18. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

S had stood in the doorway of The Rose Village. His white shirt and tie were perfection. I stopped what I was doing to look at him.

"Need another rose?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't pick the yellow rose again for ‘friendship' and break me into a thousand pieces. Was I obsessing a little bit about that yellow rose he had placed in my locker? Yes.

He walked to the counter quickly, and placed his hands on the cool surface, right in front of me. "I need to show you something before it's too late. Will you come?" He took my hand in his and kissed my palm so softly. The electric charge came, and I was reminded, yet again, that I was fully alive only because of him. He had awakened me; the hole was mended inside me, the ache was gone. I was sleeping beauty, and he had saved me with his kiss.

My mom had written a Sleeping Beauty tale, all her own. In her version of the story, the prince waited three hundred years–waited for his love, while everyone he loved grew old and, eventually, died. But he waited, and he was there when she awoke. In so doing and with his faithfulness, he had finally broken her curse. Shad may not have had to wait three hundred years to awaken me, but my awakening seemed just as powerful to me.

There were a million emotions bubbling between us. I heard the song within me as it played between us like always, and I savored the sound of it.

I will never tell him this, but I will go anywhere he wants me to go.

"I'll go with you. You're lucky— We are closing now."

"Great, do you have a coat?" he asked, looking at my shirt.

"No, I don't. Is it raining?" I asked, pursing my lips as I looked outside the window.

"I have an extra coat in my car. I'll go get it." He smiled and left, making the door chime in his wake. Moments later, he jogged back up to the door and held out the brown leather Jacket I had seen him wear a dozen times at school. I got goosebumps just thinking about wearing it. He handed it to me, and I slipped my arms into it. I had not realized that it had a hood, and I was grateful for it if we were going out into the rain.

"Thanks," I said, turning to face him.

He smiled with his large grin and gave me a nod.

"Now, just let me lock up." I walked over and set the alarm and locked the back door. As we left, I locked the front door and stood under the overhang of the shop. The rain had paused for a moment, I noticed, as Shad walked in front of me. He reached back for my arm, and I let him take it.

I didn't speak as he pulled me around, behind the shop. I was aware that there was a trail back there, but I hadn't been down that path in a long time. We continued to walk in silence as more rain began to fall. I watched the rain fall down Shad's back as he guided me forward. Even with the coat, I was soaked through right away, as was he. Still, it was pleasant; I felt clean and new, almost as if I had been reborn. On that path, with that rain, and within that cold darkness, somehow, I found my peace. We walked down the main path a bit longer, and then veered off to the right and onto another less traveled path. I looked intently at everything around me as if seeing clearly for the first time. Though my vision was blurred from the splattering rain, I still could see that the world looked different than it ever had before. How could I explain it ? I couldn't. I only knew that things were different; things shifted, as if I was suddenly looking at the world with new eyes. As I took everything in, I felt something wet and sticky all over my legs. I looked down to see that I was in a puddle, a huge puddle, and not only that, I was completely soaked. I was completely covered in brown, muddy earth. Shad had been in front of me and turned to look at me, right as it happened. I looked down at my pants, my feet, and Shad's jacket– yep, all covered in mud . I put my hands on my face to feel that it, too, was also splattered. At that moment, in the pouring rain, Shad laughed. Not an I'm-making-fun-of-you laugh, but a joyful laugh. I couldn't help but laugh, too, feeling how wonderful it was to release one loud laugh after another. Eventually, we stopped laughing, and he reached for my hand. I gave it to him. As he pulled me out of the puddle, I fell into him. I was surprised that he didn't pull away from me—I was drenched in mud, after all. He lifted his free hand and wiped the mud from my cheek and forehead. I could barely breathe. Why does his touch make me so crazy? I stared at his lips, and I wanted to feel his lips against my own, and I begged him with everything inside me to kiss me.

"You are a bit of a mess, are you not, darling?" His hot breath sent chills through me, and I didn't know if he really understood how deeply true those words were both inside and out. He smiled, and I watched as rain brushed against his cheeks and fell from his chin. I couldn't laugh, I couldn't smile, I couldn't do anything then, but just look at him and take him all in. I heard the rain, felt his warmth around me, saw how his eyes looked into me, into my soul, my song playing in the background, humming from within me. Once he was done wiping my face clean, he turned and started to walk again. I walked the rest of the way down the muddy trail in the rain with Shad's hand in mine.

After a few more minutes, the path led us to a small creek. The sun was just beginning to shine as we reached the water. We stepped onto a small cobblestone bridge that must have been over a hundred years old. Shad guided me over it, and I willingly followed.

He turned around to face me.

"Are you ready?" he smiled.

"Ready for what?"

He turned me around and placed his hands on my shoulders and rested his head on one of his hands. Joy bounced around inside me at his touch.

Ryker has never made me feel this way. I pushed away the thought of him .

"This—" and suddenly, I saw it.

The water sparkled in the sunlight, and rainbows glittered through the water. Rays of light bounced off of the rain as it fell. Tiny drops created electric patterns in the quickly moving water. I stood, mesmerized by its simple, glowing, glittering, colorful beauty. The trees with their autumn orange leaves glowed like fire in the sunlight. Just as it had come, it went, and just like that, the rain and the sun were gone. It was as if I had blinked, I would have missed it. It reminded me of another one of my mother's stories, and the entire experience seemed too fantastical to be real, but it was real, because there we stood. Shad let go of my shoulder and took off his hood, and he looked up at the sky. I watched him.

"How, how does that happen—how did you know?" I whispered. "I have never seen anything like that before." Not wanting to affect the beautiful scene, I spoke ever so softly.

"Did you like it? I saw it when I was walking out here one evening. It reminds me of a place near the home where I grew up." He must have been waiting for my approval.

"I've never seen anything so beautiful."

He smiled as if in triumph. I followed him onto the other side of the bridge and down to the bank by the water. He reached down and picked up a rock and reached for my hand and placed something cold in my palm–the rock, I assumed. When I looked, I didn't see just a rock. It was no bigger than a pebble, clear and jagged. It was a crystal, and as I lifted it up to the sun's light, I twirled it between my fingers, looking at the reflections and rainbows it created.

"It's beautiful!" I gasped.

"It's a crystal."

I looked at him as he smiled while bending over to pick up a different rock to throw across the creek.

He looked at the clouds. "We better go; it is going to rain again, and you might step in another puddle."

"Shad, why did you bring me here?" I asked, not turning around to look at him.

"Because I thought you would like it," he said softly.

"Thank you."

"I wanted you to know, Emma, that even on the darkest days, when the sky cries and the clouds barricade the sunlight from your view, that there is still light—that even in the darkness, there are pieces—rays of light, and we only have to search for them, and then they will light up our souls."

I smiled, unable to do anything else. I turned and looked at the river, leaned over, and observed the many tiny crystalized rocks in the water. I reached down and picked up a crystal, needing to touch one again to help me memorialize that moment. I let the crystal fall back into the water and quickly followed after Shad as he placed the crystal that he had found inside his pocket. We walked back in silence. I didn't know what else to say.

As The Rose Village's store lights came into view, I realized that I didn't want to leave him. It was something that always seemed to happen whenever I spent time with him. He slowed down and waited for me to catch up. Our hands moved together, and swayed mockingly beside one another. He didn't reach for my hand, and I wondered why. Ryker and I used to hold hands so easily, and I want that with Shad, too. I want him to always hold my hand, not just when I need his strength, but always. I tried to push that thought away. Suddenly, his fingers were bending around mine, and I felt my face grow warm. I felt my heart beat faster. I thought that I must have been easy to read because he always seemed in tune with what I wanted. I searched for something to say.

Shad pulled my hand up to his mouth. He looked at our hands for a brief moment, and then he looked at me. As his lips touched the skin on my hand, I felt as though my heart would break through my chest.

"Something happens when I am around you. I feel things," I said again, immediately wishing that I had kept my mouth closed.

He moved our clasped hands away from his lips. I watched as a small smile made its way onto his face. "You feel things? I make you feel these things?" he asked with that alluring smirk upon his face, which made me want to kiss him. He was becoming more playful with me the more time we spent together. I liked it, but I didn't understand why he had to be playful at that moment?

"Shad, I am serious," I said.

"Me, too–I have feelings for you, too." he smiled. "I am glad that you have feelings for me."

Shad drove me home in my car, saying he would get his car later. He turned off the engine when we arrived at my house, and he got out and seemed to run around to my door, because he was there in one heartbeat, opening it up for me. He took my hand and led me up the sidewalk to the driveway.

He wants me to have feelings for him. He has feelings for me. I repeated that over and over again in my head, still shocked.

When we approached my house, his eyes were, again, on the sky.

"That was so beautiful. I can't stop thinking about it." I looked at my shoes as I spoke, giving up hope that we could talk about what was happening between us. I was sure he had to be feeling it, too. It was like an electric or a magnetic force, pulling me to him, wanting him with me. But I was a coward. I couldn't bring it up.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he said politely. As we walked up my driveway and reached the front door, I stood there for a moment, wondering if there was anything more he might say—or tell me. "Emma, I am different," he said with his eyes still watching the evening sky.

"Different? Different how, like with your secret rose obsession? Or your prep-school clothing choices?" I smirked at him. He looked at me and smiled. It was a small smile, and it didn't reach his eyes.

"Yes." He moved his weight from side to side, looking at me. "Emma, I do not know the best way to go about doing this." He ran his fingers through his hair, a signal he gave when he was thinking hard about something, but maybe, it was also something he did when he was nervous.

Do I make him nervous?

"But I want to tell you–" he paused.

"Just say it—that's usually the best way," I added, walking closer to him, wondering how we had gotten so far apart and why he was no longer holding my hand.

"I am only afraid that if I tell you, you won't want to see me anymore. But that should not stop me, yet it does, time and time again, I am a coward," he whispered.

I could not think of anything he could do to make that a possibility.

"You are not a coward. And you will not lose me. That won't happen, Shad. We are friends." I touched his shoulder to comfort him.

He laughed, "friends, yes—" He closed his eyes.

"Yes?" I said softly. He looked at my face, and a warm smile came to his lips. He was more than just a friend, so much more. Then my song for him sped up, and then quickly, it slowed down again. I tried to hide my confusion but wondered if I was having a seizure or something.

"Can you hear that — feel that, Emma?"

"What?" I whispered as the song I made up for him blasted and blared inside of me. He looked back and forth into my eyes, waiting for me to say more. I did not know what else to say, and he looked down.

"Nothing," he said, putting his hands inside his pockets, shaking his head. "Never mind, I should go. I am grateful for your patience." I watched as he took one hand out of his pocket. Watched as he reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear and trailed a thumb down my cheek until he touched my lips. I closed my eyes, imagining his thumb was his lips against mine in the kiss I so desperately longed for. "Thank you, Emma, for letting me show you the creek. Thank you for confiding in me about your parents. I am sorry for your great loss. I think they would be proud of you." His lips were so close to mine—I realized as I opened my eyes. I could feel his hot breath on my face. I looked into his eyes, and I could see a struggle there within him. Was he struggling to contain himself, just as I was? I blinked, and in the next moment, his hands were back inside his pockets, and he was backing away from me. "Goodnight, darling," he barely spoke on the evening air as he turned and walked down the steps, taking his beautiful song with him into the night.