15. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

A week passed with no incident. I breathed easier, and the nightmares seemed to stop again. Mary was getting home earlier to be with me, and I felt like, maybe, I had overreacted like Ryker kept telling me. When I told Mary about my theory of this man trying to kill me, she took me to the therapist again. I went a few times, and it made my anxiety lessen so that I could breathe, but I was still worried. Between the therapist and seeing Shad every day at school, I knew I would be okay. Whenever I was around Shad, I forgot about my cares and worries and was swept up in his golden eyes and in the song that I sang in my head, just for him.

I focused on other things, too, to keep my mind free of the horror of my memories. It became easier when the entire homecoming buzz around school was a constant distraction. Everyone wanted to know who was going with whom. Girls in all my classes were gushing about the dresses they picked up at the mall. I wanted to go to the dance, I realized, more than I thought I did. I had a small hope for a little while that Shad might ask me, but nothing was really progressing between us. He still held my hand, though, and that had to mean something, right? We had not spent any extra time together after he saved me from that freakout at my house when I didn't want to introduce him to Mary. I hoped I had not offended him, but what if I had? Perhaps, he was taking things slow because I was such a mess. I would have appreciated that, normally, but I wanted more with Shad.

So much more.

I knew Ryker would be at the homecoming game, and then the dance. He'd told me the year before that it was his duty to attend school functions, something about school pride and spirit and all that. We went together as friends the previous year and had a good time, but I was so ready for something more. I was sixteen, and I was ready to have a real date and a real relationship, and I wanted to dance and get excited about a dress. Just thinking about it took my mind away from my fears.

It was time to make a move to show Shad that I was ready and interested. I wanted to be with him outside of school. I wanted to understand him, find out everything about him. I wanted to be the one he talked to when he was upset, like he had done for me. I wanted to know his hopes and dreams and fears. It scared me a bit how much I liked him, but then I would see him smile and move his hair out of his eyes, put his hands in his pockets and be casually formal in his now only partial prep-school look. Yes, liking him seemed right.

I needed to make things progress between us.

I was determined to ask Shad to go to the movies with me. I knew it was last minute, and I could've texted him, but I wanted to talk to him in person, and I felt like making it last minute made it less of a date and more of a no-pressure hang out. Plus, if he said, "no," maybe it was just because he had other plans. That made it all the less scary for me, because who was I kidding? I wasn't very brave. I didn't know what movies were playing, but I figured we could figure that out later. I entered our second period math class, and I told myself: you can do this. He let me see his rose book, which was very personal. He had helped me when I needed help the most, and he had not abandoned me. I did not scare him away, and that said something, didn't it? I could certainly ask him to see a movie with me. My fists were shaking near my sides as I slipped into my seat in math class.

"Hello, Emma," Shad said as he usually did. I smiled and looked at him. He was wearing a gray button-up shirt and black jeans. It was getting a little colder out, and he also wore a dark brown leather jacket. Summer was ending, and autumn was near. His hair was perfectly tufted as usual, and I could smell the scent of him from across the table. Casually put together was his new look and I liked it.

"Hey, Shad, how's it going?" I asked, taking out my math notebook. Matt and Karen, our table-mates, were not there yet, so I figured it was the perfect time to drop the question.

"It is going well, thank you," he nodded and smiled at me as he reached for my hand.

I took it as he slipped into the chair beside me, instead of his usual seat in front of me. He had been getting to class early, and so had I, so we could take the seats, side-by-side, and hold hands. His fingers grazed mine, and he scooted his chair closer to me, so our legs brushed, he set my hand on his leg. My hand pulsed with his comforting electric flow, and I felt my heart rate rise and tried to steady my breathing. He ran a thumb down my hand, and I thought I might die as he made circular patterns on my palm, causing all sorts of small electric currents to spark through me.

"I wanted to ask you a question," I said, not meeting his gaze because I was a coward.

"Yes?" he asked. I was sure his eyebrows rose with curiosity like they always did, but maybe they hadn't. After all, I wasn't looking.

"So, I was wondering if maybe, you—I mean, if you are free—and not super busy, but I totally understand if you are—seeing as it is like super last minute, but I was wondering if you would want to, go—with me?" I peeked up at him. His eyes smiled at me, and a little crinkle in his cheeks told me he was holding back a big smile and just giving me a little one.

"Emma, are you asking me to Homecoming?" His hand gripped mine even tighter, and he moved our hands off his lap and set them on the table where everyone could see. His hand let go of mine for a moment, and he moved my fingers and traced the outline of them, and it sent tingles racing through me.

"Oh, no-no-no," I finally responded with burning cheeks. Did I not mention the movie? Why did I not mention a movie? I went over the words in my head. Did I leave it out?

"I thought, I, being the guy, was supposed to do that." He smiled, looking at our hands. "Can't say I am disappointed, however, quite happy, actually."

"No—no, I mean, that's—"

"No, you don't want to go to Homecoming with me?" he asked, furrowing his brow and lifting his golden eyes to meet mine. I pulled my hand away from his and placed both hands on my cheeks, trying to hide my face.

Would he notice if I just slid under the table, now?

He pulled my hand away from my face and touched my cheek with his finger. Ripples of electric currents again flowed through me, and I thought I would drop: surely I will die from this, from this perfectly wonderful feeling.

"If you had asked me, I would not say no , but I was actually asking if you wanted to see a movie with me tonight," I said slowly and softly. It was as if his fingers on my skin were keeping me in some peaceful trance. I pushed down my thoughts of mind-controlling fey, which I was proud of. It took all my effort just to speak. He looked at me again, his lips puckered as if he were holding something back, and he held my gaze. After a few moments of silence, he finally spoke, moving his hand from my face.

"To answer your questions, yes—and yes." Karen and Matt sat down then, and the lights turned off as the teacher pulled out her ancient overhead projector and started writing out equations for us to copy.

Questions? Does that mean? Does he want to take me to Homecoming? What the heck just happened?

As the teacher started lecturing, I heard nothing because Shad took my hand again from off of my notebook, and he held it right out in the open for everyone to see. It felt significant, and I was on top of the world, especially seeing Karen's up turned nose at me. Let her dislike me, I'm not doing anything wrong.

As the bell rang, signaling that the period was over, Shad let go of my hand so I could shuffle my things into my backpack. I slipped out the door to breathe a bit easier. All class period, I felt so happy and yet very confused at what exactly Shad had meant.

What the heck happened? I felt a slight tug on my backpack that made me turn around and stop walking. Shad was there beside me, smirking that alluring smirk, which I loved.

"Hey, you ran out of there really fast." He stepped beside me and walked with me as we headed to the cafeteria. "So, about the movie—when and where?" He put his hands in his pockets, making his shoulders rise a little in the most adorably handsome way.

No matter what he did, he was so attractive.

"There is probably a movie showing at, like, seven tonight," I managed to say.

"Do you have a specific movie in mind?" he asked.

"Nothing specific, really. I haven't been to a movie in a while, and Ryker is always so busy, especially this time of year with football. I thought maybe you would come."

"Instead of him?"

"I mean, I never asked him. I don't do everything with him, after all, and I only asked you , and obviously, I did a horrible job of it."

He laughed. "So cute."

I looked up at him and stopped walking. "What is cute?"

"When you ramble on about things. No, I am sorry, that's not right," he paused and gave me a mischievous look. "It's actually not just cute, it's adorable."

My cheeks felt warm again, and I waited for him to tease me or mock me, but it never came. I covered my face with my hand. "Adorable? Really? I sound like an idiot when I do that," I said with a sigh and continued walking.

"Seriously, it's one of my favorite things about you," he winked at me.

I covered my cheeks with both hands again.

"Just like that is," he said softly, removing my hands and touching his fingertips to my cheeks, causing sparks to travel from my cheek to my neck, and then all the way down my body. "I like it when you blush, too."

"Well, thanks—I think."

"You're welcome." He put his hands back in his pockets. "I will pick you up at six-fifteen?"

"Yes, that would be great."

"We can decide on a movie there, then?" he asked.

"Sounds good," I nodded. We entered the cafeteria, and I stepped into the lunch line. He followed, grabbing a tray behind me.

"Do you want a ride home from school today?" he asked as I placed a fruit cup on my tray.

"Sure. It's not a problem?"

"Not at all. In fact, I have been meaning to ask you if you would like a ride home every day, being neighbors and all. It isn't a problem in the slightest." I looked back at him as he grabbed a banana, looked at it as if in awe, and placed it on his tray.

"If you're sure it's okay?" I questioned.

"Of course. I am headed that way everyday anyway, you see." He looked at me directly in my eyes. I tried to hide the warmth in my cheeks with my hair, but I knew he saw it because his eyes were staring directly at my cheeks, which were probably pink again. I watched as his lips pulled slightly up on one side, as if he were trying not to smile.

After we had our food, we sat in our usual spot and began eating.

"Thought you had given up," Ryker said, suddenly, coming to the table and sitting down with his food in front of us.

"I am ever patient, Ryker," he said. Not understanding in the slightest their conversation, I looked at Ryker and glared.

"What the heck, Ryker, come on," I said, giving him a look, which I thought meant, "drop it."

"No, Emma, I won't let him—" he cut himself off, as he stood up.

"Ryker, you are really overreacting here."

He leaned in close to me, so only I could hear his next words. "I thought we were friends. Why don't you trust me?" he whispered.

I gasped at him and pulled away, but before I could stand up and run away crying, Shad's hand was on mine under the table. He slipped my fingers into his and squeezed them tight, distracting me from my pain. I felt his electric heat, and I sat up straighter.

"We are friends, Ryker, and I am also friends with Shad, too, so please behave yourself."

Ryker grabbed his backpack and walked away, leaving his food. I watched as he slammed the cafeteria doors open and was gone from sight.

"I'm so sorry, Shad," I said.

He squeezed my hand again. "I can handle Ryker, Emma. Please don't worry about me. I would hate to ruin your relationship with him, though. I know he's important to you." With that, he released my hand and started peeling his banana. All I could think about for the rest of the school day was that one word: "relationship," and the way he had said it. What had Shad meant? I looked to Shad once more and saw him close his eyes as he bit into the banana.

"Favorite fruit?" I asked, pointing to the yellow fruit in his hand.

"I forget how good they are."

"How can you forget what a banana tastes like? I've been eating bananas for, well, forever."

"I haven't eaten them for most of my life, actually," he said, biting again into the fruit.

That is odd, I thought to myself. Why had he not had bananas until recently?

Fay?—No Emma, stop it.

That evening at six-fifteen on the dot, my doorbell rang. Mary was home and sitting at the kitchen table. I was standing by the sink, drinking a glass of water, wearing some black high waisted jeans and a light blue crop-top. Mary said it wasn't too formal, nor too casual, and I took her word for it. I left my hair the same as I always did for school, down and wavy. I applied lipstick in a darker shade than normal and wore earrings, but that was about it. When I heard the doorbell, I almost dropped my glass of water.

"He's here!" Mary sang as she bounced up.

"Maybe, this is a bad idea." I set the cup in the sink. "I was too forward."

"From what you told me, it does not sound like you asked him on a date, Emma, just a movie as two friends." She patted my arm as the doorbell rang again.

"You shouldn't keep the boy waiting, though, dear. I am so excited to meet him." She smiled and walked down the hall to the front door. I followed after.

"Hi, my name is Shad."

"Hi, Shad, nice to meet you, I—I have heard much about you."

I stopped walking to them as I noticed the change in Mary's voice.

Is that shock? I mean, he is incredibly attractive, but a little too young for her. I guess at any age, you can appreciate an attractive person, right? Right.

They were just staring at each other–not saying a single word. What was that about?

"I am here to pick up Emma," Shad finally spoke. He looked incredible. He, like me, had changed out of school clothes. He wore dark-washed jeans, a black, collared shirt with the two top buttons unbuttoned, and in his arms, he held his leather coat. He looked gorgeous. How was I supposed to sit in a movie with him for two hours? My nerves would be killing me the entire time; clearly, I hadn't thought that one through.

"I am Emma's Aunt Mary. Please drive carefully and have her home by midnight," she said stiffly and then turned to me and mouthed: "Meet me in the kitchen."

"Hey, Shad, one second. I need to get something out of the kitchen."

He nodded.

Mary pulled me by the arm, and I walked with her into the kitchen, completely confused.

"Not him," she stated as she let go of my hand.

"Um, what?"

"I mean—I don't like him—I mean, I think you should stay away from him. He isn't the type of person you should be hanging out with."

My mouth was hanging open. I was in shock and completely confused. "Hold on a second, you don't even know him." I crossed my arms across my chest.

She was acting like Ryker.

"I know him."

"You know him? When did you meet him?" I was even more confused than before.

How has everyone met Shad before? Okay, just Ryker and Mary, but still–that is strange.

"I met him a long time ago, and, well, let's just say, his family isn't good for you. Your father knew his father."

"What?—Really?—How?"

"Some business things—I don't know all the details," she said softly.

"Mary, he doesn't even live with his family, and—that's rude," I surprised myself by snapping at her.

"Excuse me?" Mary's face was pale, and she turned around to face the sink.

"Why are you judging him by his family? That's not right; I don't think my parents would have done that."

"I think here, if they were in this situation, your parents would agree with me."

"Maybe he isn't who you think he is—" I began.

"No, there is no doubt of who he is, Emma." She turned back to face me, her arms resting on the counter.

"Mary, he is the only reason I feel happy at all, once again, since mom and dad . . . He makes me feel alive, as if life may actually be worth living. I need to be around him."

She looked up to me, then with her eyes narrowing, she asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, he just makes me happy, okay? He's a good friend."

"Do you feel anything with him? Hear–" she paused.

"What do you mean ‘hear'?" I asked.

I think it is pretty obvious how I feel about him: I like him, duh.

"I mean—oh, never mind. I swear, I don't know what I am doing. Your parents always knew the right thing to do."

"Seriously, Mary, I will be fine. Shad is a great guy. It's funny, actually, because mom used to tell stories about melodies of the soul and things in her stories, and I feel like she was using music as a way to describe liking someone, because when I am with him, my soul seems to sing. I know that sounds weird–"

"Really?" She said with wide eyes.

"Yeah, weird, huh?" I said with a smile.

"Not weird, Emma, but I just, I'm not sure about this–everything is happening different than I thought–"

"I know you don't have kids of your own, and it's probably weird to be my guardian, but it's normal for girls my age to have crushes and to date."

"I know that; I do–it's just–"

"I will be okay, Mary. It's just the movies." I touched her shoulder, and she finally smiled.

"Okay, just text me when you are headed home."

"Thanks, Mary." And before she could change her mind, I dashed down the hall to Shad.

"Hey, Shad. Thanks for offering to drive," I said as we walked down the porch steps of my house to his car.

"No problem. You and your aunt share a car?"

"Yes, it was my mother's car. Mary used to live right across the street from the Rose Village, so she didn't need a car. She actually sold hers a while ago. My mother used to help her out if she ever needed a ride, but it was rare. Sharing can be a pain, at times. Ryker is usually around to help, but he's been busy lately," I frowned.

Shad opened the car door for me, and I got in, and I watched him as he walked around to his side, slipped inside, and buckled his seat belt.

"How long ago did you guys break up?" he asked as he started to drive.

"What?" I asked with a gasp.

"How long ago did you break up with Ryker?" he asked again, switching gears from park to reverse.

"No, I heard you. It just surprised me because Ryker and I never were—I mean we have never been in a romantic relationship. I am not his girlfriend, never have been. He's like my brother."

Maybe not fully true, but Shad doesn't need to know all about my confusing feelings for Ryker. They were not, at all, like the feelings I had for Shad.

Shad looked at me, then, a little shocked, but he smiled, "truly?" he asked.

"Yes, I know some people assume we are dating, but we never have. I did at one point think we could be something, but not anymore. We are just best friends."

"I mean, I didn't assume. He told me." The light turned red, and he slowed down, looking at me as the car stopped.

"He did, what?" I asked a little too loud, moving in my seat to face him fully.

"After I invited you to my house to look at my book, he saw me walking with you and told me that you two were seeing each other and that I should not spend time with you, and that I should not hang around you, unless you initiated it."

"You just believed him?" I asked as the light turned green, and he shifted gears and started to drive.

"He told me how much you love him and need him, and that you are having a hard time. I could see you were having a hard time. I just wanted to help you. I would never want to hurt you, Emma," he said softly, not looking at me.

"I do love him—but, as I said, more like a brother than anything else!" I nearly yelled, leaning my head hard, back against the headrest. "I am having a difficult time. You know about my nightmares, but I am also alone so much, and I hate that. Ryker has been so busy."

"Well, maybe you and he need to have a serious conversation, because he has told everyone at school that you are dating him." He paused. "I am so sorry, Emma."

"That's why no one has asked me to Homecoming," I said, leaning over my lap, my face in my hands.

"I am sorry, Emma; I would not put it past him to do something like this, just to irritate me ."

"Why does he not like you?"

"We are complicated. I do not want to tell you stuff that might make you feel differently about Ryker."

"I'm not sure he will be honest with me. He's been distant lately, and lying to me about so much. He thinks I buy all he says, but I can tell when he is not telling me the truth."

"I am so sorry, Emma. I am so–I wish– He makes me so angry, sometimes. I hated thinking you two were together, and he knew that would make me angry," he grunted.

"It's not your fault, but this explains so much."

My cheeks grew warm, and I was grateful it was dark in the car. It angered him when he thought that Ryker was my boyfriend? I liked the thought of him caring that much. That was a good sign.

"I need to talk to him," I said, lifting my face up. One tear dropped onto my cheek, and I quickly brushed it away. "I'm glad you told me."

"Well, I didn't mean to make you sad. I just assumed, since you asked me to see a movie, that you guys were broken up," he shrugged.

"But you hold my hand–all the time"

"I know, and believe me, I felt a little guilty about it, but I thought it helped you, and I could not deny giving you any sort of comfort."

"I cannot believe him," I said under my breath. I had not realized the car had stopped, and that we were parked in the theater parking lot.

"Let's forget about it for tonight. And for the record, I would have asked you out on the first day of school, but I didn't want to come on too strong, you know?" he said, lifting up my chin to face him, causing it to tingle.

"What?" I whispered.

"Honestly, I wanted to ask you out when you smashed into my head on the sidewalk," he smiled and trailed his thumb under my jaw.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, Emma, you are special." But before I could respond to that, he let go of my face, and the next second, he was out of the car and at my door. He opened the door for me.

We decided on seeing a romantic comedy. It was either that or some horror film, and I was not going to be able to sit through that one with my own horrific memories. We sat down, and the previews took a little while to start.

"So—about Homecoming," Shad said with a smile, nudging my shoulder.

"I really was not asking you to Homecoming. I am so embarrassed," I groaned.

"I know, but I still say, ‘yes.' I will always say ‘yes' to you, Emma," his deep voice rumbled.

"Well, you were right before; the guy is supposed to ask," I said, putting a piece of his popcorn in my mouth.

"Would you go to Homecoming with me?" he asked, interlocking our hands.

"Shad, I mean, I do not need a pity date," I whispered, trying to pull my hand out of his so that I could think more clearly.

"It is in no way a pity date, Emma. There is no one else, no one that I would want to go to this dance with—just you." He took my hand back and held it slightly tighter, and I looked at him.

"Seriously?" I asked, trying to cover up my smile.

"Absolutely, I have never been more serious."

"Okay."

"Wonderful!" he said, enthusiastically, and he kissed my hand. I thought I was about to die from the warmth of that kiss on the back of my hand. I watched him as his gaze locked onto mine. He turned my hand around, kissing my palm, my fingertips, and my wrist. I felt warmth and a twist in my belly. I tried to look at him, but the lights began to dim, and the previews started, and for the entire, two-hour long, romantic comedy, Shad held my hand, making it one of the best movies I had ever seen in my life.

The movie was long, but I could have sat there for an eternity with Shad's shoulder touching mine and his hand in my hand. Those melted kisses he left on my wrist and palm tingled. When the credits started, I did not want to move. If I had moved, I would have been away from him, and all I wanted was to be right beside him. He tugged me up, keeping our hands clasped. We threw away our popcorn containers in the trash and headed out the double doors, opening out into the parking lot.

"What did you think of the movie?" Shad asked, swinging our hands outward, playfully with a smile.

"Uh, it was good," I responded quickly. I had not really been paying much attention. With Shad beside me, I took notice of every movement he made and every shift of his body and every glance of his eyes. "What about you?" I asked as we reached his car.

"It was incredibly enjoyable," he said as we sat there, inside his car.

His smile gleamed at me, and I felt my cheeks heat up again. "There it is. I could not see you well enough in the movie to see that pretty pink in your cheeks. I missed it." He grazed his fingers over my heated face.

"Yes, well, I like the darkness for the exact opposite reason."

He chuckled and shifted gears, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Thank you for coming with me. I really needed to do something normal."

"Normal?" he asked.

I shrugged, not wanting to say anything more.

We reached our street, and he parked in front of my house, but instead of unbuckling my seatbelt right away and escaping, I lingered, not ready yet to leave him. The song I created in my head for us was a constant reminder of just how much happiness that boy brought into my life. When I wasn't with him, I longed for the melody that brought a smile to my face. When I was with him, I could forget about my parents' cruel deaths and about that nameless man and all of the fears within my heart We sat there, and I listened to the music inside my soul, and I smelled mint and leather, which reminded me that I was with Shad, and I closed my eyes.

"Are you going to fall asleep, then?" he chuckled beside me as he spoke.

I opened my eyes and turned to him. "I get so tired after movies. Has anyone ever told you how good your car smells?"

He looked surprised. "My car?"

I nodded.

"No, I don't often have people in my car."

"Oh—"

"Just you, it would seem." I looked deep into his eyes, enjoying the song I played just for us in my head. His honey colored eyes seemed to glow inside the dark car. I put a hand on his arm, and he put his hand on mine. His collar, I noticed, wasn't straight, and before I could think about what I was doing, I leaned over the console, and tucked his collar into place.

"There, all better," I barely whispered the words. My hand was on his leg, and I was nearly on top of him. I realized I may have moved closer than I had to. I knew I needed to move away, but my body wanted to be right where it was. The hand that had fixed his collar was hovering, and I placed it on his shoulder for balance. He took my waist in his hands to steady me so that I would not fall directly into his lap.

"Thank you," he said in a rumble of a whisper. I could feel his hot breath on my face. I continued to look into his eyes again and saw something there: Sadness? Longing?

Why is he sad? I looked to his lips and quickly licked my own. "Sorry, your—uh, collar was a little messed up."

"Thank you for fixing it," he said, his hand moving upward to touch my hair. As he tangled his fingers into my hair, I tilted my head to him and melted against his chest, and he wrapped me in a hug.

Finally , I thought. I am finally in his arms. Finally, his arms are wrapped around me . How easy it would be to press my face into his neck, to kiss the side of his jaw— Get it together! But how can I when he smells like heaven, and rain, and all I want to do is to get caught in it, caught up in him?

I heard my song ringing so loudly inside of me that it was all consuming, and I never wanted it to stop. The hug was brief, and my side ached from pressing against the middle console, but it was worth it. He let go of me, and I scooted back over to my seat, straightening my hair. I grew embarrassed and turned away from him, trying to steady my breathing and the electricity and fire that were flowing through my body from our hug.

"I will walk you to your door," he offered, his voice raspy and low. I nodded and waited for him to open my door for me, because I knew he would. I could not help but think as he walked me to my porch and wished me goodnight that I longed to be in his arms again and to know what a kiss tasted like from his lips.