. "Oh my God, I am so sorry. That was so rude of me. I—I shouldn't have … I didn't mean …"

"Hey, it's okay," Matty said soothingly. "Sorry, I didn't—I wasn't trying to make fun of you or anything."

Antoni felt the heat of his body as he stepped closer, though he jumped when Matty settled his hands on his shoulders, warm even through Antoni's suit jacket and shirt.

"No, I shouldn't have—"

"Hey, this is what I mean," Matty said, squeezing, and Antoni realized how tense he was when the touch made him unclench. "We need to get used to each other. Get comfortable. I never think twice about getting changed in front of a guy because that's what I do every day, you know? So many people come in and out of the dressing room. Shit, reporters have seen my naked ass more times than I can count. But if you're not cool with it, I'll change in the bathroom or the walk-in closet or—"

"No, don't be silly," Antoni said. "That's … I'm the one making it weird. We're grown adults. We're living together."

"Don't forget married!" Matty said and a weird little flutter went through Antoni.

"Right, we're married," he added. "And I've changed in gym locker rooms plenty of times."

Hell, in the pre-kids times, he'd picked up guys at his gym … oh God but he didn't need to be thinking about that right now.

"It'll be fine," Antoni said firmly, hoping that if he said it enough, it would eventually be true. "We'll um … spend the next few days getting comfortable together, yeah?"

"Perfect." Matty's smile was brilliant. "So, go get out of that suit. It looks great on you but it'll look even better off."

Matty's eyes widened. "Okay, um, that did not come out quite the way I meant. Just, uh, you'll be more comfortable in something casual, yeah?"

"Yeah," Antoni rasped.

Dazed, he walked over to the dresser and pulled it open, pulling out some soft pajama pants, a long-sleeve tee, and a hoodie.

Head down, he undressed, not sure if the prickling awareness on the back of his neck was from Matty's gaze or his own imagination.

When he stood there in his underwear, he glanced up and caught a glimpse of Matty in the mirror, hastily turning away.

Antoni ducked his head again, hiding a smile.

Okay, so they were both … looking a little. It didn't mean it was going to lead to sex. Antoni didn't want to assume anything at this point. But at least it made him feel like this wasn't all one-sided.

Like he hadn't imagined the soft brush of Matty's tongue earlier or the way heat had sizzled through his body every time they touched.

Antoni tugged on the pants and tee and it wasn't until he put the hoodie on that he realized it was Matty's.

It was black, with a little Fisher Cat logo on the chest right over his heart. But Carlson stretched across the shoulders, boldly declaring who it belonged to.

Antoni shivered. He hadn't thought about changing his name. He couldn't picture being Antoni Carlson, that felt a bit strange. But maybe … maybe Carlson-Bianchi or Bianchi-Carlson didn't seem so weird.

Not that he … why would he change his name? He was being silly, like when he'd been a teenage kid with a crush, doodling his name beside someone else's in his journal. The boy in his math class who he'd imagined kissing. The hot actor who he'd thought about when he was alone in his room. The singer whose deep voice had made shivers go through him.

But Antoni wasn't a kid anymore and that was a step too far, right? This was … this wasn't that kind of relationship. That kind of marriage.

It was … God, what was it, even?

Antoni looked over at Matty who tugged sweats over his full, round ass with a mesmerizing little shimmy.

Antoni looked away, his voice coming out rough when he said, "So, uh, what do you want to do tonight after we get our suits hung up? I mean, it's been a long day but it's not that late. I'm not ready to go to bed yet."

Oh God, did that sound suggestive? Or was that his imagination? Was the fact that he wanted to go to bed with Matty making him feel like everything had some hidden meaning?

Why was this so fucking awkward?

"Yeah, I'm not tired yet," Matty said, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Even if I did miss my nap today."

Smiling, Antoni cleared his throat. "Do you, uh, want to watch an episode of Northdale Heights?"

Matty offered him a little smile, hands tucked into his white hoodie pockets. "Sure. Should we get snacks and some water?"

With an amused shake of his head, Antoni gathered up his suit. "You are insatiable!"

Matty made a funny little noise.

Antoni glanced up, hastily adding, "I mean, you need to eat like twelve times a day! You're worse than Reese was at two months old!"

"Reese and I understand each other," Matty said in a lofty tone, walking toward the closet, his suit draped over his arm. "Just because you don't understand us …"

Laughing, Antoni followed. Once they got past this initial awkwardness, this was going to be fine.

Better than fine. Good.

Because if nothing else, he and Matty were friends.