Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

R aven had felt sick when Arne had suggested they play chess for her chance to see Thorsten. But in the end, she could see no way but to accept the challenge he set for her. She figured she owed it to him, and she was determined to win. When she realized he had allowed her to win, she was very confused and her heart had somersaulted in her chest. The urge to embrace him out of love and gratitude had been strong, but she knew it would be a bad mistake, so she held herself back.

They played a few more games of chess, but the atmosphere between them was still very tense. She did not want to do anything to make him change his mind. But when they had finished playing, and she brought him his willow bark tea, he suddenly informed her that he would not be sleeping on the floor that night.

"I need tae rest me leg properly," he said, back to his gruff demeanor as he took the beaker of medicinal tea from her. "If ye dinnae want tae share the bed with me, then ye'd better sleep in the chair or on the floor. I dinnae care which."

The pain in Raven's stomach, which she had thought might be hunger, proved not to be, and it had worsened during the evening. She was in such discomfort, she felt she had no choice but to agree to share the bed with him. She told herself that she would keep apart from him and that he would fall asleep quickly because of the tea.

"I'll share the bed," she told him, trying to hide the pain she was in. She left the tray of dinner things outside their door to be collected, and when she returned to the bed, he had snuggled down under the covers.

Trying to ignore the cramps pulling at her insides, she undressed down to her shift and got in beside him but far enough away to make sure they were not touching. Much as she would have liked to snuggle up to his broad back and press her aching belly against his warmth, she knew it was out of the question. He despised her and would push her away. He might even decide she could not see Thorsten.

She lay there for a while, watching the shadows from the firelight dancing on the ceiling, listening to his breathing gradually slowing to a regular rhythm that told her he was asleep. After that, she felt relatively safe, and despite her discomfort, she too dozed off.

However, in the early hours of the dawn, she was awoken by burning cramps in her belly, and she realized what was happening. Her moon cycle was coming. At any moment, she would start to bleed. The thought of having Arne find out she was starting her monthly courses made her hot with embarrassment. They no longer shared that level of intimacy, and he already despised her. She did not want him to be There was no other choice but to get out of bed, use the chamber pot to empty her aching bladder and see if there was any blood, clean up, and find some clean, dry cloths to stem her flow. If she could do all that without waking him, then she thought she would be able to hide it from him.

She listened to his breathing for a few moments, to make sure he really was fast asleep. Then, with a minimum of movement, she slid stealthily to the side of the mattress, intending to slip from beneath the covers. She was just about to put her leg out when a muscular arm came over from behind her and wrapped itself around her waist, pinning her with its weight. He shifted in the bed, pressing the hot length of his body against hers as he held her with ease.

"Where d'ye think ye're goin? Plannin' on sneakin' off in the middle of the night, are ye?" he said, his voice deep and husky with sleep next to her ear. The feel of him and the sound of his voice sent tingles rushing through her. Everything in her wanted to turn around, entwine her body with his, and dissolve into his kisses. It took all her will not to give in.

"Nay, I need tae answer a call of nature," she whispered, cringing inwardly with shame.

"Then why are ye creepin' about?"

"I wasnae creepin' about, I just didnae want tae wake ye."

"Aye, so ye could sneak off without me kenning, like the last time."

"Nay!"

"What are ye really up tae?"

"The stomach ache I had earlier has come back. I need the chamber pot, I tell ye."

"A likely story. I dinnae believe a word of it, and I'll nae give up until ye tell me the truth." He leaned up on his elbow and turned her over, so she was forced to meet his eyes. He looked adorably rumpled from sleep, but she shrank from his probing gaze, knowing her cheeks were flaming with shame.

"Tell me the truth! Were ye gonnae leave again?"

She gave up and threw caution to the wind. "Nay! I have a belly ache because me courses are startin', and I didnae want tae bleed all over the bed! And I didnae want ye tae ken."

He gave a barking laugh. "Jaysus, why did ye nae just say so?"

"'Tis an embarrassin' thing fer a lady tae have tae speak about with a man. That was why I was tryin' tae be quiet," she hissed, seeing no other way to convince him but brutal honesty.

"Well, ye neednae be so coy about it. We have a son together, remember," he replied, chuckling.

"That isnae the point," she argued, feeling thoroughly humiliated. She threw the covers back and got out of bed. "Would ye mind nae watchin' me?" she added, giving him a hard glare. "I'd like some privacy."

"Go on about yer business," he told her, "I'll nae watch, I swear."

"Ach!" She turned away, but not before she saw he was smiling. As she reached for the chamber pot, she realized it was the first time she had seen him genuinely smile for the past two days. Embarrassed as she was, she could not prevent the way her lips curled up at the corners to see it.

Raven's period had indeed arrived overnight, and she was still suffering from painful cramps when she awoke next to Arne the next morning. She wondered how she was going to be able to ride to the castle, with every jolt causing her discomfort. So, she made some of the willow bark tea for Arne and herself. After a while, the cramps began to ease a little, and she thought she would manage. The castle was only a couple of hours ride away.

"How are ye feelin'?" she asked him as they were seated on the bed, breakfasting on sweet rolls and tea.

"Me leg's very sore and stiff, but nae too bad considerin'. That infernal concoction certainly helps," he replied, grimacing.

"Aye, it does taste foul, but it seems tae work. I'll change the dressin' when ye're ready," she offered, polishing off a roll.

"I can dae it mesel'," he told her stubbornly.

"But 'tis easier fer me," she protested, once again smarting at his rejection of her help.

"Nay, I've had worse. I can manage by mesel', I tell ye," he insisted. He had finished eating and was now swinging his legs out from under the covers, testing his weight on his injured leg.

"Alright." She gave a small shrug to hide how hurt she really was. She watched him as he began to move stiffly about the room, without using the crutch Meg had given him. He struggled a bit at first, grimacing at the pain, but he persisted and though he had quite a limp for the time being, he was clearly pleased to be able to walk unaided.

"D'ye think ye'll be all right tae ride today?" she asked, worried for anything that would delay her seeing Thorsten.

"Aye, I'll be fine," Arne declared robustly. As though Raven were not in the room, he went over to the washstand and stripped off his shirt. Standing naked with his back to her, he picked up soap and a washcloth and made liberal use of the hot water the maids had brought up with the breakfast.

Raven stared over the rim of her teacup; tendrils of desire unfurled within her as her gaze slowly traced the once familiar, intimate architecture of his powerful, muscle-packed body.

She wanted so much to go to him and run her fingers through his soft fair hair. It shone brightly in the wintry sunlight filtering through the window. She wanted to feel it tickling her naked skin again.

Every move he made, however small, brought her a fresh thrill. She eyed his tattoos, which seemed to come alive under the rippling interplay of muscles across his broad back and shoulders. Her eyes drifted lower, and she admired the high tautness of his buttocks, and his long, strong legs, which had the girth of five-year old saplings.

A shiver of desire traveled through her, a yearning for his rough, masculine beauty and strength, which had once been hers to possess and enjoy. He called to something deep inside her. He was the only one to have shown her what real pleasure was between a man and a woman when they lay together. She would never forget that.

Still, knowing he hated her and that his body was no longer hers to touch was far more painful than her period cramps. If only I could tell him how much I missed him while I was away, how me heart ached fer his company during the long days, and how me body ached fer him during the even longer nights. How much I care fer him even though he's changed.

She tried to concentrate on Thorsten and the fact that she would never desert him like her father had rather than letting her eyes dwell any longer on Arne, engaging in pointless longing. So, while he continued to get ready for the journey—changing his own dressing—she focused on preparing her own things.

Once they had both washed and dressed warmly for the chilly spring weather, they carried their baggage down to the main bar. Arne paid the landlord, and they both thanked him for all he and the staff had done for them during her recovery. Then, they went outside into the cold, misty air and headed for the stables.

Arne's own stallion was saddled and waiting for him. It greeted him with happy nods and soft whickers and rubbed its nose against his face. He stroked it and whispered soft words in its ears. She knew it was ridiculous, but Raven felt a flash of jealousy, wishing he would show her half the affection he was showing his horse.

She had been provided with a sturdy brown mare for the journey, and she petted the horse before tying her baggage to the back of the saddle. She had placed her foot in the stirrup and was about to mount when she gasped to feel two large, warm hands suddenly span her waist. She was suddenly lifted into the saddle without any effort on her part.

"Thank ye," she said, looking down at Arne, surprised he had thought to offer her assistance. But he said nothing, and his face was closed, so she could not glean what he was thinking nor what his motives might be. He stowed his gear in his saddlebags and, with a bit of a leg up from the groom, was soon in the saddle. He tipped the groom a few coins, jerked his chin at Raven, and they set off on their journey to Castle MacLeod in silence.

Raven was excited at the prospect of seeing Thorsten, but she was also nervous at the thought of meeting his family. She decided to try to get him to talk about them, so she would know more about the reception she could expect.

"I suppose yer family hate me as well," she said. He grunted in response, and she took that to be a yes. Her heart sank a little, but she kept her spirits up by thinking of Thorsten. They could hate her all they liked as long as she could see him.

"Tell me again, which of yer braithers lives at the castle?"

"The laird and his lady, that's Haldor and Sofia, and me younger braither Ivar and his wife Catalina. Our sister Dahlia is married tae Laird MacKinnon, so she lives in MacKinnon lands now, but they visit often. That's it."

"De ye think they'll be angry tae see I've returned?"

He shrugged noncommittally and replied, "I've nae idea. Ye'll just have tae wait and see, I suppose."

"Aye, I suppose," she said, hating the strained atmosphere between them. However, she felt she deserved nothing less for what she had done.

The journey continued mostly in silence until they finally reached the castle. As they rode through the gates and into the courtyard, Raven glanced at the very spot where she had left Thorsten by the gates over three years before, wrapped in blankets, along with the letter for Arne telling him why she had to leave. The memory was like a knife in her heart.

But I'm back now, and I'm gonnae see him again very soon, if Arne daesnae change his mind.