CHAPTER TWENTY

The following Friday afternoon, as Antoni dressed in his best suit—the deep charcoal one he'd worn to Bethany and Corey's funeral, he realized with a wince—he wondered what the hell he was doing.

Was he really marrying someone he wasn't in love with?

Antoni liked Matty. He liked him a lot. He was fond of him, attracted to him … but he didn't love him.

And when Antoni had pictured getting married, he'd thought it would be because he was madly in love with a guy and could imagine growing old with him.

But this was about as far from that as he could get.

Antoni's stomach felt achy and there was a jittery energy coursing through him at the thought of saying ‘I Do' today.

He stared at himself in the mirror as he knotted his tie, his fingers trembling. He fumbled the double Windsor knot, then ripped the fabric away, throwing it onto his dresser.

Matty's dresser.

Theirdresser, after today.

They'd both agreed that part of making this look real was sharing the bedroom.

And it made sense but God, this was weird. This felt so strange and surreal and Antoni kept expecting to wake up and snap out of this dream but it was really truly happening. He was marrying Matt Carlson and they were going to raise the kids together and …

Antoni reached for the tie, trying to knot it again, and spotted a stain on it. He closed his eyes, remembering how fussy Reese had been during the funeral service. How he'd fed him a bottle as he stared at the two urns holding Bethany's and Corey's ashes, desperately trying to hold it together for the children.

Antoni hadn't cried that day. Hadn't really cried since, not about their deaths, anyway. He wondered when it would hit. Maybe it never would. Maybe he'd go around for the rest of his life feeling hollow and scooped out every time he thought of them.

"Beth? Corey? Am I doing the right thing?" he whispered.

But although there was no answer, Corey had always told him he needed to trust his gut instead of overthinking everything.

And Antoni knew deep in his gut that he had to do everything he could to protect the kids. He couldn't … he couldn't let Bill and Robin Swanson harm a hair on any of the kids' heads. He couldn't let his friends down.

He was getting married today.

He needed to get dressed and get the kids ready and go to city hall.

But when Antoni went to find another tie, he hated every single one of them.

So he crossed the backyard and knocked on the door of the guest house.

Matty pulled it open with a smile, joking, "Hey, I don't think we're supposed to see each other before the wedding."

Antoni managed a wan smile in return. "Not sure that really applies in our case."

Matty's expression fell. "No, maybe not."

Antoni looked him over. "You look … you look great though."

"Yeah?" Matty smoothed down his tie, his expression hesitant but maybe a little hopeful.

"Yeah," Antoni said hoarsely. He'd never seen Matty dressed up before—or at least not outside of pictures online—but today he wore a dark blue double-breasted suit with a crisp white shirt.

Classic but stylish with the matching tie and pocket square in a brighter blue with white polka dots.

"You too," Matty said, looking him over, his gaze appreciative.

Antoni's stomach flipped, but this time, it definitely wasn't with anxiety. "Thanks. I, um, I don't like any of my ties though. Would you loan me one?"

"Of course," Matty said. "I'm not a clothes horse the way some guys are, but I have a few ties you might like. Maybe something blue so we kinda match?"

"Sure, that sounds nice." Antoni followed Matty into the guest house.

Antoni hadn't been in here since the walkthrough with his Aunt Sharon.

He'd spoken to her a few days ago. Explained the situation and begged her not to tell anyone about when he and Matty had actually met.

He'd been doubtful she'd go along with it, but the moment he explained the situation with Eli and Corey's parents she'd immediately sounded horrified on Eli's behalf and assured Antoni she'd do whatever she could to help them.

The problem was, Aunt Sharon was only one possible person who could throw all of their carefully laid plans into disarray, and Antoni had no way of knowing if someone else would find out the truth.

He didn't know what to do now, just knew that he had to do something. He had to try. He had to fight for the kids with everything he had.

"Antoni?" Matty said softly and he nodded and stepped forward, following him through the living area, across the bedroom, then into the large closet. This weekend, they'd move all of Matty's things back into the main house.

Into the bedroom they'd share.

Antoni's stomach flipped nervously at the thought. God, at this rate he was going to get sick in the middle of his vows. Oh fuck, he was about to say vows to Matty. They were getting married today.

Matty pulled several ties off their hooks and held them out for him to pick from. The patterns swam in front of Antoni's eyes and he blindly reached for one.

Up close, he could see it was navy blue in a subtle windowpane plaid pattern, woven with stripes of brighter blue and white. It was a little long on Antoni but after a few tries, he was able to tie it so it didn't hang too far below his belt buckle.

Matty stepped closer, straightening the knot, and Antoni felt a weird twinge go through his body. He was going to have to get used to Matty being so close. Touching him casually. Not that he minded but … it was weird, right?

"Perfect," Matty whispered. "See? We look good together."

He turned Antoni so they could both look in the full-length mirror on the wall nearby.

Antoni nodded. They did look good together. But it was a lie. This whole wedding was.

"Hey, are you sure you want to go through with this?" Matty asked with a worried frown. "You seem …"

"I'm sure," Antoni said firmly turning to look him in the eye. "I don't know what else to do. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try everything I could to protect Eli."

His voice cracked at the end and Matty pulled him close, kissing his hair. "Hey, it'll be okay. I promise."

"I can't let those people harm Eli, Matty. They would. You know they would," he whispered against Matty's shoulder, some of the nerves washing away at the feel of Matty's strong arms around him.

"I know," Matty said, his tone soft and reassuring, but no less determined. He swept his hand up and down Antoni's back. "But I mean it. I won't let them hurt Eli. They'll have to go through me first."

Antoni tipped his head back to look at up Matty, though he didn't pull away. "You really mean that, don't you?"

"Yes." Matt's expression was serious. "I know this wedding is just for—for show and the court and all of that but I do care about you. I care about you and those kids and I think—I think maybe there are a lot worse reasons to marry someone. Making a safe, loving home for four kids who really need it? That's a good thing."

Antoni nodded, his heart feeling strangely full all of a sudden. "True."

"So, try to look a little bit like you're happy about marrying me," Matty said with a small smile. "I'm not the worst catch out there."

"Matty …" Antoni said, his eyes swimming. "You're a wonderful catch. I just feel so guilty about using you like this."

He shrugged. "Ahh, it's not using me when I agreed to it."

"I would have signed a prenup," Antoni rasped. "I … should sign one. I still can. We'll have to stay married for such a long time to make it look real. And I … know the law says after three years you'd owe me spousal support. That doesn't seem right …"

"Hey," Matty said softly, cupping his cheek. "It's okay. I trust you. I know you're not doing this for the money. And besides, if we stay married that long, you'd deserve it. It's not an easy thing, being the husband of a hockey player. Charlie will tell you that."

Antoni gave him a weak smile.

They likely would be married for years. Eli was only ten. If they split up too soon, if something happened to Antoni … no, they had to make sure nothing went wrong. They had to be sure Eli would be safe.

Antoni had to be sure all of the kids would be safe and happy.

Antoni and Matty had talked about it all. About what they'd have to do. About how they'd have to make it look real. And they'd agreed on it. If Matty wasn't backing down, Antoni wouldn't either.

"I don't know if we're doing the right thing, but this is the only thing that feels right to me," Antoni whispered.

Matty squeezed his hand. "Let's go get married then."

As Matty got Reese out of his car seat, the older kids were so excited they could hardly stand still.

Even Alexis seemed keyed up as they walked toward Toronto's city hall.

It seemed crazy that this was all happening so fast, but Matty was grateful. Better to get it done, better to not waste any time or let anything else get in the way.

But still, his heart raced as he held the door for Alexis, Eli, and River to walk ahead of him, then nodded for Antoni to go through too.

He looked worried but determined and Matty supposed he felt about the same.

In the lobby, Eli squealed and darted forward, throwing their arms around Eliza. "You're here, Aunt Eliza!"

"I sure am," she said with a laugh. "Someone needs to be a witness for these two."

Eli pouted. "I don't know why Alexis can be one but I can't."

"Because you are under twelve and that's the cut-off age for witnesses in Ontario." She booped Eli on the nose. "You look lovely, by the way."

"Thanks." Eli preened, showing off their dress. "We went shopping for new clothes for today."

"I see that. You all look great."

They did look nice. Matty would have to make sure to get pictures later.

"Where's Dad?" Antoni asked, looking around.

"Parking. He'll be here in a moment. Now, do you have everything you need? Both grooms are here so we've got that covered." She winked. "Marriage license?"

"Got it." Antoni held up a folder with the paperwork they'd picked up yesterday.

"Is anyone else coming?" she asked.

Matty shook his head.

Unfortunately, Antoni's brother and his wife couldn't make it today. Andrea had an important work meeting that couldn't be rescheduled on such short notice and their kids had a stomach bug that Stephanie was dealing with. Poor woman.

Matty had found a local restaurant that delivered chicken soup and had it delivered to them this afternoon along with other simple comfort foods. Antoni had gotten this look on his face like he thought Matty was being both sweet and ridiculous or something but he hadn't argued.

Matty had thought about inviting guys from the team but he knew they'd try to talk him out of doing this. Dom would blow a gasket when he found out and Dustin would worry and Nico would give him shit and … no. It was easier this way.

Matty probably should have at least told them what he was planning but then he'd feel obligated to invite them and he knew damn well what this team was like. First it would be a couple of guys and then it would be the whole fucking team, and their spouses and partners and kids.

There was a maximum number of twelve guests allowed at city hall weddings and picking who could be there and who couldn't felt wrong,

Besides, Matty had done the whole giant wedding thing once.

It had been a good day. Courtney had been beautiful and the whole thing had been fancy and perfectly planned.

Dustin and Dom and a handful of other guys had stood up for him, the rest of the team had been there, and the reception and after party had been filled with the high energy chaos that were always a part of hockey weddings.

Matty had a vague, drunken memory of doing body shots off his new wife and, later, standing on a chair, bare-chested, whipping his tuxedo shirt around in the air.

It had been fun.

But in the end, the whole day had been meaningless.

It had been a perfect wedding to the wrong person.

Today would be very different.

And honestly, he kind of liked the idea of it only being immediate family this time.

Of course his team was his family too, but … but keeping it small today felt right. And so much simpler.

"I'm here, I'm here!" Enzo said, jogging up with a smile. "Sorry. Parking was awful."

"No, you're fine. Let's head up to the third floor now though. We don't want to be late." Eliza herded them toward the elevators.

Enzo fell into step beside Matty. "You're doing a good thing for them today," he said softly. "And I'm not just saying that because this means I'll have a Fisher Cat player for a son-in-law like I've always wanted."

Matty laughed quietly at the joke. "Yeah?"

"Antoni's strong. He could manage this alone if he had to. He was doing it alone for the most part. But it's better he has you. Maybe this isn't"—Enzo's voice dropped to a whisper—"exactly the relationship the world will think it is, but I can see how much you care about Antoni and the kids. And right now, that's what they need."

Matty pressed his lips to Reese's hair. "I do care."

"I can see that. But I have to say, if you hurt them, I hurt you. And I know that sounds ridiculous when you could lay me out flat with a single punch but …"

"No, I get it," Matty assured him. "I'd stand there and take it because I'd deserve it if I hurt them. But I'll do everything I can to be everything they need."

Enzo reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "Good man."

Matty thought of his own parents and the fact that they weren't here. He'd thought about calling them and flying them up for the weekend. But they'd balk at the use of a private jet. Even if he'd booked them economy tickets on a commercial flight, they'd tell him it was too extravagant.

They hated to travel and they'd hate him marrying someone for these reasons, even if they were the right reasons. And Matty could never lie to them about the truth. They'd see it on his face in a minute.

So better to call them after and tell them what he did and beg for forgiveness rather than ask for permission he'd never get.

The wedding chambers were actually quite beautiful.

Simple, with stone floors, a soft creamy color on the walls, and a big window overlooking the city of Toronto. There was a potted tree and some framed art. A few short rows of wooden chairs were arranged with an aisle down the center.

Waiting for them was a man dressed in robes that kinda reminded Matty of the ones he'd worn for his high school graduation.

"Mr. Carlson? Mr. Bianchi?" he said with a warm smile. "I'm Dave Lloyd."

Matty and Antoni shook the officiant's hand. They'd been emailing back and forth with him all week about the details of the ceremony. "I'll need your marriage license, please, so I can prepare the register."

Antoni handed it over.

"Will you be exchanging rings?"

"No." Matty shook his head. They were going to pick out some later to wear for show, but they hadn't had time this week.

"Ahh, well, my husband and I have a little surprise for the grooms actually," Eliza said, stepping a little closer. "We bought them bands they can use, if they'd like."

"Mom," Antoni said, sounding surprised but touched. "You didn't have to—"

"Oh, I know. But your dad and I wanted to. I hope they fit. We had to guess at the sizes but …" She shrugged, handing over a small wooden box.

Antoni cracked it open and blinked. For a moment, they both stared in silence.

It was easy to tell which ring was for Matty. It was bigger around than Antoni's for one, but also, it just looked like him.

The band was made of black metal with a thin line of pinkish gold set slightly off-center. A diagonal grid pattern crisscrossed them both and the ring looked sturdy and tough.

The other band was made of the same two metals but was a little thinner, the black metal brushed smooth with two recessed thin lines of the same gold on each edge. Kind of … elegant. Like Antoni.

"They're tungsten," Eliza explained. "With rose gold detail."

Antoni looked up. "They're beautiful, Mom. I love mine."

"I hope you like yours too, Matty," Eliza said, her tone hopeful.

"It's perfect," he whispered, his throat feeling a little thick as it hit him that they were about to get married. Somehow the rings made it seem so much more real.

"Lovely." Dave smiled. "And who will your witnesses be today?"

"Me!" Alexis said. "I'm fourteen so I'm old enough to do it."

"And both of us," Eliza and Enzo added.

"Well, there's only two spots on the marriage license, so you'll have to duke it out about who gets the honors," Dave joked.

Enzo gestured to his wife. "You go ahead."

"Then it'll be Alexis and me."

"The grooms indicated they wanted to begin at the front of the room rather than make an entrance to music, yes?"

Antoni nodded. "Yes."

"Okay. Give me a few minutes to prepare the register. Feel free to take photos while you're waiting."

"Ooh! Can I get pictures of you guys?" Eli said.

Antoni looked over at Matty, who shrugged. "Uh, sure," Antoni said.

"You can use my phone," Matty offered, pulling it out of his jacket pocket and unlocking it.

For the next few minutes, Antoni and Matty posed for photos, going wherever Eli directed, standing however they were told.

Matty was suddenly aware of the press of Antoni's body against his, the way he leaned in a little more when Matty wrapped his hands around his hips.

Antoni shivered when Matty touched him and Matty hoped he didn't blush when Eliza smiled at them knowingly.

They hadn't talked about sex. They'd talked about so many other things—about money, about how this marriage would impact the kids—but other than agreeing to share a bedroom, they hadn't talked about what it would mean for the two of them.

Matty thought maybe Antoni would be fine with sex.

He'd said no before because he was worried about the kids getting hurt. But marriage was a pretty fucking solid commitment and by now, he should trust that even if Matty and Antoni got to a point where they couldn't stand to speak to each other—which seemed crazy, but hey, he'd been there once before—Matty would still be there for the kids.

But Antoni hadn't brought it up and Matty hadn't wanted to come across like a jerk by pushing. He didn't want Antoni to think that the only way he'd agree to this wedding was if they were having sex.

Matty would marry Antoni to protect Eli and the other kids even if it meant being celibate for the rest of his life. But that didn't mean he didn't want Antoni. It didn't mean he didn't think about touching him, kissing him, learning what sounds he made when Matty got his hands on him …

"Okay, who's ready for a wedding?" Dave said cheerfully and, light-headed from desire, Matty squeezed Antoni's arms and stepped away.

Eli made a disappointed noise and Matty walked over and put an arm around them. "It's okay. You can do some more after the ceremony, okay?"

"Okay," Eli said with a sigh. "Here's your phone back."

Matty waved it off. "Actually, no. If you want, you should use it for pictures during the ceremony. The passcode is 2311. My first jersey number and my current one."

"Cool!"

Alexis frowned. "That's not secure. Anyone could guess it."

But before Matty could sheepishly agree, she announced, "I'm taking videos with Aunt Eliza's phone. You do still photos, Eli."

"Okay," they said happily.

"Gotta go. I think they need me for this part," Matty said in a loud whisper.

The kids giggled as Matty joined Dave and Antoni who waited patiently for him.

Dave ran through the plan for the ceremony, then indicated where to stand.

"Whenever you're ready, please proceed." He gestured to a curved wall with two low columns that held some pretty white flowers. Jonah would know what they were but Matty didn't have a clue.

A strange feeling washed over Matty as he took his spot and reached out to grasp Antoni's hands. Antoni sucked in a sharp, short inhale as if surprised by the touch.

His fingers were cold.

Matty rubbed them with his thumbs, trying to both warm Antoni up and reassure him. He offered him a smile, relieved when Antoni's shoulders softened and the tightness around his eyes faded. Antoni relaxing made Matty relax too.

The officiant began. "We have assembled together at this time for the wedding ceremony of Antonio Giovanni Bianchi and Matthew James Carlson."

Matty felt a funny pang in his chest that he hadn't even known Antoni's middle name until they'd filled out the license paperwork the other day.

Dave asked Eliza and Alexis to declare that they were willing to be legal witness to their marriage and they both said, "I am."

As Dave talked about marriage being a legal institution not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but following consideration and reflection of both parties, Matty thought that they'd done that.

He wasn't doing this lightly. He was doing it knowing exactly what he was getting into and he was doing it because he wanted to protect people he cared about. How could that ever be a bad thing?

Reese fussed a little in the background and Dave paused for a moment but when Reese subsided, he continued.

Matty caught Antoni's tiny wince when Dave spoke about love and Matty felt a little pang too.

He'd thought about getting married again. He'd pictured it. And he wasn't sure how he felt now that he was in the middle of it.

He'd hoped it would be for love and maybe it was a little disappointing that it wasn't.

Then again, Matty had been in love once and where had it gotten him? This time, he was going into the marriage with open eyes. He cared about Antoni, cared about the kids. He liked who they were as people. He liked living with them, caring for them, and he liked the way they treated him.

That was more than he could say about Courtney, that was for damn sure.

Strange circumstances or not, Matty didn't have a single regret about going forward with this wedding.

Protecting people he cared about was a good thing.

Reese's fussing grew louder in the background and Matty let go of Antoni's hands and held up a finger to Dave. "Uh, sorry. One sec, please."

He walked over to Enzo and held out his arms. "Let me."

With a soft smile, Enzo handed Reese over and Matty settled him in the crook of his left arm. "You didn't want to be left out of the ceremony, huh, little man?" he said as he rejoined Antoni and the officiant.

As Matty took Antoni's hand again, Reese quieted, resting his head sleepily against Matty's shoulder, and the look on Antoni's face made Matty wish for a moment that this was real. Because it was so soft and sweet that it made Matty want to kiss him.

It made him hope that maybe someday, they'd fall in love with each other.

When Dave asked if they were there freely, they both nodded, then repeated a statement declaring that they were no lawful impediments against why they should be married.

And then came the vows.

Matty's heart beat faster as he looked into Antoni's beautiful brown eyes and repeated after the officiant, "I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, Matthew James Carlson, do take you, Antonio Giovanni Bianchi, to be my lawful wedded husband."

Antoni's voice shook a little as he repeated it but when Matty squeezed his fingers, his tone steadied, his expression growing calm and sure as he said, "I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, Antonio Giovanni Bianchi, do take you, Matthew James Carlson, to be my lawful wedded husband."

They stared at each other for a long moment and the silence seemed to stretch on and on.

"I do too!" River said, running over and slamming into their legs, arms wrapped around them.

Everyone chuckled.

Still laughing, with a tear trickling down his cheek, Antoni said, "Good job using your words, sweetie. I'm so proud of you."

He scooped her up into his arms and gave Matty a helpless look as if to say he was sorry for the interruption. But Matty shrugged and reached out to wipe the tear from Antoni's cheek, his own eyes watering a little.

What did Antoni have to be sorry for? This was their life. This was exactly what Matty was signing up for.

They exchanged rings—a little awkwardly because their arms were full of kids—and then Dave said, "I, David Lloyd, by virtue of the powers vested in me by the Marriage Act, do hereby pronounce you, Antonio Giovanni Bianchi and Matthew James Carlson, to be married."

After they handed the kids back to Antoni's parents, they signed the marriage license, the marriage register, and the record of solemnization, then the witnesses did the same.

Dave congratulated them and introduced them as a married couple to the handful of people there. He was all smiles as he turned back to Matty and Antoni and said, "You may kiss."

They both froze, then turned to look at each other. They hadn't discussed this with each other and the officiant hadn't asked. Maybe it was assumed that every couple getting married would want to.

Matty searched Antoni's face for a sign that he wasn't okay with kissing but he tilted his chin up and wet his lips. Matty curled his fingers around the back of Antoni's neck and pressed their lips together.

It was soft and gentle, almost platonic.

And then Antoni sighed and opened his mouth a little, the tip of his tongue flicking against Matty's in a tease that sent a bolt of lightning through Matty's body where it settled like a low burn in his stomach.

Matty pulled Antoni more tightly to him, never wanting the kiss to end, but one of the kids giggled in the background and Antoni drew back.

They stared at each other for a moment, breathing shallowly, before Matty reluctantly stepped back, letting his hand fall to his side.

They were married now. There was no going back.