Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

T hey dismounted and were relieved of their horses by grooms, who exchanged hearty greetings with Arne. Raven could see he had been much missed.

"This way," Arne said, limping ahead of her towards the doors of the mighty stone castle keep. The guards on duty at the door stood aside to let them pass, smiling at Arne and telling him how pleased they were to see him back safe. Raven received curious looks from them as she followed him inside.

She found herself standing in a large, wainscoted vestibule, its walls and corners crammed with all sorts of clan memorabilia. It felt so strange to actually be standing there, inside the castle she had heard so much about—the place she had never set foot in before but was her son's home.

She looked around the unfamiliar surroundings while her outer clothing was handed over to servants, and a horde of butterflies took off in her stomach as she wondered where Thorsten was and when she would see him. But Arne insisted on introductions first, so she steeled herself for the worst.

"Sterling, where's the laird?" He asked a rather portly steward with a florid complexion who was supervising the other servants.

"In his study, I believe," said Sterling, eyeing her with frank curiosity. "Shall I go and see if he's free?"

"Nay, he willnae mind me interruptin', I'm sure." He turned to Raven and said, "Come on." He set off down the broad hallway to their left, leaving Raven to follow behind. She was so filled with nervous anticipation; she hardly took in the numerous tapestries and paintings lining the walls.

About halfway down the hallway, Arne halted them outside a closed door and rapped briskly upon it.

"Come in," said a deep, raspy voice from the other side, but the words were hardly out before Arne opened the door and went inside. Raven trailed nervously after him. He leaned above her to shut the door behind them.

"Braither! 'Tis grand tae see ye back at last," said the raspy voice, which Raven saw belonged to a man who had sprung up from behind a huge carved desk and was now approaching them in long strides.

This she knew was Haldor, the Laird of the MacLeod clan, also known as the Viking Laird. And he certainly resembled one of those intrepid forebears of the family. He stood a little taller than Arne and was equally broad and powerfully built. Raven thought he had the look of a man who had fought many battles and won them all.

His face was hard yet handsome at the same time, and she could glimpse the resemblance to Arne in his sculpted, angular features and the network of silvery scars marking his cheeks and forehead. His hair was perhaps the most immediately arresting thing about him, for it was so fair as to be almost white, and he wore it long, with thin plaits at the front. His silvery blue eyes glittered in the pale winter sunlight seeping in through the high windows of the study. The Viking Laird of Harris, Thorsten's uncle, was an intimidating figure to be sure.

"Aye, I'm back at last," Arne said as his brother came up to him and embraced him, clapping him heartily on the back, his grin softening his hard features. As he did so, Raven felt his eyes rake over her, and she shivered slightly with apprehension, fearing the laird's reaction when he found out who she was.

"What took ye so bloody long?" Haldor asked his brother, standing back and examining him closely, his hands resting on Arne's shoulders.

Arne glanced at her and said, "'Tis a bit of a long story."

"And who's this ye've brought with ye?" Haldor's luminous eyes settled on Raven, and she could see the curiosity in them. He smiled at her in a friendly fashion, but it did nothing to ease her nerves.

Arne took a deep breath and began, "Well, ye'll nae believe me when I tell ye that this is—" but he was interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

Haldor's smile faded, and he frowned as he went to the door and opened it. "Aye, what is it?" he asked of whoever was outside. Raven thought she recognized the tones of the steward Sterling.

"Who?" Haldor suddenly demanded. The muffled answer came. "All right, ye'd better show them in." He shut the door and came back over to Arne, saying, "There's a scout and a messenger here claimin' tae be from Clan MacDonald. They're askin' tae speak tae me about a private matter."

No sooner had the name left his lips than Raven plunged into a state of complete panic. She clutched Arne arm and tugged at it. "I need tae hide right away before they see me." The men watched her with amazed expressions as she suddenly began scurrying about, clearly looking for somewhere at hide.

"What the hell are ye doin'?" Arne asked, his face a picture of confusion.

"There's nae time tae explain now. I need tae hide!" She opened the door to a large cabinet, squeezed herself inside, and pulled the door shut behind her. She sat there, hunched uncomfortably in the stuffy dark, trembling with terror, listening intently as the men from the MacDonald clan were shown into the study. Even though her heart was thumping loudly in her ears, she could hear every word being said perfectly clearly.

It was just as it had been at the house of pleasure three years ago, when the riders had come and started questioning Morag and the courtesans about her.

"I must say, this visit is unexpected," Haldor said. "McDonalds, ye say? What brings ye here tae me lands?"

"We're lookin' fer a lassie," one of the men replied, and Raven shivered, sure she recognized the voice as belonging to the head rider who had been at the pleasure house looking for her on the night she'd had to run and abandon Thorsten to his father. "Her name is Lady Raven MacDonald, but she's likely usin' an alias."

"Oh? What has that tae dae with me and me clan?" Haldor asked.

"She has a husband at home, waitin' fer her return. He's employed us tae find her, and our enquires have led us here."

"How exactly?" Haldor asked. Raven could only imagine what Arne was thinking now he had heard she was married to a MacDonald and on the run from her husband. Dread swept over her like a wave, for she was certain that in his fury, he was going to wrench open the cupboard door at any moment and deliver her up to her would-be captors.

"An informant told us that a young woman fitting her description was saved from the wreck by a man identified as the Viking Laird's braither. The rumors are that she's been brought here tae the castle," the head rider said.

"Well, I ken naethin' about it. This is me braither Arne. Arne, d'ye ken anythin' about this lassie they're talking about?"

"I've nae idea. But I did help with saving some of the folks from the shipwreck. What does the lassie look like?" Arne replied. Realizing he was not going to give her away, Raven breathed a silent sight of relief, and her heart warmed towards him in gratitude. Briefly, she wondered why he was protecting her.

But at almost the same moment, she realized with horror that part of the hem of her dress was caught in the cupboard door. It would be visible to anyone on the outside who noticed it! She tried gently to pull on it, but it would not budge. She just had to pray that neither of the two MacDonald men would notice.

"She's in her early twenties, average height, slender build, pale complexion, long black hair, and light brown eyes," the MacDonald man said.

"Did ye see anyone like that when ye were helpin' with the wreck?" Haldor asked.

"Nay. She sounds a bonnie lass though. I'm certain I'd nae forget her if I'd seen her," Arne replied, his voice all innocence as he brazenly lied for her. But the compliment went unnoticed by the terrified Raven.

"It seems like yer informant is mistaken or just tryin' tae make some money out of ye by misleadin' ye. But I'm willin' tae keep an eye out fer this lassie if ye like. Who's this husband whose chasin' her? Give me his name, and if she turns up here, I'll write tae inform him."

It was no surprise to Raven when the man replied, "I'm afraid I cannae divulge that, but ye can leave a note at the inn. It'll be forwarded tae me. Me name's Jed Kirkwood."

"Very well, Jed Kirkwood. I'll be sure tae dae that. Now, if ye dinnae mind, ye caught me in the middle of some business. I'll have ye shown out."

Raven heard the study door open and Haldor call for a servant. She prayed her ordeal would soon be over. She could hardly breathe.

"Thank ye, Laird MacLeod," she heard Kirkwood say as the men started to leave. But all of a sudden, she heard childish laughter and the sound of small feet running into the room.

"Dada, ye're back!" the child yelled excitedly.

Thorsten! 'Tis Thorsten!

Stuck inside the cupboard, barely daring to breathe, Raven felt her heart breaking. It felt as though a hand had reached inside her chest and gripped her heart, squeezing it like a vice. Hot tears flowed unchecked from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she imagined her little son so near yet so far away!

"Aye, lad, I'm back," she heard Arne say in a gentle voice, "but what are ye doin', bargin' intae yer uncle's study like that? That's nae very polite. Ye nearly knocked these gentlemen over."

"Sorry, Da," came Thorsten's little voice. "Sorry, Uncle Haldor."

"That's all right, lad," Haldor said soothingly. "I'm sure the gentlemen dinnae mind. They're just leavin' anyway."

"Aye, I apologize fer me son's rambunctious manners, gentlemen, but he's only three, so ye'll have tae forgive him," Arne put in.

There were polite murmurs as the men were shown out and the door closed. But as much as she burned to see her son, Raven could not get out of the cupboard. She had to swallow her tears, knowing she had to wait until Arne let her out.

Then she heard a light tap at the door of the study, and when it was opened, a woman spoke.

"There ye are ye young rapscallion," she said laughingly in a pleasant, light voice.

"Muriel!" Thorsten crowed, clearly happy to see Muriel, whoever she was.

"Och, he ran off once he heard ye were home, Arne, and I've been chasin' him ever since. I hope he hasnae done anything naughty!"

"Muriel, ‘tis good tae see ye. How are ye?" Arne asked in a soft voice full of affection.

"Run off me feet by that wee tinker," the girl replied jokingly.

Arne laughed. "He is a tinker tae be sure. He was a wee bit naughty fer runnin' in here just as some visitors were bein' shown out. Ye nearly knocked their feet from under them, did ye nae, me love? He daesnae ken his own strength!" The adults laughed.

"Sorry, Da, I wanted tae see ye," came Thorsten's little voice.

"I ken, me lad, but I only just got back, and I was comin' straight tae see ye after talkin' tae Uncle Haldor. I've missed ye."

"Me too, Da."

"Now, I have a wee bit of business tae finish up here, and then I'll come up and see ye. So, ye must go with Muriel now, there's a good lad."

"All right, Da."

"I'll come as soon as I can."

Raven heard the door close. So , she concluded, Muriel is obviously Thorsten's nursemaid. That's tae be expected in the circumstances. But the knowledge did not stop the molten jealousy that suddenly erupted inside her.

The memory of Arne's voice, so soft and affectionate as he addressed Muriel was like knives stabbing her flesh. It was as if that same giant hand had reached inside her again and was squeezing her heart, stealing her breath. Already half suffocating with the lack of air and her nose stuffed up from weeping, she dug her finger nails into her palms to stop herself from screaming.

The cupboard door opened suddenly, and there was Arne, and from the expression on his face, she could see he was shocked. Nevertheless, he helped her climb out of the confined space. She eased out her cramped limbs, trying to hide her face, which she knew must be red and puffy. Why she cared what he thought of how she looked, she did not know, but somehow, she did. She told herself it was because she did not want him to witness her emotional state.

Once she was free, she cleared her throat, smoothed her skirts and hair, and surreptitiously wiped away the tears from her cheeks with her sleeve. Only then, did she feel ready to face the two men head on.

"Well, that was interestin'," Arne said sarcastically. "'Tis one way tae find out she's been married tae another man all along, I suppose. Now I finally understand all the secrecy." Raven cringed inwardly at his tone.

"Ach, leave the lassie be fer a minute, Arne. Ye can see she's upset. That cannae have been very pleasant for her tae hear all that, and Thorsten too," Haldor said, giving Raven an understanding and sympathetic look. She smiled weakly at him in gratitude. "She hasnae seen the lad fer three years." He looked expectantly at Arne and added, "Are ye nae gonnae introduce us, then?"

Arne gave a short, bitter laugh before he said, "Haldor, this is Raven MacDonald, apparently." He paused to glare at Raven before continuing, "Raven, this is me braither Haldor, the Viking Laird of Harris."

Raven bobbed a small curtsey as she looked up into the Laird's eyes that were disconcertingly like Arne's. "'Tis a pleasure tae meet ye, melaird. I'm sorry about all that just then, me hidin' from those men and all. Ye must think me mad. Thank ye fer nae tellin' them I was here," she said, hating the way her voice was trembling.

"I'm glad tae meet ye too, Raven. I admit I was a wee bit puzzled why ye jumped intae the cupboard like that, but there was nay chance of us givin' ye away. While ye're under me roof, ye're under me protection, eh, Arne?"

"Hmmm," Arne muttered noncommittally.

Haldor went on, "Besides that, ye're Thorsten's Ma, and that counts as family with me. Ye're welcome here at Castle Macleod, Raven, fer however long ye wish tae stay."

"Thank ye so much fer yer kindness, melaird. I'm very grateful," Raven replied, almost moved to fresh tears by his generosity.

"'Tis all very well sayin' she's family and defendin' her, Haldor, but I am still nae sure about this. She could have told me all this a long time ago. Daes she think I wouldnae have protected her? She chose tae leave, and she chose tae keep her past from me," Arne said, frowning at her, clearly not appeased so easily.

"I'm sure she must have had her reasons," his brother replied, still looking kindly at Raven. It seemed the laird was prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt, while Arne stubbornly refused to do so, and she was glad of the unexpected support. It was a far warmer reception than she had expected.

"I certainly have a lot of questions that she needs tae answer, right now!" Arne said in a disgruntled tone.

"Aye, I'm sure ye two have a lot tae talk about. I'll leave ye in peace and go and tell Sofia Raven's here," Haldor said diplomatically. He left then, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Arne turned at once to Raven. "Well? Are ye gonnae tell me who this husband of yers is? And nay more lyin'!" he demanded.

Raven hesitated for a few moments. She was so used to secrecy, it was hard for her to even begin to tell the truth she had been forced to hide for so long. On the other hand, she knew Arne deserved the truth, and that it would in many ways be a relief to finally tell him all about her past and the danger that had kept her running for so long.

"Me husband is… Laird Struan MacDonald of Barra. I'm Lady Raven MacDonald."

"Jaysus! Ye're married tae him ?!" Arne exclaimed in obvious shock, clearly recognizing the name, as she had known he would. Clan MacDonald was well known in the island region, if not to say notorious. The clan was large, powerful, and wealthy, and Struan's reputation as a ruthless and acquisitive leader had spread far and wide. He had as many allies as he did enemies.

Arne took a few steps backwards, groped for the chair behind him, and fell into it, staring at her open-mouthed.

"Aye, but I told ye, it wasnae me choice. It was a match arranged by me faither, the Laird MacNeil, when I was seventeen. He wanted the power that an alliance with Struan would give him and the clan, and I was the means of securin' it. I hadnae even met the man, but with all the bad things I'd heard about his brutal nature, I refused tae go through with it.

"Me faither locked me up in me chambers until the weddin' day. In the end, I was forced tae marry him. There was nay love involved, Arne. And I soon found out that all the things I'd heard about him were true."

"Did he mistreat ye?" Arne asked, leaning forward in his chair now, his hands clasped loosely between his knees.

Tears pressed at the back of her eyes as she groped for the words. "He's a cruel man, and he made me life a misery. I stood it fer a year, but that was all I could take. I managed tae escape from the island, and when I got tae Harris, I kent he'd be comin' after me. He told me he'd rather kill me than let me go. I changed me name and disguised mesel' as a servant, hopin' tae find a job and support mesel' while I hid from Struan. I would have gone further away, but I had hardly any money."

"That's when ye got the maid's job at the house of pleasure?"

"Aye," she replied, looking down at her hands fidgeting in her lap. It was strange to feel safe enough to tell the truth, with the habit of fear so strongly ingrained. Sensing his change of mood, she looked up and met his eyes. "And then I met ye."

"Aye. But why did ye nae tell me all this about bein' married tae him back then? Ye must have kent I'd protect ye," he said with pain in his voice.

"I ken ye would have, Arne, and that's exactly why I decided I couldnae tell ye. Struan is a vicious, vengeful man. Ye ken how powerful he is, and he has a large army. If he had ever connected ye tae me, he would have come after ye and maybe killed ye. He might even have harmed yer family. I couldnae risk ye gettin' hurt because of me."

Arne rubbed his palms over his eyes. "I ken all that, but ye could have given me the choice. The MacLeods are strong too. We would have fought them."

"Arne, I could nae have asked that of ye," she tried to explain. "It was too big of a sacrifice. I cared about ye too much. I couldnae bear the thought of him hurtin' or killin' ye."

"Ye didnae think fer a minute that I might kill him?"

"I'm nae sayin' that. I'm sayin' I couldnae take the risk. I'm sorry, but I thought the best thing tae dae at the time was tae keep me past a secret."

"That was why ye always made it clear that what we had was nae serious."

She nodded sadly. "I thought it was necessary tae protect ye and yer family. But I loved ye, Arne, with all me heart."

"That's easy tae say now, eh? Christ! Nay wonder ye changed yer tune when ye found out ye were with me child."

"I already told ye about that. I foolishly let mesel' get carried away with dreams of a happy future, ye, me, and our bairn. I thought I could put the threat of Struan behind me. But I was wrong."

"I was comin' back from fightin', and I was ready tae propose tae ye, Raven. Did ye nae realize I was in love with ye?"

"Of course, I did! And I was in love with ye too," she exclaimed.

"So ye say, but what were ye gonnae tell me when I asked ye tae marry me? Would ye have told me about MacDonald then? Or would ye have found some lie tae fob me off?"

Raven was beset by confusion then. The memories of their closeness were so good that they were painful to her now. "I didnae ken ye were gonnae propose tae me, Arne. I told mesel' ye were happy with things as they were. Ye never mentioned it tae me before. Believe me, if it hadnae been fer Struan, I would have leaped at the chance tae be yer wife. I didnae ken what I would have done if ye'd asked me tae wed ye because I wouldnae let mesel' think that far. Maybe I would have told ye the truth. I just wanted tae be happy with ye and the bairn."

A heavy silence fell for several minutes. Then Arne said, "The three years since ye abandoned me and Thorsten?—"

"I told ye before, dinnae say I abandoned ye. Me faither abandoned me, and I swore I'd never dae that tae me own bairn. That's why I had tae come back tae see him," she cried, her emotions getting the better of her.

"So, all the time ye were away, ye were with him."

"Aye. After I left here, I went tae try tae get on the ferry tae Skye, thinkin' if I could get tae Oban on the mainland, I'd be safe. But Struan's men caught up with me just as I was about tae get on the boat." She grimaced at the horrible memory of being discovered, tied up, and dragged back to Barra and her husband.

"They took me straight back tae Struan. Ye can imagine how angry he was once he got me back. After that, I was more or less kept prisoner in me chambers. He would nae let me go anywhere without a guard."

"How come ye managed tae get away again then?" Arne asked, still sounding doubtful.

"I had a maid, Ava. She was supposed tae spy on me fer Struan, but we became so close, she refused tae dae it any longer. She told him I'd given up tryin' tae flee. It was her who helped me get away. Ye see, the window of me chambers is the only one on the second floor of the castle that looks out tae the sea. It has ivy climbin' all around it, and beneath it there is a bit of grassy, rocky ground, with a path that leads down tae the beach. It is the only possible route of escape, so Struan always had two guards stationed there, mornin', noon, and night.

"Anyway, as time went by, I realized I might as well be dead if I couldnae see Thorsten again, so me and Ava began tae plot and plan."

"Wait, so ye have nae bairns with Struan then?"

She shook her head, and glimpsed a shadow of relief in his eyes. "If I had then I would never have left Barra without them in the first place, would I?" she asked, the answer being obvious to her. "That was one of the reasons Struan was angry with me, because I couldnae give him the son he craved. He blamed me fer it. When I got with yer child, I was ecstatic. Then, I kent it was down tae him, nae me. I count it as a blessin' that we had nae bairns. I think he would have made as bad a faither as he is a husband."

"Tell me more about the night ye escaped."

She went on to explain how Ava had helped her make her daring escape by arranging her passage on the boat the storm had eventually destroyed and putting laxative in the guards' supper that night.

"After I lost consciousness in the sea, the next thing I remember was wakin' up and seein' ye. I think the shock made me swoon."

"Aye, so the healer said." Arne paused, his eyes searching her face. "'Tis an unlikely story."

"It happened, I tell ye! How else d'ye think I ended up in that boat wreck?" she cried defensively.

He shrugged. "I dinnae ken. All I ken fer sure is that I have a hard time deciding when ye're bein' truthful and when ye're lyin'."

That hurt her deeply, but it was no more than she expected from him.

"I've told ye before, I kent ye'd hate me fer leavin ye and Thorsten, and I ken ye'll never forgive me either. I made me peace with that a long time ago, I didnae come back fer ye, Arne. I came back tae see our son." But how wonderful would it be if ye'd kept on lovin' me just the same, as I still love ye.

"Very well. I suppose there's nae much more tae be said about yer reappearance in our lives then. Fer the moment at least." He glanced at the clock on the mantel. "'Tis getting late, and it'll be Thorsten's bedtime soon. I usually spend some time with him around now, so it would be good time fer ye tae meet him," he rose from his chair, but Raven was already on her feet, galvanized by the thought of seeing her boy at last.

"Ye're still gonnae let me see him?" she asked, her pulse starting to race with excitement.

"What else am I gonnae dae? Ye're his maither. Every maither should see her bairn."

Raven could not keep the beaming smile from her lips as she clasped her hands to her heart. "Och, thank ye, Arne, thank ye from the bottom of me heart! I cannae believe I'm actually gonnae see Thorsten after all this time. I've dreamt of it so often, and now 'tis really happenin'!"

"Come along, then, and follow me," he said, and she hurried eagerly after him, out of the study and along the hallway to the vestibule, almost vibrating with excitement. He led the way up the stairs to the first landing, then down another long, tapestry lined hallway lit by oil lamps before halting outside a doorway.

"This is his chamber," he told her, putting his hand on the door handle. "Remember what I said, ye're nae tae tell him ye're his maither, all right?"

"Aye," Raven agreed with a nod, swallowing the pain in her heart his insistence caused her. She knew it would not be fair to Thorsten at this stage to confuse him by telling him who she really was when she was supposed to be dead.

"All right. Let's go in." Arne opened the door and went inside, with Raven on his heels.