17. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

T he mall was crowded. I shouldn't have been surprised by that, but I was. I also hated that I was even in a mall. The stores, with their glass display boxes and pretty, thought-out designs inside them, showcasing the season's hottest fashion trends, made me feel a little dizzy. I tried not to roll my eyes as Mary took me to a rather bustling shop near the end of the mall. Ash followed close behind.

"Here we are!" she whispered in my ear. The excitement in her voice was catching . I smiled, and we waited in line for a good half hour before it was our turn to peruse the dresses and stand in front of the mirror. I knew what I had in mind and was also curious to see what Mary would suggest.

"I don't really have a budget. I think I'll just make something I already have work," Ash was saying to Mary as we looked through dresses.

"Oh, your parents won't help?" I watched as Ash's face turned red, and I was surprised because she always seemed so confident.

Maybe embarrassment is universal, no matter how sure of yourself you appear.

"Uh, they are my foster parents, and the money they get doesn't really cover extras ."

"Oh, I see," Mary said, looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders because I didn't know; I had not known that Ash was living with foster parents.

Was that boy then who came to see her a foster brother? I felt guilty like I was truly the worst friend in the world for not knowing something like that. In a few minutes, Ash spotted a hot pink dress that made her squeal. I hid the urge to cover my ears.

"Okay, I may not have the money for this, but I am so trying it on! They don't have this shade back in–" she paused and hugged it to her chest. Mary and I both smiled.

I walked through the rows and rows of prom dresses, some short, some long, and some even had trains. I touched the fabrics until one caught my eye. Mary was doing the same, but was having more success. As I reached the end of a long row, still with only one in hand, Mary smiled.

"Well, let's get started with some of the choices here," she said with a nod to the pile of dresses she had over her arm.

"You are better at this than me," I said with a laugh.

"No, just more experience."

We made our way into the dressing room. Ash carried a handful of all pink dresses in her hand and had a huge smile upon her face. Each time Ash came out of the dressing room, she looked like a princess. Pink was definitely her color, against her beautiful, tanned skin. Mary helped me get into a green mermaid-like dress. It was a tube top that hugged my hips, flared out at the bottom into a shimmer of sparkly fabric. Ash gazed at me in awe. I wasn't so sure I wanted to go bare-shouldered. I kept my opinions to myself because when I stepped out in said mermaid number, Mary gushed. I walked back into the dressing room, flipping through the dresses and found a silver-blue dress. The fabric was shiny, and it had sleeves. I zipped the dress on, myself, and stood in front of the mirror. It was a very light blue; the fabric seemed to catch sparkles in the lights as I moved. It had a full skirt, like I wanted, and the bodice was laced up in the back. The sleeves were quarter-length, but they showed most of the tops of my shoulders. As I stood and looked at myself and took myself in with that neckline and the pretty, slim-fitted waist, I felt beautiful. I loved how elegant it made me look. I looked like a vintage princess. I spun and allowed myself a giggle as I did so. Finally, I stepped out of the dressing room to show Mary and Ash. I stood on the platform before both of them, and a few mirrors, and they both gasped.

"This is The One!" Ash nearly shouted. "Emma, you look breathtaking!" She jumped to her feet.

"I love it, Emma. I think Ash is right. This is the one," Mary said with wide eyes and a grin.

We handed the other dresses to the sales lady for her to put back onto the racks. Ash's face fell as she handed her pink dresses over to the lady.

"I didn't find one," she said softly to her.

But Mary interrupted; "Yes, you did, honey." Mary said, looking at my friend. Ash's face looked confused. "Which one was your favorite?" I kind of wanted to pull Mary away and tell her that she wasn't making her sadness any lighter.

"I loved this one, with the sparkles at the top." She brushed her hands over a powder-pink dress, and I remembered that it looked stunning on her. But truly, they all had.

"Yes, that's the one, then." Mary took that pink dress and my blue dress and made her way to the register.

"What is happening?" Ash asked as we followed Mary.

"You are getting a dress," I smiled, realizing Mary's plan and loving her all the more for it.

"What? There is no way. That's way too much money."

"It's her money; she can do what she wants with it," I shrugged.

"You—she—you guys, I do not deserve this," I saw her purplish-blue eyes seem to gloss over with tears, so I pulled her into a hug.

"You probably already know, because everyone at school knows, but my parents died last year. I don't know all you have been through, but I know what it is like to not have parents, and trust me, your parents would want you to be happy."

"Why do you think that?" she asked

"You are amazing. I am sure they know it."

"Most people just assume I had drug addict parents or parents who ended up in jail or something. No one ever guesses that they died. Thank you."

I nodded and smiled and walked to Mary who held out our dresses to us.

Ash didn't stop thanking us until we dropped her off that night, and I loved how excited she was. After we dropped Ash off, I turned to Mary.

"Thank you so much, Mary."

"Of course, Emma. It was my pleasure; you are both going to be knock-outs."

"I mean, about Ash, too. Her parents died, and she—"

"I was glad to do it. I like her. She is a sweet girl, and she makes my girl happy. I am grateful for her, for being in your life." She turned on the radio, and I was alone with my thoughts. I pulled out my phone and texted Shad.

"The color is a light blue."

"Color?" Shad texted back.

"My dress, usually the date matches."

"Oh, yes, of course. Perfect; I am on it." He sent a smiley face, and I sent one back. It was real. I was really going to Homecoming with Shad.

We drove through the city, and I listened as Mary chatted with me about the flower shop and her clients. She paused in her speech as the light turned red at an intersection.

"Emma, I have something to talk about with you," she said, nervously drumming her hand on the steering wheel, which was unlike her.

"What is it?" I asked, looking at her face. The light turned green, and she started driving again.

"It's about—" She stopped and shook her head. "No, the thing is, I think we need ice cream." She smiled at me, and I nodded, confused about what it was she wanted to say. But, I knew Mary, and if it was really important, she would tell me, eventually. She always did. Right then, I had a double chocolate chip ice cream calling my name.

After we got home, I hung up my new dress in my closet and stared at it for a while. I could not believe my life—that I was really going to Homecoming. I closed the closet doors and sat down on my bed.

"So, blue, huh?" I turned around, and there stood Shad, just outside my window. I jumped and fell off the bed, startled. Shad pulled himself through my window and walked over to me.

"Are you alright? I did not mean to scare you," he said with a playful smile.

"Oh, my heck, Shad; how did you get up there?" I held my chest, trying to steady my breathing.

"I climbed the tree. It is sort of a skill many members of my family possess." He motioned to the tree outside my window, acting as if it wasn't out of the ordinary to climb a tree to see me. His clothes were the usual uniform he chose for himself, and he looked as perfect as ever, and I, just like always, was in awe of everything that was him.

"Is this another hobby? Tree climbing?" I asked.

"Perhaps, but I will not do it again if it scares you. I didn't mean to do that, only surprise you."

"So, how long were you there?" I folded my arms across my chest.

"I just climbed up when I spoke; I promise. I am not a creep." He put his hand on his chest as if swearing it.

I laughed.

"So, how did dress shopping go?" he asked, walking over to my dresser.

"Really well."

He picked up a picture on my dresser, the one of Ryker and me the year prior, on one of our family summer vacations. "You and Ryker are so close," he said, brushing the glass with his finger.

"Yes, we used to be."

"I am sure he enjoyed being in your life for all this time. I, myself, have never had such a friend," Shad replied, putting the picture frame back on my dresser, facing me. Then I noticed it—took him in. His pants were his usual slacks that fit him rather snug, and beautifully, I might add, but a little wrinkled. His shirt was untucked, just like the other day, but it, too, was wrinkled, and the collar of his shirt was messed up. As I looked into his eyes, I noticed a change there, a deeper sadness. I ached. It was as if his pain was mine, and I wanted to take it from him–know what had hurt him.

"Really, you didn't have anyone, not even when you were younger?" I asked.

He shook his head. "My family was always so busy; I didn't have time to make real friends. I was often watched by other people, too, while my parents, uh—worked." He walked to the side table by my bed and touched my lamp. The jewels hanging off the shade shook at his touch.

"That sounds awful," I replied, keeping my eyes on him.

"Yes, it was not the greatest childhood, that is for sure. I value our friendship, Emma. I really do." He looked at me; then his eyes locked onto mine.

"I value our friendship, also," I said, feeling a little nervous that friendship was all he would ever want from me.

"Thank you." His eyes, fixed on mine, mesmerized me. "I should probably go. I just wanted to—" he cut himself off, and I knew he just wanted to see me. I could almost feel it as the song played between us. "And I could not wait until tomorrow."

"Are you okay, Shad?" I asked, moving to him as he walked to the window. The song started playing in my head, even louder, and I tried not to focus on it so that I could hear Shad—but it was so loud.

"I am just thinking too much about my family today, and that makes me feel a little down."

I reached out and fixed his collar, and I felt his breath on my cheek.

"There, now you seem more yourself."

He smiled a sad smile. "Thank you, Emma." The look in his sad, golden eyes made me want to cry. How could I heal his pain like he always had for me? I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.

"I understand how it is to miss your family. I ache for my parents. I am sorry if you're feeling that." He moved closer to me and touched my cheek softly, pulling my face into his hands, and I wanted to fall into him. We stood close to each other. He wrapped his arms around me and picked me up in a warm and electric-enriched embrace.

"I am sorry for your loss, Emma."

"I'm okay—actually, even better—knowing you," I said, nearly breathless in his hug. I prayed and wished and hoped that he would hold me forever and never let me go. "You—You make me happy. I like being around you."

His hands moved from around me, one hand cupping the back of my head and the other on my waist. "I am so glad, Emma. I like being around you, too." His eyes looked so sad, still, and I wanted to kiss them, kiss away the pain I saw there.

"Are you sure you are okay?" I asked, looking up at him.

He nodded, but the pain in his eyes was all too real.

"I am okay, just sad this evening; sorry, I do not mean to make you worry about me."

I shook my head, "No, Shad. I want to be here for you, alright?" I smiled at him, and he touched my jaw, sending surges of electric current through me.

"Oh, my darling, I am so happy to have found you." I felt warmth surge through me as he called me "darling" again, still so strange, and yet, so him in a way that I couldn't describe. His hand cupped my jaw.

"There you go, using that word again." I barely breathed because how could I breathe when someone like him is touching me, looking at me in this way and calling me his darling, as if I am his everything.

He smiled. "I decided that the term suits you," he said, rubbing his thumb over my jawline, and I wanted to melt into him.

"How so?" I was impressed that the words came out of my mouth.

"You are precious and timeless."

I looked into his eyes, those golden eyes that made me weak in the knees.

"And so very sweet."

"Don't say that," I said, barely audible, but I knew he could hear me—he always heard me, even when I didn't say a thing.

"Why not?" he asked, looking concerned.

"Because I am nothing, Shad; I am just me, Emma. I am broken and unfixable, and I—I am no one's ‘darling'–not really."

"You are not broken. You are not nothing," he stated. His eyes held me to that spot, like an anchor. It was as if he was begging me, pleading with my soul, to believe him, to know he spoke the truth: "And you are ‘darling.' You are ‘darling' to me," he whispered.

I tried, oh, I tried because I wanted to; oh, how badly I wanted to be his everything, his "darling"—his world. But, there he was giving me such happiness, and I could still feel the depths of sadness within his own soul as he touched my cheek. A tear trickled down my face, and he caught it. Seeing his sadness made me feel it inside of myself.

"What is wrong?" he whispered softly.

I thought of Shad being so sad, and I thought about the things Ryker had discovered about my parents, that they had been murdered. The face of the man who did it haunted me. "You seem so sad. I wish I could make you feel happy again," I said.

"You make me happy, Emma. Do not cry because of me, please, darling." His voice was low and rough as he called me "darling" again, so naturally; I felt my toes curl.

I wish he would kiss me, I thought and then quickly shoved the thought away before I said something embarrassing out loud.

"I should go; I shouldn't be up here with you, alone; it isn't proper." He cleared his throat and moved a couple inches away from me, but he still held me there with him. There he was, acting like the proper gentleman who I was growing incredibly attached to. I moved my hands from around his shoulders, and he moved his hand from around my waist. Just as I was about to step back, he once again pulled me in closer, still holding the back of my head with one hand, and his lips met with my cheek in a kiss. Electric fire burned inside me, blossoming from where his lips touched my skin and bloomed through me, smoldering me at his touch. I almost gasped when he did it, but I clamped my jaw shut. He smiled as he pulled away and hopped out the window with a wave, and I stood there, frozen to the spot, to the place where Shad had kissed me.

This is now my favorite spot in my room. He kissed me! Okay, so it was only on the cheek, but that doesn't matter. I lifted my hand to my cheek. Only two more days until Homecoming—two more days, and I would wear my dress and dance with Shad all night long. I stood there, watching his shadow walk across the street, thinking and knowing that I was the luckiest girl alive.

I still had a very hard time being around Shad without blushing or wanting to plant a kiss on his perfect face, but to that point, I had done a pretty good job of maintaining control. Shad was always a gentleman, and I loved him for that. It was something that made me instantly trust him and made me feel cared for and safe.

He is a little old fashioned, but I won't lie; I love it .

That next morning, I walked to my locker to retrieve my books for the day. Shad was leaning up against it, looking at his phone. He was as handsome as ever. I hoped he was feeling better, not as sad as the day before.

"Hey, Shad," I said, trying hard not to stare at him so I wouldn't forget my locker combination, but I failed miserably.

"Hello, Emma," he nodded, and I felt his eyes on me as I fumbled with the lock. Am I supposed to go counterclockwise or clockwise? I tried to remember, but Shad had a way of making my brain useless. "It is clockwise, Emma," he softly whispered in my ear.

"Uh, thanks," I said, spinning the dial around to re-start. Why could I never act normal around him? Once I finally got my locker opened, I saw a rose sitting on top of my books. It was a long-stemmed, yellow rose. The thorns had been picked off, so I picked it up and let my nose touch the velvet petals. The scent was intoxicating. How many times had I done that, and still, it amazed me every single time? Tied to the bottom of the stem was a little white piece of paper, and written in the most beautiful cursive, clearly belonging to Shad, one word was written:

Friendship.

My heart sank. I wanted to crumple up that paper and stomp it into the pavement. I didn't want to be just his "friend." I wanted so much more from him. Is that all he thinks this is? I love the gesture; I mean, hello, a gorgeous boy gives me a flower in my locker? Heart-eye emojis all day long. But why did he have to give me a yellow rose and point out ‘friendship .' Was he making it clear that friendship is all we would ever have? After that kiss last night, I was sure he had felt more for me.

"Shad, you shouldn't have," I said, trying to smile and be grateful, even though my heart was crumbling.

"I am sorry for last night. I should not have come over without asking. Sometimes, I just need to see you, and I cannot control myself, but I will—I promise."

"Have you met yourself, Shad? I don't think you could be more controlled if you tried. Seriously, it is almost like you are too perfect—I mean, not like you really are–who is perfect anyway? And I mean, just because you stand there, looking all perfect and acting all perfect doesn't mean you are, I guess." I closed my mouth and turned to my locker, ducking my face inside it. Did you really just call him perfect-looking? That is not something a friend would say. I closed my locker and cleared my throat.

"So, now I am beautiful and perfect? Emma, my darling, the compliments you give me are high praise, indeed. I have to admit, however, that you are wrong," he said.

"Shad—"

"Do not worry. I will not tease you. But, there is just one thing I wanted to do before you go to first period today, my darling."

"What?" I asked.

He smiled his playful smile and kissed my cheek, and I felt like I was soaring through the sky.

His electric touch was gone from me, just as quickly as it had come. But, the effects from his touch lingered. His words also seemed to linger with me as he walked away, and all I thought was:

darling,

darling,

my darling,

I am his darling.

Over and over again, through my soul, the words bent around me, making me feel them and know that those words were true.