Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

" I told ye, I'm thinkin' about it. Let's get back tae the castle first," he told her brusquely, chiding himself for having softened towards her and telling her so much about Thorsten.

Suddenly, Raven let out a small moan. With her hand still resting on her belly, she backed into chair and sat down.

"Are ye all right?" he asked, wondering if it was a ruse to get him to agree to let her see Thorsten. But he saw her face had gone deathly pale, and she was sitting hunched over in the chair, clutching her belly. "Raven, what's wrong?" he asked with genuine concern.

She shook her head dismissively. "'Tis just a wee pain in me belly, is all. It just caught me unawares. I think 'tis likely from all that seawater I swallowed."

"Aye, maybe," he agreed with a nod. "Perhaps ye should have some of that willow bark tea as well. 'Tis good fer any sort of pain."

"Aye, we'll see. It might go away by itself." She looked over at him. "Maybe I need tae eat somethin'. Are ye hungry?"

He had not thought about it. "Aye, I suppose I am."

"I'll get them tae bring some food up here."

Arne sighed, feeling like an invalid.

She clearly divined his thoughts and reminded him of Meg's instructions. "She said ye should try tae rest yer leg as much as possible before ye try tae ride."

"Aye all right. I'll eat up here," he finally agreed, having already resolved in his mind to leave for the castle on the morrow, come what may.

" We'll eat up here," she said. "I'm keepin' ye company, remember?"

How could I forget?

With that agreed, in due course, Raven went down to the main bar and ordered dinner. It was duly brought up on a tray by a maid. Raven smoothed an area of the counterpane next to Arne and told the maid to set the tray down there. Once the girl had gone, she sat on the edge of the bed and poured them a mug of ale each. Arne had a long drink and found the malty flavor of the beer far more refreshing than the bitter tasting willow bark tea.

He sipped it, watching while Raven dish up a large helping of the beef and greens, with a hunk of bread, and handed him the plate along with a fork.

"There ye go, that should put some strength intae ye," she told him, starting to make up a plateful for herself. He remembered that though she was slender, she had curves in all the right places and had always enjoyed her food.

"Thanks," he replied, the smell of the beef and onions suddenly making him realize he was famished, having eaten nothing since breakfast. He took a mouthful of the beef, and it melted in his mouth, just the way he liked it. "That's good."

She gave him a small, almost shy smile as she picked up her fork and prepared to eat. "I remembered ye like beef. And there's a fruit tart as well. I ken what a sweet tooth ye have."

On the one hand, Arne was touched that she should recall such personal details about his likes and dislikes. On the other, it annoyed him that he should care about it, so he said nothing.

Raven ate some of the beef, and her eyes lit up as she chewed. "Och, the gravy is delicious," she said after she had swallowed. "I hadnae realized that I'm actually starvin'!"

They ate in silence for a little while, simply enjoying the good food.

Arne did not know what made him say it, but he suddenly found himself blurting out, "This takes me back tae happier times."

Raven looked at him, then looked back to her dinner, as if to hide the slight flush that appeared in her cheeks. "Aye, it daes," she replied in a low voice. "We often had beef fer our dinner when ye used tae visit me at Mhairi's house. D'ye recall?"

"The beef or visitin' ye at Mhairi's?"

She flicked her eyes at him, and he relented. "Of course, I remember it all very well."

"D'ye remember the first time we met?"

Arne hesitated, in two minds whether to admit he remembered every moment of being with her, from the first to the last. Finally, he nodded. "I saw ye before I kent yer name."

"Did ye?" she asked, her expression brightening suddenly as she looked into his eyes. "I saw ye too. Ye ordered a second helping of the beef, I seem tae remember."

"So, I could talk tae ye, aye," he confessed before he could stop himself.

Again, she flicked a glance at him and looked away, her cheeks still pink. "I

was glad ye did."

That small sentence made Arne's heart clench in his chest as powerful emotions gripped him. The bittersweet memories of those happier times, which he had tried so hard to block out, came flooding back to him. He felt the need to protect himself from them, lest his resolve to keep Raven at arm's length should further weaken.

"I went there lookin' tae pay fer a courtesan's company fer the night," he said bluntly, feeling like a beast when he saw pain flicker across her face. But she quickly composed her features, saying nothing in response to his jibe and continuing to eat her dinner.

Still, he felt bad for hurting her again, and after a few moments, he said in a softer tone, "But I found ye instead."

"Aye, ye found me, the maid," she said almost wistfully. She paused for a moment, chewing a mouthful of the meat. Then she chuckled and said, "All the courtesans were dyin' fer yer attention. They thought ye so handsome and charmin', a welcome change from their usual clientele."

"I'm flattered. 'Tis nae every day I have women fightin' over me."

She laughed softly. "Aye, they all wanted tae spend the night with ye, and they couldnae understand why ye seemed tae prefer the company of the maid. Morag was furious at first."

Arne could not hold back his smile. "Aye, I could tell. She didnae want tae be out of pocket when she saw I'd taken a fancy tae ye instead of one of her painted ladies."

"She kept trying tae put ye off and tempt ye away, but ye kept me talkin' at yer table fer ages that first night."

"Aye, and fer many a night after that," he agreed. "That's why I always made sure tae spend plenty of money whenever I came tae see ye, so she'd nae be angry about our… friendship."

Their eyes met then, and he felt a silent communication pass between them that words could never express. The tension between them was almost tangible.

"I've missed it… our friendship," she said quietly. "D'ye remember how ye'd wait fer me tae finish work, and then we'd go tae me chamber and talk and talk intae the night about all sorts of things?"

"Aye, I remember," he replied, unconsciously warming to the subject. "D'ye remember how many times I beat ye at chess?"

She laughed, the full-throated laugh he recalled. It sent goosebumps rising all over his skin. "Ye mean all those times I let ye win?"

"God, we used tae play fer hours, eh? All night sometimes."

"Aye, and then I'd have tae go tae work and drag mesel' around the place half asleep," she answered, chuckling at the memory. Then she looked at him and asked, "Why did ye pick me when ye could have had one of the courtesans?"

He shrugged, putting his empty plate back on the tray and picking up his ale. "I liked the look of ye, and then, when we started talkin', I found I just liked ye. Any conversation a man has with a courtesan is one he's paid fer. They tell him what he wants tae hear. 'Tis nae a real conversation at all. With ye, it was real."

"It was good, was it nae, Arne, what we had?" she asked after a few moments, her light-brown eyes almost pleading as they searched his face. She was getting too close, making him feel things he did not want to feel. His anger flared.

"Aye, it was good. But I think it always meant a lot more tae me than it did tae ye." The memory stung him afresh.

"'Tis nae true at all! Why d'ye say that?" she shot back, clearly hurt.

"When we started sleepin' together, and I wanted ye tae meet me family, ye point blank refused. Ye made it clear our relationship was just a bit of fun, nay strings attached. We were never gonnae be anythin' serious as far as ye were concerned." He watched as tears welled in her eyes. She sniffed them back and set her jaw as she put her plate aside and clasped her hands in her lap.

"I had good reason fer doin' that, Arne," she tried to explain, her voice wavering with suppressed emotion. "I was afraid that if I let things get too serious between us, so that we became a proper couple, and ye introduced me tae yer family as yer woman, I'd be puttin' ye all in danger."

"I suppose that was because of this mysterious threat from yer past ye keep on claimin' is always chasin' ye, was it? Nae because ye did nae really care much fer me," he said, a scornful edge to his voice.

She visibly bristled. "Aye, that's exactly why. And if I had tae dae the same thing again, I would because I cared fer ye. Whatever ye think of me, I did it tae protect ye and those dear tae ye from harm."

"But it all changed when ye fell with child, eh? Then, ye wanted tae be with me and be a part of me family, me bein' the laird's braither and all," he responded bitterly.

She hung her head and was silent for a few moments. Then, she looked at him levelly and said, "Aye, after that it was different. I wanted it tae be different. I wanted tae make sure our bairn had the happiest upbringin' it could have, with its Ma and Da givin' it all the love in the world, and a good family around it.

"It was foolish of me, but I was so happy, and I wanted that new life so much, I tried tae put me past behind me and tae forget the threat always hangin' over me. I wanted tae believe everythin' would be all right."

Arne sensed the passion in her words, but he still was unsure that she could be trusted not to be lying to him again. "I realize now why ye never went far from the village. It was because ye were on the run, was it nae?" he asked.

She nodded; her eyes sad. "Aye."

"Why will ye nae tell me who it is ye're running from?" he demanded in frustration.

She sighed heavily. "I've told ye, I cannae tell ye because?—"

"'Tis too dangerous, of course," he filled in sarcastically.

"Aye. And I'll dae naethin' that'll would put ye and Thorsten at risk."

Torn between wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt and forcing the truth out of her, he looked for a way to give her some sort of ultimatum.

And I ken exactly how tae dae it.

"How about a game of chess right now? Let's play like we used tae, eh? It'll be just like old times."

She looked taken aback, but then she nodded. "Aye, all right."

"But this time, I suggest we have a little wager on the outcome," he said,

watching her face intently. He was satisfied she had no inkling of what he was about to propose.

"What sort of a wager?" she asked, giving him a dubious look.

"Well, we'll play, and whoever wins can have one wish. So, what d'ye wish fer, Raven?"

"That's easy—tae see Thorsten, of course."

It was exactly what he had expected her to say. "All right. If ye win, ye can

see him." She squeezed her hands together like a happy child, and her eyes lit up.

"Thank ye, Arne. And what will yer wish be if ye win?" she asked, all

innocence.

"Me wish is—that ye'll leave Harris at once and never come back."

He might as well have struck her. The color drained from her face, and she

stared at him, shock and sorrow mingling in her eyes.

"Are ye serious?" she finally asked, her voice low.

"Deadly. Why, ye've as good a chance of winnin' as I have. It seems a fair way

of sorting out the mess ye've made by turnin' up here again, demandin' tae see the lad."

She bit her lip, visibly hesitating. At last, looking as though the words had been torn from her, she said, "If that's what I have tae dae tae see him, then all right, I accept yer wager."

Arne smiled, but it in no way reflected his actual thoughts and the confused feelings warring inside him. He hated himself for giving her pain, but he also wanted to protect Thorsten and himself from falling into the trap again and then, one day, finding her gone again. "Good. Ye can fetch one of the chess sets from downstairs."

"All right." She rose from the bed, slipped on her shoes, and left the room. While she was gone, he cut himself a slice of the fruit tart and ate it. But it tasted like ashes on his tongue, and so he gave up, discarding it. When Raven returned with the chess set, he was brushing the crumbs from his fingers.

He moved the dinner tray aside as she kicked off her shoes and climbed back on the bed. "There ye are," she said, setting out the board between them."White or black?" he asked.

"White." She set the chessmen out in their proper places, the whites at her end, the black at Arne's. The air seemed to him to crackle with tension.

"Ye can move first," he told her, because to do so made him feel marginally better about what he was doing.

She moved up one of her pawns, and he did the same with his. They advanced slowly upon each other's pieces, and he noticed how quickly Raven brought out her big guns, skillfully blocking his projected moves with her knights, bishops, and castles, and most dangerous of all, her queen.

He observed her as she focused on the game. She was biting her lip, her beautiful, elfin face a picture of concentration as she battled him to win. It touched his heart to see how serious she was about winning and seeing Thorsten. He felt his heart melting a little more towards her.

He had not played chess since she had left him. His last game had been their last one together. He had not had the heart to touch the pieces since then because they brought painful memories and thoughts to mind. However, he still found it hard to lose on purpose.

When she checkmated his king, she looked across at him with a puzzled expression. "Ye could have won that, but ye let me lose."

"Aye, I ken."

"Why?"

He sighed, praying he was not making a big mistake. "Because every maither deserves tae ken her child."